Page 10 of Second Chance Fate (Hope Falls: Brewed Awakenings #5)

As everyone bowed their head to pray, Taylor quietly slid out of the back pew and walked out the sanctuary doors into the lobby. She walked as fast as her feet could carry her, stopping just short of running. She needed to get off the premises before there was any chance of running into Caleb.

Did he recognize her? Did he know who she was? Had he figured it out?

So many questions were running through her mind.

The walls felt like they were closing in on her as she headed down the hall to the children’s church where Owen was.

A panic volcano had erupted in her chest, and anxiety lava was flooding through her.

Her neck was hot and itching, which meant she was getting hives, one of the fun side effects she had whenever she experienced a panic attack.

She’d gotten them since she was in third grade.

She took a deep breath, trying to calm herself down before they spread up her neck, then face, and down her arms and hands.

In through the nose, out through the mouth , she told herself over and over. She was trying to stay calm, to be rational. One way to achieve that was to counter her hysteria with logic.

Caleb, or “Hot Pastor,” as she’d heard him referred to a dozen times since stepping into the church an hour before, was a very gifted, charismatic speaker.

She was sure that part of his appeal and charm was making everyone feel like he was speaking directly to them, when in reality he was speaking to the congregation at large.

He hadn’t singled her out. Had he? Had he figured out why she was in Hope Falls? Was her identity no longer a secret?

She’d done her best to stay under his—and everyone else’s—radar.

She’d seen him a handful of times around town but never spoken to him.

She’d kept her distance. She’d needed that time to do reconnaissance work before allowing him access to her and Owen’s life.

She had to know she wasn’t inviting another monster into their midst, even if he was Owen’s biological dad.

She had to make sure that he was a good and decent person.

Also, she needed time to heal and decompress after being in a very toxic, unhealthy relationship for over ten years.

Today had been the next and final step before she made her approach.

Going to church. She wanted to study him in his natural environment.

She thought she’d be able to sneak in and out undetected.

But from the moment she walked into the sanctuary and slipped into the back pew, she felt his eyes on her.

In fact, when she first sat down, it looked like he was staring directly at her.

It had to be in her imagination. She must be paranoid, right? But it really seemed like he was looking directly at her and no one else.

And there was the movie. Good Will Hunting . They’d gone to see it in Daytona Beach at a dollar movie theater. She still watched it as her comfort movie because it represented the last, and maybe only, time in her life she felt safe.

Why would he talk about that movie if he didn’t recognize her? That wasn’t exactly a movie that someone would talk about in church, was it?

This entire situation felt very out of control. Control was something she wanted, something she needed. The reason she was in Hope Falls was for Owen to know his dad, if his dad was a good man, but she had to do it on her terms. If Caleb remembered her, that could jeopardize everything.

When she got to the room the children’s church was in, she stood in the doorway and caught Owen’s attention.

He was seated next to a boy who looked his age with brown hair and freckles.

When she motioned to him that it was time to leave, he sprinted across the room.

“Mom, can we stay? Miss Perkins was here earlier, and she said there’s going to be a potluck and she’s bringing roast beef. ”

Sue Ann Perkins owned the café in downtown Hope Falls.

She was one of the only people, other than the folks at Golden Years, who Taylor had interacted with.

Sue Ann cornered her in the pharmacy once.

She gave her a coupon for free chili and half off a banana cream pie.

She never went to use it, though, but she remembered speaking to her.

“No, sorry. Your prescriptions are ready; we need to go pick them up.”

Taylor watched as her son’s shoulders dropped and his expression deflated. She hated always being the person who spoiled his fun. Technically, they could pick up the prescriptions in a couple of hours, but she needed an excuse to get out of there.

On the way out she smiled and waved at Noah, who introduced himself when they arrived. He was one of the younger teens who was working in the children’s church. Instead of going to the lobby, Taylor went out the side door, hoping to avoid the crowd.

As they stepped out of the church and into the crisp spring air, she took a deep breath and hoped she hadn’t just completely ruined everything.

