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8

TALLIE

“ Y ou’ll never guess who I saw tonight.”

“Who?”

I dropped the bags I’d gathered from the apartment on the floor, then watched her expression as I answered, “Holt.”

“What?” Her eyes grew wide, and her face was marked with a mix of surprise and worry. “But how is that possible?”

“Because you and everyone else in this stupid family lied to me, and he didn’t really die overseas!”

I‘d spent over an hour sobbing in my apartment, and I still felt like I was on the brink of tears. I felt so betrayed, but more than that, I felt so stupid. I believed them all when they told me he was gone. I never even questioned it. I just couldn’t imagine that the people I loved most would lie to me and watch me fall apart for months on end.

And it killed me that I would never be able to trust them again.

Mom gave me one of her looks as she placed her hand on her chest and said, “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Oh, give it, Mother! It’s not going to work anymore. I know you’re lying. You’ve been lying to me for years!” I could feel my cheeks burning with anger as I hissed, “How could you! You are my mother! I trusted you.”

“Tallie.”

“No! I want to know,” I pushed. “How could you do this? How could you let me think he was dead?”

“You don’t understand.” Tears filled her eyes as she toyed with the hem of her sweater. “It wasn’t my decision.”

“Oh, here you go,” I snapped. “You’re going to put it all on Dad.”

“I was trying to protect you!” she shot back, her voice raising defensively.

“Protect me?” I scoffed. “Protect me from what!”

“Your father and I worked very hard for you and your brother to have a good life, and we didn’t want anything to jeopardize that.”

“And what about what I wanted? Did that not matter at all?”

“Of course it mattered, but I was…”

“You let me grieve for years and for no reason!” My voice trembled as I told her, “You stole my life, Mom. You stole his life from me. And for what? Because he wasn’t good enough for your perfect little plan?”

Her silence was deafening. Her lips pressed together like she couldn’t find the words, or maybe she just didn’t want to admit the truth. I stepped back, the weight of betrayal nearly crushing me. “I can’t even look at you right now.”

Before she could say another word, I turned on my heel and walked out, the door slamming behind me. For the first time in my life, I didn’t care if she was hurting. I was heartbroken, and I needed some time to clear my thoughts.

I went downstairs and went to the bar. I had a glass of wine and just breathed for a bit. I tried to clear my head, but I was too distraught. I felt like my entire world had been turned upside down. I didn’t know who I could trust or if I’d ever be able to trust again.

I sat there for over an hour just trying to process it all, but it was futile. This was too much for anyone to accept, especially from their own mother. I had no idea what I was going to do, but I knew I couldn’t stay in that bar all night.

I paid the bartender, then headed back upstairs. When I walked into the room, Mom was sitting on the sofa, and it was evident from her blurred mascara that she’d been crying. As soon as she spotted me, she stood and rushed over to me. “I’m so sorry, Tallie. You have to forgive me.”

“I can’t, Mom. It’s too much too soon.”

“Honey, please. I don’t know what I will do if I lose you. I just don’t think I could take it.”

“You should’ve thought about that before you lied to me.”

“Please don’t do this.”

“I will stay until we get through this mess with the police and Dad’s funeral, but after that, I’m going to need some time. And lots of it.”

“I understand.”

“You hurt me, Mom. You hurt me more than you will ever know.”

Without saying anything more, I grabbed my bags and headed for my bedroom. Being careful not to wake Ford, I slipped into our room and quietly closed the door behind me. I dropped the bags on the floor, and as I stepped over to the bed, I found Ford sprawled across the mattress with the covers balled up next to him.

His little chest rose and fell with the easy rhythm of sleep, and it gave me a sense of peace to stand there watching him. He looked so peaceful, so innocent. Knowing his peace wouldn’t last made my heart ache.

I had to tell him about Holt, and when I did, it would open the door to a million questions. Some I wasn’t sure how I would answer. There were just too many unknowns.

It had only been a couple of hours since I’d seen him, and I was still in a state of disbelief. He looked the same but older and more rugged. It was clear that life had taken its toll on him, just like it had me. And yet, the second our eyes met, I felt that old, familiar connection that had always been there between us. In so many ways, it was like no time had passed, but then, reality set in.

We were no longer the same na?ve kids who fell madly in love. I’d missed eight years of his life. I had no idea what life he had led or who he had become, and that left me with an overwhelming wave of regret.

Regret for all the years we lost—regret for all the ‘what ifs’ that might’ve been ours. Seeing him made me realize how much I still wanted our happy ending.

I didn’t know if Holt would want to be a part of our lives, and that was a hard pill to swallow, especially after seeing him tonight and knowing that our connection was still brewing on the surface.

I slipped on my pajamas before easing into bed next to Ford. I leaned over and gently kissed him on the temple. I fixed the comforter, covering us both, and laid back on my pillow. I closed my eyes and found myself wondering which conversation would be harder: telling Ford about his father or telling Holt about his son.

They would both be so angry and hurt.

