Page 31

Raeann

M y stomach squeezes and nausea rolls until I squelch the feeling and put a cap on it.

Tab comes up behind me, and I try to hide the magazine under some picking slips, but she grabs it anyway.

Never in my life did I think I would make it onto the front cover of one of those trashy gossip magazines, but there it is, in plain sight for everyone to see. “From Model to Designer, Will Micah Freeman’s New Girl Keep His Attention?”

Of course there’s a beautiful picture of Micah’s ex, and then there’s me. I’ve never been a vain person, but the shot of me on the couch of Wake Up, Nashville on a day I’d rather forget is enough to make me grind my teeth.

“What the hell?” Tab asks, staring down at the cover. “Where did you even get this?”

“It was outside the store this morning. Someone probably left it to be funny.”

“Funny, my ass. I’m going to look through the security footage and get these assholes.”

I love her for being outraged, but it’s fine.

Really. I mean, I’m definitely not overthinking the implication that Micah’s model ex couldn’t keep his attention so how could I?

I mean, that would just be crazy. “For what? Because they left a stupid magazine in front of our shop? They didn’t do anything illegal. ”

“How about loitering? And littering! We’ll get this skank for all the L words.” Tab attempts to rip the magazine in half, but when she’s not strong enough, she does a three-sixty in the backroom before finding the trash can and ceremoniously dumping it inside—then kicking the can for good measure.

“It’ll blow over,” I reassure her, looking through the pick list and seeing what I can grab quickly.

Katya, Jace, and Sunny aren’t even here yet.

It’s been a week since I was on that stupid morning show and then hit them back with my own version of events.

I hesitated to say anything at all, considering Wake Up, Nashville never played anything that was truly embarrassing for me.

Just the sudden terror on my face and Tab taking over the interview.

But the thing that got me was they brushed the fact that they never finished the show under the rug with “technical difficulties.”

I am not a technical difficulty. I am a person. When I found out that the studio worked with the Wildcats’ GM, I had to do something. Not going to lie, it felt good to take control, to hold the power. I had so many wonderful, amazing comments from supporters and those who could sympathize.

Speaking out has had its consequences, though. I became an even bigger target to some…like gossip magazines.

“I hope you’re not letting all of this get to you,” Tab states. In her eyes that keep cutting to me, I spy the worry there.

“Me? I mean, that definitely doesn’t sound like something I’d do.”

She drops her head practically to her shoulders to give me the most deadpan look I’ve ever seen. “I love you, but overthinking is sort of your MO.”

The back of my neck crawls with every terrible thought I’ve had within the past week.

What if he does get taken from me? Sure, the trade rumor was just a ruse, but anything could happen, and I mean anything .

What if I can’t hack it as a public persona?

I never wanted to be pushed into the limelight.

There’s a difference between being seen and being seen.

I just wanted someone to notice me. I didn’t need tens of thousands—oh dear, hundreds of thousands—of people to know I exist or make commentary on my love life.

“You’re doing it right now. I can tell.”

“I’m fine.”

Athena nudges my hand at the same time Tab says, “Really?” and pointedly peers down at my earnest-looking pup. “That’s why you keep waking up early to work? And why you’ve been moping and coming up with excuses not to see Micah? Girl, he saw you at your worst and he’s still here. You’re fine.”

I press my lips together, worried about talking this through with Tab.

Every day, I’ve been lingering by her, my brain demanding that I spit it out already, but every time I mull the words over, they either sound irrational or make the most complete sense, and I don’t want Tab to talk me out of whichever way I’m feeling that day.

The door dings , and the voices of Katya, Sunny, and Jace sound. Tab grabs my hand and yanks me into the main part of the store. “Glad you guys are here. We’re heading out.”

“Tab!” I protest as she whisks me out the door. Jace and Sunny wave from the other side of the glass. Tab wraps her elbow through mine and leads me to the coffee shop at the end of the street. After ordering our favorite drinks, we sit at a cozy booth in the corner.

“Spill,” she says, looking over at me intently.

“You’re going to think I’m crazy.”

“That ship has sailed. Spill.”

“What if it doesn’t work out between us?” I say in almost a whisper. Like the rawest parts of me just made it into audible form and I don’t know how I feel about it.

“Crazy. Next.”

“No, I mean it,” I tell her. “You saw how I reacted. Jesus Christ, Tab. I froze. I panicked so hard. It was like I was lost, wondering what I was going to do without him.” My hands search for Athena, who would usually be at my side, but then I realize she stayed back at the store, and I take a deep breath instead.

I can do this.

Tab sips her coffee and sets it down again.

“Listen, I don’t pretend to understand much that goes on in your quirky yet beautiful brain, but Rae-bae, what are you actually going to accomplish with all this worry?

You’re going to talk yourself out of being with him for fear of being hurt.

You’re going to drive yourself mad wondering about what-ifs that might not even happen.

And don’t get me started on that ridiculous article you had your head in this morning.

Micah’s not going to get bored with you.

I mean, he got a tattoo that represents you on his chest, Raeann. On. His. Chest. Permanent.”

“What about his other tattoos?”

“Huh?”

I shrug, sitting back and sipping my tea. “The other tattoos. Maybe one is for Stella. Did you ever think about that? Maybe that’s what Micah does. He goes around wooing girls with tattoos. His whole arm could be tributes to other women and I don’t even know.”

“Ask him.”

“What?”

“Just ask him.”

“Don’t be silly.”

She grins. “You’re the one coming up with ridiculous excuses so you can torpedo your relationship with the hottie football player, and you’re calling me silly? Okay. What else you got?”

“The trade.”

