Page 9 of Secret Bratva Baby (Dubrov Bratva #16)

I watch her walk away. Her hips sway, and my eyes trace over her perfect figure. She doesn’t turn back to look at me as she disappears from view.

I can’t be angry that she doesn’t want to talk to me now. The things that I told her are a lot to take in. She needs time to process.

Just like I need time to process the fact that Lily is my daughter. Mine . And I missed the first three years of her life.

A deep ache sits in my chest, a scar that formed over the past hour. Rose had every right to hide her from me.

In fact, she didn’t even need to hide her. I made it impossible for her to tell me, even if she wanted to.

I’m an asshole. Why didn’t I check up on her? Not even once?

I thought I was keeping her safe by staying away—but then how did my rivals find her?

I’ve ruined things so badly. And I don’t know if she is going to be able to forgive me for any of this. Even now, now that she’s back in my life, the only reason is that someone wanted to kidnap her and use her against me. It’s my fault.

I saw the way her eyes glazed over when I told her who I really am.

She’s in shock, trying to process it.

Or she’s terrified of me now and doesn’t know how to handle it.

Either way, I can’t force her to talk to me. I can’t make her accept me for who I am. It has to be her choice. I have to wait.

The sky gets darker as I watch it, looking up at the stars, trying to convince myself I made the right choice four years ago.

But the guilt is too much, and when I do drag myself up to bed, I’m heavy and exhausted.

Lily doesn’t even know I’m her father. Is Rose willing to let me be a father to our daughter, or will she want to get as far away from me as possible?

Falling asleep is borderline impossible.

I’m restless and uncomfortable, and my thoughts are looping. I force myself not to go and check on the girls during the night, to give them their privacy.

Rose has witnessed the people who are after her. I don’t think she’ll try to leave. She knows she's safe with me—even if it’s only because I’m a monster, capable of killing with ease.

***

In the morning, my eyes are dry and burning when I wake up. I might have been lucky enough to get two hours of sleep in total.

I groan as I pull the covers off myself and climb out of bed. My body feels like it belongs to someone else.

Checking my phone, I groan again. My brothers are asking if they can come for lunch or dinner. I can’t face everyone today.

I ignore the message and head downstairs to the kitchen.

Lily and Rose are in there making cereal.

Rose glances at me and gives me a tight, awkward smile.

“We’re almost done,” she mutters, packing away the cereal box and picking Lily up.

“There’s no rush. You can eat in here if you want. You’re not in my way at all.”

“No, it’s ok. We prefer to eat somewhere else….”

She hurries away before I can say anything more.

My heart sinks a bit lower. She’s closing me out.

Maybe I should have my brothers over for dinner tonight. At least she will be forced to sit at a table with me.

No.

No, that’s not fair. Give her space. Don’t push her into any corners; it will only make things worse than they already are.

All day, Rose is very efficient at avoiding me. As soon as I come into a room, she has an excuse to leave it. If I ask her a question, she has a one-word answer. She’s not being rude, but her guard is up.

By five in the afternoon, I’m so tired all I want to do is crawl back into bed.

One of my security guys comes to me to let me know my brothers have arrived.

“What?” I stammer, confused.

“Your brothers are here, sir.”

“But—" I narrow my eyes. I ignored them, and they showed up anyway. Sighing loudly, I tell the guy to let them in. I haven’t arranged anything for dinner. I wonder if the chef can whip something up for all of us.

Yilian walks in first, grinning. “You know ignoring us doesn’t work, right?” he chuckles, wrapping his arm around my shoulder.

Ark follows behind him. Thank goodness, he’s carrying a few pizza boxes. “I come bearing gifts,” he says proudly.

“Pepperoni and avo? The one with the mushrooms and chili sauce?”

“Of course. I also got a plain one because I wasn’t sure what the girl likes.”

“Rose,” I say.

“Yeah, her,” Ark nods, walking past me towards the dining room.

