Page 5 of Scream (Duchess & Devils #1)

Sabrina.

Monroe Mansion

One Month Ago

I sneak away to the third floor while listening to Raven and Axel play in front of the large crowd full of Syndicate members since my soon-to-be fiancé, Maksim Giordano, head of both the mafia and bratva, owner of the popular Eden casino in New York, was too busy with a phone call to notice me slip away.

I have a feeling it won’t be the only time he’s too busy with work to notice me and I’m okay with that.

I’m more than okay with that.

Opening the door to Raven’s bedroom brings a sense of nostalgia I haven’t felt in a very long time.

I stand at the window, looking down at the cars on the street as the haunting holiday carol floats to me.

I watch, as my cousin Simon and his wife Clarissa fly out of the driveway and the music stops.

It has been ages since I’ve been in this room and yet, it feels as though I’ve never left.

Like Raven was never assaulted and I was still that stupid girl thinking the Syndicate was just a rumor.

A boogeyman.

I sigh, sitting on her crumpled purple comforter, forever my messy friend.

Truly, I'm amazed there aren’t any pizza boxes on her desk, lord knows how much she absolutely despised the little finger food served at parties our entire time at university.

Then again, she hated her entire stay at university, and I suppose that’s how we got along so well.

I had worked hard - so hard to get into Yale and Oxford only for Daddy to tell me I was to go to Rayne-Moore.

Now I know why .

God, we used to laugh so much at all those Syndicate rumors, daring each other to traipse through the woods behind the campus at night without a flashlight.

I smile at the memory of how lively we both were.

Two naive and silly girls, enjoying the better things in life, vacationing together, staying at hostels during summer holiday like a couple of “regular people.”

Being her friend was… I’ll admit it, being her friend was exhilarating .

That’s why her being back is such a surprise, but she seems to be doing so much better, especially with Jonas at her side.

She looks so happy even if downstairs she looked so…

frustrated. Overwhelmed. Then again, being around all the people you despise is exhausting.

I know it because I feel it. Day in and day out - daubing an outrageous smile on my face all goddamn day until my cheeks feel like they’re bleeding internally.

But it’s what they want, isn’t it? The people ask, ‘ how are you?’ and you say ‘fine ,’ because if you truly said, “Well, I wish I woke up for the last time yesterday,” that would make them uncomfortable, wouldn’t it?

So here I am, alive and simply doing what I can, keeping busy so I don’t let my mind remember those blurry moments of my life before I became…

this . Back when my smiles were real and when I laughed, I felt it.

Back when ‘ lethargy’ and ‘ depression’ were nothing but side effects of pure boredom - back when anxiety and I were nothing but strangers passing each other on a lonely street.

The door to her room flies open and Raven, gorgeous and different now, although still beautiful, comes in with her boyfriend Jonas, right behind her.

He sets the cello case down carefully just as Raven spots me…

and I do my best to smile, I really do, but when her face contorts in concern, I reach my hands out to her and the tears flood my face, unable to keep them down any longer, she runs.

To. Me . I try to catch my breath but the tighter she holds me, the more I can’t breathe.

She doesn’t say anything – can’t say anything – just remains by my side and clutches me.

I beg for a moment of her time, a morsel of my best friend’s time… and she gives it when she has no reason to. She gives it, even when I gave up on her.

Jonas goes to the walk-in, only leaving the door slightly ajar, I’m sure in case Raven needs him, and I decide it’s time.

It's time I tell someone why I’ve gained fifty pounds, why I’m wearing mulberry instead of my usual baby pink, why anyone’s touch, even hers, sends me into an itching frenzy that causes hives that stretch across my skin.

And who better to tell than the woman who went through a tragic ordeal, has the scars to prove it, and fights her demons with a smile on her face?

Although my scars are internal, I make sure they never show.

Happy, happy Sabrina, so pretty in pink .

Doing my best to compose myself, I inhale deeply and let it out slowly.

But first, “I need to apologize to you, Raven. You were my first real friend for two years and when you needed me, I tried to be there… at first. I did. But then life kept happening. It’s not an excuse.

But there was only so much I could do while you were trapped in the ICU.

I kept rooting for you. Kept hoping you’d reach out and when you didn’t…

I was devastated. And then Axel told me you weren’t coming back.

