Page 26 of Salt & Blood (Ivy & Bone #4)

RESTRAINT

PANDORA

Pandora wanted to find Gaia right away, but Sol urged her to wait.

“Small steps,” he reminded her. “If you pass out again, we’ll have to start all over.”

She’d wanted to protest, but he was right. She couldn’t push herself too hard, or this would never work.

They started with leaving the house and stepping out into the open air. As soon as Pandora got a whiff of Gaia’s potent magic—which swarmed and swelled around her like a fog—she felt ill and darted back inside.

A few hours later, she tried again, going as far as Gaia’s front door before she had to retreat to the safety of her room once more.

It took a full day before Pandora could face Gaia without fleeing. The goddess was patient, waiting for Pandora to come to her in her own time. This was both gratifying and infuriating. Pandora felt like a raging toddler, with Gaia placating her and waiting for her tantrums to subside. This was her mother. And she wasn’t even trying to reach Pandora. Wasn’t trying to apologize or explain or even look at her. And it stung more than she cared to admit. She wasn’t sure what she was expecting—either a cold and callous being who held no remorse, or a mother so wracked with grief and torment that she would be on her knees, sobbing for Pandora’s forgiveness day and night.

This woman was neither. She was aloof and distant, but the emotion in her eyes was so strong it tied Pandora’s stomach into knots. And the way she had greeted her in the Voiceless Jungle… Well, Pandora had almost believed her grief had been real.

Or was it only an act? Was she only here to restore her former home without the interference of Apollo? Was Pandora merely another pawn in someone else’s game?

She was tired of being used. She had been used her entire life for a vengeance that was not hers. The darkness inside her had promised it would be her ally, her supporter, a source of strength. But once it got what it wanted, it cast her aside, and now it was trying to take over.

Pandora clenched and unclenched her fingers into fists as she stood on the threshold of Gaia’s living room. She had made it into the house. Sol had gone ahead of her to warn Gaia of her approach. They had made it as far as the kitchen last time, with Pandora facing Gaia for a full minute before bolting.

Now, Pandora hesitated for a different reason. While she was concerned about the raging presence inside her, she was more afraid of finally facing her mother for the first time.

She is not a villain or a monster, Pandora told herself. But she is not a warm and caring person. She will not show you love or compassion. She is not a mother to you.

It was a difficult line to walk, between the frantic urge to tear out Gaia’s throat and the desire for a mother she’d never had. Pandora had to keep the darkness at bay, to keep herself from attacking Gaia again. But she couldn’t allow herself to believe Gaia was the warm and caring person she wished her to be.

Shoving down her unease, Pandora took a deep breath and followed the small hallway that led past the kitchen and toward the sitting room.

Gaia was perched on the sofa, back straight and hands folded in her lap. Sol stood next to her, arms crossed. He turned to look up at Pandora’s entrance, his brows furrowed and his eyes full of concern. He strode toward her, immediately clasping her hand in both of his, pressing his warmth into her. He knew how his touch affected her, and already, the soothing balm of his heat melted into Pandora, and she sighed, exhaling in relief. Within her, the darkness ebbed, dulling into something faint and manageable.

“Daughter,” Gaia said, inclining her head. Her shrewd eyes flitted from Sol to Pandora and back again, but she said nothing about the way they clung to one another.

“Gaia,” Pandora said curtly. She refused to call this goddess anything but her name. She did not deserve to be called Mother. This woman was ultimately a stranger to her. Nothing more. “Should we move to the outer wards?”

“No,” Gaia said. “Not yet. We will begin right here.”

Pandora blinked. “Here?”

“Yes. Please sit.” Gaia gestured to the armchair on the opposite side of the room.

Pandora hesitated for only a moment before obeying, easing onto the very edge of the cushion in case she needed to bolt from the room. Sol stood next to her, his hand on her shoulder.

Gaia leaned forward, scrutinizing Pandora in a way that made her want to squirm. She forced herself to keep still, to meet Gaia’s stare with her own.

“Can you summon your earth magic for me?” Gaia asked. “I need to understand its essence if I am to work with it.”

Pandora nodded, then closed her eyes. Her brow furrowed as she tried to sift through all the hatred and rage boiling inside her. Even with her eyes closed, she could still sense Gaia’s presence, her earthy smell and powerful aura. The darkness within her festered and thrashed, screaming to be released.

Pandora grunted, struggling to see past it. But the former goddess’s power was too strong. It was everywhere, consuming her thoughts, her body, her very being.

“Her hatred for me is overpowering you,” Gaia observed.

Pandora exhaled in a huff of exasperation and opened her eyes. “Why? Why does she hate you so much?”