“Wasn’t real.” She waves her hand like she’s brushing my concern to the side.

“It might be next time.”

“So, you can work out of the Pet Threads store we start in that city. Win-win. Hit me with something harder.”

I brush a piece of invisible lint off my shirt and smooth my apron. “The store’s success. What if it’s all him?”

“It’s not. It’s because you kill the designs each and every time. Next?”

“What if he love-bombed me and I’m too infatuated to see that this isn’t even real?”

“Girl, the lies your brain tells you. Even I am unwell because of them.” She gives me a genuine—yet sad—smile. “These are all versions of what if he leaves me? Then what will I have? ”

I bite my lip, my knee bouncing up and down. The uneasy feeling returns in full force, and I don’t like it. The rear of my neck itches. The area by my shoulder blades that I can’t even reach. My stomach. Everything. I fight back the tears. “Yeah,” I admit. “That’s it.”

Tab leans forward, covering her hand with mine.

“I don’t pretend to understand what you’ve gone through.

Okay? But I just want to say, and you can tell me I’m wrong, but living a life with all these exciting and new experiences and with people we love, that’s what matters.

At the end of the day, what happens isn’t under our control.

I could get hit by a bus tomorrow. Athena could?—”

“Don’t.”

She squeezes my fingers. “The point is, anything could happen, and you have no control over it.”

“But I don’t like it,” I say meekly, barely conjuring the words. I don’t even know if I can pinpoint why. It’s just…uneasy.

“None of us do,” Tab says. “I’m no therapist, but instead of that one insinuating Micah was a psycho, she should’ve been telling you that your brain lies to you. All the time. It’s telling you things that aren’t going to happen.”

I swallow. Bringing my free hand up, I rub my temple. “Every night before I go to bed, I think about all the ways Micah could die or get taken away. I think that’s why it hit me so hard at the show.”

“Being told Micah was going to get traded while you were doing an interview was on your bingo card? Oh, honey.”

“Not entirely,” I admit. “But Micah moving. Or finding someone else while he’s at an away game. Or maybe he gets hurt on the field. You remember Briar? Her brother died that way. I looked it up.”

“Okay, but look, she’s still living. She’s going to marry an NFL player and have little football babies, and damnit, why am I getting jealous just thinking about it?”

I chuckle softly. Tab always knows when to insert some humor to bring me back to reality.

“Just like what happened to you,” she continues.

“Maybe your quota for tragedy in this lifetime has already hit? Now, you’re going to skip off with Micah into the sunset and have amazing sex for the rest of your life.

Even when he’s seventy, I bet you’ll still get on your artificial knees for that D. ”

I hide a smile. “I have something to tell you.”

“Hmm?” she asks, lifting her cup to her lips.

“Bless your heart, but you ain’t right.”

She nearly spits her coffee everywhere. When she gets herself under control, she says, “Coming from you, I’m taking that to heart.”

I feign shock. “Bitch.”

She reaches her coffee cup out, and we toast to our fucked-up minds.

“So, who was that one player who showed up with Micah that day?”

I think back. I don’t even know if I remember who was there. Preoccupied was an understatement. “Davis?”

“No, Levi.”

I ball up a napkin and throw it at her. “If you knew who he was, why did you ask me?”

“I wanted to sound nonchalant.”

“I told you he was a player.”

“This is what it looks like to live on the edge,” she tells me. “You should do it with me. Stop listening to that brain of yours, call Micah, and tell him you need him, you want him, you can’t live without him.”

“Now you’re being ridiculous.”

“Fine. I guess we’ll head back to work.”

I stand, and as soon as I do, Tab slips her hand into the front pocket of my Pet Threads apron and grabs my phone.

“What are you?—”

The complete look of giddiness on her face clues me in real quick. I try to take the phone from her, but she moves it away, giggling to herself.

“Tab.” I reach for it again, but she moves the opposite way. “I swear to God.” I bear hug her while my hand pins her other one down.

“I’m done, I’m done,” she laughs.

I groan. “What embarrassing shit did you just do?”

She gives me back my phone, and I immediately go to my text conversation with Micah. Sure enough, there’s a sent text there that I didn’t write.

Me: Afternoon delight? I need your dick. My brain needs your dick.

My jaw unhinges. “He’s going to know I didn’t write this.”

“Yeah, but he won’t care.”

Micah: Exactly what I was thinking. I’m almost done with my morning run. Meet me in ten at my place?

Tab shrieks in my ear. “Don’t worry. He’ll set your mind right. And yes, I’ll watch Athena and hold down the fort. Remember, that when I get a man, I expect this sort of generosity to be reciprocated.”

“You mean meddling?” I ask while she strides toward the exit.

“If dick is involved, I’m pro meddling.”

“What if I don’t go?” I trail after her, trying to keep up.

“Please. You’re dick-notized. You’re going, and you’ll thank me later, too.”

I stand outside the door to the store. Tab walks in, but I hesitate. Maybe I’m letting the idea of how good being in Micah’s arms is lead my thoughts, but I can’t help it. Tab is right. I can’t keep worrying about what might happen when I should be going with the flow.

Right now, Micah and I are solid. Athena is happy and healthy. Business is good. Clearly, I have good friends. They start waving bye to me, and my shoulders drop. I’ve been dismissed for the day.

I go to open the door anyway to give them some last-minute instruction, but Tab shouts something and Sunny lunges forward, locking it right in front of me.

“Hey,” I protest, jiggling the glass barrier between us.

“We’ve got this handled!” Tab yells, and everyone waves again. And they keep waving until I turn around and call a rideshare.

Like Tab said, I’m overthinking everything.

Deep breaths. Everything’s going to be absolutely fine.