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It was hard to push through the rest of the classes that day, but at least it gave Zaryen something to do other than overthink everything again and again. People still stared at him wherever he went, but nobody said anything. He caught a few frowns or grimaces, but mostly he saw quiet, sad understanding, and it made him breathe a little easier.

Outside of the Academy, Teranea might be hard in many ways, but the inside was a different story. It wasn”t perfect, of course, but still better than the alternative.

”And they wonder why so many own-preferring guys want to come here,” Zaryen muttered as they were on their way to the library.

”It makes sense,” Meveris agreed. ”For the dragons, the Academy is about connection, of course, but aside from that, it”s mainly about duty and protection, especially since we go through a military training in Paryada first before applying here.”

”For Teraneans, it”s mostly about honor and upholding traditions of the noble families. But for me—and I”d guess the same for other own-preferring guys—the chance to be myself was probably the biggest draw. The rumors that fluctuated, the stories about finding a romantic partner in a companion… They made the Academy feel like a dream come true.”

”And since those rumors are now openly-known facts, it may have created a pre-selection of sorts, which would match the theories that started to circulate in Paryada once it became clear that the human applicants” numbers dipped. Those who want what those rumors suggest, want to come here even more. Those who don”t, prefer to stay away.”

”But how many are free to make that choice?”

It wasn”t just him, after all. There was Feraan, at least, who had admitted that his parents likely wouldn”t have let him come, if they”d known what they knew now.

There had to be others, too—including those who never made it to the Academy at all.

”I have no idea.” Meveris opened the door to the library and tilted his head. ”Shall we?”

As they walked in, Zaryen glanced around the big space full of windows, and long tables, and rows and rows of bookshelves, filled to the fullest. It had been impressive the first time he”d been here, back when Feraan was giving him the tour and wanted to show him his absolutely favorite place. It was perhaps even more impressive now, when there were more people around, reading, studying, or writing.

And Feraan was here, too. Surrounded by stacks of books, he was sitting at the table further back and taking notes from a large tome in front of him.

Meveris whispered his name, and Zaryen pushed away a pang of sadness before turning back to his companion.

”Come on, let”s go.”

When they approached the desk, a young dragon with black hair and pale blue scales matching his eyes looked up at them and offered them a wide smile that made Meveris move slightly in front of Zaryen before Zaryen could so much as answer in kind.

The dragon behind the desk raised his eyebrows but sat back, which seemed to relax Meveris a bit.

Zaryen blinked. There was no danger here, so it couldn”t be for protection, seeing as all this guy did was smile at…

Oh.

Meveris was jealous, which was such a ridiculous notion that Zaryen had to swallow down a laugh.

”Hi, my name is Iverys, and I”m the assistant librarian and research support,” the dragon said after a second. ”What can I do for you both?”

”Hi.” Meveris glanced at Zaryen before turning back to Iverys. ”We”d like to learn more about the bond creation and the tethers involved.”

”Anything specific or would you like a book covering the basics to start with?”

”Basics would be good, but if you also have something on how to practice strengthening the tethers specifically, we”d want that, too,” Zaryen said.

Iverys reached down and to the side to pick a book from under the desk.

”This is the basic one. We have several copies, so you”re free to take it to your rooms after filling out the card.”

He then pressed some keys on a machine in front of him that reminded Zaryen of an old typewriter he”d seen back at home, in his mother”s office. Iverys turned a handle on the side, and a stack of small pieces of paper shuffled quickly in the small opening at the top of the machine, before separating a single file and sliding it out. The rest of the files disappeared from view with a quiet whirring sound.

”Ah, of course,” Iverys murmured as he picked up the lone piece of paper from the machine, then he looked at something behind Zaryen and Meveris. ”There”s one specific book I was thinking of, but we only have one copy of it. Feraan currently has it.”

Zaryen”s shoulders slumped. Of course it had to be Feraan.

”It”s not a book you can take out of the library, however, so whoever comes here first at any given day may lay claim to it,” Iverys added. ”Or you can ask him if he”s using it now. He”s the one surrounded by the biggest stacks of books, but even he can”t read them all at once.”

Zaryen had no desire to approach Feraan, especially in public.

”Maybe we”ll focus on the basics first, and then try the other one. Unless you have some other book on the topic?”

”There are several, as there”s an entire section in this library dedicated to bonding. Most of them are largely theoretical, but there”s quite a few practical ones, too. The one I was thinking of is the most reader-friendly, though, and while it covers topics for all stages of advancement, it”s also helpful for the beginners who aren”t used to the terminology yet. But once you get through this one,” Iverys pointed at the book he”d offered them earlier, ”I”ll be able to suggest others.”