For some reason, Gaia’s gaze flicked to Sol and back to Pandora before she replied, “She sought the throne of Elysium.”

Pandora’s head reared back, and she felt Sol stiffen beside her, his hold on her shoulder tightening just a fraction.

“When I married Apollo,” Gaia went on, “I took the opportunity away from her. So, she sought out the Titans, hoping their power would help her seize the crown by force.”

“Apollo wasn’t king yet,” Sol said, his voice low. “You two married well before Jupiter’s demise.”

Gaia looked at him again, sorrow and regret stirring in her gaze. She said nothing, but Pandora’s stomach dropped as realization set in.

“It wasn’t just the throne she wanted,” Pandora whispered. She suddenly felt ill as the churning in her gut intensified. “It was… Apollo. ”

Oh gods, she was going to be sick. She was going to retch and vomit right here on Gaia’s carpet.

The soul inside of her loved Apollo. Her father.

Something hissed inside her, all venom and anger, and Pandora realized the soul did not love Apollo. Not anymore. Not after what he had done.

But once, long ago, she had.

Pandora looked up at Sol, blinking through the fog of her mind, to find his expression hard as stone as he glared at Gaia.

“You’re lying,” he said.

“I am not,” Gaia said firmly. “It is true. When she realized she had no chance with Apollo, she sought out another sun god to help her get closer to him, to bring him down if she could not have him for herself.”

Sol stepped toward Gaia, withdrawing his hand from Pandora. The darkness immediately swelled, crowding her vision, threatening to drag her under.

Distantly, she heard Sol growl, “Stop it. This is a lie. I knew her. And she wouldn’t—” He broke off with a sharp inhale. Pandora knew he’d been about to say She wouldn’t do that, but this wasn’t true. The goddess had been ruthless and power hungry. She would have done whatever was necessary to seize power. It was what had led to her downfall in the end.

“I am sorry,” Gaia said softly.

Sol was panting now as if he’d run a mile. For a long moment, he said nothing, but his breaths became more ragged and desperate. He turned and stormed from the room, his heavy footsteps echoing.

“Sol!” Pandora cried, rising to follow after him.

“Let him be,” Gaia said. “He must process this without the reminder of the woman he once loved.”

Pandora shot a hateful look at Gaia. “Why did you do that? Was that truly necessary?”

“It was necessary for you to understand the full extent of her rage,” Gaia said smoothly. “Sol would have found out eventually.”

Pandora shook her head, her hands quivering with fury. She was torn between chasing after Sol and strangling Gaia. The earth goddess was cold and callous. She didn’t care that she’d hurt Sol, who had done nothing but strengthen and support Pandora since the hydra attack. His loyalty was something she did not deserve. But he was here, doing his duty to his kingdom. And now Gaia was crushing him with the revelation that his lover had only used him to get to Apollo. That the passionate love that had shattered him for centuries was built on nothing but lies.

“Do you feel it?” Gaia asked. Her voice was so quiet Pandora almost didn’t hear her over her own violent thoughts.

“Feel what?” Pandora snapped.

“Your own rage. It’s stronger than hers now, isn’t it?”

Pandora gritted her teeth. “That’s what this is? Some kind of test for me?”

“That is the whole reason we’re here,” Gaia said, her expression stoic and unapologetic. “To harness your earth magic so we can rebuild Elysium.”

“You can do this without me,” Pandora bit out. “You and Sol can activate the fail-safe.”

“Pandora, you don’t seem to be understanding me.” Gaia leaned forward, her eyes sharpening.

“Don’t call me that.”

Gaia blinked. “What should I call you?”

“Trivia. I am not her. I am not the same as her.”

“Very well, then. Trivia, you must understand. This is more than just your punishment. It is more than just a training exercise to help you with your magic. The soul inside you is dangerous and has already ripped apart two realms. It is connected to the very darkness that seeks to bring down our existence. If I can teach you to quiet the voice inside you and trust your own magic, to grow your powers and make you strong enough to complete this task, then it will silence the presence inside you. You will become stronger than her. She will no longer be a threat to you or to our realm.”

Our realm. As if Pandora and Gaia could ever belong to the same place.

No, Pandora had grown up in the Underworld. That was her home.

But if what Gaia said was true, then Pandora could finally be free. The soul would still be living inside her, but it would be silenced. Pandora would be in control of her body and her mind.

She would be able to shut off these thoughts and emotions. She would be able to live her own life.

The idea was so foreign and yet so appealing… It loosened the tightness in her chest and made her feel weightless. The possibilities were almost overwhelming. What would she even do with her life? Her entire purpose had been revenge. What would she do without it?

