Page 12 of Sam’s Forever (Crow MC 2nd Generation)

SAM

It’s now or never. Cash and I will be having our talk come hell or high water.

I’m following Ally, Jeanie, and Bren, with Alec riding next to me.

Our Old Ladies have the last of the wedding stuff in their vehicle, including Ally’s and Jeanie’s dresses and my tux.

Alec and Bren had opted to stay at the Manor tonight as it was too much disruption for Lexi otherwise.

We understood and agreed. As it is, Alec and Bren will be arriving early tomorrow morning, and Bev and Gunny will have Lexi for them.

True to his word, Cash is standing waiting for us as we pull up, and I breathe a small sigh of relief. I’ve known this day would come since I was fourteen years old when he and Maura had met us outside the café. Now that it’s here, I’m having second thoughts at rocking the boat.

Alec and I park. Alec gets off his bike and greets Cash with a hug, both smiling—easy in each other’s company. I can’t help but feel envious of their easy relationship, but then I guess brothers are a lot different to father and son.

Cash releases Alec and clasps his shoulder before turning towards Bren and Ally.

Taking my time, I get off my bike and walk over to join them.

The girls are buzzing with excitement and are chatting a mile a minute.

I can’t help the smile that tugs at my lips as Ally bounces slightly on her toes as she tells Cash something.

He’s looking amused and has a small smile on his face as he listens to her.

He must sense me walk up because he tilts his chin at me and rumbles, “Morning, Sam.”

“Cash,” I nod in greeting before turning to Ally. “Cash and I are going to go for a ride, beautiful. Are you all sorted here, or do you need us back earlier than three?”

“Nope,” Ally shakes her head, still smiling, “you guys go enjoy your ride, have lunch, and then come home. We’ll be okay.

Lizzie and the mums will be over a little later to give us a hand, so we’ll be good.

Plus, you know Bren is a slave driver and will whip us into shape if we slack,” Ally sniggers and teasingly hip-checks Bren, who’s playfully glaring at her.

“Hey, I’m not that bad,” Bren laughs, then says to me, “Go for a ride. We’re good here.

All the ladies and daughters have a full day booked at the Spa.

Thor is coming to get RJ. Maestro and Stacey are going to the Wraiths in Southampton, and Andy and Mikayla are being picked up by Adam in about ten minutes.

Everyone is accounted for, so bugger off. ”

“Thanks, Bren,” I grin at my sister and reach for Ally. Pulling her into my arms, I kiss her, but not for as long and deep as I want, aware that we have company. “See you later, baby. Have fun.”

“I will,” she assures me.

Stepping back, I say to Cash, “Ready to go?”

“I’m ready,” he nods, taking the helmet that Alec holds out for him and fitting it on his head as we walk toward where the bikes are parked.

We slowly ride out of the driveway until we get to the main road. I take the most scenic route I can think of. We’ll be stopping at a café that I know of for lunch. It’s hidden away, and now that the holiday season is over, it should be quiet enough for us to talk.

As the miles pass, I relax into the ride, enjoying the freedom of the open road.

There’s not a lot of traffic, so Cash and I are riding abreast. It’s not the first time I’ve ridden like this; admittedly, usually it’s with Reaper, Alec, or Ben, but I can’t lie when I say it hits different riding with the man whose DNA I carry.

It seems almost surreal how we’d never met until I was fourteen and had not really spent much time together, but we’d somehow both ended up in MCs, albeit in different countries.

It would seem that the adage that the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree is true.

The sign for the café we’d be stopping at is coming up.

I let Cash know we’ll be turning off. He nods and drops back, letting me take the lead.

Before long, we’re parking in the car park under the trees.

The café is right on the beach, so you can hear the waves crashing against the rocks.

Taking my helmet off, I take a minute before I get off my bike.

Next to me, Cash is stretching his back.

“You okay there, old man?” I tease, much like I’ve done with Reaper.

Cash gives a surprised bark of laughter at my teasing. “All good,” he grins at me, “getting old sucks.”

“I’ll let you know when I get there,” I smirk at him and get a grin in return. “Come on, let’s grab some lunch and hash our shit out. Maybe then we can get rid of this awkwardness between us.”

Cash lets out another laugh, “Fuck, Sam, straight to the point. Okay, let’s do this.”