That you were at Lorne Wood… and you were no longer the same.

I tried to visit a few times, but I wasn’t allowed because I wasn’t immediate family and so I…

mourned you instead of trying harder.” I admit, guilt weighing on me.

God, I don’t deserve this moment with her.

“You deserved a better friend than I was, and I hope you can forgive me.”

She shakes her head as if I’m being ridiculous and tries to remove her hands from mine, but I grip them tighter. I’ll deal with my hives later.

“Two years ago, after graduation, I went to… I went home to visit the great Matilda Barclay. And there was this concert, that band you love that sings that song…” I hum it for her, and she smiles, nodding along.

“And I thought, ‘What would Raven do?’” I laugh but it’s forced, and she knows it, wincing at the noise.

“So, I went with a few friends. Or it was supposed to be a few friends.

It turned out to be just one, and said the others had skipped out.

It was going to be a fun night out of the house before I came back to the States and had to show up and be a big girl with my big girl job.

“So, we enter this venue, and we meet the band and then go out to enjoy this concert… I had three drinks… and then I woke up at home. Vomiting. Disoriented. So I showered.” I groan, still able to taste the bile from that morning.

“I was in the shower when I started… burning… there .” Her caramel eyes narrow, brows lift just a fragment, and her lips purse together - a look of wrath and fury on her face and God, she looks incredible.

Like a goddess gearing up for a battle, ready to slay my enemies.

“It took a few months for it all to come back to me but when it did, there was nothing to do. I had washed away the evidence and… it would be his word against mine. You know how men like that… they get away with things like that.”

I shake my head again before shifting my gaze to the ceiling and back to her caramel eyes, so full of concern and anger.

Not at me, at what happened to me. “I couldn’t even tell my mother.

You know Tildy. I skipped out on this boring dinner we were to have with the prime minister and his wife, to go to a concert where…

” I suck in a breath. “Where I ended up as a fucking statistic .” I sniff, one last tear dropping down my face and I feel it as it makes a pathway and lands on my chest.

“And then… and then I stopped drinking and stopped running and… stopped exercising and slowly but surely became a size fourteen. I’m sure you’ve noticed the weight gain.”

She smiles and lifts her hand to her face, starting at her chin, like a swipe. And I know I know this word. Beautiful .

“I don’t want to be beautiful anymore,” I admit softly, “I don’t want anyone to find me attractive.

I don’t want to be looked upon. Or flirted with.

I just want to be left alone. To hide. Most days I can barely leave my house.

Nobody wanted to do negotiations with my father because I gained so much weight and I thought I was safe but now,” I break out in full sobs, “Now I’m going to have to live with a silly, ugly, stupid boy!

” I screech out because that’s the worst part for me.

“And he’s an ogre, Ray! Oh my god! He grunts at me! ”

This makes her tilt her head back and a silent laugh pours out of her. She’s radiant, and if I think hard enough, I can remember what it sounds like.

“I swear it’s his only form of communication. We’ve gone to two charity galas and the most he’s spoken to me was once to dance, that made page seven of the Times , and the other was to ask me if I wanted another glass of champagne. When I replied I hadn’t even had the first one, he grunted!”

I swear I can hear her cackling in my mind.

“So please, Raven, I’m begging you, please be my maid of honor because I cannot, and I will not walk down the aisle without you by my side.”

She wipes under her eyes from laughing at my misery, sniffs, simply nods, taking my hand in hers, and then places my hand on her cheek where she nestles into it and my heart breaks for my best friend. What they did to her.

More tears well into my eyes, this time from relief and happiness. “Really? You’ll be there?”

Jonas comes out of the closet holding their designer luggage and leans on the handle. She looks at him and blinks, then holds up three fingers. He rolls his eyes. “Yeah, we’ll be there. But you’ll have to give her two more plus ones.”

I look at Raven and she waggles her brows with a deviant little smile on her face .

“Oh, you slut!” I squeal excitedly for her. I may not want sex, but I am so happy for her. That she found love in such a hopeless, unromantic, dark era.

Jonas shrugs. “It’s not that uncommon.”

“Who is it?”

Jonas smirks. “I’m sure she’ll tell you what she can later on when it’s safe.”