Page 12

Xander

The days following the shoot, I mostly holed up in my house and recovered.

Not because I was ashamed of what I had done, or anything.

I wasn't having a crisis of faith, or a moral quandry, or anything like that.

No, I was just fucking tired.

It had been more challenging than I'd thought shooting with Tristan for nearly two hours, and I wasn't ashamed to admit that when I got home right after the shoot, I collapsed in my bed - despite the fact that it had barely been noon when I got home - and hadn't woken up until it was dark again.

If the texts that I'd gotten from Cole, Dorian, and Tristan were any indication, the shoot had gone very well.

And admittedly, I'd enjoyed myself far, far more than I thought that I would.

The horror stories that you heard about sex work online had prepared me for it to be the worst experience of my life, for my boundaries to be pushed or for the shoot to go on long past my endurance, making it so that I would never want to come back.

None of that was true, though.

If I was being honest with myself...I was looking forward to the next time that I was scheduled with Tristan.

More than I wanted to admit.

Especially considering what the two of us had done after the shoot.

If any memory haunted me, it was the memory of the way that I had basically latched onto Tristan and forced him to spend time with me after the shoot.

I was sure that showering with your costar wasn't standard protocol after fucking them on camera, but Tristan had taken such good care of me.

The way that he had touched me and helped me clean up was almost more impactful than the way that he had fucked me, and despite my embarrassment about my forward behavior after my mind had cleared from the orgasm fog...

I couldn't help feeling that that moment...something had changed.

Between the two of us, I mean.

Of course, I couldn't say that to him.

Even when he texted me the next day to check in, I hadn't been able to bring myself to talk to him about what had happened.

Surely...he'd felt the intimacy between the two of us, too?

The tiny part of me that was terrified of rejection didn't know what I would do if he hadn't felt the same way, so I'd just sent a thumbs up emoji when he'd texted, and that had been that.

And now it had been three days, and I wanted to reach out to him and talk to him, but that same fearful voice in the back of my mind whispered that it had been too long.

It had been three days.

And while that was standard practice of waiting to reach out to someone you liked in the hetero world, for me, it always felt like it was too long.

And somehow, not long enough.

I settled with my phone, sequestered on a corner of my couch, a blanket wrapped around me with the remote to the TV at my side.

It was the place that I had spent most of my time in the days since the shoot, and I was starting to feel like if I didn't move soon, I was going to start sinking into the actual cushions of the couch.

And I was not meant to be a couch plant.

I chewed my lower lip, and then, determination filling me, I opened my text messages.

I was going to do it.

I was going to text Tristan, even if it was just to say hello.

To let him know that I was thinking about him.

Co-stars could do that, right? That was the polite thing to do?

Before I could get too far up in my head about the etiquette of texting your scene partner when you worked in porn, my phone buzzed, drawing my attention.

Cole: The video of your first shoot with Tristan is live on the website, and the response has been phenomenal.

Truly, you are a natural, Xander.

A link has been sent to your email so that you can see your work and bypass the paywall.

My stomach flipped, and before I could text Cole back, my phone buzzed again, this time with a message from Tristan.

Tristan: Hey, did you see that the video is up? It's pretty fucking great. :)

My stomach flipped yet again at the sight of his text message, and I think my teeth into my lower lip as I typed back a quick answer.

Xander: I only just got the text from Cole.

You've watched it already?

Tristan: Is there any answer I can give you that won't make me sound like a creeper that was watching the website, waiting for it to go live?

I couldn't stop myself from snorting, and I shook my head as I answered.

Xander: I think that you've already outed yourself as a creeper, unfortunately. ;)

I set my phone to the side, and ignored it when it buzzed again almost immediately.

Instead, I grabbed my laptop and pulled it onto my legs, opening the lid and quickly logging in to navigate to my browser.

My email was already open, and when I opened the email from Cole to click the link, I found myself...uncharacteristically nervous.

Which, of course, didn't make any fucking sense.

I was about to watch a video of myself getting fucked by Tristan for the first time, it wasn't like I was worried about blackmail material.

This was something I had been paid for, and was going to be on a very public website.

If I was going to be nervous about being seen naked by a bunch of strangers, I shouldn't have taken the job in the first place.

The link took me right to the website, and then I held my breath as it loaded on the screen, the familiar red and black and white design of the website calming something inside of me.

