Page 16 of Seduced By the Squire (Diamonds in the Rough #1)

What the hell was happening?

Duncan ran a hand through his hair and growled when the smell hit him. Damn it all. Flowers. His hair smelled like flowers.

Like her .

And no wonder. A week ago Llinos had gifted him with a cake of soap. He’d been duly offended by the gift.

“Do I reek so much, lass? Haven’t ye got enough work wi’ that dog of yers, do ye now plan to bathe all the mongrels ye can find within the castle walls?”

The wretched woman only giggled. “You most definitely do not reek. In fact, you smell better than anyone I’ve ever met. But I made a batch of soap yesterday and I couldn’t resist giving you a piece. I wanted you to…”

She blushed such a delicious colour that he drew her into his arms. He had long stopped trying to resist the impulse to touch her when they were alone. The only barrier he had not crossed yet was the one he had erected at the beginning. In all those weeks together there had been no kiss.

On the mouth at least.

“What did ye want, lass?” he asked, annoyed that the urge to place his lips on hers was getting stronger and stronger by the day. He wasn't sure he would be able to resist it for much longer.

“It’s silly. I wanted you to smell like me, in the same way I sometimes smell of you. I hoped it would make you think of me before falling asleep, and perhaps dream of being with me?”

That had to be the most damned adorable, satisfying thing he had ever heard. Lady Llinos wanted him to smell like her, to dream of her. And she liked to smell like him.

“What do ye do in bed when ye smell of me, lass?” he growled in her ear. He hadn’t missed the way she’d blushed as she’d said the words. Perhaps… “Do ye touch yerself and imagine my hands on ye?”

Please say you do. Please say I am not the only one pleasuring myself imagining I was with you .

“I…”

“Tell me,” he ordered, tightening his hold on her.

“Yes. ”

There it was. She gave herself pleasure at night whilst thinking of what they did together by day. And now she wanted him to do the same, to stroke himself while he bathed and wrapped himself in her evocative smell.

And damnation if he hadn’t done exactly that! Night after night he had washed himself with the soap until frustration shot out of him in long, scalding spurts.

This would not do.

He was losing sight of what was at stake here, of their bargain. He was no longer going to Llinos to teach her lessons in the art of debauchery, he was going to her because he wanted to be with her, because of the way she smiled when she saw him and the way her eyes sparkled when he talked to her. He didn’t bed her to show her what men did to women, but to show her the many things he wanted to do to her. A lifetime would not be enough to quench his thirst for her and they only had a few weeks.

She had completely bewitched him, making him do things he had sworn never to do. He allowed her to sleep in his arms when her body had been wrung of all its strength, he gave her foot massages when he thought she looked tired, and only the other day he had given that mangy dog of hers a pat on the head, for Christ’s sake!

It had to stop! He was in danger of seriously losing it.

All the while he hadn’t been teaching her anything she wouldn’t have learnt from another, but she had managed to do something no one else had ever done. She’d made him…

Dear God.

She’d made him fall in love with her, that was what she had done.

Horror froze the blood in his veins. He could not be in love with a lady. Why had he not sworn on his father’s deathbed never to fall for a noblewoman? Then he might have found the strength to honour the oath, even at the cost of his sanity. Why had he gone and promised himself never to fall for a Sassenach wench when he’d left Scotland? It only left the door wide open for Welsh ladies. Llinos had taken him by surprise, attacking his unprotected flank. He had not thought to guard himself against women like her, because she was nothing like the women he thought to meet – never mind bed.

She was just too bloody perfect, and utterly unattainable.

And he was a fool. Duncan MacQuarrie, in love with Lady Llinos, a betrothed noble lady. How ridiculous. He couldn’t let her know that for him what had started as a mere game had taken a completely different turn .

In the morning he pretexted a visit to the blacksmith beyond the valley to stay away from the castle for two days even if every fibre of his body ached to go to her. When he came back Llinos allowed him to get away with the pretence that he was required at the tiltyard all day. Then she started to get suspicious and it became hell to avoid her. Not just because he was running out of ideas but because he needed her.

Finally, on the morning of the sixth day – not that he was counting – he found himself face to face with Llinos.

*

“You’ve been avoiding me.”

Llinos could not help the accusation bursting from her mouth. She had missed Duncan so terribly. In the last month they had not spent more than a day without seeing each other. Even if they could not touch, she needed to see him, hear him, be with him.

