Page 14

Xander

The library was quiet, almost deathly so, when I slipped inside, my eyes immediately searching for my brother.

The uncomfortable arousal and longing that still flooded every inch of my body made it imperative that I find him right away, because I was freaking the fuck out.

I hadn't been able to get Tristan off my mind ever since the phone call that we'd had when our video went live, but he hadn't reached out to me after that, and admittedly, I had managed to get all in my head about it.

It was something I was very good at, and right now was no exception.

Fortunately for me, Ethan was as much of a people person as he was shy - make it make sense, I certainly couldn't even after all these years of being his literal twin - and I immediately saw him at the front desk of the library, talking with an elderly patron while he scanned in a stack of books that she had brought him.

His expression was animated as he spoke to her, and I couldn't stop myself from snorting at the smitten expression that was on this woman's face.

Barking up the wrong tree, lady, I thought, tucking my hands into my pockets and settling in to wait.

Now that I could see my brother, some of the anxiety that I had been harboring seemed to fade, and once he was done dealing with his patron, Ethan's attention turned to me, and his eyes widened.

"Xander, hey." He smiled at me, hurrying over and looking me up and down.

He was wearing a neat pair of slacks and a dark green button down today, a change of pace from his usual polos and jeans.

"Did we...I mean, we didn't make plans and I just totally forgot, did we?"

The slight trepidation on his face made me feel a little bad, and I shook my head, tucking my hands into my pockets.

"No, you're good," I assured him.

Because yes, I was a bad person who had lied about meeting up with my brother for lunch to get away from Tristan when I couldn't handle my own fucking feelings. Sue me.

Ethan's shoulders visibly relaxed, and he jerked his head towards the office in the corner.

"Come on."

I followed him over to the tiny, cramped little office and leaned against one of the dozen filing cabinets that lined the walls, and Ethan made sure the door was shut completely before he turned on his heel to look at me, planting his hands on his hips.

"Okay, spill," he said, arching an eyebrow at me.

"Spill?" I affected a nonchalant air as I tucked my hands into my pockets.

Now that I was alone with my brother, the panic that had driven me here in the first place seemed silly, and I wasn't sure if I wanted to talk about it.

Ethan rolled his eyes, perching on the edge of the desk.

"I can count on one hand the number of times that you've come to visit me at the library in all the years that I've worked here," he informed me.

"It's four, including today.

Two of the three other times were because you were freaking out over something, so the odds are not in your favor for being calm right now."

"Fucking rude," I countered, folding my arms over my chest.

"I could have come here because I wanted to see you."

He raised his eyebrows at me again, and despite the fact that I the older of the two of us - by five minutes, but still - he still managed to make me feel chastised, like our mother when she caught me sneaking back into my room after the first night that I'd fooled around with my high school boyfriend.

"Okay, fine," I conceded, looking away.

Seconds passed, nearly thirty of them, before he made a soft sound.

"Okay, so...?"

"So...Tristan and I did the first shoot," I mumbled, my cheeks burning.

"And it went really well."

"I figured, from the number of views on that video," Ethan said dryly.

My head snapped up to look at him, my eyes widening.

"You didn't..."

He made a face.

"God, no.

Fuck.

But the number of views is public on the main page, Xan.

I didn't have watch you being fucked to know that people liked it."

My cheeks burned hotter.

"Did it ever occur to you that maybe I was the top?" I pointed out, cutting a glare at my twin.

He grimaced.

"I try not to think of the ways that you like to fuck, Xan," he said, shaking his head.

He sounded so affronted that for a moment, I was tempted to continue poking at him.

That wasn't what I was here for, though.

"Well, anyway.

Afterwards...he helped clean me up, and then he checked in on me a few times the past few days." My cheeks burned at the memory of what we had done when the video went live, and neatly skipped past that particular even in my retelling to my twin.

We were close, but I wasn't going to share everything with him.

Ethan's expression softened, and I swore he had literal heart eyes.

"That's really nice," he said, smiling.

"He wanted to take care of you.

He seemed like a good guy when I met him, I'm not surprised."