Together we enter the café and put our orders in. The girl behind the counter assures me she’ll bring it over when it’s ready. I look around, and while it’s not busy, I prefer we have privacy. Looking over at Cash, I suggest, “Outside?”

He nods, so we grab our utensils and sauces and head outside to wait for our food and have the conversation we should have had years ago.

We sit down opposite one another and contemplate each other.

Now that we’re here, I find I’m not so angry or resentful anymore; maybe it’s because I know deep down Cash is regretful for some of his choices, or maybe it’s because I’m an adult and can see that, as a teenager, he’d done what he thought was right for everyone.

There’s no denying his father was a piece of shit.

Cash looks away and then looks back at me. “I’m sorry,” he starts. “I should have done better by you and Abby, but especially with you. There’s no excuse for me not reaching out to you more the last few years.

“I guess, under it all, I’m a coward, and I know it must have hurt you that I could spend time with Alec but struggled to talk to you.

Some of that was that with Alec there’s no pressure—he’s only my brother, but with you,” he sighs and looks away before he turns back to me and continues, “but you… you’re my son, and I basically threw you away.

“I can justify it all I want that I did it for your safety, and at the time, it was for the best, but once I grew older and had less to do with my father, I should have reached out. Especially once I met and married Lizzie.

“That I kept tabs on you from afar doesn’t really cut it.

I’m your father, and I should have done better.

” He’s quiet for a minute as he gathers his thoughts and repeats, “I should have done better by you. I can’t go back and change things, and I’ve lost a lot of years with you because I’m a coward, and I’ll take whatever you want to hand me. ”

He stops again, and I can see he’s truly upset about our non-relationship.

I speak to Lizzie and my siblings on the regular, and every now and then something slips out from one of them about Cash.

I know they have photos of me in their home, including some baby ones that Lizzie must have got from my mum.

None of our families have ever tried to force a relationship between Cash and me. He starts to talk again, so I listen. I’ll have my turn soon enough.

“From my side, I’d like to see if we can maybe have some sort of relationship.

I’ll do whatever I need to. I don’t have any right to ask this of you.

I know that. You are one of the best men I know, and that’s all thanks to your grandfather, Abby, and Reaper.

” Cash sighs and wipes a hand down his face, rubbing at his jaw, and I’m struck by the familiarity when I realise it’s something I do when I’m stressed or worried.

He’s silent for a minute longer as he looks down at the table before lifting his eyes to mine.

“I’d really like to get to know you, Sam.

The man you are today. But I’ll understand if that’s not something that you want, and I’ll respect your decision.

All I ask is that you still keep in touch with the kids because they look up to you. ”

He's silent, and I realise he’s finished.

I know our relationship is a lot more complicated, and this conversation won’t be the only one we have, but it’s the first one to try and breach the gap.

We won’t fix all that is broken today, but it’s a start.

I’d like to feel like I can reach out to him whenever I want.

He’ll never be my dad, Reaper is that, but he could still be a friend.

“I’m not sure how to tell you how I’m feeling,” I admit.

“I’ve gone through all the emotions when it comes to you.

Anger, resentment, you name it, I’ve felt it.

When I was younger, I never understood how you could have nothing to do with me, but as an adult, I understand a little more.

You and Mum were young. Too young,” I raise my eyebrows at him, and a ghost of a smile curves his lips.

“We were,” he agrees.

“I’m not as angry since I spent time with you in the States. I know we didn’t have any long, meaningful conversations, but you did make it clear that you were there if I wanted to talk.”

He nods because he had made it clear that he was there if I needed anything.

“I wasn’t ready,” I admitted before continuing, “Not only was I reeling from a breakup that I didn’t see coming, but I was still a little resentful towards you, especially when I saw what a good dad you were to Maura, Chrissie, and RJ.”

Cash opens his mouth to say something, and I know it will be another apology, but he shouldn’t feel like he should apologize for being a good dad to my siblings. I hold up my hand to stop him. “Don’t apologize for being a good dad to them, Cash. They deserve a good dad.”

I wait as our food is delivered and only start again once we’re alone.

“I don’t want to continue like we have been, though. Ally and I are planning on starting a family sooner rather than later, and we’d like you and Lizzie as part of our family’s lives. She says kids can never have too many grandparents.”

