Page 60 of Scandalous Nights With the Earl

The problem was that her feelings were now involved and the delight she had sought at first had begun to be something else entirely.

She loved him. She did. She loved Phillip Moreland with all her heart and soul.

This realisation took her breath away as much as it frightened her. She could never tell him and she could not expect the same back. He had been honest with her from the start that this was a physical relationship only, because he still mourned his deceased wife, and that he would not marry again. He had never once, even in the heat of passion, whispered permanent words or promised more.

And now, with Simon St Claire threatening to expose her, she understood she would need to leave Phillip to the life he was meant for: in the best circles of Society as the head of the Elmsworth title so that he could find his place here and flourish.

She would travel down to Royal Tunbridge Wells this very day to see the McAllistair sisters and arrange accommodation for herself within the area. Being so out of touch would allow for things to settle between the Earl and her, and when she saw him again she hoped she could make him understand that their chosen path as lovers had not been a wise one.

Phillip spent the following morning with his estate manager going over the plans for the next few months on the estate. He enjoyed these meetings because it allowed him to be so much more involved in the future of the land that had been in his family for centuries.

This part of his return to England had been a revelation to him as before he had left he had not felt the same sort of connection. Now he could see that his part in the tapestry of Elmsworth’s history was important and it had been one of the joys of his coming home.

But by the early afternoon he wanted to be back with Wilhelmina, making love, forgetting everything, living in a world where nothing mattered save for the pleasures of the flesh.

He’d never been a man who had been devoured by lust but here he was, his body aching and fidgety for the power of sex. A different man from the husband he had been with Gretel, where touching and making love was so much more mundane and deliberate and where weeks or months could go by before any urges surfaced on both their parts.

Gretel had never let go of her inhibitions as Wilhelmina did. She had never explored the darker side of sex, where anything was sanctioned so long as it was consensual. He had never spent as many hours in bed as happily as he had with Willa either, hungry for each other, never quite sated.

This realisation made him stand still.

He had imagined himself as a contained person, little stirring his emotions in the way others seemed to be stirred, and yet now…

His world had exploded into colour and feeling, all the base and raw instincts so much more accessible and taking over from the man he had been.

He held out his right hand into a horizontal position and observed it. His fingers had stopped shaking. The carnal realm had been good for him, for it stopped him thinking so much about his past and his future, and the anxiety he had always been bothered by had lessened.

The note from Willa came just as he was tidying all his papers and readying himself to make his way to her house.

Her words informed him that she had gone south for seven days or so on business and yet she had told him nothing at all of it last night.

He knew so little about her life here or even about the one before outside of Winchester, and he had told her as few facts about his past. Existing in the present as they had been had its advantages but it also had its drawbacks.

Seven days. It seemed like an inordinate amount of time, feeling, as he did, desperate for her body. Was this how other men felt, was his next thought, those men who sought out mistresses and courtesans and who prior to this he had had no understanding of at all?

He only wanted Willa. That was also the trouble. He liked the way she smelt and the way her mind worked. He liked her sensuality and her smile.

Seven days.

He would return to Hampshire until she was back, for without her by his side London seemed pointless. He would visit his brother and go riding across the Elmsworth land. He would see his tenants too, one by one, and find out their needs, whichwas a thing long overdue, and all these activities would help to pass the time.

A colder thought slid into these. Perhaps Wilhelmina did not feel the same way he did and wanted some distance. Perhaps this was how these blazing affairs of the heart ran their course, burning bright and then quickly dying.

He wanted more. He wanted her with him forever in any form that would suit her. A long-term mistress? A wife? That thought had him leaning forward.

He closed his eyes and stood there, his world bent so suddenly out of shape it was disconcerting. If he asked her to marry him what would she say? They had always been so dismissive of the idea but now…now it was all he could think of, a union that was legally ordained and permanent. Would she think the same? For him this affair of the flesh had become so much more and he missed her every hour that they were apart.

His glance fell to the ring-less third finger on his left hand and he touched the skin there. Gretel’s demands and melancholy no longer affected him as they had used to and he wanted to move on from the regret of his first marriage. He wanted to live again and laugh. With Wilhelmina.

After sending her note to Phillip, Willa had travelled to Tunbridge Wells with only a small suitcase and rented a room not far from the McAllistair sisters. She needed time to think and plan what was next and had arranged for all the possessions from her apartment to be boxed up and held in storage until she decided what she would do permanently.

Simon St Claire had arrived in Royal Tunbridge Wells on the fifth day she’d been there, unannounced and spiteful, his words full of retribution.

‘I think it only reasonable, given our dealings over Belton Park, that you let me know where you are so I can contact you.’

‘How did you find me?’

‘I thought that you might leave and so I had your town house watched. It was easy to track you.’