Page 21

QUINN

P atience hadn’t been afraid of him. Quinn’s brain played it on repeat, while his body worked to dispel the rage he’d felt when that fucktard had touched his woman, not his woman, just a woman. No one got away with that on his watch. Ever.

Still, she should have been terrified. He could just imagine how he’d looked when he dragged the guy away from her and shoved him against the wall. Instead, she’d put her hand on him and thanked him.

Searching for something to say that didn’t make him sound like more of an ass, he blurted, “Little doc is bloodthirsty. I sure didn’t expect that.” His smirk should have softened his words, but her wide-eyed expression said it hadn’t. But then she laughed.

“It sure seems like it. At least for jerks. Normally, I’m all about no blood. I guess we discovered my weak spot.”

Quinn tried to wrap his brain around what he knew of Patience and what he’d thought he’d known.

He’d expected her to be immature. Sure, she was a med student and almost a resident, but whenever he’d seen her with her friend, they’d been so giggly.

It screamed immaturity. But seeing how she’d handled herself with Felicity, and delivering the baby, then and now, it was eye-opening.

Doc returned with a smug look on his face.

“Did Pam ban them for life?” Quinn asked. He watched as Doc noticed Patience touching him and he quirked his eyebrow.

“Yes, Robbie, at least. The others are on ‘probation’. They do anything else while they’re here and they’re all out for life.”

“Good.” Quinn nodded and stepped toward the pool table. He needed some space between them before he did something stupid.

Doc smirked like he could read his mind. Quinn would make sure he wasn’t smirking at PT.

“That’s why I love working here. Pam and Tony take care of all of us. It’s more like a family than a business.”

Doc nodded. “Yes, it is. It’s always been this way. Although it’s a lot less of a seedy bar atmosphere after they rebuilt a few years ago.”

“I remember hearing about that. Anyway, I need to get back to work. Can I get you anything?”

Doc glanced at him. They’d been talking and not drinking yet.

“I’ll take a Smartmouth Seven Cities Lager if Pam still has some. If she’s out of that, give me whatever she’s got in craft beer.”

“That sounds good. I’ll have one too,” Doc said. “How about a platter of nachos, too?”

“You got it. I’ll be back in a few. And thank you again. I really appreciate you having my back.”

“Always, little doc,” Quinn said before he realized he’d used the endearment. Fuck. Doc wouldn’t let that go.

Grateful that Doc waited until Patience left, he braced himself for the inevitable. Stalking over to the pool table, he racked the balls and set the cue ball. As he waited for Doc to give him shit, he chalked his stick.

“Want to break?” Quinn asked. He turned to find his teammate standing next to him. His head quirked to the side, like he was trying to figure him out. “What?”

“Nothing. You’re different, and before you go off on me, I don’t mean because of what happened overseas. I mean, since yesterday. You going to spill it, or do I have to pry it out of you? My crowbar’s in the truck, but I’ll be happy to go get it.”

“Har har, Jackass.”

“C’mon, bossman. It won’t kill you to let go of all the pent up shit you carry around. We’re all alone, and we’ll hear Patience coming before she can overhear anything. I hope by now you know I’d won’t share a word you tell me in confidence.”

Quinn sighed. He trusted Doc. He wasn’t the problem. It was him. He was the problem. Quinn had killed his father. Most people couldn’t handle it. It didn’t even matter why he’d done it, just that he had.

Patricide.

He remembered hearing the word in his ancient history class. Who knew a year later he’d be the one committing it?

Quinn looked up from where he’d been studying the pool stick like it was the most important thing ever and met Doc’s gaze. “Fine. I’ll hold you to that promise because you don’t have a clue how bad this is.”

“Quinn, you’re my friend. I respect you. Hell. I love you like a brother. There’s nothing you can say that will ever change how I feel about you.”

He grunted.

“Does this have something to do with your reaction in Marikistan?”

“It does.”

Before he could continue, Patience came in with their drinks. “Okay, here are your beers. I’ll be back shortly with the nachos. Let me know if you need anything else.”

“Thanks, little doc,” Doc said with a wink.

Patience rolled her eyes and smirked, then headed back out.

Quinn grabbed the beer and took a long drink. Then, with a sigh, he leveled his gaze at Doc and shared his history. “When I was seventeen, I killed my father.”

As he blurted out his devastating secret. He focused on Doc’s face, waiting to see disgust or horror. Except, neither of those things happened. Instead, he just put down his beer and gave Quinn his full attention.