It probably made me sound a little desperate and lonely, but I'd watched plenty of porn before.

This was going to be no fucking different.

The video loaded with the Studio Black logo on the thumbnail, and I took a deep breath before I clicked play.

The cheesy porn music immediately started playing, though it was a little more guttural than usual.

Again, this was nothing new for me - yes, pathetic, I was aware of it - and I lifted one hand to chew at the skin around my thumbnail, abusing the tender flesh while the video started.

I was walking across the set and opening the door.

There was Tristan, looking at me like he wanted to fucking eat me.

It was even more intense watching it than it had been to experience it, especially because this time, I was able to see my eyes widen the tiniest bit, the deer in headlights look almost endearing.

"Hey," I said, my lips parting.

Tristan's eyes lit up, and he smirked as he walked into the room, and he murmured, "Hey, baby."

Then he was kissing me on the video, and God, it was like he was kissing me for the first time all over again.

I could feel the ghost of his mouth against mine as I watched him back me up on the video to the bed, and my cock filled so fast in my sweatpants that my head fucking spun.

I shoved my computer onto the coffee table and pushed my pants down to free my cock, groaning softly when the camera cut, and then Tristan was looking down at me, and I was stammering.

"I...I'm nervous."

My cock twitched, and I was already leaking, my hand moving over my skin made sticky-slick from precome.

Another cut, and Tristan smirked.

God, he was handsome.

Dorian had definitely edited in more shots of his face than usual - based what I'd seen of his other videos - but that made sense, considering the scene, I supposed.

"I'll touch you the second that you tell me why you're nervous," he whispered.

I vaguely recalled there had been a little bit more dialogue between those two lines, but that was neither here nor there.

I whimpered on the screen, and my cock throbbed before I licked my lips and whispered, "I...I've never done anything...like..."

Watching it secondhand, the way that Tristan's pupils blew at my "confession" couldn't be faked.

It made my cock hard as steel to see how obviously he wanted me, and when he growled, "You're a virgin, baby?", I had to squeeze the base of my cock hard so that I wouldn't spill all over myself right then and there.

Of course, things escalated from there.

Tristan was kissing me again, then fucking my mouth, whispering filthy things to me.

It was incredibly erotic to watch myself be fucked on camera, and my cock leaked more and more as the video played on.

My hand grew a little sticky, a lot rough and slick, and by the time Tristan was fucking me, my head was spinning, and God, I wanted to come.

And yet...something felt like it was missing.

I wanted Tristan there.

For real.

Not just on the video, I wanted him there with me, watching and evaluating.

Agreeing with about how hot we were together.

The realization was like a punch to the gut, and before I could stop myself, I reached for my phone and grabbed it, dialing Tristan's number before I could think twice about it.

"Hey, baby star," Tristan's warm voice sounded in my ear after only one ring.

"So, what did you think?"

My words were frozen the second that I heard him speak, and my hand worked faster.

A moment passed, and I panted softly, and when he spoke again, Tristan's voice was softer, rougher.

"Xan, are you there?"

I swallowed and bit back a whimper before I said, "Yeah, I'm here.

I...it's great.

I'm still watching it."

Tristan chuckled.

"You're watching a video of me fucking you, right now? And you decided to call me...right now?"

There was a thread of excitement in his voice that made my cock throb, and my hand worked faster, the sound of skin slapping against skin so fucking loud to my ears.

"Yep," I said breathlessly.

"I...I just..."

I trailed off, unable to tell him the real reason that I had called him.

Because telling him that I'd wanted to hear him talk me through my orgasm would be pushing the lines of professionalism, beyond, even.

But still...

"You just...what?" There was the faint sound of springs in the background, and when he spoke again, Tristan's voice was deeper.

"Xan, are you touching yourself right now? Watching the two of us fuck?"

I couldn't bite back the whimper that fell from my lips at that, and I nodded helplessly, knowing that he couldn't see. "Yes..."

"Fuck, that's hot." Tristan groaned, and then the sound of springs reached my ears again.

"Why did you call me, baby boy?" he asked, his voice suddenly a rough growl.

That sound, more than anything, made every ounce of restraint fly out of me.

The video was still playing in the background, of course, but suddenly, the real life Tristan that I had on the phone was the most important and most sexy thing to me.

"I...couldn't get off," I said, my voice this with frustration.

"Something...something is missing..."

"And that something...is it me?" The sound of springs, and then Tristan sighed.