A part of Zaryen wanted to insist on more books, since he wanted to learn as much as he could right away in order to start practicing and deepening the bond. The idea of waiting had never been easy for him, but especially not when he had a goal in sight. And when said goal was to have a more profound connection to his companion…

”Okay, thank you, we”ll start with this one, then.” Meveris picked up the book. ”What do we have to fill out?”

As they were walking out a few minutes later, Zaryen turned one more time towards the tables, only to see Feraan looking back at him with an unreadable expression.

Zaryen stumbled and barely avoided hitting the door, saved by Meveris who tugged him to the side as the door fell shut.

Then, instead of letting go, Meveris pulled him into a small alcove a few steps away and crowded him against the wall before brushing his lips against Zaryen”s neck and inhaling deeply.

Zaryen leaned his head back as he squirmed—both because it tickled and because Meveris”s body molded against his was something his cock always noticed.

”How about we go to our rooms for whatever you have in mind?” he whispered, running his fingers up and down the scales on the back of Meveris”s neck.

His companion hummed, tickling and arousing Zaryen in equal measures.

”In a minute.”

”You can”t do this for a whole minute here.” Zaryen tried to use a firm tone, but the breathless delivery dampened the effect. ”It feels too good for a public place.”

Meveris pulled back slightly, but his gaze, hungry and heated, didn”t help much in calming Zaryen down.

”So it feels good, huh?”

”As if you can”t tell.” Then, Zaryen raised his eyebrows. ”Besides, weren”t you quite clear, just moments ago, how very not okay you are with other people so much as looking at me?”

Huffing, Meveris stepped away, but he still caught Zaryen”s hand before heading towards their room.

”He was doing more than simply looking,” he muttered, and it sent Zaryen laughing, loud, and bright, and too happy to argue.

* * *

The next morning, Zaryen opened the door so that they could head out for breakfast, only to find Feraan standing there by the opposite wall, leaning against the windowsill. He straightened up when he saw them, and it became clear he was waiting for them to come out.

Zaryen froze, but Meveris”s steady presence at his back helped him to at least say something.

”Hi?”

”Hey.” Feraan cleared his throat. ”I wanted to catch you before your classes, so that”s why I”m here. Could we…” He glanced at Meveris briefly, then back at Zaryen. ”Could we talk?”

Waiting out here instead of approaching him at breakfast meant Feraan wanted a private conversation, but Zaryen tried not to get his hopes up too high. Private didn”t necessarily mean good, if Feraan planned to tell him how he couldn”t stand him or something.

But it might mean good things, and Zaryen wanted to give it a chance.

”Sure. We could…” He paused, unsure, because their bedroom felt too intimate for anyone but him and Meveris right now.

”How about you go to the other room, and I”ll busy myself with some tidying up,” his companion suggested, and Zaryen nodded quickly, already turning towards the other door.

”Come on,” he told Feraan, who followed him and took a seat at the armchair Zaryen quickly cleared out, moving the pile of his clothes to the chair near the window.

Then he closed the door leading to the bathroom and their bedroom—nothing more than a courtesy gesture, since Meveris still needed to track his every move at this stage of their bond, but it was the best Zaryen could do—before finally sitting down on the bed.

”What do you want to talk about?” he asked, when it seemed like Feraan wouldn”t start without some prompting.

”I no longer need that book you”re interested in, so Iverys agreed to put it aside for you for a few hours, if you get there before lunch.”

Zaryen”s eyebrows shut up. That was not what he expected.

”Thank you?” he offered, unsure how to react.

”It”s not a problem. Like I said, I no longer need it.” Then, when the silence stretched between them again, Feraan blurted out, ”Why did you lie?”

Zaryen frowned. ”What?”

”You lied to me, before, when we talked. Before the searching ceremony. We were talking about our families, and you asked me about mine, and I guess I don”t get it. Why do that, if you”re not going to be honest as well?”

Wind”s curse. He”d already felt bad about that, back then, but now that Feraan said it so bluntly, it made him feel even worse.

”I”m sorry.” He pushed his hands under his thighs as he stared at the floor by Feraan”s feet. ”You”re right. I shouldn”t have asked you anything personal, if I wasn”t willing to be equally honest. And for what it”s worth, I was honest about everything else. The only things I skirted around were the circumstances of my coming here.”

”That was a pretty big part of it all, though.”