She and Owen had walked to church, so they made their way down to the riverside, leaves crunching beneath their feet.

He was quiet, and she could tell that he was upset they hadn’t stayed, but he was starting school tomorrow, and after pretty much just being on bed rest for the past eight months, even if she hadn’t wanted to leave, it still would have been a lot.

“So did you have fun? Did you make any friends?”

Taylor felt bad for her son. The only friends he’d made in town were over eighty and lived at Golden Year Retirement Home, or they were his nurses at the hospital.

She knew he missed hanging out with kids his own age, which was why it was good he’d be going back to public school starting tomorrow… even if it did freak her out.

Owen shrugged. “Are you going to have more kids?”

The question caught her off guard, and she wasn’t quite sure how to respond. She felt a tug at her heart. It wasn’t ever something they’d discussed before.

“Uh, I don’t know…” her voice trailed off. “I haven’t really thought about it.”

“But what if you get married?” Owen pressed. “Then do you think you would?”

Since he wasn’t dropping it, she figured she owed him an honest answer. “I don’t know if I’m ever going to get married.”

“Is it because when you were with Martin and he was…” Her son didn’t finish his sentence. He bent over, picked up a rock, and skipped it across the surface of the river.

Owen didn’t like to talk about Martin. She’d tried to talk to him when they left, and she’d even taken him to see a therapist in another town, but he didn’t really open up about his feelings towards her ex.

“Yes,” she replied honestly.

Owen picked up another rock and threw that one. It skipped six times across the surface of the water. “But if you were with someone nice, do you think you would?”

“I don’t know.” She glanced down at him. “Why? Do you want a brother or sister?”

Owen lifted his left shoulder in a shrug. “I don’t care about me… I just don’t want you to be alone.” He looked up at her, and she could see concern brimming in his big brown eyes. “I’m getting older, and, you know, I’m sick a lot, and what happens if?—”

“Stop. Don’t.” She hated it when he talked like that. No kid should have to think about his own mortality like that. She shook her head. “ You do not get to worry about me . That’s the rule. I’m the adult. It’s my job to worry about you , not the other way around.”

Owen’s nostrils flared, which was a tic he had whenever he was stressed. He hopped up on a fallen tree branch and walked across it with his arms out to his sides for balance.

Stress was extremely detrimental to Owen.

It was bad for his health in general, but specifically for his heart condition and epilepsy.

When Taylor was speaking to his team of specialists about his reintegration back into public school, one of the things they stressed, no pun intended, was the importance of making sure to try and keep his triggers of anxiety to a minimum.

She hadn’t thought going to children’s church would be one.

Unlike her, he thrived in social situations. He was a social butterfly.

Trying to lighten the mood, she referenced a running joke they had about a book called Love You Forever read in the hospital during one of his long stays in the ICU. “And plus, it doesn’t matter how old you get, remember I love you forever; I like you for always.”

A smile spread on Owen’s face as he rolled his eyes, and his lips twitched before his head fell back and he laughed.

In the book, the mom sneaks into the son’s room and rocks him when he is an adult man.

Although Taylor understood that a lot of people loved the book and found it very endearing, the illustration looked funny to them at a time when they desperately needed comedy.

His laughter echoed in Taylor’s ears, soothing her frazzled nerves like a balm.

When he got to the end of the branch, he climbed up on a low stone wall, his arms still stretched out to maintain his balance.

The rest of the walk down by the riverside was spent with him jumping on anything he could use as a balance beam to walk on.

She kept a watchful eye on his coloring to make sure he wasn’t getting pale or flushed and that the outline of his lips wasn’t turning blue. She listened closely as he inhaled and exhaled for changes in patterns, shallow breaths, or wheezing.

As much as she loved seeing Owen feeling good enough to be active, it was a double-edged sword. If he overdid it, the complications could be catastrophic. His health was like a house of cards or dominoes. One wrong move and the entire thing would collapse.

Something as simple as pushing himself just a little too hard could snowball rapidly. It could go from needing his fast-acting inhaler to a nebulizer treatment to a trip to the emergency room within minutes.