And then out of the blue something had changed. Why was Duncan avoiding her now, when time was precious, when their days together were numbered? They had not spoken for nearly a week. This could not be allowed to continue.

“I — ”

“You have been avoiding me, don’t deny it! Just tell me why.”

“Don’t ye dare give me orders!” Duncan growled, as disgruntled as a bear. “I’m the one who gives ye orders!”

“That was not an order,” she replied, taken aback. He had not used that tone with her since their argument the day she had seen him practise his sword skills.

“I tell ye what to do, not the other way around,” he carried on ruthlessly, not meeting her eye. Something was wrong. What was going on now? She had so desperately hoped they had put all misunderstanding behind!

She decided to attack before he could.

“Very well, order me about then. You know I like nothing better. What will it be today, master? Shall I lie on the table and spread my legs for you? Or do you want me to take you in my mouth and — ”

“Stop!”

Llinos started when Duncan slammed his fist on the door inches away from her face. Something was very wrong indeed. Even when he was put out, he was never violent.

“I dinnae want ye do to anything except leave!” he said through gritted teeth. “Our lessons are over.”

Lessons! She recoiled under the unexpected blow. He was still thinking of their times together as lessons ?

“But — ”

“But nothing. Ye wanted me to take yer maidenhead, nothing more, and instead I turned ye into a whore. I exhausted my purpose the day I thrust my damned fingers inside ye. After that there was no need for us to see each other again.”

“That’s not what happened!” She was horrified at this summary of their situation. “You did not turn me into a… a…”

“Nay?” Duncan asked bitterly. “I’ve fucked ye in all the ways a man can fuck a woman. I’ve used ye for my selfish pleasure and I’ve made ye beg for it. There is not an inch of yer body I haven’t soiled. I took yer innocence along with yer maidenhead. Thanks to me ye now ken just what bastards men really are where women are concerned.”

He sounded no longer angry, but rather, defeated. Llinos’ chest contracted. Was that why he had avoided her? Because he felt guilty about his treatment of her? True, their lovemaking had become increasingly wild but surely he’d seen that she had loved every moment! As to him soiling her, she would take issue with anyone daring to utter such a slight.

“Duncan, that’s not — ”

“It is. Ye are a lady, and ye were a virgin. I should ne’er have — ”

“I was the one who asked!” she cut in, unable to believe they were back to the same argument again. “Yes, I was a virgin, but that was precisely the problem I needed to remedy. As to me being a lady… What difference does it make? I’m still a woman!”

But she knew it bothered him. She had not forgotten his comment when they had seen Cwtch mating with a well-bred dog all those weeks ago.

His tastes appear to run to the refined! An ambitious lad, yer Cwtch!

Well, just because she was a woman and not a bitch, she should only be allowed to mingle with her own species! To hell with that! She would mate with mongrels if that was what made her happy.

“Please listen to me. I am so grateful that I asked you to deflower me when this mad idea got into my head. Anyone else would have just taken me, they would not have given me pleasure with it. These last three months with you have been…”

She could not finish because suddenly a thought struck her.

The last three months had been a series of blissful encounters indeed. Of uninterrupted blissful encounters.

Oh Lord.

A chill ran up Llinos’ spine. “I’m sorry, I have to go,” she said, feeling light-headed.

For the first time since she had gone to Duncan, she was the one walking away from him.

*

Duncan watched Llinos walk away on unsteady legs. The urge to run after her was overwhelming but, calling on all his inner strength, he resisted it.

If he didn’t stay right where he was, he would end up making the biggest mistake of his life, and worse, ruin hers.

And so, instead of chasing after her, he ran to the village tavern. Perhaps drinking himself into oblivion would help.

Later that night he had to face facts. All the alcohol in the world would not be enough to quell the urge to go to Llinos and apologise for hurting her. The way she had left…

Duncan emptied his tankard in one gulp and returned to the castle. Clenching his jaw he strode towards the kitchens – and the two maids inside. If he spent the night fucking them he would surely wake up in the morning cured of his silly infatuation with a certain Welsh lady he had no business dreaming about.

“Duncan,” Jennie cooed, wiping her hands on her apron. It was time to use to his advantage the soft spot she had for him. This was where he belonged, with scullions and dairymaids, not with ladies. “Is there anything I can do for you?”

