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He shoulders past me to escape. Abe moves too, settling himself in the doorway like a guard dog.
“I guess it’s a good thing we moved out of the Catacombs a few years ago.” Paul watches Matthew, assessing. “You’d probably piss yourself if you had to go down there for a house call.”
“It wouldn’t be the first time,” Matthew answers steadily, leaning over Paul to pull off his dressings.
“What?” I ask, unable to help myself.
Matthew glances at me before answering. “Not every trauma makes it through the doors of the hospital, Kat. I go where I’m needed. It’s part of the new emergency protocols the hospital is trialing, the ones I told you about. You know where there’s a lot of trauma? The Catacombs.”
“Well, aren’t you a saint?” Paul practically gags.
“Not quite,” Matthew replies, giving a strong yank of the dressing tape. Paul grunts.
Abe snorts in the doorway.
Once the dressings are off, I lean forward. The area around the stitches is light pink and a little puffy.
“How painful is it?” Matthew asks.
“What? Sitting here with you?” Paul retorts. “About a nine outta ten.”
“Your stomach, smartass. Though I have to say, it’s nice to finally learn where Kat gets her sharp tongue.” He tosses a grin at me.
“It’s fine when I’m not moving around,” Paul says, watching us with shrewd eyes. “But trying to get up is a real bitch. Like a seven outta ten.”
“That’ll get better as the muscles heal.
When your obliques and rectus muscles knit back together, it won’t be as painful.
Give it a week or two. And increase your activity gradually.
Sitting, then standing, then walking. Nothing strenuous for at least four weeks—no running, no lifting, no sex… nothing.”
“What was that last one, doc?”
“No sex. For four weeks. In your case, make it four months. I think Kat will survive.”
Paul snorts and turns to me. “I can see why you like him. He’s a riot.”
“We’re not having sex anyway, Paul,” I snap. “We haven’t for weeks, so what does it matter?”
Abe chortles again.
“I know, I know. You’re sticking it to the doctor now. I’m in the doghouse. I get it.”
“Paul…” I sigh crossly, closing my eyes in frustration. When I open them, I turn to Matt. He’s quietly gathered his things, ready to go.
“I guess this is where we part ways then?” Paul observes.
“Reckon so,” Matthew replies. “Unless there’s an issue, you shouldn’t need me again.”
“Kat, hand me my billfold,” Paul says. He fidgets in the bed to look directly at Matthew. “Tell me, what’s the going rate for a doctor’s soul these days?”
“That’s really not necessary.” Matthew puts out a hand to stop him.
“No. It is.” Paul’s tone is deadly. “I don’t wanna owe you jack .”
“I don’t do what I do for money.”
“Oh god.” Paul collapses back. “You truly are sickeningly sweet, aren’t you? It’s hard to stomach.”
“Just take good care of Kat,” Matthew says, “and we’ll call it even.”
Paul laughs. “You see, that’s how I know she’s never gonna choose you. Nobody takes care of Kat. She’s more than capable of looking out for herself. You don’t know the first thing about her.”
“He knows more than you think,” I tell Paul as Matt heads for the door.
“He would know it all if I was willing to tell him. So next time you want to take a shot at him, don’t.
Matthew has done nothing wrong. He’s never shown me anything but the utmost respect, and he did the same for you when he saved your life , Paul. ”
“For you, Kat. He saved my life for you , not out of the goodness of his saintly heart.”
I shake my head. “You don’t know anything, Paul. What’s worse is you don’t want to know. He’s here again today, solely to make sure you—renegade leader of the Wolfpack—are doing okay. And you don’t even have the courtesy to thank him.”
Matthew hovers in the doorway beside Abe, waiting for me.
“You know what?” I rise from Paul’s bedside.
“If you could muster up the humility to manage even a tenth of the grace he has”—I point at Matthew—“maybe I could stomach staying here with you. I love you, Paul, but you have never made it easy for me. There’s not enough room in your life for both me and your ego. ”
Before I step back from the bedside, I do something either very crazy or very brave. Something long overdue. I lean over to kiss Paul’s forehead, then stand up straight. I pull his silver ring off my finger and plunk it down on the nightstand.