I squirmed a little at Ethan's assessment, and when I didn't say anything again for a few minutes, Ethan sighed.

"Come on, Xan.

I have to get back to work.

What's got you all twisted up?"

"I like him!" I blurted out, the words falling out of my mouth with hardly any warning.

"Oooookay..." Ethan drew out the word, cocking his head to the side.

"I should hope you like him if you have to fuck him?"

I shook my head.

He wasn't getting it.

"No, I mean...I like him.

Like like him."

Ethan snorted.

"You like like him? God, how old are you?"

"Five minutes older than you, thank you very much," I shot back, the familiar banter soothing something inside of me even as I was wound tight.

"But...E, really.

This is a fucking problem.

I don't just want to fuck him."

Ethan arched an eyebrow.

"What do you want to do with him, then?"

"I...think I want to date him," I whispered, lowering my voice, as if Tristan had microphones in the walls.

"Wow." Ethan's eyes widened.

"You haven't had a boyfriend in...years."

I nodded, gesturing emphatically.

"So you see the problem.

How am I supposed to date him when I have to fuck him for work? I can't have it both ways, and the money is really good, E.

I can't just quit right now because I'm interested in Tristan."

Ethan considered quietly for a moment, and I waited.

His careful thought before he spoke had talked me off a ledge more times than I could count over the course of our lives, and I knew that he was going to have the most profound advice for me, advice that would make everything all make complete and total sense.

"I get that the work thing is challenging," Ethan finally said.

"But Xan...these don't have to be mutually exclusive things.

Clearly you have chemistry, and you've already gotten the first time fucking out of the way.

Some couples crumble before they even get to that point, so if you think about it, you're already five steps ahead of everyone else when they think they're interested in someone."

I shook my head.

"You're not getting it," I muttered.

"No, I think I am," Ethan shot back, his voice firmer than I'd heard it in a while.

"I think you're scared of losing a good thing with work, and you're terrified of being shot down by a cute guy that you're interested in and have explosive chemistry with.

You're not a special snowflake with these issues, Xan.

They're pretty normal.

And do you know what would fix these problems?"

I shrugged one shoulder.

"Talking to him," Ethan pressed.

"Have you told Tristan that you like him as more than a coworker?"

The memory of Tristan's warm, amused gaze as he looked at me in the grocery store flashed to the front of my mind, and my cock - now soft from the conversation with my twin - gave a valiant twitch that I ignored.

He'd looked...happy to see me, and my stomach twisted.

"I'm going to guess from the lost expression on your face that the answer to the question is no." Ethan shook his head and pushed away from the desk, crossing over to me and patting me on the shoulder.

"Put on your big boy pants and call him, Xan.

I know that you want to make sure that your professional life is solid, but you deserve a personal life too.

You deserve to be happy."

His voice softened with his words, and I sighed, looking at him.

"Okay, fine, I'll...talk to him," I mumbled, shoving Ethan's hand off my shoulder.

He snorted.

"You don't need to act like I told you to take him for a syphilis test," he said, snickering some more as he opened the door to the office.

He stood to the side so that I could walk out, and fell into step at my side as I headed back to the front of the building.

"Drinks on Friday?"

I nodded.

"Yep, always."

He clapped his hand on my shoulder again.

"It'll be fine.

Have a conversation.

You'll walk out of it with a boyfriend, and then we can turn our attention to my dismal love life and what we're going to do about it."

His words were light, but there was a thread of tension running through them that caught my attention, making me look at my brother.

Something in his expression discouraged me from asking what that was about, though, and I shrugged his hand off, nodding.

"Sure, sure.

Have fun with your books."

I gave him a two fingered salute before ducking out of the building, heading to my car.

My mind churned, and I sighed as I slid into the driver's seat and turned the engine over.

I knew that Ethan was right.

I needed to be honest with Tristan, if only so that he didn't get uncomfortable if he figured out my little crush before I told him.

It was the polite thing to do.

But we had another shoot scheduled, so maybe...yeah, definitely, this conversation could wait.