Page 18

Xander

Instead of going straight home after the shoot the way I wanted to, I went to Ethan's, knowing that he usually took every other Friday off from the library.

Without texting him first it was a gamble whether he was actually going to be home, but that was a gamble that I was more than willing to accept.

Ethan had a little house on the outskirts of town, about ten minutes away from where I rented my own house.

He'd been smart and gotten a good deal from a man who was selling after his wife had passed away, so he not only was a homeowner, but he was a homeowner with a covered porch and a porch swing.

It was adorable, especially when you looked at the cheery flowers that were planted in the beds in front of the porch.

I knocked on the front door when I got there, practically flying up his front step and mentally praying that he was home.

Not because I was in a panic, this time, oh no.

Or...not necessarily a bad panic.

But I wanted to talk to him about it anyway.

Ethan took so long to answer the door that I almost turned on my heel and walked away, assuming that I was going to have to call and belabor my situation over the phone -

probably like I should have done in the first place - but then the handle of the door turned, and my twin opened the door, arching an eyebrow at me as he scrubbed a hand towel over his wet hair.

"Calling is a polite thing that most people do when they're going to come over, you know," he said mildly, stepping to the side and letting me in.

I barely acknowledged the snarky remark, instead whirling around on my heel the moment that I was properly inside the house and Ethan had shut the front door behind me.

"He asked me out."

Ethan turned and looked at me, his eyes widening slightly.

"Tristan?"

I rolled my eyes, flapping my hands around a little.

I was pent up with more energy than I'd felt in a long time, and I was sure to anyone else, I would have looked a tiny bit like a lunatic.

This was Ethan, though; he could handle me.

"Yes, Tristan!"

Ethan's eyes widened even more, and he swallowed, making a soft sound before he brushed past me to walk into the kitchen.

I followed him and hopped up on the counter, kicking my feet a little as he set about making a pot of coffee, despite the fact that it was decidedly early afternoon.

He turned back around to face me once the pot was burbling happily behind him, and his expression was soft and mildly cautious, though there was a glint of amusement in his eyes.

"How did it happen?"

My cheeks flushed, and I ducked my head.

"Um.

Well.

We had a shoot today..."

"Gross." I looked up to see Ethan wrinkling his nose together, and I faux-glared at him, looking around for anything that I could throw and settling for folding my arms over my chest with a huff.

"That's discrimination against sex workers."

Ethan rolled his eyes.

"Oh, please.

I have no problem with sex work.

I just don't want to see my twin brother get railed.

That's not discriminatory. [insert funny button]"

"It could be if you look at it sideways," I said, unable to stop myself from laughing a little.

Ethan rolled his eyes again.

"Anyway.

So you had a shoot today, and...?"

I flushed a little at the memory of what the shoot had entailed, but chose to brush right on past that out of respect for my brothers admittedly reasonable boundaries.

"We got cleaned up afterwards, and I was heading out for the day...and Tristan was waiting for me in the lobby of the building."

Ethan cocked his head to the side, his expression softening again.

"Are you sure that he was waiting for you, or was it just a coincidence, do you think?"

"He was waiting for me," I said immediately, the confidence behind my words surprising even me a little bit.

And if Ethan had pressed me, I wouldn't have been able to tell him how I knew that it was true, that Tristan had been waiting in the lobby specifically for me, but it was, and I wasn't going to hear any arguments to the contrary.

Thankfully, Ethan took my words at face value.

"Okay.

So what did he say?"

The memory of the way that Tristan had looked at me when I had called out to him, so earnest and...nervous, at the same time, it made my stomach flip.

I couldn't stop myself from smiling, and I looked down at my lap, and said, "He asked me what I was doing for dinner tomorrow.

And then said that he's going to have me over for dinner, because...he wants to see if we have anything between us.

More than just sexual chemistry, I mean."

Ethan hummed.

"That seems sensible."

The words were neutral, and when I looked up at him, he was smiling at me.

"That's it?" I finally asked my stomach twisting a little.

"What do you mean?" Ethan asked, cocking his head to the side.

Making me talk about my feelings, the asshole.

"I don't know," I finally said, looking at the coffee pot - which was full - and hopping off the counter to make a cup.

It gave me something to do with my hands as I said the next part, the one that was twisting me all up on the inside.

"You're not going to tell me that it's a mistake, or something? Given the...sensitive nature of what we do?"

It was my one major concern.

Tristan seemed fairly confident that we would be able to walk away from anything romantic if it didn't work out without any hard feelings, but...I couldn't shake the feeling that it was going to be a hell of a lot harder accessing the kind of vulnerability that I needed for scenes like the one that we performed today if things didn't go well.

Ethan tilted his head from side to side as I turned back to face him, a cup of steaming coffee in my hands, his expression thoughtful.

"Well, the way I see it," he finally said slowly.

"It could go one of two ways.

Either you try, and your chemistry is only in the bedroom.

In which case you could treat it like he's a fuck buddy you like spending time with outside of the bedroom, but without any romantic entanglement to worry about."

Something inside of me died at that thought, but I nodded.

"And the other way?"

He looked at me, his expression softening even more.

"It might end up being absolutely perfect."

He said the words with such conviction that my breath caught in my throat, and for a second, I couldn't breathe.

"Well, that just makes sense," I finally said, my voice tight.

I forced a laugh, though I didn't feel an ounce of humor, and Ethan crossed the room, taking the untouched cup of coffee out of my hands and setting it on the counter next to me before he wrapped his arms around me and pulled me in for a warm, solid hug.

"You deserve good things, Xan," he said, his voice a little muffled where his face was pressed into my shoulder.

"Tristan could be that for you.

You'll never know if you don't try."

I swallowed and hugged him back.

"I want to," I whispered, speaking all of my fear and longing into the voice.

"I just...I'm afraid."

Ethan pulled away to look at me, and there was a quiet twinkle in his eyes.

"The best things in life are usually scary," he agreed.

"That doesn't mean they're not worth doing."

He sounded so sage and wise in that moment that it irritated me, and I pushed him away with a huff of breath, making him laugh.

"Oh, God." My eyes widened as a new thought occurred to me, and I reached up to run one hand through my hair.

"I'm never going to be able to tell mom how we met. Oh, God."

Ethan cackled, and retrieved an empty cup from the cabinet for himself.

"I'll pay good money to see her expression when you decide to tell her."

I shook my head, and we continued ribbing each other as we each drank two cups of coffee, and then ordered takeout.

It was nice, and I made a mental note that I needed to make more time to see my brother, because this...this was exactly what I'd needed.

And while we were doing all of that, there was a tiny part of my mind that was far, far away.

Thinking about Tristan...and wondering if things were about to blow up in both of our faces.

Or if this was going to be the best thing to happen to either of us.