But Lily comes running across his path, practically making him trip over her as she squeals and giggles in delight.

“Who is this?” Ark says tightly, staring down at the tiny person glaring back up at him with her hands on her hips.

“It’s Lily.” She stomps her foot.

“Okay,” Ark says, still confused. “Does a Lily eat pizza?” he asks, scrunching his nose at her.

“Yes,” she nods vigorously.

Ark glances over his shoulder to look at me and a very confused Yilian.

“Did you know about this tiny human being here?” he asks Yil.

“No.”

They both look at me as Rose walks into the room.

“Oh,” she stammers.

“Rose, these are two of my brothers. Arkady and Yilian.”

“Hello.” She smiles tensely. They greet her, and for a moment, we all stand there saying nothing.

Lily is the one who breaks the ice by shouting, “Pizza!”

“Pizza!” Ark shouts back, throwing me another frown before he walks into the dining room.

“I’ll get plates,” Rose says, darting out of there, eager for an excuse to get away.

In the dining room, my brothers are watching Lily as she stands on a chair, scouting over each open pizza box, trying to decide which one she wants. Ark has his hand on her back to steady her. They look like they’re making a very intense decision.

Yilian whispers, “Did you know she had a child?”

I sigh; there’s no point in messing around with this whole situation. I may as well get straight to the point.

“She’s my daughter,” I say, causing them both to snap their heads towards me and glare at me with wide-eyed disbelief.

“No way,” Arkady says, laughing.

“Did you know?” Yilian hisses.

“No. Not until last night.”

“You have a freaking kid?” Arkady is finding this very amusing for some reason.

Rose walks in carrying plates.

Everyone looks at her at the same time, and Lily shouts, “That one,” pointing to the pizza with chili on it.

I walk around to where she and Ark and standing. “That one is spicy in your mouth.”

“That one,” she insists.

“I think you should taste a tiny bit before you choose it.”

Rose hasn’t said anything. She sits watching this all unfold, her eyes brushing over each of my brothers.

I break off a tiny piece of pizza, tasting it first to gauge the spice level before handing a small piece to Lily.

She shoves it into her mouth and chews, nodding—her face scrunches up. She’s still chewing, but her cheeks are growing red.

“It’s too hot, you can spit it out and drink some of your milk,” I say, holding my hand out with a tissue for her to spit the pizza into.

She shakes her head, and Rose laughs.

I look at Rose.

“She won’t back down. She’s like her father in that sense. Stubborn and strong-willed.”

“Yeah, Dad, leave her to eat her spicy pizza in peace,” Arkady laughs, waving me away.

“So, do you want a piece of that one, or a piece of the cheesy one over there?” Ark says, trying to redirect Lily.

Lily shakes her head. “That one.” She points to the chili one.

“Just cut her a very tiny piece, at least she’ll think she had some. Then put another slice of the other one on her plate,” Rose says, standing up.

“I’ve got it. I’ll cut it for her,” Ark says, pulling the pizza box closer.

I sit down next to Rose. Even though she’s been avoiding me, I want to spend some time near her. I wish she would give me a chance to speak to her again.

She giggles as Ark pulls Lily onto his lap and dabs her watery eyes with the corner of a napkin. “She really is as stubborn as her father,” he laughs. “She’s taken another bite of it without even hesitating.”

Yilian laughs too, watching them.

After a moment, he turns to Rose.

“So, my brother had a daughter all this time, and you didn’t tell him.” His voice is touched with accusation, and my stomach knots.

“Yilian, that’s not exactly fair—"

“It’s okay. I can answer for myself,” Rose says, interrupting me. She turns to Yilian. “If I had a way to contact Luka after I found out I was pregnant, then I might have done so. At least it would have been an option.”

“Oh,” Yilian says, looking down at his plate. “And now, you’ve been with him for a few days, and you only told him last night?”

She smiles, tight, not reaching her eyes.