“Aye, there is,” he growled. “You and Ella both. Come to my room. Now.”

*

She had to go to his room. Now.

Llinos stared at the ceiling. Duncan deserved to know why she had fled so precipitously this afternoon or he would think she agreed with everything he’d said, that he should never have gone to her. He deserved to know he was going to be a father. Or at least…

To know that she was with child, because how could he ever be a father to a babe that should never have been conceived?

That was one of the many things they would have to discuss, along with what she would do with regards to Sir Benedict. It was now doubly important that their marriage did not go ahead. He had proposed to her on the understanding that she was untouched, thereby ensuring their children were legitimate. This babe, born less than six months after their wedding, conceived while he was at the other end of the country, would not be.

Llinos afforded herself a wan smile. It seemed that she had succeeded in getting herself out of a marriage she didn’t want, as Sir Benedict would never marry a woman already with child.

Unfortunately, she would be unable to deny that her seducer resided in Pitcairn Castle, as she had decided to do. To protect Duncan from retaliation, she had elected to pretend she had actually been deflowered by Sir Huw the day he had assaulted her and too ashamed to admit to the truth at first. Now she wasn’t sure her betrothed would believe this story. She hadn’t started to show yet, and the supposed rape had happened over four months ago. Sir Benedict would never believe she was halfway through her pregnancy and rightfully conclude she had fallen with child while under the care of the man who was supposed to ensure her virtue remained intact.

Which was exactly what had happened.

She couldn’t believe how unlucky they had been. Duncan had lost control only twice in all those weeks, but it had been enough to make her with child. Had it happened the first time in the meadow, when she had prevented him from withdrawing or the second time in the secret corridor, when he had been too lost to his bitterness to keep a level head? It mattered not. It had happened, and in spite of everything, she could not regret it.

She glanced through the window and saw only the barest hint of light above the horizon. It was still early but that would serve her purpose. At that time, Duncan might well still be asleep, so there would be no avoiding her like he had done the last few days.

She wrapped herself in her cloak and stole to his sleeping quarters, hoping to find him still in bed. The door opened without a sound – and she almost let out a scream.

Oh, he was most definitely still in bed!

Llinos stared at the picture of pure debauchery in front of her. Duncan was lying flat on his back, naked as the day he was born, with both his arms flung above his head. Draped around his long, golden body were two equally naked women. The red head had one hand resting on his pectoral, while the brunette was holding his…

His magnificent, splendidly erect cock.

Llinos’ stomach, already unsettled, gave another lurch. Her rasp caused Duncan to open an eye. A smile lit up his face when he saw her.

“It’s ye lass… Do ye ken, I was dreaming of ye,” he murmured, stretching lazily. He frowned when he felt the two women against him, as if he’d already forgotten about them. Then he bolted upright. “Jesus Christ! Llinos, wait, it’s not what ye think!”

He’d never called her by her name before, never dared, no matter how many times she had tried to tell him she would like him to. Of all the times to start using it!

“I think it is and I’ll leave you to it,” she said in a breath. “I can see you’re busy.”

If she stayed another moment a number of things might happen. One of the women might wake up and smirk at her, someone might walk in on the appalling scene, she might be sick, Duncan might start to give feeble explanations.

None of these possibilities were what she wanted.

She ran and barely had time to reach the lists before she was violently sick. Whether the child or the shock was responsible for it, she didn’t know but it made no difference. Once the retching had subsided, she staggered away, collapsed on the cool grass and closed her eyes. It was a mistake, because then she saw Duncan, sprawled naked on his pallet, with two naked women by his side. The awful image was branded on her eyelids forever, branded in her mind, branded in her heart.

With a cry of frustration, she opened her eyes – and found herself staring straight into Duncan’s emerald gaze.

“No!” she whimpered. She didn’t have the strength to face him right now, she could not bear the idea of him seeing her pain. “Leave!”

He did not move a muscle and kept staring at her. At least he was dressed now.

“I ne’er thought ye would come to my room,” he said eventually, his voice gruffer than she had ever heard it. “I didn’t even think ye kent where I slept.”

Llinos could barely believe it. He was not apologising, was not remotely sorry or embarrassed. He was placing all the blame for the encounter on her. If she had been shocked, she only had herself to blame, she should never have been there in the first place!

“I’m sorry, did I put you off? Well,” she answered savagely, getting up to her feet. “Go back to your conquests, there was no need to leave them, not on my account anyway.”