“Fine,” she said in a clipped voice. “Where do we start?”

“We should wait for Sol to return,” Gaia said.

Pandora shook her head. “No, I need to do this without him.”

Gaia tilted her head, looking at her with interest. “Why?”

“Because… because he is too connected to her. It’s why his touch affects me so much.”

Gaia smiled, her eyes sparking with amusement. “Is that what you think?”

“Obviously,” Pandora said through gritted teeth. She wanted to smack that smug expression off the goddess’s face.

“If his touch is only a connection to Pandora, then why does it seem to soothe you?”

“Because it soothes her .”

“So, that voice inside you, it grows louder when he is near? Her emotions intensify when he touches you?”

Pandora faltered at that. Because, in truth, Sol’s touch helped to quiet those voices and emotions. It helped bring her clarity.

“If Sol was connected to that soul inside you,” Gaia went on, “then his presence would make things worse. Pandora’s emotions would fight harder to escape and to reach him. They would drown you out completely.” Gaia clasped her hands together on her lap, her eyes intent as she focused on Pandora. “Trivia, I believe it is your love for Sol that grounds you. He is your anchor, tethering you to this world and this life, not the one that came before.”

“I don’t love him,” Pandora said automatically, even as her chest constricted from the lie. Was it a lie? Well, it had to be. There was so much betrayal tangled up in her association with Sol. How could two people possibly come to love each other after all that? He was her rival, the man she’d hated as a child. His behavior was insufferable.

And yet… He had stood by her. They had saved each other in more ways than one. He had willingly come to Elysium with her. He had shared a bed with her, knowing it was the only way to calm her.

A knot of emotion formed in Pandora’s throat, and she couldn’t breathe. The reality of her feelings for Sol swelled until it nearly suffocated her.

“That’s it.” Gaia scooted forward, then stretched out her hand. “Focus on those feelings, and take my hand.”

Pandora shook her head, unable to think clearly. Her confusion and disorientation were like a storm in her mind.

“Take my hand, Trivia.” Gaia flexed her fingers.

Pandora sucked in a sharp breath, then snatched Gaia’s hand.

Immediately, an explosion of darkness burst forth, shrouding everything in inky black shadows. Pandora cried out, back arching, and tried to withdraw her hand, but Gaia clung to her fingers, tightening her grip.

“Hold on to those emotions!” Gaia cried out over the screaming shadows that filled the room. “You are in love with Sol. Don’t hide from it any longer. You love him, and you hate me. You hate me for hurting him.”

Pandora threw her head back and roared into the darkness, tears streaming down her face. A mixture of rage and grief, sorrow and doubt, regret and longing coursed through her so violently she thought she might faint.

“That’s it, daughter,” Gaia urged.

White hot anger flared in Pandora’s chest, and she screeched, “Don’t call me that!”

“You are my daughter,” Gaia went on. “Regardless of how much you hate me. I birthed you. I loved you. I still love you. No matter what happens or who tries to take you from me, I will always love you.”

“No!” Pandora screamed as sobs tore through her, ripping from her chest. “Please, stop!”

“I wanted to search for you,” Gaia continued. Around her, the shadows began to flicker. “But I was so afraid that if I found a way to reach you, Apollo would find out. He would take Prudence and Pomona from me, and I would be alone.”

The shadows continued swirling, but they were fainter now. Light bled through the darkness, illuminating the shape of Gaia before her.

“It was selfish,” Gaia said, her voice breaking. “I will never forgive myself for not trying harder. I should have done more for you, daughter. And I am so terribly sorry.”

“I don’t want your apologies!” Pandora cried. “They mean nothing to me! And they can’t take away the suffering you caused.”

“I know,” Gaia said. “That is a burden I will carry for the rest of my existence.”

“No, it’s my burden, too! You think I care that you feel guilty ? That you got to live your life on that island with my sisters, free to do as you pleased, while I rotted away in the Underworld? You think I care that it tore you up inside? It doesn’t make anything better to know you feel badly about it. You aren’t apologizing for me—you’re doing it for you to assuage your guilt. So shut the hell up and leave me alone!”

She screamed the last words until her throat was raw, until tears filled her eyes, blurring her vision. When she blinked rapidly to clear them away, she gasped, dropping Gaia’s hand in shock.

The shadows had completely dispersed. And in their wake, a bed of vines and leaves lay at her feet, covering the carpet completely.

Gaia wiped tears from her eyes, her face suddenly more haggard than before. Her voice was strained, but her eyes gleamed with pride as she said, “Well done, daughter. Well done.”