I positively dreaded it. I closed my eyes, trying to push away the fear and uncertainty, but they hovered over me like a dark cloud. The storm was coming, and the timing couldn’t have been worse. I hadn’t even buried my father yet, much less figured out who’d murdered him. My mind was running in circles, but eventually, the steady rhythm of Ford’s breathing helped to lull me to sleep.

I got up early the next morning and took a quick shower. Once I’d put on some fresh clothes, I had Ford do the same. We had a busy day ahead. Rooks would be here within the hour, and after I confronted him about his lies, we were going to the funeral home to make arrangements for Dad.

We were also going to stop by the police station so he could talk with Detective Joyner. Rooks knew more about my father’s business dealings. He’d even helped him implement one of his company’s programs, so I was hoping he might be able to get some answers for us.

I was standing in front of the mirror, adjusting my sweater, when I heard the faint creak of the door. I glanced over my shoulder and found Mom standing in the doorway. We hadn’t spoken since our argument, and I could tell it was eating at her. She let out a defeated sigh as she said, “Rooks is here.”

“Okay. I’ll be there in a minute.” I gave myself a quick once over in the mirror, then walked over to the sofa and sat down next to Ford. “Hey, buddy. Your Uncle Rooks is here.”

He kept playing his game as he grumbled, “Do I have to go in there?”

“Not yet.” I gave him a pat on the leg. “Just hang out in here for a bit, and I’ll come get you when we’re done talking.”

He nodded, then turned his focus back to his game. I got up and headed for the door, but I didn’t go straight in. I needed a moment to collect myself.

I hadn’t seen Rooks in over a year. Part of me wanted to rush out to see him and feel the comfort of his presence, but another part was dreading seeing him.

Rooks was four years older than me, and when we were kids, I couldn’t have asked for a better big brother. He was sweet and patient, and he always had my back. No matter what was going on, he would stop whatever he was doing to help me with my homework or listen to my silly ramblings about my friends or school.

But somewhere along the way, he changed.

Maybe it was the pressure of his fancy, high-tech job or all the traveling he had done, going off to places I could only imagine. Or maybe it was the fact that he’d been carrying around lies in his back pocket for years. Whatever it was, he was different now. He was cold and distant towards me, like there was this invisible wall that separated us, and I had no idea why it was there.

He barely talked to me, and when he did, it felt forced and ingenuine. And he was even worse with Ford. He would barely even look at him, much less talk to him and goof around like he once did with me. It hurt more than I cared to admit, but I hadn’t given up hope.

I stepped into the room and found Rooks standing by the door, talking to Mom. He was wearing a pair of Khakis with a dark grey pullover that looked one size too small, and his curly, reddish-blonde hair had grown even longer and was hanging down in his eyes. He looked like things in his life were going the way he’d always hoped, and for reasons I couldn’t explain, it pissed me the hell off.

“You son of a bitch!” I stormed over to him like an animal ready to attack. “How could you?”

“Whoa! Hold on a goddamn minute!” Rooks stepped back. “What the hell is going on?”

Mom leaned over to him as she muttered, “She saw Holt.”

“Oh, well that explains it.”

“I can’t believe you! You lied to me over and over again, like it meant nothing. Hell, I would still think he was dead if I hadn’t found him waiting for me on my doorstep!”

“I know you aren’t going to believe this, but I did it for you, Tal.”

“Oh, good God. Not you, too.”

“I’m serious.” He took a step towards me. “I knew you were trying to find him, and I knew what would happen if you did.”

“And what’s that?” I scoffed. “We could finally have the life that was stolen from us?”

“Dad was never going to let that happen.”

“What was he going to do? Kill him?”

“It was a strong possibility.”

I could tell by his tone that he was serious, and that caught me by total surprise. Dad had shown that he would go to extreme measures to keep us apart, but I never would’ve dreamed that he would actually hurt him. “You can’t be serious.”

“I am.” He gave me a light shrug. “There are things about Dad you don’t know and hopefully never will.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“It means I did what I had to do to protect you and Holt. And Mom did the same.”

“Protecting me from what?”

“From Dad.” He took a step towards me as he said, “He wasn’t the man you thought he was. He wasn’t just blowing smoke with all his threats. He meant every word, and he had the means to back them up. So, yeah. We were protecting you.”

“Okay, if that’s true, why didn’t you tell me that you messaged him and told him I was back in town?” My voice cracked as I shouted, “Do you have any idea how shocked I was to find him standing on my front steps, alive and well?”

“I was going to tell you everything, but the break-in happened and everything else. It just got muddled up.” He ran his hand through his hair. “I didn’t really tell him anything. Just told him about Dad and that you were back in town.”

I didn’t respond.

I just shook my head and let out a sigh of frustration.

“I’m sorry, I should have told you… I know I made things harder, but I was trying to mend a wrong.” His tone softened, and I could hear the heartache in his voice as he said, “Holt was like a brother to me. He was there for me in ways no one else ever was, and when it was my turn to be there for him, I couldn’t. And even worse, I had to betray him in a way that he will never forgive me for.”