*

Why on earth had Llinos come to his place? Never would he have imagined a lady coming to his drab sleeping quarters, at the risk of being seen, recognised and compromised.

She would have had something important to tell him, it was the only explanation. Never before had she come to him, even to demand to be made love to. So why had she…

He froze as a possible explanation crossed his mind.

Mo chreach!

She had just been sick, he had distinctly heard her retch while he was hastening towards her. Of course the shock of seeing him with the women might have caused it, but… There was another reason women were sick in the morning. A reason that might well force a woman to look for a man in the wee hours to impart vital information to him, even at the risk of being seen.

Duncan ran a hand through his hair. Despite the warm temperature, a shiver ran down his spine.

“What did ye come to see me for, lass?” he asked, feeling about to retch himself.

Not that. Please, not that.

“Whatever I had to tell you I doubt you will want to hear,” Llinos spat. “I never want to see you again, do you hear! You wanted to make me regret bedding you, you wanted to humiliate me, make me pay for coming to you, well you have! I am now well and truly…” She stopped as a sob escaped her lips and wrapped her arms around her stomach. “Heartbroken. Congratulations.”

Heartbroken, she’d said, not ruined, as he had expected. His own heart seized in his chest.

“Och, lass, I…” Not knowing what to say, he took a step towards her.

She hurried away. “No! Don’t touch me! Keep your caresses for someone who wants them! I will not have you hurt me!”

“When have I ever hurt ye?” he asked through gritted teeth.

The look she threw him pierced his guts.

Now , it said. You are hurting me now.

And that simple thought wanted to make him howl.

“Llinos, please,” he begged, using her name. He had expected it to feel odd but it did not. “I need to ken the truth. Are ye carrying my bairn?” he asked, bunching his fists. As difficult as it would be to hear it, he had to know. Damnation, he had only lost control twice, at the very beginning. Surely it had not been enough to make her pregnant? Surely the sacrifice it had been to withdraw from her every time he’d reached his release since then had not been in vain? “Is that why ye fled yesterday, why ye came to see me this morning? Are ye with child?”

She stared at him and wiped her eyes where angry tears had pooled.

“I am. Damn you, yes, I am!”

*

What was she to do now?

Llinos could only hug herself and stare at the ground.

“How could you?” she whispered, hating herself for sounding so pathetic. Duncan did not deserve to see her pain. What was wrong with her? She had admitted to being heartbroken when she should have shouted that he had ruined her and made him feel lower than dirt.

No. She could never have done that to him, no matter how hurt she was, not when he was already struggling with the difference in status between them. She was not that cruel.

“Stay here,” he ordered, before running to the kitchens. A moment later he came back with a cup of spiced wine. Fool that she was, she had not moved a muscle, when she should have taken the opportunity to leave. “Drink,” he said, handing her the cup.

The need to wash her mouth made her accept when she knew she should have refused. Without a word she drank the sweet wine.

Once the cup was empty Duncan took it and placed it at his feet.

“Listen, nothing happened with the lasses. At least…” He sighed. “Nothing of what ye’re imagining happened. ”

She snorted. To think she had dreaded to hear his feeble explanations! They would have been preferable to his lies.

“Don’t lie!” she cried out. “You were all naked, in the same bed, and you were hard!”

He shrugged and twisted his lips. Incredibly, she had the impression he was embarrassed when she had expected him to be furious. “Men always wake up hard, lass, regardless of what happens around them,” he said. “It’s only — ”

“If you are going to say it is yet another thing a woman who has bedded men should know then you can save your breath,” she hissed. She would not be made a fool out of, not now. The time for ‘lessons’ had long since passed. “And perhaps if you had allowed me to sleep next to you one night, as I asked, I would know in what state men wake up!”

“Listen to me, please.”

He drew her into his arms. She did not even try to free herself. She lacked both the strength and the determination to get away from this man.

“I cannot stop you from talking if you want to talk,” she said slowly. “So talk. And then let me go.”

There was a silence. Then Duncan spoke.

“Yesterday I realised I had fallen in love wi’ye.”

Llinos froze. This had to be the last thing she had expected to hear. But it did not excuse anything. On the contrary.

He had fallen in love with her and still he had not put an end to his wenching?

“And instead of telling me as much, you decided to go and bed other women?” She didn’t know whether to slap him or laugh in his face.

