Page 44 of Ruthlessly Mated (Shared Mates #2)

K ita

I really cannot get away with anything anymore. That realization makes me feel safe, and it makes me feel trapped at the same time. I am going to have three sets of eyes on me for the rest of my life. I’m going to be… fuck, I can’t even be bothered finishing that thought.

I crawl into bed, even though it is only three o’clock in the afternoon. Tailor leaves me to sleep on my own, though he tucks me in and I have the feeling that he will know if I so much as move.

My ass and pussy are aching, and my lower belly feels heavy. It has been some time since I bled. I wonder if I am already pregnant, if all these events are already irrevocably in motion.

I close my eyes and dream of explosives, and trucks, and open roads. The memories are exciting, invigorating—and solitary.

No matter how much I might become attached to my mates, there is still something in me that pulls me toward the horizon.

Any horizon. Adventure draws me. The unknown fascinates me.

They want to domesticate me, but I am wild.

That is what my mind tries to tell me over and over as it generates grand internal vistas like the ones I used to experience before finding the loves of my life.

At some point in the evening, the others join me in bed. I know this because the next morning I wake up in Conroy’s arms, my legs draped over Damon’s mid-section. I am sleeping somewhat sideways on the bed, snuggled and wrapped up and twisted in the sheets.

I get up and pad down to the kitchen, searching for coffee.

“No caffeine for you,” Tailor says, snatching the cup out of my hand like a well-dressed ninja ghost. He came up behind me so quietly I did not sense him coming. For a moment, I am going to curse him out, but the words die on my lips as he looks down at me, a brow half-raised as if to challenge me.

“You have anything to say?”

“One coffee won’t hurt me,” I say. “But it might hurt you if I don’t get it.”

“Interesting. I would have thought yesterday’s lesson in respect would have made you more careful about mouthing off to me, Kita. But I suppose you have always enjoyed dangerous games. Coffee isn’t good for babies,” he says.

“I’m not pregnant yet.”

“No, but it’s not too early to get ready for the changes associated with motherhood.”

I make a gagging sound and walk out. I need some air. I need some coffee.

I go down to Coastwood. I know they’re going to be mad at me, so I leave a note on the fridge, so they don’t think I’ve disappeared into a vampire’s trap, or anything like that.

I go to the doctor’s, just walk right in and sit down and wait as other people file in and out of her little office.

Someone has sniffles. Someone else has aches.

Someone else is bleeding. I think about leaving, because it’s stupid to be here.

I’m not pregnant. Yes, I’ve been doing the thing that makes you pregnant, but pregnancy feels to me the same as death does—it’s something that happens to other people. Not me.

“Kita! Nice to see you. What can I do for you?” Mandy asks when I get to see her. She’s smiling at me, looking so normal and so nice. I almost get up and walk out of there, because I’m probably wasting her time.

“Uhm. It’s, er…”

She waits patiently, as if she’s used to this sort of thing from people. I’m definitely wasting her time.

“Have you been feeling unwell?” she prompts me gently.

“Uh… well…”

“Is there something else you’d like to talk to me about?”

“Hm. So. I was thinking…”

She sits, still so patient. So kind. I just have to say it.

“Am I pregnant?” I blurt the question out.

“Well, that’s a good question,” she says. “Have you been having unprotected sex?”

“I’ve been doing almost nothing else.”

She smiles. “Well, I can give you a urine test, and we can see what that says, though due to your unusual physiology, it’s possible there won’t be the same markers. It’s still possible to do an ultrasound though.”

“Can we skip the pee and go straight to the ultrasound?”

“Sure,” she says. “Come back with me.”

I go back to the room where I bet she stitched Damon back together. I wonder if he thought he was going to die out here. I wonder if he knew he’d get to see any of us again.

Every place seems to have so much resonance at the moment. It’s like there’s meaning everywhere, and I am swimming in it.

“Just lift your shirt. I’ll put some gel on your lower stomach and we’ll see.”

The probe gets smooshed all over my gooey tummy and the doctor starts hunting in my insides for traces of other people. It’s so weird.

“Well,” she says. “You have good instincts.”

“I do?”

She turns the monitor toward me. I can see a dark space inside me, but it’s not the void where my soul should be.

It’s a different dark nook, and there’s something dancing inside me.

A little bean that isn’t me. It’s the weirdest fucking feeling I’ve ever experienced, seeing that creature, knowing that it will be someone one day.

A whole person with a whole life is hiding out inside me, having no idea what it is, or what it will become.

I stare at the screen and have a quiet existential crisis.

Then, in front of my eyes, the dancing little bean does a do-si-do and slides to the side, revealing another dancer.

“What the hell just happened?”

“There’s two,” she says. “You’re having twins.”

“Twins. That’s an extra baby.”

“Yes,” she says.

“I’m growing two people who will have to pay taxes one day.”

“I don’t believe any of you pay taxes now, do you?”

I look over at Mandy. “What if they’re not criminals. What if they’re law-abiding? What if they have to pay taxes? That’s not fair. Look how small they are. They don’t even know what they’re getting into. Fuck!”

She puts a calming hand on my shoulder. “It’s going to be okay,” she says.

“It’s really not. They’re going to have to decide what shoes to wear.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean they have a lifetime of decisions. They’re going to have to brush their teeth, and wash their hands, and learn what polite conversation means, and probably shoot someone one day, and turn into wolves, and be hunted for it, and…”

“Breathe,” she reminds me. “Should I call your mates?”

“No. Don’t tell them. You can’t tell them.”

“I won’t tell them a thing,” she reassures me. “Your medical care is confidential, but you will need support. I’m happy to talk about any concerns you might have…”

“They’re going to have favorite foods. And pet peeves. They’re going to believe in something. Or not.”

I am still looking at the little creatures that are living inside me, teetering on the brink of lives yet to be lived. It’s the most magical thing I’ve ever experienced and it makes everything that ever happened to me feel more important than ever, and somehow not important at all.

“There’s a lot to think about,” Mandy says. “Do you have any questions? We should talk about nutrition, vitamins, birth plans.”

“Birth plans?” The words burst out of me. “I might be pregnant, but I’m not going to give birth.”

“How else are they going to come out?”

“Well, maybe they can make their own arrangements. They have months to decide.”

Mandy smiles. “We can talk about this later. You probably need to talk to your mates and think about this.”

“Yes. I probably do.” I keep staring at the machine.

“Do you want a picture? I can print it off so you can look whenever you like.”

“Oh. Yes, please.”

I don’t want her to turn the monitor off. I want to watch them forever. I want to see what they’re doing. Once she turns it off, I won’t know what they’re up to anymore. I won’t get to see them growing. It’s truly magical to see them.

They look like they’re holding hands. Two little guys just living their best little guy lives.

I have to go home.

I have to tell my mates.

I go home.

I don’t tell my mates.

I don’t know why. I’m not ready for it to be all the way real. I’m not ready for Conroy to have a whole lot more rules and Tailor to start furnishing a nursery and Damon to—well, I don’t think Damon is going to be any different, but you never know.

I want everything to be the same for a bit. I want to be just myself for just a little longer…