“Rooks…”

“He loved you, Tal. He loved you so much, and it nearly killed him when Dad sent you away. He asked me a hundred times how to reach you, and I couldn’t answer him. I knew what would happen if I did. I prayed in time that you both would just move on, but you never did. Neither of you, so I told you he was gone. It was the only way I knew how to put an end to it all.”

“But it wasn’t the end.”

“No, it wasn’t. You were never the same after that.” His eyes were full of emotion as he said, “And every time I look at Ford, all I see is Holt. And I’m reminded of what I’ve done. What we’ve all done.”

“I don’t know what I’m supposed to say,” I muttered, as the realization of why his behavior had changed toward me sunk in.

“Don’t say anything. Just think things through.” His eyes were trained on me as he said, “You know me. You know the kind of brother I’ve always been. I wouldn’t have done this if there was any other way.”

I let his words marinate for a moment.

I was still hurt, but he was, too. Knowing that helped ease some of the anger churning inside of me. It helped even more when he added, “I’m really sorry, Tal. I’m sorry about everything, including this mess with Dad. I wish I’d been here, so I could’ve helped you guys.”

I could tell he was being sincere, so I sighed and said, “Wouldn’t have been much you could’ve done.”

“Maybe not, but I would’ve been here.” He turned his attention back to Mom as he asked, “Did they ever find out what was taken from Dad’s office?”

“No, they’re still looking into all that,” Mom answered. “But we’re supposed to go see the detective this afternoon. I was hoping you could go with us.”

“Absolutely.”

“We also need to figure out the funeral arrangements,” I added.

“Already?” Rooks groaned. “It’s just been a couple of days.”

“Yes, but we need to get something planned.”

“Have they even released him from the coroner yet?”

“I don’t know. That’s something we can discuss with Detective Joyner,” Mom interjected. “But your sister is right. It’s time to start making a plan.”

“Okay, fine. Let’s go and get this thing over with.”

Rooks let out a defeated sigh, then nodded.

I did the same, then went to get Ford.

The ride to the police station was quiet. We were all tense and lost in our own thoughts. I stared out the window, trying to brace myself for yet another meeting with Detective Joyner. I wasn’t looking forward to it. I knew we’d just end up leaving with more questions than answers, but Mom clung to the hope that he would have something new for us.

When we arrived, it was even more crowded than the day before, and the entire place reeked of BO and feet, which made me even less thrilled to be there. Thankfully, we didn’t have to wait long. Detective Joyner was expecting us and called us right back. His tie was slightly askew, and he looked more tired than the last time we saw him. I hoped that meant he’d been hitting it hard and would have something for us, but he was quick to say, “As of now, we don’t have any new developments.”

He gestured for us to sit, but Rooks stood near the door with his arms crossed. A scowl marked his face as he asked, “Do you have any developments at all?”

“I’m afraid not,” Joyner answered, flipping through the folder on his desk. “We’re still following up on leads and reviewing the surveillance footage.”

I glanced over at Mom and found her pulling Ford protectively to her side. She was trying to stay composed, but she was struggling. I couldn’t exactly blame her. She’d just lost her husband, and her home had been violated. If that wasn’t bad enough, her daughter was furious with her, and her two children were at odds.

That thought had me turning my attention to Rooks. I could tell he wasn’t pleased about Joyner’s lack of information, but I didn’t know how unpleased he was until he spat, “And what about the files from my dad’s office? Have you figured out what was taken yet?”

“As I told your mother, we’re still cataloging everything.” Joyner sighed, leaning back in his chair. “It takes time.”

I watched the vein in Rooks’ neck start to bulge as he snapped, “There are important documents in that office.”

“I’m aware, and I’m sorry for the inconvenience.”

“Are you? Are you really?” Rooks gave him a smug look. “Cause from where I’m standing, it doesn’t look like you give a shit about anything except where your next meal is coming from.”

“Now, son, I know you’re upset about your father and all, but throwing jabs isn’t going to get you anywhere.”

“I want access to my father’s office. Both of them.”

“I’m afraid that’s not possible, at least not yet. We’re still in the middle of an investigation, and…”

“How long is this investigation going to last?”

“I can’t answer that. As I said earlier, these things take time.”

“We have a right to know if they’ve been taken!”

“ Rooks ,” Mom scolded.

It was barely a whisper, but it was enough to make him take a breath and back down. I had no idea why Rooks was so worried about the documents in Dad’s office. It wasn’t like he was a big-time politician with dark secrets he was hiding in his closet. He was a real estate lawyer.

It made no sense—unless he knew something I didn’t.

Joyner clicked his pen as he said, “I understand this is difficult, but we’re doing everything we can. I’ve got a lot of men on this, and we will find the people responsible for killing your father.”

Rooks muttered something under his breath and looked away.

I wanted to say something to ease the tension, but I just didn’t have it in me. I was too tired. We all were.

Detective Joyner asked Ford a few random questions, and that was it.

He’d left us with more questions than answers.

As we left the station, Ford reached up and took my hand. I squeezed his little fingers, feeling their warmth, and tried to convince myself that this nightmare would be over soon. But with each passing hour, the hope of answers seemed further and further away.