“He kidnapped Lily and me. It hardly seemed like the right time to be sharing things as intimate as that.”

Ark chuckles, then realizes is not exactly a laughing matter and pretends he’s interacting with Lily and not listening to our conversation.

Yilian picks up a plate and tilts his chin towards Rose. “Which can I dish up for you?”

“The mushroom one, please,” she smiles.

He hands her two slices and then sorts himself out. I select the chili, musing over how my daughter refused to back down from it. She’s strong. And determined. It makes me proud.

Lily and Ark are busy having a messy and difficult-to-follow conversation about bananas, castles, and, of course, dragons.

“She’s obsessed with dragons,” Rose laughs, smiling at Ark. Her entire face lights up as she watches them.

It seems that the quickest way to her heart is through her daughter. But that’s only possible if she ever lets me near Lily again.

“What kind of dragons do you like?” Ark asks Lily.

“Pink ones,” she says seriously. “With sparkles.”

“Of course, we have to have the sparkles,” Ark agrees, just as serious. “You know, Niko got his kid a pretty cool dragon the other day. I must ask him where he found it. Maybe they make them in pink, too.”

Rose is still smiling at my brother.

Yilian waves his hand around, trying to remember something. “It was that place off West Street. I was with him when he got it. There’s a toy shop there.”

“Let’s stop there tomorrow,” Ark says.

“Can do,” Yilian nods.

“You guys don’t have to do that for her,” Rose says sweetly.

“No, it would be our pleasure,” Yilian replies.

They carry on chatting about Lily, and eventually the conversation flows to other things. My brothers are laughing with Rose, getting her beautiful side. The side I used to know. And seeing her relaxed and enjoying herself now—it makes me ache for her to share that side of herself with me, as well.

I miss her so much.

I miss having her in my life, in my arms, at my side.

I should never have given her up.

I sit quietly, watching them, enjoying the banter and struggling with my own thoughts.

After two hours, Yilian stands and stretches. “We should go. I think this little princess needs to get to sleep.” He brushes his hand over Lily’s cheek, and she pretends that she is trying to bite him, then giggles loudly.

“It is her bedtime,” Rose smiles, standing up too.

Ark turns to Lily. “Ok, kid. Do you remember my name?” he asks. “When someone asks you who your favorite uncle is, what are you going to say?”

Lily scrunches her nose.

“Art.”

“Close enough,” Ark says triumphantly.

He scoops Lily into his arms and spins her.

“Come on, Ark, don’t work her up, she’s got to go to bed now,” Yilian complains.

“Fine, fine. I’m just saying goodbye.”

Rose and Lily walk with me to the door to say goodbye to my brothers.

“They were really sweet to her,” Rose says as I close the front door.

“Do you want some tea? I was going to make coffee now.”

She’s tense again, back to her guarded stance now that my brothers are gone and she’s alone with me.

“Um. No, thank you. It’s better if I get her to bed now. She’s so out of routine, I don’t want to make things more complicated…” her voice trails off.

“I can bring the tea to you,” I say, just wanting a few more minutes with Rose. I’m still hoping she will talk to me, that she will forgive me.

“Good night, Luka,” she says softly, then turns away and walks towards the stairs with Lily in her arms.

Over her shoulder, Lily waves at me, and I wave back until they’re out of sight.

Dammit.

How can I fix this?

The Rose sitting at the table with my brothers this evening—that’s the Rose I’ve been longing for. Her radiant smile and cheeky jokes. Her beautiful, sweet nature and the way her eyes light up when she’s interested in what you’re talking about.

She’s gorgeous. Inside and out.

And losing her was the stupidest thing I ever managed to do in my life.

In the dining room, I fold up the empty pizza boxes, putting the leftovers into one box. I clear away the plates, working slowly to clear my mind with this simple task.

Then I head up to bed, drained again, wondering if I’ll be able to sleep tonight.