Page 22

SERENITY

T he villa in Barbados was something out of a dream. It was a pre-planned family trip my daddy had planned for just the four of us. Since this was my first year away living with them, he wanted to make sure we had some family time; apparently when I came home from Christmas break, it wasn’t enough.

We’d been here for three days without incident which was progress when it meant that Sienna and I would be in the same room.

The villa we rented was perched on the edge of a private cove, it overlooked the turquoise waters of the Caribbean, the waves crashing softly against the white sand.

The house itself was a masterpiece of modern luxury—floor-to-ceiling windows that let in the golden glow of the sun, sleek marble floors, a wrap-around infinity pool that seemed to melt into the ocean. Everything was perfect.

Except me. No matter how much I tried to pretend, to relax, to enjoy my family, my mind was still stuck in New York. Stuck on Creed.

I knew this would be hard. I knew the moment Creed uttered those words about that baby, my world would never be the same. But I didn’t think it would feel like this. Like I was suffocating. Like I was losing myself.

Sitting on the warm sand, the sun beginning to dip toward the horizon, I hugged my knees to my chest, watching the waves as they rolled in, slow and steady. I wasn’t too far from the property, just slightly off from where the gate was.

Sevyn dropped down beside me, his tattooed arms resting on his knees, the scent of his cologne mixing with the salty sea breeze.

"Wanna talk about it?" he asked, breaking the silence.

“Not really.” I mumbled, pouting. My brother chuckled, scooting a little closer to me and wrapping his arm across my shoulders.

“Tell me anyway Toot.”

I glanced over at him, wondering if I should tell him what was going on with my love life. If I should tell him I had decided to stay with a man who had a baby on the way.

Throwing caution to the wind, I blurted out everything that had happened in the past month since Creed had delivered that news to me.

I sighed, running my fingers through the sand. "It’s a lot, I know."

He nodded, his gaze fixed on the ocean. "That is a lot, Tootie. But you gotta figure out if this is what you really want, if Creed is worth all this."

I swallowed, my throat tight. "I love him, Sevy. I really do."

"Love ain’t enough," he said bluntly, turning to look at me. "This ain’t some high school relationship where you can just ride the wave. This is real-life shit. A baby? That’s a forever thing. You prepared for that?"

I didn’t respond right away. Because I didn’t know. I knew what my heart wanted. But was my heart enough?

"If he’s what you really want," Sevyn continued, "then stand on that. But if you know deep down you can’t handle this, you need to let him go. It’s not fair to either of y’all to stay stuck in a situation that’ll break you."

I inhaled deeply, letting his words settle.

"I just… I thought we’d have more time," I admitted softly. "To just be us before we had to deal with something this heavy."

"Life don’t give a fuck about timing, baby girl," he murmured. And that was the realest truth I’d ever heard.

Later on for dinner, the villa was quiet, just the sound of forks clinking against plates as everyone ate. I wasn’t touching my food. I was too deep in my head, replaying Sevyn’s words, thinking about what I really wanted, what I could really handle.

And then out of nowhere…

"You’d be an idiot to stay." I froze, my fork stilling on my plate.

Sienna’s voice was calm, calculated—like she wasn’t about to start some shit. But I knew better. Slowly, I lifted my eyes to Sienna, who sat across from me, looking as composed and beautiful as ever, like she hadn’t just dropped a grenade in the middle of the table.

"I overheard you and Sevyn talking, when I was going on a walk by the beach." she continued, taking a sip of her wine. "And I have to say, it’s disappointing. You’re really willing to tie yourself to a man with a baby on the way? You’re smarter than that, Serenity."

I felt my entire body heat up, my stomach tightening.

"Ma, don’t—" Sevyn started, but she cut him off.

"I knew he wasn’t going to be any good," she continued, shaking her head with a chuckle. "Just like the last one. But you never learn, do you?"

I clenched my fists under the table. "Sienna—" my dad tried, still Sienna kept talking.

"You should be focused on school, your career, your future," she went on, not letting up. "Not some jock who may or may not make it to the NBA. What happens if he doesn’t? You think he’s going to be able to take care of you? We aren’t paying for you to be in school just for you to be focused on some no good boy with a baby on the way. "

Something inside me snapped.

"Shut the fuck up Sienna, seriously."

The table went silent. My daddy set his fork down slowly, sighing. Sevyn rubbed his face, already knowing this was about to go south. But I didn’t care. I was done; was done dealing with this shit constantly, was done pretending that it didn’t matter.