“Aye, weel, that was the plan,” Duncan winced. “But in the end I couldna… Ye ken.”

“No, I don’t ‘ken’,” she answered frostily, though she could well imagine what he meant.

“Damn it, woman, must ye make me say it out loud? ‘Tis not easy for a man to admit to these things!”

“More difficult than for well-bred ladies to say the word ‘cock’?” she asked, arching an eyebrow. He would be made to spell his humiliation out. Admittedly, it was a petty revenge but it might help to soothe some of the burn. Let him squirm. He deserved nothing less.

There was another silence then Duncan threw his head back and gave a long, throaty laugh. “Ah lass, if I didn’t already ken why I fell in love wi’ye, now I do. There is no one like ye in all Christendom.” He lowered his head so he could whisper in her ear. “Verra weel. I couldna get hard last night, I couldna f — ”

“Thank you, yes, I think I understand,” Llinos cut in. Suddenly she didn’t want to hear more than necessary about what had happened – or not happened – between him and the women.

“They wouldn’t accept it and got it into their heads that they would wait until I could perform, even if I told them it was not going to happen. By then I had come to my senses. They kept plying me wi’ drink. A bad idea. A drunk man is even less able to f — ”

“Well, clearly they hoped you would wake up refreshed,” she cut in again. “Since they were all over you.”

“I have no idea what they did after I passed out but that was without my knowledge – or consent. I swear it. I was hard when you came in because it was morning, and as I told ye, I was dreaming of ye. Ye have to believe me.”

And Llinos realised that she did believe him. Still, it hurt. He might not have succeeded in bedding the women but he had tried.

“Why did you do it?”

“Because I’m a fool, that’s why!” he erupted. “A fool and a coward.”

Well. Now she knew he truly was sorry. Proud, brave Duncan MacQuarrie had just called himself a fool and a coward. For her. She had turned him into a man he despised. She couldn’t bear the thought .

“Does it scare you so much to love me?”

He stared at her as if she had gone mad. “Aye, of course it does. What do ye think can happen between us? Jesu, I’ve never been so petrified in my life! And that was before I found out about the bairn!” He placed a protective hand over her stomach. “Now I’m terrified. Because I cannae bear the idea of losing ye both.”

“Don’t be scared.” Llinos placed her hand over his. “I’m not scared and I’m not ashamed. You are not going to lose us. I belong to you. I carry the proof of it deep inside my womb. You are part of me now.”

“Will ye… Will ye teach me something, lass? Will ye teach me what it is to love? Because I dinnae ken how to and now I need enough love for two.”

Llinos’ heart almost burst out of her chest. “I’m not sure you need to be shown anything about love, Duncan, which is good because I have no idea how to teach something like that.”

“Och, ye do. I’ve never seen anyone wi’ so much love to give. Why, even wi’ that mangy cur ye behave like a mother.”

“Leave Cwtch out of this!” She could not help a smile.

“Aye. So will ye?”

“You will have to teach me something first. Teach me how to kiss. We’ve never kissed, you know. We’ve done everything else but that.” Suddenly, she was shy. What she was asking seemed the height of daring, even though compared to what they had already done it was nothing. “I want — ”

Before she could finish Duncan crushed his mouth on hers.

*

Honey and fire.

That’s what Llinos tasted like, his Llinos, the woman he loved, the mother of his child. Finally he got to know her taste.

His tongue swirled around hers, slowly, languorously. He was getting drunk on the intoxicating taste, building their need for each other, sending their bodies on fire. This was way more than a kiss, he poured in it all he had wanted to tell her, all he wished he had told her before.

“I want you,” she whispered, rubbing a hand over his pectoral.

“Not here. I should take ye back to the bed.”

Llinos shook her head and he mentally kicked himself. In his bed were two naked women waiting for him. How could he have been so thoughtless as to even mention the place? She did not need to be reminded of what he had done – or rather, tried to do – last night!

“It’s not — ”

“Please Duncan, I cannot bear to be without you now I know you love me, now you know about the child you gave me. I need you.”

Not waiting for his agreement, she pushed at his chest. A moment later Duncan was lying on his back with his woman astride him like a fierce Amazon warrior. It was more than he could bear. Whatever she wanted, she would get.

With a roar he reared up and rolled her under him. Once she was on the floor, spread over her opened cloak, he gave free rein to his desire – and pounced.