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SARIEL

How is it possible that I can smell Uri’s scent on my clothes? Is it because I live at his house? His rich smell permeating the air must have penetrated all my garments as I moved around.

And I’m thinking about him again. Even though I’m spending a nice time with Sully and Ren.

They’re talking about university. Sully seems quite excited, asking Ren a bunch of questions.

He’ll move to campus in a month. They won’t be sharing the same room, though.

Ren has his own place, and Sully insisted on trying to live in the dormitory for at least six months.

He looks ready. A little nervous, but who wouldn’t be. I was terrified; going to college at fifteen was quite stressful. I didn’t enjoy the student life like others, too young and busy with my studies. But Sully is nineteen, brave and outgoing. He’ll integrate in no time.

That reminds me of the talk I had with Michael.

He told me he saw Trent at a café near the university.

He started working at the University of Illinois a few weeks ago, after moving back from Seattle, I think.

Michael teaches in a different department, but bumping into each other must not be so uncommon.

Michael said Trent asked after me. I don’t know how I feel about all this.

About him. Not after what has happened with Uri.

I’ll see Trent at my lecture since he texted me he’ll be there. But do I care about his presence?

“I’ll be on campus to give a lecture on Friday,” I tell Ren, trying to clear my head.

“I saw it in the course material. The lecture hall is a twenty-minute walk from the veterinary building. I have to talk to a teacher, but I’ll pass by if I can make it.”

“Hope you’ll give more lectures so that I can come too in the future,” Sully says sweetly.

“I definitely will.” I smile and take a sip of orange juice.

My eyes find the nature outside the kitchen window; it’s a white smooth blanket of quiet.

Rague has quite a few acres of vegetation around his cottage; it looks lovely in spring.

I’m so taken by my work sometimes I forget to just… stay still and enjoy.

Ren’s snort brings me back to the kitchen.

“Do you know a club called Madame Claudette’s?” He’s frowning at his phone.

I shake my head.

“Why?” Sully asks, placing two slices of cheesecake in front of us on the wooden dining table. I quickly dive into it. Ollie makes the best cheesecakes.

“I think Lori texted me this message by mistake.” He shows us the text.

Lori

Bones! How can Super Model go to Madame Claudette’s kink club?? Bloody fuck! He’s a daft moron!

Bones is what Lori calls Michael, and Super Model is Uri.

“Madame Claudette’s… Isn’t it one of those exclusive places?” Ren makes a suggestive face I don’t understand. “I think I heard Rami talking about it to Hunter.”

“What kind of exclusive places?” I whisper. I have an ominous feeling all of a sudden.

“Ah, maybe I’m wrong. It could be a boring gentlemen’s club.”

“Like one where women are banned and whiskered men drink scotch and smoke cigars while reading newspapers in front of a fireplace?” Sully gives us a very vivid image.

I can’t picture Uri in a place like that, though, if they still exist.

“Women are not banned, I can assure you.” I know what Ren is implying now, and the images that his words evoke make my heart lose a beat.

I stand up and move toward the sofa a few feet away, hearing Sully’s laugh. I tap on Lori’s contact, but it goes to voicemail, so I go for Michael’s.

“What’s Madame Claudette’s club?” I ask, without giving him a chance to speak as he picks up.

“Who told you about it?”

“Does it matter?” When he doesn’t reply, I continue, “Does Uri go there?”

There’s a moment of silence. “Yes, he’s a member.” Raph is the one to answer.

Another of his secrets comes to light. Another stab to the chest.

“What kind of club is it?”

“It’s an establishment that caters to individuals with specific tastes.”

“What tastes, Raph?” My voice is trembling, and I’m glad I’m sitting on the sofa or my legs would have given out under me.

“If you really want to find out, you should go see for yourself.”

“Raph, no!” I hear Michael scold him.

“He’s the one who wants to know, babe.”

Yes, I do. Of all my brothers, Raph is the only one who treats me like a proper adult. He shields me from the outside world just like the others do, but he also encourages me to have my own experiences to make my own mistakes. To just be.

“Maybe he’ll even find his taste .” Raph means sexual taste, doesn’t he? I already know mine; it’s the reason why Uri didn’t want me to touch him last night—after he made me come. Isn’t it? I need answers.

“Send me the details,” I breathe out.

“It opens at nine.”

“Sari…” Michael doesn’t say anything else, but his voice sounds uncertain and almost tortured.

