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“You are in a relationship with a droid and his sicko alter ego, you should be the one questioned.” He’s talking about Lori’s fiancé Gabe, who has multiplicity.

“Don’t you wish to know, wank face.”

I stare at the fruit pie menu, suddenly remembering how dissatisfying my last date was. I can’t stifle my sigh.

Lori turns my way. “Okay. What’s wrong, Angel? You’ve been huffing all morning, all the way through each finger and toenail. Even that amazing shoulder massage the tall giraffe lady gave you didn’t help your mood.”

“You got a mani-pedi without me?” Ollie clips at him. They’ve known each other since they were kids. When Ollie fell in love with my brother Rague, his brother Sully and Lori became part of our extended family as well. Then Lori got together with my other brother, Gabe.

Our unconventional family keeps growing.

“The coupon was for two, and as you can see, Angel is in dear need of some relaxation time!” Lori clarifies; his light brown curls shake lightly as he sniffs.

“Like I need a coupon,” Ollie mutters, green eyes glaring at Lori. He’s right since Rague is a millionaire—our family is very wealthy on top of dysfunctional.

I give him a small apologetic smile. “I didn’t know you wanted to go; I’d have given you my coupon.”

“I know you would.” He doesn’t look angry at me, only Lori.

“Let’s have a chin wag, eh?” Lori taps his elbow against mine.

“Uhm?”

“A chat,” Ollie explains. Lori’s grandma, who raised him, was from the UK, so he mixes British slang with his Chicago way of talking. I got used to it, but sometimes I still can’t understand what he means.

The waitress saves me from answering, bringing over glasses and a pitcher filled with a yellow drink.

As soon as Rami pours some for me I take a fortifying sip.

When I look up, they’re all staring at me. “No need for a chat.”

“You might as well have a neon sign on your head saying ‘ I’m down as a windless flag ,’” Rami states.

“Is it because of the stalker?” Michael frowns.

I actually forgot about that for a moment. Having a stalker is kind of scary, but there’re too many things going on at once in my life right now. I barely have time to think about it.

“That fucker! I’m so bloody irritated, since we have bugger all!”

“We have fuck all,” Ollie translates Lori’s words for me once again.

Rami puts his heavy arm around my shoulders. He’s as tall as me but four times my size with all those muscles he sports. The sweater he’s wearing looks like it’s about to burst over his mountainous pecs. “We’ll get him, no worries.”

I nod and look down at the table, focusing on the long deep scratch marring the surface. My fingers pull at my long braid; the light sting makes my belly tingle.

“Would a hug make you feel better?” Rami tightens his arm before letting his hand glide up and down my back.

“Stop feeling your brother up!” Lori exclaims a little too loudly, making the people from the other table turn toward us.

“I’m not, you jezebel!”

“When you rub someone’s back it increases blood flow, so hugs are actually good,” I let Lori know.

“See?” Rami sniffs at him.

“I’m a little uneasy about the stalker, but that’s not…” I let the sentence die.

“Tell Papa Lori everything.” His insistence is nothing new. Lately he seems to be very interested in my dating life.

The midday sun is at its highest point in the sky, peeking behind the buildings, shadows stretching on the old floor of the diner.

“Just…I think I’m unlucky with men,” I confess.

Lori pats my hand. “Every pot has a lid, Gran used to say.”

“Yeah.” Ollie nods.

“I can’t even check if the lids fit. They don’t give me the chance.” I sigh dejectedly again.

“What do you mean?” Ollie asks.

“One guy moved to another city after one date. The next one went to the restaurant bathroom and never came back. Another got a text and ran away without any explanation.”

Do I repel men? Maybe I’m boring, too oblivious of the norms of intimacy. I can’t quite catch those double entendres people exchange, and I don’t know how to flirt. Keeping a conversation with one person is hard for me.

Rami and the others are not saying anything, but I can see the level of anger and unhappiness on their faces.

“The last guy took me to his place to give me back my scarf, and it was nice…until the fire alarm went off. He’s not answering my texts now.”

“Mm,” Lori makes a pondering sound. “Were you playing tonsil tennis before the alarm?”

“Tennis?” Why is he talking about sports now?

“Kissing, Angel.”

Ohhhh. “A little.” My cheeks heat remembering the way Jonathan’s lips brushed over my mouth and his tongue met mine.

“Did he stroke the kitty?” Ollie purrs.

“Donut holes are sacrosanct,” Rami adds.

“Amen,” Michael agrees.

“I-I love donuts, but what does that have to do with kissing?” I’m confused again.

“So sweet.” Ollie smiles at me.

“People love him so much that if he slapped them in the face, they’d kiss that hand in gratitude.” Lori’s absurd statement makes my eyebrows lift.

“That’s just sick, but so very true,” Rami says. They are all looking at me with googly eyes now.

