Page 194 of Second Sets Omnibus

“Not with him!” I grunt, cupping the side of her face. Searching her eyes, I swallow hard. “I’m sorry, River Blue. I’m so fucking sorry I didn’t try hard enough to get to you. I’m so sorry I didn’t talk to you. I’m so fucking sorry I walked away. Again. That’s on me. Every fucking mistake I made that led here is my fault. But I promise that every day from here on out, I’ll be here. For you. And for her. I want to get the chance to be a real dad and someone worthy of you,” I whisper through the burning lump in my throat. Leaning forward, I press my lips to her cheek, savoring the feel of her skin beneath mine. She’s still as soft and beautiful as I remember. “I’ll work my ass off to prove to you that I’m your Knight again.”

With those parting words, I let Rad drag me out of the house. Leaving River with my stupid, broken ex-brother. My heart aches from his confession. Rage. Fucking betrayal. Every emotion rushes through me. How fucking could he? He took our blind trust in him and used it against us.

As I lie in bed that night, sleeplessly staring at the ceiling, I make a vow. A vow to be the man I promised River I would be years ago—her worthy Knight.

Pressingmy fist to my lips, I cover up the pain-filled whimpers trying to escape. Leaning my head back against the wall I’m slumped against, I squeeze my eyes shut. The truth finally set me fucking free from the lies I cultivated so damn easily. The guilt that gnawed at me for the past five years ebbs away—no longer sitting heavy on my chest, aching to spill the beans. The burn still sears through me, but it’s muted slightly, overturned by the new demand to make the situation right. Driving me to jump head-first into the churning ocean of my betrayal and mend what the fuck I broke. For the first time in years, I can breathe fresh oxygen. Metaphorically, of course.

Pain ricochets through my whole damn body, bouncing around every place; Callum and Kieran’s fists pounded into me. Rightfully so. Every punch they rained down on me was penance for my unforgivable sin—my betrayal of the only family I could ever count on.

I’m such a worthless asshole, undeserving of so many things.

I groan, sitting perfectly still inside River’s house. At any moment, I know she will kick me to the damn curb. As I deserve, I know that. Who would have sympathy for the likes of me? A traitorous dickbag who couldn’t handle a woman coming between his other band members. Definitely not her. Not that I blame her one bit.

But where the hell do I go? I could go back to my townhouse on the other side of the city and sit in my damn misery by my lonesome, letting it swallow me whole. If it comes down to it, that’s my only option. Kieran, Callum, and Rad would obliterate me before they let me back in that house. Fuck.

“Here.” Peeking an eye open, I stare at the blurry slender hand in front of my face, blinking until it’s entirely in focus. “Let’s get you on the couch,” she says softly, wiggling her fingers. Pain still fills her eyes from my confession, but she’s extending a small olive branch despite it all.

“Why?” I grunt, shifting on the floor. “I can leave.”

“You could. Or you could take my hand,” River snarks, wiggling her fingers again. “It’s not that hard, Evil Ash,” she murmurs my old nickname with a pained expression.

“Thank you,” I mutter, reluctantly grasping her hand and letting her pull me to my aching feet. Violent pain shudders through my body when I stumble up, gasping for air. “Shit,” I wheeze again, clutching my ribs with urgency. With every move I make, my ribs splinter like they’re about to break and spear me in the lungs. River has the patience of a saint as she slowly leads me to the couch and helps me sit on the edge.

“Let me get you some ice,” she says through a heavy sigh, retreating quickly into the kitchen. Coming back, she gently lays a soft ice pack on my swelling eye and hands me two pain pills with a bottle of water.

“Thanks,” I rasp. “But I don’t understand why you’re taking care of me. I expected—” Rage. Hate. Heated words. Anythingbut the pity in her eyes. Fuck. I want her anger or fists or anything but her kindness because I don’t deserve an ounce of understanding.

“For me to kick you out in this state? You look like shit.” She raises a brow, settling on an ottoman across from me, leaning her elbows on her knees. Her eyes track my movements as I settle on the couch, trying to get comfortable and not hurt my ribs more.

“After what I did—” I trail off, averting my eyes to my lap in shame. “Why’re you helping me now? I screwed you over so fucking royally.” Deep remorse once again turns my stomach into knots.