“I love you,” I repeat, “and I’m so happy you’re alive. I never want to lose you. I hope you’ll always be in my life in some capacity, but not like this, not anymore.”
When I walk out of the room, Abe’s eyes are wide and, I think, a little proud. But my heart is pounding in my ears, and the only person I really want to see or talk to is Matthew. So I take his hand and lead him out of the bayou loft and onto the street.
“Thank you,” I tell him. “For what you did in there.”
“I’m just doing my job.”
“No, you’re not. You’re doing way more than that.
Paul isn’t easy, especially when his pride is damaged.
More days than not, he thinks the sun comes up just to hear him crow.
I’m sorry this is how you met him, because there’s a lot of good in him you’ll likely never get to see.
But I’m eternally grateful to you, and you continually impress me, just by being yourself. ”
He waits silently, knowing more is coming.
“I just can’t believe how much grace and compassion you have,” I finally manage. “How big your heart is…that you can always find room in it, no matter who the person is.”
“It doesn’t matter who they are. Everyone deserves the same, Kat. When someone is dying in my hospital, when a family member is crying in the hall, when someone is hurting —like you—or him,” he says, pointing back to the bayou house, “only kindness matters.”
He meets my glistening eyes and reaches out to wipe the corner with his thumb.
“Kindness matters, Kat,” Matthew repeats. “Love always leads with kindness.”
And in his simple, Matthew way, he absolutely floors me.
I think of Abe, how he loves me. With kindness. And what it means to me.
It’s how Matthew loves me too, I realize.
With kindness and forgiveness and understanding.
Even if he doesn’t really understand and may not want to forgive, not everything.
I mean, how could he? Like Paul always reminds me, there are some things you have to live through to fully understand.
Even still, Matthew always tries, and he never, ever runs.
I remember what Lady Genevieve told me on New Year’s Eve. It’s not about what happened before him, it’s only about what happens after. The differences don’t matter if you don’t let them.
And finally, Ray. I want you to be able to say you chose your life, you didn’t settle for it.
For so long, I’ve been afraid there was this dark part of me Matthew could never possibly understand, that fundamentally, we’ re different.
That the glitz of Matthew’s world was a temporary, seductive escape from my own.
That Paul, ultimately, was right—Matthew could never fully give me what I need.
But what do I need, truly?
He’s standing right here. Right in front of me. Staying when anyone else would run.
Matthew. With his kindness and his wit and his courage and his grace. His eyes piercing through me, always seeing, always trying to understand. Figuring me out, one puzzle piece at a time, never looking away from the dark parts. Sharing his light with me, helping me find my own.
Of course I choose Matthew. How had I ever thought it could be anyone else? Because Matthew is the sun. Yes, I’ve always seen that, but it’s by standing in his light now that I can finally see everything else.
“Do you know the moment I fell in love with you?” I ask quietly.
He shakes his head.
“When I saw you in the hospital, treating a perfect stranger with the same attention and care and love you show to your own family. And to me. That’s when I knew I loved you beyond saving, beyond return.
I’m sorry I didn’t tell you, and I’m sorry for keeping secrets.
You deserve far better, but you make me want to be better.
You told me the other night you weren’t running. Did you mean it?”
“Of course I meant it, Kat.”
“Then I want to be very clear about something. I’m not some princess in an ivory tower or a lost girl in a bad situation.
I’m not looking to be saved , Matthew. I love my life.
I wouldn’t change a thing about the path that led me here.
Not one single thing. If I leave this life for you, it will be a sacrifice . ”
He nods.
“The reason I want to be clear about that is so you understand just how totally and completely in love with you I am. You aren’t just an option to me, like you offered the other night.
I’m not looking for options. But if you’ll have me, I would very much like to be yours.
There’s nothing in this world I wouldn’t give to be yours. ”
“Mine?” His gaze latches onto me, searing through with so much hope and love, I’m blinded.
“Yours and yours alone,” I confirm.
I smile as he reaches for me. And when he kisses me—a blue blood boy and a bayou girl, in the middle of the cobblestone streets of Savannah—he grins against my lips and starts laughing. Whether with relief or happiness or God only knows what…either way, it’s Matthew.
I smile and laugh back. Because I’m his.
Table of Contents
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- Page 44 (Reading here)
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