I shake my head. “Look, we barely kissed; he seemed…distracted.” Or maybe I was the one thinking about someone else’s lips on me, sucking tenderly at first then roughly… Crap.

“Distracted? The arsehole must have had a full plate! Perhaps you were his Wednesday fuck,” Lori suggests.

“Wednesday?” Michael raises a blond eyebrow at him.

“Was it Tuesday? Monday? Choose a day of the week.”

“You mean a side fuck,” Michael states. Rami snorts.

“That happened to you?” Ollie asks Lori.

“Once. I made him pay every day of the week.” His wicked smirk is kind of creepy.

“Side fuck or not, distracted is not good,” Michael tells me. “You need someone to go all feral on your ass. A possessive, obsessed, OTT stud who gives you a dose of dick to get by.”

“What the heck, Bones! My boyfriend is not even here, and I’m sporting a boner,” Lori grumbles.

“Gross! What are you, a teen hitting puberty?”

“It could be a random erection. It’s caused by fluctuations in hormones, such as testosterone, and is a sign of healthy sexual function.” It’s my turn to pat Lori’s hand to reassure him.

“Don’t know why, but the thought of random erections makes me even harder,” he lets me know.

“Lor, shut it. Sari, what you need is to be careful of the bad dick curse,” Ollie states.

“What’s that?” Rami downs his mimosa before starting to fill all the glasses on the table again.

This juice is pretty good; it has a sharp aftertaste. It slides down my throat so smoothly.

“A double jerk of a dick outside the bed, while in bed too good a dick; hard to let him go.”

“Been there done that.” Rami snorts, and Lori nods.

Michael giggles. “Kind of like a dèjà vu-oodu for me!”

“Dèjà vu is nothing but the frontal regions of the brain attempting to correct an inaccurate memory.” My mouth can’t seem to stop moving, my thoughts just fly out, how weird. I finish my glass.

“You’re barfing Wikipedia all over us to avoid giving more details of the distracted prick.” Lori pouts at me. He’s so pretty. I wish I was as tiny as him.

“Wikipedia is 85% inaccurate,” I counter.

“Will you tell me more if I share, too? Sort of a vicarious thrill? Because Gabe let me tie him up yesterday, and the dirty things I did to him…they weren’t even the best part. It was when Bez tore those cuffs like a herculean demigod and?—”

“Stop!” Michael exclaims. “Keep your men’s sex escapades for yourself at least for an hour.”

“What? I like a firm hand in the bedroom.” Lori tsks.

“Firmly gagging you,” Rami mutters, but we all hear him. This conversation is making me squirm on my chair.

“Sod the both of you!”

“Maybe I need to be more seductive?” I hazard. Did I say that out loud?

Ollie seems to agree with me. “Everybody has a small Marilyn inside.”

“Monroe or Manson?” Rami asks with a pensive look on his face.

Lori taps his fingers on his chin. “Can it be both?”

“Your Manson is overtaking the Monroe lately,” Ollie snaps at him.

“Awww, you think so?”

“That wasn’t a compl—never mind. Just be yourself, Sari,” Ollie encourages me.

“Lovely. It makes me want to poke my eyes out. Worst advice ever given.” Lori sniffs.

“Then what?” Michael asks him.

It takes Lori a few seconds to reply. “This is going to come back to bite me later, but I can’t keep my mouth shut.”

Rami snorts. “Like you even try, Gremlin.”

“Thank you Doctor Reacher, where did you get that degree in psychology?”

“Same place where you took yours in sarcasm,” Rami counters back.

“So what’s your advice?” I interject. I’m curious.

“You have genius mojo; use it.”

“I don’t think people are turned on by geniuses. Most get weirded out.”

“Actually, I’m turned on by Raph’s brain, and sometimes I imagine it naked. All those neurons and glial cells. So hot!” I frown at Michael’s excitement. I love the sight of a brain, but I’ve never been attracted to one.

“Sure. Sure,” Lori agrees. “Gabe can be very sexy when he shows his knowledge and skills. The desk in his office has been seeing a lot of action because of that, the window wall too, any wall. The sofas, coffee table, book shelves, bathroom sink?—”

Ollie waves his hand to make him stop. “Ugh. We get it, you nympho!”

“Says the exhibitionist! If dogging was a sport, you’d get first place.” Lori and Ollie start bantering.

“Hunter can’t keep his hands off me when I talk hacking,” Rami lets me know.

Why is it so hard to find someone for me? Is it because of…Uri? But I already decided to move on from my eternal crush a few months ago, hence dating. It’s not that easy, though, when I see him every day since he’s my…foster brother.

“Is it Rague?” Rami asks Ollie who’s looking at his phone. “Are they coming?”

“Yeah. Hunter and Uri left already.”

Only hearing his name creates a warmth of excitement inside my belly. It’s not good.

“Are you sexting now? Kinky!” Lori taunts Ollie, earning a flipped finger.

“Butt out, perv Papa Lori!”