“Don’t tell Uri,” I say before ending the call. The phone is shaking in my hands as Serena announces Lori and Gabe’s arrival. I can see Gabe’s car driving down the cottage driveway on the large screen near the front door.

My head is spinning like a whirlwind when they make their way inside a few moments later. I leave the sofa and take a few steps toward them. Lori is as bubbly as always, but his smile drops when his eyes find mine.

“Did you know?” I ask him.

“Know what?” Gabe asks.

I glance at him before looking back at Lori. “Madame Claudette’s. You texted Ren instead of Michael.”

“Oh.” Lori looks relieved for a moment, but then he curses loudly while checking his phone.

“You knew Uri was a member,” I accuse him. Why has he been encouraging me to go for him, when he knew about the club?

“I discovered it a while back.” I see remorse on his face, but it doesn’t make me feel better. “But we all know who he wants; it doesn’t matter if he’s going to the club tonight,” Lori quickly adds.

“Tonight?” I snap. Oh God, I’m such an idiot. That’s why he didn’t order me to come back to the lake house. Me, sleeping here actually turned out perfect for him.

“We all knew about Madame Claudette’s,” Gabe decides to let me know. “It was never a secret.”

Oh, but it was. “Of course you all did. As usual, I’m the only one in the dark.” The weak, naive brother who can’t protect himself. I can feel their pitying gazes heavy on me.

“What he does there, Angel?—”

I interrupt Lori’s explanation, “No! I’ll soon find out what Uri actually does there.”

“What—?”

I spin and walk down the corridor, going inside Rague and Ollie’s room.

I sit on their bed. Why am I even this upset?

We fooled around a couple of times, and once I was under the influence.

For him it must have been nothing. Does he even know how I feel about him?

How I’ve always felt? Does he care? Of course he doesn’t, he’s a sociopath.

A bitter laugh leaves my lips. I see a shadow moving toward me as Sully stops on the threshold.

“What do you call…when you feel both relieved and in pain?” I ask, my voice breaking on the last word.

“Lost?”

I nod. “Yeah, that’s exactly it.”

I have always thought my relationship with Uri was like a huge wave. An overwhelming wave that swept me in one direction, then the other, almost drowning me. Then left me to dry on the seashore, still craving the all-consuming feeling only he can arise inside me.

My feet are sweating in the delicate red slippers that the woman behind the counter in Madame Claudette’s lobby offered me.

As I make my way down the plain staircase, cushioned only by a thin carpeting over stone, I notice stares of appreciation from strangers.

My breath catches as a nauseating sensation surges through me, not because other men are looking at me, but because Uri probably sent that same heated stare to someone else.

I walk straight to the bar; the slippers make no sound on the sparkly white floor.

The red marble counter feels cold as I grab the edge to sit on one of the high stools.

The weak yellow lights cast an eerie glow over the large room.

There are few people sitting on the purple velvet sofas situated all around.

Some half naked, kneeling, kissing, laughing, others in weird positions like the guy who’s being used as a footrest or the woman wearing a collar and neighing like a horse while her owner parades her around.

I don’t know what kind of place this is, but I’m way out of my comfort zone.

For a moment, I think about leaving. But I’m tired of running away.

I clench my hand and keep looking around.

I don’t see Uri, but I know he’s here. Rami used the tracker under his ear to get his location.

He’s not supposed to do it, but I asked, and although my brothers treat me like a kid, they can also never say no to me.

They still felt the need to let me hear their strong oppositions to my coming here—objections I ignored.

I pull on the black bracelet around my wrist. The sight of it makes me want to rip it off since it’s a clear reminder of my unrequited love.

When the bartender comes my way, I try to ask about Uri, but I soon learn that it’s all anonymous, and strictly against the rules to disclose members’ identities. From the corner of my eye, I see someone taking the chair near me, even though there’s many unoccupied.

“Hey, little thing, are you interested in some fun?”

I turn my face to the man, and the first feeling that hits me is caution. He feels and looks slimy, with his spiked, gelled hair and large smirk.

“I’m looking for my…someone.”

“I’m better than someone, little thing.” His leery eyes are stripping me bare. He’s handsome, but there’s something dark in his blue eyes. I’m not afraid, but I’ve seen those same shadows in my brothers’ gazes, and let’s face it, they aren’t the purest souls.

“No, thank you.” I try to stay still when his hand lands on my forearm.