"You always got something to say about my life," I snapped, my voice shaking with anger, with years of built-up frustration. "And I’m sick of it."

Sienna arched a brow, completely unbothered. "Watch your mouth, Serenity. "

"Tuh. You don’t respect me anyway, so what’s the difference?" I shot back.

"Oh, here we go again," she scoffed, sipping her wine. "The victim act. You always walk around like you were wronged, like I was some horrible mother. Meanwhile, I gave you a damn good life."

I laughed. A short, humorless laugh that made her eyes narrow slightly.

"A good life?" I repeated, shaking my head. "You mean money? Clothes? A big house? That’s what you think makes you a mother? Because you can buy me things?"

Her jaw tightened.

"Let’s talk about the times you ignored me," I said, my voice stronger now, filled with fire as I slowly lifted from my seat. "All the times you put work before me, all the times you looked at me like I was a burden. Let’s talk about how you never had a good thing to say about me. How you only open your mouth to insult me, to tear me down. Let’s talk about how you treat Sevyn like a king, but you act like I don’t even exist. I, your only daughter, your only biological child. "

Lenox tried to interject. "Serenity, baby?—"

"No!" I cut him off, my chest rising and falling heavily. "I wanna know, Sienna. What the fuck is your problem with me? What have I ever done to you that make you treat me like shit all the time?”

I stared at my mother and she stared back. Slowly a smirk appeared on her face as she too lifted from her seat. Then, she said it. The words that had always been unspoken, but deeply felt.

"You," she said pointing her long coffin nails in my face, her voice sharp, raw. "You are my fucking problem, Serenity. You always have been. You almost ruined my career. My pregnancy was terrible with you, and I knew you were going to be a thorn in my side. I resent you for it."

The air left my lungs. The entire room went dead silent. Sevyn’s fork clattered onto his plate. My daddy’s eyes widened; pure shock written all over his face. And me? I just…stood there. My entire world cracking beneath my feet.

She said it. The thing I had always known but never wanted to hear. She finally said the words that there was no coming back from.

Like a maniac, a laugh escaped my lips. It surprised even me. But it was all I could do to stop the anger from continually rising within me.

“You don’t gotta worry about me ever speaking to you again Sienna. I promise you, I will never forgive you for this. I will never forgive you for blaming me for being born as if I had a choice. You don’t wanna be my mama, fine; you’re not. Fuck you.”

I turned on my heel and walked away, my vision blurry, my chest tight.

I was shoving clothes into my suitcase when Sevyn walked in.

"Tootie, don’t do this."

"Don’t do what?" I snapped. "Leave? Get away from her? Get away from someone who never wanted me in the first place?" I was loud, louder than I wanted to be with Sevyn. I wasn’t trying to take my anger out on him, but he was here and I couldn’t help it.

"It’s a family trip, Serenity!"

I laughed bitterly. "Sienna ain’t my fuckin family. Never has been or at least, she never wanted to be."

His jaw clenched, pain flickering across his face.

"Just… don’t leave like this," he pleaded.

I shook my head. "I have to. Please, just go. I want to be alone."

He sighed heavily before walking to the door and closing it. Before anyone else could come in, I locked it.

Forcibly, I threw more stuff into my suitcase before giving up in frustration. Tears fell rapidly down my face. I hated her, hated her so fucking much that it hurt.

Placing my hand over my heart, I tried to will away the heartache and pain that only my mother could cause me. Curling up in the plush king-sized bed, i tried hard to keep the wails from escaping my lips.

This was all beginning to be too much. Creed, his unborn child, the drama that came with that unborn child and now Sienna; all of it was too fucking much and I needed a break. I couldn’t stay here, not anymore, even if I wanted to but I certainly didn’t want to.

I couldn’t tell you when I had fallen asleep; I just knew that when I woke up the sun was rising through my bedroom windows. I felt weak, drowsy and very fucking alone.

Slowly, I got out of bed looking around at the mess I had made in my room. I had to get the fuck out of here, that was the only thing I was certain of at this time.

After cleaning up, packing the rest of my things and showering; I sat down in the middle of my bed and searched for a flight home to New York. As I scrolled through the list of flights, a thought came to mind…

If I went home, I would be alone. Averi and Egypt had gone to Cancun with some kids from school for Spring break and Arielle was in Atlanta supporting Brodie at the March Madness tournament.