“Yeah, you did,” she agrees, running a hand down her face. “You really went behind my back and used my obsessive ex against me. He forced himself on me, Asher. Van marched into my kitchen and took what he wanted.”

“Fuck,” I heave, squeezing my eyes shut. My stomach rolls at the idea of him waltzing into her house and doing that. She didn’t deserve that shit. Not again. “I’m so fucking sorry he did that. I’m sorry I went to him and trusted him to help me.” If I could build a time machine, I’d go back in time and kick myself in the balls.

River gives me a blank look, blinking several times. “You forced them to walk away from me.” Pain laces every inch of her words like that was the worse offense. Dropping her head back, she stares at the ceiling and releases a breath. “But I can’t believe I’m fucking saying this—I get it. I don’t know what the hell your home life was like?—”

“You see this right here?” I ask, cutting her sentence off and pulling up my pant leg. Drawing her eyes to the thin surgery scar on my ankle, she nods, inspecting it as my finger rubs up and down the raised skin. I take a deep breath, losing myself in the awful memory of my father’s rage.

“Stay down there until you learn your lesson!” Tears prickle at my eyes, staring up the long, dark staircase at my father’s massive figure. Agony spears through my twisted ankle, instantly ballooning out. “Worthless,” he snarls, shutting the basement door behind him, leaving me with only my pain, tormented thoughts, and pure darkness.

Goosebumps prickle at my skin. My heart rate accelerates and sweat glistens on my skin from the vivid video-like memory roaring through my mind. Swallowing hard, I shove it all down, trying to forget. What my father put me through was nothing a child should have endured. Yet, I did—we did. Kieran and I have been on the battlefield together, forging our bond through our hellacious trauma. It’s why we worked so damn hard to keep him away from Cami. Even if it meant more punches and punishment, she was safe.

“My father had this insane rule of being seen—not heard. I was seven and dropped a glass while trying to get some milk—” My breath shudders, jumping back in time to when I was a scared seven-year-old kid with wide eyes, looking down at the remnants of my glass shattered on the ground. “All I wanted was a little drink before I went to bed, but he heard. Stormed out of his office with this rage-filled face. He scooped me up, yelling profanities in my face, and then—” I swallow hard, squeezing my eyes shut. A slight tremble takes over my fingers, still mindlessly tracing over my scar. “He opened the basement door and threw me down the stairs. I hit every fucking step on the way down and finally landed at the bottom with a twisted foot. The agony was so fucking real. My foot was on fire, and then…he just shut the door and told me I could come out when I learned how to be quiet.”

“Jesus fucking Christ,” River mumbles, turning a sickly green. My stomach bottoms out when sorrow shines in her wide eyes.

“Yeah,” I say, clearing my throat. “I’m not telling you that for any sort of pity. I just want to help you understand why I was so fucking desperate to leave Central City.” I lick my lips, taking a big breath. “I passed out on the ground, only waking when he forced me to my damn good foot. He yanked me up the stairs and told my nanny to take me to the hospital. He couldn’t be bothered to care for me. After explaining that I had accidentally fallen down the stairs, I had to go to surgery. That hospital was my only reprieve from him. My father was a sick son of a bitch. He took his anger out on Kieran and me for years. He was going to make us follow in his footsteps.” I shake my head again, groaning at the pain. “So, he gave our band a year to make it…and I was so fucking determined to get away. I wasn’t going to let anything get in my damn way… Not even you,” I whisper the last part, firmly shutting my eyes as the tears burn.

”So, that’s why you hated me so much,” she murmurs, breaking me out of my self-deprecating fog. “I was in your way of getting out of there.”

I bark out a humorless laugh, shaking my aching head. “Quite the opposite, Little Brat,” I rumble through the pain, cringing when my laugh sends pain through my ribs.

“So you didn’t hate me?” she asks, raising a skeptical brow.

“It took me way too long to realize how I felt about you.” Biting into my bottom lip, my body sags with the realization I’ve kept under wraps for so long. “I craved you just as much as the other three. But I fucking fought it. I fought everything about you because you scared me. No one in the history of the damn world, except my mom, had ever made me feel the way you did. So, I did what any asshole would do. I tucked my tail and ran the fuck away.”

“But you still…” she trails off, shaking her head.