Page 17 of Secret Love (The Single Dad Playbook #2)

CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

HARD TRUTHS

HENLEY

I drive to the gym, thinking about my conversation with the girls last night.

I asked them if they all felt like Gracie and were holding out hope for their mom and me to get back together. Audrey and Cassidy didn't say anything right away, but when Audrey spoke up, she said, “Maybe a little.”

And Cassidy said, “You guys just seem so close still. I guess I’ve thought it could happen.”

I glanced at Audrey and Gracie in the backseat, meeting Audrey's eyes in the rearview mirror, and then at Cassidy next to me, feeling absolutely floored.

“I had no idea the three of you felt this way. I'm sorry, girls. I feel like your mom and I should have made it clearer that we're not getting back together.”

“But why not?” Gracie asked.

“We were better off as friends,” I said. “Your mom doesn't think of me romantically anymore and I don't think of her like that either.”

“Did you never really feel that way?” Cassidy asked.

I paused before I answered because, when I stopped and thought about it, of course I loved Bree. But I couldn't say I ever felt all the things I should have felt for her, and I didn't even fully realize it until we were apart for a while. It was little things like the way she would snark about me working out or about my job or if I wanted to visit my family. The way she wished I could be someone I never was. It was like the moment we got married, she wanted me to be someone different. When we decided to break up, that lifted because there was no pressure for me to be that person anymore and she didn’t feel pressured to approve one way or the other. We could just be friends raising our girls together.

But it was confusing at the time and explaining it to the girls felt impossible.

“I loved your mother, but I don't feel like we're right together. At first, it was hard to understand that. The most important thing was me being with you guys all the time. I didn't want to miss out on anything. I still don't. We’ve got a good thing going, raising you together, and I don't know if Alex is the man she'll be with forever, but I think she's happy with him now. You guys should really give him a chance.”

They were quiet the rest of the ride. I pulled in front of their house and turned to look at them. “Is everybody okay? Do we need to talk about this more?”

“No,” Audrey said.

“I still don't understand why you and Mom aren't together,” Cassidy said. “Did something bad happen?”

“No. Nothing bad happened. We just weren't compatible as a couple and we kept trying to make it work anyway,” I said. “People grow apart. It happens. But your mom is so much happier now, and so am I,” I added.

“That's so sad,” Cassidy said, her eyes filling with tears. “How can you be such good friends and not be a good couple too?”

“I wish I could explain it, but it's something that I don't understand myself. We made each other unhappy when we were together, even though we loved each other. One day hopefully you'll know what I mean when you find someone you're meant to be with…the right person. Hopefully you'll know what’s right for you better than we did.”

When I walk into the gym, the guys can tell right away that something's wrong.

“You haven't been answering our texts. What's going on? You leave us hanging about the kiss. And now you walk in here looking like your dog has died,” Rhodes says.

“I don't have a dog,” I grumble.

“Exactly, so what's up?” he says.

“I’m troubled about a conversation I had with the girls last night. Can't get it off my mind. Tru was at the house yesterday to work with Cassidy. She stayed and had dinner with us. It was such a fun night. Everything seemed to be going great. And then Gracie asks if Bree and I will ever get back together…”

“Shit,” Bowie says.

“Where did that come from?” Weston asks. “I never knew they were thinking that way.”

“Me either, they’ve seemed great with our arrangement. Well-adjusted. At least, I thought they were. I told them clearly that it's not happening. And they don't understand why. It's hard to explain...feelings. I never want to put Bree in a bad light and I don't feel negatively about her. But I don't love her like that and she doesn't love me like that. How do you say that and still let your kids know that you love their mother?”

“Shit, if you're fucked, we're all fucked because I’ve never seen two parents co-parent any better than you guys do,” Rhodes says. “It's going to be hard for me to talk positively about Carrie to Levi, but I'm going to do my best when he's old enough. But we don't get along. He's going to be happy we're not together. I guess that's always the risk with getting along well with your ex—it could give the kids hope.”

“Yeah, I thought the whole ‘we're just friends’ thing would be enough, but I don't think so.”

“Well, maybe Bree will reiterate that with them,” Bowie says. “She's doing good with Alex, right?”

“It seems like it. I think she's into him.” I nod.

“Well, maybe the happier they see her with someone else…and eventually you with someone else,” Bowie grins, “maybe it'll be clear. They'll see that you're different with Tru, for example, than their mom.”

“I think the whole thing is scaring Tru off. And I wouldn't blame her. She's already worried about dating me with Cassidy being her student. And hearing that whole conversation did not help my cause in any way. I’m worried about it too, but I…like her.”

They all pause what they’re doing and look at me in shock before breaking out in grins and whoops.

“Shut up,” I grumble. “I don’t know that I can do much about it. I just want to get to know her, but it’s important that the girls are okay.”

“Fuck,” Penn says. “Why are kids so complicated? Sam said something last night about his parents never getting along…and that he hopes he never has to be in the same house with them ever again. So it's definitely preferable that they want you together than that scenario.”

“Damn straight,” I say. “How's he doing these days?”

“He's doing good. He’s crushing on a girl named Charlotte. It’s pretty fucking cute. I’m trying to convince him to talk to her. He says he gets tongue-tied whenever he tries.”

We all laugh.

“Hey, it’s been a while since we’ve updated this.” Weston pulls The Single Dad Playbook out of his bag and lays it on the counter near the weight machines.

Rhodes picks it up and writes in it before he starts working out. Bowie takes it next. I’m already lifting, so I’ll have to get to it afterward.

When I pick it up after my shower, I write:

It can be so hard to know if you’re getting through to your kids.

They can seem like they’re on the same page, but then the truth comes out later and you realize you hadn’t communicated enough after all.

I don’t know the secret or the answer to this. I’m still trying to figure it out, and it may always be a mystery.

All I know is it’s important to keep trying.

Keep the lines of communication open.

Be a safe place for them to land.

I have to hope that it all ends up working out.

~Henley

I call Bree when I get home and get right to the topic. “Hey. Did you know the girls are holding out hope that we get back together?”

“What?”

I already feel better hearing the shock in her voice. “Yeah, it floored me too.”

“Well, did you set them straight?”

“I tried, but maybe you can solidify the point. Tell them how I drive you nuts or whatever you have to do.”

She laughs, but her voice is sad. “I thought they liked Alex. I’ve tried to ease him into their lives, but maybe he should be more involved.”

“Whatever you think regarding Alex, but I thought you should be aware.”

“Thanks. I’m glad you told me. I’ll talk with them.”

Tru is all business with me that afternoon. I had a feeling that her having time to think about that conversation with the girls last night would not go in my favor. And I’m too uncertain of how to proceed that I don’t push it.