Cash drops his sandwich onto his plate and rubs a hand over his face. “Fuck,” he mutters, blinking, but it doesn’t stop the tear that rolls down his cheek.

I put my sandwich down and reach across to hold his wrist. He takes a shaky breath and looks at me, all the love he feels for me clear in his face, and tears prick my eyes as we stare at each other. There’s a wealth of emotion that we find difficult to express in that look.

We may never be as close as he is to his other children, but I’m in no doubt that Cash loves me in his own way. We just aren’t good at communicating that fact.

“I love you, Sam,” Cash says emotionally.

“I love you too,” I assure him. We look at each other for a bit, then start to laugh.

“Jesus,” I say, wiping at my eyes. But I feel lighter, like a weight has been lifted from my shoulders.

Cash grins at me, and I can tell right away he’s feeling the same as me—it’s like we’ve thrown off the guilt and resentment we’ve been carrying around for the last ten-plus years.

We pick up our sandwiches and take a bite of them.

“So you’re planning on making me a grandpa already, huh? ” Cash says conversationally.

“We’re working on it,” I smirk at him.

“Jesus, fuck. I’m not sure I’m ready to be a grandpa yet. I’m not old enough, surely,” Cash mutters, but I can see the small smile on his lips, so I know he’s teasing.

“That’s what a teenage pregnancy will get you,” I tell him and start to laugh when he glares at me. He soon joins me in laughter, and it feels good. By the time we finish lunch and are back on the bikes, it’s close to three, so I know we can’t take the scenic way home.

The ride home is quick but no less enjoyable.

I’d say we both enjoy it more knowing we’ve cleared the air.

Our relationship will take work, but at least now we know where we both stand.

We’re both smiling when we get off, and when Cash clasps my shoulder as we walk up the steps, I can’t deny it feels good.

“I’m glad we cleared the air,” Cash says as we walk into the reception area. “I still say I’m too young to be a grandpa, but I also can’t wait, so hurry up and get on that because Lizzie will make the hottest grandma ever.” I snort out a laugh, and he grins at me.

He’s not wrong, though; my stepmother is a looker. And speak of the devil, we find an anxious-looking Ally and Lizzie waiting for us in the reception. When they see us laughing together, they relax. “Hey, baby,” I say to Ally. “Did you have a good day?”

“I did,” she assures me, her eyes searching mine. “And you?”

“We did,” I reassure her.

“Thank God,” she whispers as we get closer, and I bend to take her lips with mine. Wrapping her in my arms, I lift her slightly so that she’s on her toes and deepen the kiss.

A wolf whistle sounds through the reception area, and Molly says, “Well, we can certainly say the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.

” Removing my lips from Ally’s, I look up to see what she’s talking about.

When I see Cash and Lizzie in a similar hold to how I’ve got Ally, I start to laugh as I rest my forehead against Ally’s, “Love you, baby.”

“Love you too,” she assures me with a smile, then reluctantly steps back.

“You and Cash go clean up. The rest of the family will all be coming down soon. Or in Molly’s case, early.

” Ally laughs. Pressing my lips once more to hers, I leave her.

Tapping Cash on the shoulder as I walk past, he follows me to the staircase, and we pass more family members coming down, including Mum and Reaper.

They both search my face but relax when they see I’m unworried.

Brushing a kiss to Mum’s cheek, I say, “We’re going to get changed; we’ll be down soon.”

“Okay, son,” Mum says, and Reaper gives me a chin lift. We carry on until we get to the floor that has our rooms.

As we go to part, I hesitate a minute before moving off, “Cash.” He turns to look at me. “Thanks for today. I’m glad we cleared the air, and thanks for coming to my wedding.”

Cash blinks as emotion fills his face again. He swallows and raspily replies, “No thanks necessary, son. I’m happy to be here.”

It’s the first time he’s ever called me son, and I know that Dad does it all the time, but it hits a little differently when Cash says it.

I give him a last nod before I turn and walk with a lighter step to my and Ally’s room.

Tonight should be interesting with all our melded families, but I hope it will be something that will happen more often.

One more night before Ally isn’t just my Old Lady but also my wife. I can’t fucking wait for us to say ‘I do’ tomorrow.