It didn't take a genius to know that he had just wrapped his hand around his cock, as well, and my hand started working faster.

"Yes," I whimpered.

Already, my head was starting to fuzz out, and the orgasm that had felt so distant only a few minutes before was suddenly that much closer.

"Fuck," Tristan rasped.

"You need me to talk you through it, baby boy?"

I whimpered, and then paused, a rational thought filtering to the front of my mind.

"This won't...make things weird, right? I mean...for our next shoot..."

A pause, and then Tristan chuckled huskily.

"No, Xan, this won't make things weird," he promised.

"Think of it like practice.

We have to like each other if we're going to keep fucking on camera, right?"

I wasn't sure that was exactly true, but I nodded along anyway, practically hypnotized by Tristan's voice. "Yeah..."

"And if we like each other...then this is just...giving a helping hand." Tristan's voice lowered to a soft croon, and I could hear the matching sound of flesh slapping against flesh in his background. "Right?"

"Right," I rasped, my hand working faster.

Stroking of the head, sending sparks of sensation straight to the base of my cock where my balls were drawing up.

"Mmm.

Good boy." Tristan groaned, and then, "Stroke your cock for me, Xan.

I fucking love the sounds you make.

Can't wait to hear them more.

I've watched our video more times than I can count, you know that?"

"How?" I managed, my voice breathy.

"It just went live."

Tristan paused, and then chuckled.

"Dorian sent it to me yesterday.

I've spent all day in fucking bed watching me destroy your hole again and again.

I didn't think that I could get it up again...but then you called."

"And now?" I pushed, my orgasm getting closer.

The needy sounds that kept falling from my lips would have embarrassed me under any other circumstances, but I wanted Tristan to know how much I wanted him.

I had no more shame when it came to this man.

"And now I'm going to shoot all over my fucking sheets for the thousandth time today," Tristan rasped.

"You're so fucking sexy, Xan, you have no fucking idea.

Can't wait to get my hands on you again."

He groaned, and my hand sped up.

"Please..." I whimpered, my orgasm already close.

"I can hear how fucking close you are, baby boy," Tristan said, somehow knowing exactly what I needed.

"You want my hand to be the one on your cock, don't you? You want me jacking you off while my cock pounds into your tight hole?" I whined again, and he chuckled.

"Or do you want my tongue there? Opening you up and making you spill for the first time, before I fuck you?"

The thought of Tristan edging me with his tongue while he stroked my cock was the last straw.

I seized up and came with a shout, spilling all over my stomach and shirt, the pleasuring blinding me.

Tristan's grunts of pleasure on the other end of the line were sexy as fuck, and by the time my vision cleared, I barely had the presence of mind to reach out and press pause on the video and breathe deeply, clutching my phone to my face.

"Um, thanks," I finally said, my cheeks burning with sudden embarrassment.

Tristan chuckled, the sound raspy.

"No problem," he said.

He sighed a moment later.

"I made a mess."

The comment was casual and light, and it made me snort.

"Same," I said, looking down at myself.

"I should shower."

Tristan hummed.

"Me too." A pause, and then, "We were hot, yeah?"

I laughed again.

"If me calling you for an assist with jacking off wasn't enough of an indication, yeah, Tris.

We were hot." I chewed on my lower lip for a moment, and then, "When do you think we'll be scheduled together next?"

"They usually give a few days between big shoots.

You might be scheduled for some photo sessions with Emmett or solo video sessions over the next few days, but I imagine that they'll want to get the two of us back in studio as quickly as possible after the response to the video."

I furrowed my brow.

"The response?"

Tristan snickered.

"Check the comments.

They're...something else."

My stomach swooped, and I looked down at myself.

The come was already starting to cool on my stomach and grow tacky on my shirt, and I grimaced.

"I'm going to shower first."

"Mm.

Same." Tristan hummed.

"Talk soon, then?"

I know that I wasn't imagining the hopeful note in his voice, and my heart squeezed at the sound of it.

Did he...want to hear from me again...beyond professional reasons? "Sure.

Talk soon."

"Great." I could hear the smile in Tristan's voice, and it made my lips stretch in a smile.

"See you."

He hung up before I could respond, and it took a moment before I set my phone down, my heart suddenly lighter and way more nervous than it had been before I'd called.

And I didn't think that the intense orgasm that I'd given myself by my own hand was to blame.