Page 37 of Scandalous Nights With the Earl

‘It lies very close to Winchester, though in all truth we hardly ever ventured to the town.’

‘Why not?’

‘I told you before, everyone was busy with their work and I did not know anyone there.’

‘You were not brought up in those parts?’

‘No, I was born in the south, in Romsey. My parents met Lionel through their meetings with the scientific community, and when I was sixteen he invited our family for an extended stay at Belton Park.’

‘Because he desired you as a bride?’

‘Probably, but I did not know it then. If I had I would never have gone but by that time it was too late. My parents likedhim and were happier than they had been for a long time, and I suppose I liked the cordiality and the sense of peace in the house and its grounds. So when he asked me to marry him I said yes without a second thought. Regret came a few months later.’

‘So little time.’

‘Well, I’d made the mistake and had to live with it, and my parents both died within a few months of each other about five years later.’

‘So you were stuck?’

‘I was stuck even before that because Mama and Papa would never have supported me should I have told them how unhappy I was with my marriage to Lionel.’

‘So you said nothing?’

She turned to look at him. ‘What could I have said? There could be no annulment by then and we had no other place left to go to anyway.’

‘Fait accompli?’

She smiled. ‘Exactly. Most people don’t have a lot of choice. It was just that I made the wrong first choice and suffered because of it. You were luckier.’

‘Luck has a certain habit, though, of running out.’

‘Your wife’s sickness, you mean?’

He didn’t answer and was glad when she posed no more questions.

When they returned to the house Ben beckoned them into the old library at the far end of the corridor.

‘I thought you would want to see these, Phillip. They will certainly bring back memories.’

There before them were two boards detailing in words and drawings all the things they had done in the summer holidays at Summerley one year. The date was embellished with paint of all hues and their names were written underneath.

The jolt of being taken back to that time and seeing his teenage handwriting was staggering. 1803, a year after his mother had died and when he was struggling to survive himself.

‘You were not at school at all that year and half of the one before, Phillip, but you came to us in early June and stayed till August. It was the best holiday I can remember because Mama always allowed anything we suggested, even the more outlandish activities.’ He pointed to one of the squares. ‘See, there is that tree hut we built and there is the fire we made? Remember the slingshots we fashioned and you shot that wild turkey and we took it home and the cook prepared it for dinner?’

‘Good memories,’ Phillip said but underneath he could only remember how he had struggled that summer, with sadness and with fear, all the emotions he had been careful to hide from Ben.

The boards were an echo of the time when everything had changed, his family unit, his father, his brother. It was the beginning of an ending that had been so complete. Every picture and caption on those boards was a reminder of an innocence that had been lost and had never again been found.

Wilhelmina was looking at him in a way that he had not seen her look before, and he turned away.

‘I’m starving even thinking about that turkey,’ he said, whereupon Sarah said lunch was ready and about to be served if they could all repair to the dining room.

The rest of the afternoon was easier, the talk about London nowadays and the balls that had occurred so far in the Season. Wilhelmina spoke of her life there, too, and her stories took away the focus from him.

At three o’clock the carriage was ready to depart and they gave their farewells, promising to get together again as soon as possible. As the carriage pulled away Philip took in a breath and closed his eyes, urging himself back into calm.

‘You once asked me why I liked masked balls so much.’ Her soft voice broke into his thoughts and he sat forward and looked at her as she explained.