“I’m sure there’s more to that story…”

“Yeah, he was an abusive motherfucker. A drunk, too. He beat my mom. Not just occasionally. No. All. The. Time. I’d come home from school and find her with black eyes, bruises on her arms, legs, and that’s just what I could see. When I got older and tried to stop him, he started on me, too.”

“Fuck, Quinn. Didn’t anyone hear what was going on? Call the police?”

Quinn closed his eyes. All the memories he’d suppressed for years came tumbling back. How he’d prayed for someone to save them, but it never happened. “No one helped. My father was a big guy, like me, and everyone was afraid of his temper. No one would dare cross him.”

His throat was dry and scratchy. Just reliving that time, the anger, the horror, and the devastation at his mother’s tears and not being able to do anything to help.

Reaching for his beer, he took another swig, his gaze turning to the doorway.

When he saw Patience standing there with their nachos, it was like a knife to his heart.

Had she heard his story? Did she know everything?

Or just some of it. If he was lucky, she didn’t hear a thing, but that wasn’t how his life usually went.

Still, it’s not like he was yelling, it was hard enough just speaking the words.

Try as he might, he couldn’t get a read on her expression.

“Okay. Hot out of the broiler. Let me know if you need anything else. I’ll be by to check on you soon. It’s picking up in there,” she said, using her shoulder to imply the main room. “And we’re short staffed, but I won’t forget you.” She was out the door before either of them answered.

“For what it’s worth, I doubt she heard anything you said, but I understand why you’re worried. You were talking low enough that I barely heard you. No way would she have heard anything from the doorway.”

Quinn tipped his chin. He hoped Doc was right.

But maybe it would be better if she had.

She’d finally realize he wasn’t what she needed in her life and stay far away from him.

He was a fucking murderer, dangerous, unpredictable.

All the things the shrinks said when he was in high school.

If it hadn’t been for Theo’s parents taking him in, he’d have ended up in juvie, and God only knew how his life would have turned out.

“I can’t imagine having to grow up like that. Seeing your mother basically tortured. No wonder you lost it in Marikistan. It had to hit all your triggers.”

Nodding, Quinn took another swig of his beer. “I’ve prided myself on keeping my emotions in check, buried. Always careful. Plus, I do my best not to put myself in situations that could be a trigger. The last thing I want to do is hurt anyone.”

Doc squinted at him. “Really? Have you looked at your career choice? You’re constantly in situations like that.”

“True, but I’ve trained long and hard to make sure I stay in control.

But seeing that fucking dickwad beat on her, everything came flooding back.

It was my father beating on my mother all over again.

I was seventeen, walking in the house after class and seeing her bloody on the floor, barely breathing.

I couldn’t stop myself. Just like I couldn’t back then. ”

Doc nodded. “I get it. Now you’re channeling all that anger into saving the world, since you couldn’t save your mom. Right?”

Quinn shouldn’t have expected Doc would figure it out without him saying it.

“No, I couldn’t. By the time the paramedics got there, she was gone.

He was dead, too. It looked like a blood bath even before I beat the shit out of my sperm donor.

I expected to spend the rest of my life in jail, but Theo’s parents vouched for me, took me in.

Basically, they saved me from myself. If not for them, who knows where I’d be now. ”

Quinn felt as if someone had ripped out his insides and put them on display. Empty. Exhausted. Maybe he just needed sleep. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d slept for more than a couple of hours. Hopefully, he’d be able to remedy that later.

Doc reached over and squeezed Quinn’s shoulder. That support loosened some of the tightness in his chest. Maybe sharing his story wasn’t a disaster after all.

Quinn leaned back in the chair. When had he sat down? Running his hand over his face, he sighed.

“It’ll be okay. But I think you need to tell the team. They’re all worried about you after Marikistan. They’ll have your back no matter what, but it would help for them to know,” Doc said.

“I know. I’ve been trying to work myself up to it. Now that I’ve told you, it’ll probably be easier. Still, I worry they won’t respect me or my leadership after they know.”

“Bullshit. You’ve proven yourself too many times over the years for any of us to see you any other way. Besides, you could have just torn that asshole Robbie apart. You didn’t. You reacted just like any of us would have. Stop beating yourself up.”

Quinn thought about what Doc was saying.

It was true. He could have easily taken the fucker out and he hadn’t even punched him.

Progress, but not cured. His inner monster was quiet, but not tamed.

Not enough for a relationship. He couldn’t take the chance he’d turn out like his piece of shit father.