”Was it?” Zaryen looked up to meet Feraan”s gaze. ”I”m not arguing, I”m honestly asking. I was still a guy with no family support—even less than I let on—and I was still scared that this whole thing would fall apart at any moment.”

Feraan shook his head.

”You made it sound like your family let you come but left you alone to deal with all of this. This is who I thought I was talking to and getting to know. Meanwhile, you went against your family”s wishes and bluffed your way into people”s good graces here. Technically, you can say you didn”t bluff your way into the Academy itself, since you emancipated yourself, but it”s… Well, it”s not unlawful, but it feels dishonest, and while I”m well aware that no one owes me their life story, I still feel like you didn”t have to lie to me, you know?”

Zaryen”s heart ached, and he had to blink back sudden tears. This was awful—worse than all the things the newspapers had written about him personally, even. Because this was the truth. He had done that, he”d misled Feraan while at the same time asking about Feraan”s own struggles.

”I”m sorry,” Zaryen said once again, and this time his voice was scratchy and low. ”I didn”t want to… bluff my way into a connection with you or with anyone else. I wasn”t planning on that, at all. I was really as honest as possible, while at the same time trying not to be thrown out of here.”

”You thought they would throw you out?” Feraan frowned, straightening in his seat. ”Why would they?”

”Why would they not?” Zaryen curled his hands in the comforter covering the bed. ”Have you seen the papers? The headmaster suspected it was going to happen if he agreed to let me stay. But I asked for sanctuary after I had already met my companion. Before that, I would have been much easier to send back home.”

”And you didn”t tell me because you expected me to go to the headmaster with it?”

”Expected? No. I didn”t believe that you would, once we started talking more. But I was too afraid to take that risk. I was afraid of pretty much everything at that stage, worrying about every little detail that could be the reason to send me home.” Even remembering that time made Zaryen”s stomach tighten. ”I understand that, from your perspective, it may feel personal—that I didn”t tell you, that I tricked you into believing something else about myself. But I promise you that it wasn”t personal. You were great, and I appreciated the way you offered your time and attention to me. I still do. You helped me not to feel so alone, and I”m immensely grateful for that.”

”It”s not—” Feraan grimaced briefly. ”You don”t have to be grateful or talk me up or anything.”

”I”m simply being completely honest with you, in a way that I couldn”t, before. For what it”s worth, if I were to tell someone, back then, it would”ve been you. I felt… Well, I felt like I was maybe gaining a friend.”

Zaryen released a shaky breath after that, but he forced himself to keep his gaze on Feraan, to show him that he was telling the truth.

”I felt like that, too.” Feraan ran a hand through his hair. ”Which made the rest of it even worse, because it made me feel stupid.”

”You weren”t stupid! You were honest and kind, and I”m sorry I made you doubt your judgment. Was that why you stopped talking to me? Or even looking at me?”

”I didn”t think you noticed.”

”Of course I did. Like I told you, I thought I was maybe gaining a friend, but based on your reactions I figured you didn”t want to have anything to do with me now.”

”But you didn”t ask.” Feraan didn”t sound judgmental, more like confused. ”I thought you probably didn”t care—before, because you lied, and after, because you had your companion and weren”t alone anymore.”

Zaryen stared at Feraan in disbelief.

”First of all, I did care. I still do. Second of all, are you always this blunt or are you making me pay for how I messed up before?”

”Aderys says I”m not the best at gouging the level of honesty I should offer at any given time, so yes, I”m definitely blunt,” Feraan admitted. ”Although I prefer to say I”m straightforward. I strive to be an honest man, and truth doesn”t exist on a continuum for me. Something is either true or it”s a lie, so if I don”t want—or can”t—tell the truth, I”m staying quiet.”

”Good to know.” Zaryen ran his hands over his thighs, hesitating, but then he figured that if Feraan had come here to talk, he must have wanted them to work things out. Hopefully. ”In that case, I”m going to be blunt as well. I do want to be friends with you, if that”s something you”d still be interested in, after what happened. I appreciate your honesty, even when it hurts, because I think I need more of that, both to keep me in check, but also to… feel more secure. And I can promise to be honest back from now on.”

Feraan looked at him for a long moment, and Zaryen forced himself not to squirm in place even though his heartbeat quickened as he waited. It felt a bit silly and a lot uncomfortable to talk so openly, but it also felt freeing, somehow.

And Zaryen definitely needed more of that in his life.

”Okay,” Feraan finally said, then stood up. ”Let”s go get breakfast now.”

Zaryen snorted out a laugh but stood up as well.

If only other things could be solved so easily by an honest conversation, his life would be much easier than it was.