Page 141 of Ruthless Rustanovs

As touching as his words were, she had to softly remind him, “Then you flew off the fucking handle when I introduced the topic of children.”

He sighed, sad and heavy. “I am my mother’s child.

She was much more charming than me. Prettier.

But she, my grandmother…they were both like me.

They both had this Darkness. The tiger’s curse, my grandmother called it.

A roaring hunger inside us that must be fed.

My grandmother had her religion and I had my fighting, but my mother—she only had the Rustanovs.

That is why Alexei has always been so afraid for me when it comes to you.

He did not want me to turn out like her. And that is why I am afraid for…”

He once again trailed off and glanced down at her stomach. “I never wanted a child to suffer this tiger’s curse. But there is nothing to be done for it now. Now all I can do is try. Try to be better man for you. Try to protect, try to teach…”

“I understand now, and I think you’re right about how you should handle being a father, but…” She shook her head at him. “You can’t even say it. You can’t say ‘our daughter.’”

“I do not have to say these words to be man that is needed,” he answered with a frustrated sneer. “I am trying now, like I told you. I will do whatever it takes to make this work.”

Would he, really? she wondered, thinking about all the things he’d just told her. Then she asked, “Why didn’t you ever tell me any of this before? In Germany or in New Mexico? Why did you let me think I was just this thing you owned?”

“I don’t know,” he answered between gritted teeth. “I have already told you everything I have to tell about why I treated you the way I did in Germany. I don’t know what other answers you want to these other questions. How should I answer them, Sirena? What do you want me to say?”

She stared at him. And stared at him. And stared at him some more. Then she said, “I love you, Beast.”

He flinched, jerking around to face her. “No. Do not say that. I told you before—”

He stopped when she grabbed his hands and placed them on her belly. Placed them where he’d have no choice but to feel the life moving around inside her. His daughter. Her daughter. The miracle they’d made together.

“No,” he whispered, hands tremulous under hers.

“Yes, this is happening, Beast. We have a baby on the way and I love you,” she said, looking him straight in the eye. “I love you and I want you to say it back to me. That’s how I want you to answer my questions.”

But Bair kept shaking his head, his words coming out fast and scared, like she and their baby were the most terrifying things this 6’6” undefeated fighter had ever encountered.

“You do not understand. You ask me why I did not tell you any of this. It is because I was fucked in the head. When you met me, I am like dog, too. Going from fight to fight. Not caring if I die in one. Not caring if I kill in one. I was in the dark, and then you happened as you like to say. You bring me out of the dark, you keep me in the light. But I knew you were damaged, too. Knew you would only be with me until you met somebody better. I had so much passion for you, Sirena, but I could not figure out how to keep you without cruelty. For this I am sorry, Sirena. You will never know how sorry I am for ruining us...”

Thel stopped him right there.

“We were both too young and damaged back then. Twenty and twenty-one—come on! Neither of us were equipped to handle what we started in Greece and Germany. But we’re better now, and I’m talking about now.

I love you now. I believe in us now. And if you let me, I will spend the rest of my life helping you stay in the light.

I promise you…for real this time. But I need more than a try from you.

I need to know you love me. I need you to tell me you’re going to love this baby like she deserves to be loved. ”

Bair had never looked more the Beast. Eyes rolling, nose flaring with the frustrated, angry breaths of a predator at the end of a hunter’s gun.

But then he somehow found the strength to pull his hands away from her.

Balling them up into fists lest she think about trying to take them into her hands again.

“Do you know what has happened to every person I love?” he asked her, the ugly Rustanov sneer practically etched into his face. “They die. My father is killed. My mother takes her own life. My grandmother…”

He stopped, the memory obviously too hard for him to relay in his already overtaxed English.

With another hard swipe of his head, he told her, “No, I will not love you, Sirena. Or this baby. I can only try my best to be good husband and father. I can be nice man from now on. Act like father in movie. Nikolai says he will give me books to help me with this. That is why I brought you here, so you could see how hard I will work to not be man you ran away from in Germany. But that is all I have in me, all I have to give. And it will have to be enough for you.”

She regarded him. Her heart filling with sadness. For him. For her. “It will have to be enough…” she repeated.

“Yes, it will have to be enough,” he answered, eyes just as sad as hers.

She considered his words for a long time. The air between them colder than it had ever been. Even in Germany. And when she finally raised her eyes to meet his, the sneer on her face was even uglier than the one he regularly employed.

“So what you’re trying to tell me is you’re nothing like me. Because I’m brave and I’m in love with you, but you’re too scared to say it back.”

He looked away from her then back again. “I cannot say this to you. There is difference.”

“No, no…” she said with a disappointed lift of her shoulders. “There really isn’t, Bair.”

She let out a sharp expulsion of air. “Okay, I’m not even sure if that mediator you mentioned was an actual thing you really had lined up. But we’re not going to be needing him, because this is how we’re going to do this.”

Rubbing a hand over her swollen belly, she calmly informed him, “I’m going to go back to the guest house now to get a good night’s sleep.

I need the rest, because tomorrow we’re going to put on a front for our families since it’s Christmas.

But the day after Christmas, I’m taking a train back to Virginia with my mama, and knowing her, a whole pile of Agatha Christie novels.

Then I’m going to go about my life, and you’re going to go about yours.

And if you ever grow a pair, then you can come find me and our baby. ”

Face hardening, the old Bair came back like a furious second act overture. “I will not let you go back to that tiny house with my child—”

“Yes you will,” she answered, meeting his angry gaze with one of her own, “because you know me and this baby deserve better than some guy who’s too scared to say ‘I love you.’”

A few more animal nose flares, as if Bair couldn’t process that this was happening. That she was actually leaving him, refusing to start a family with him because he refused to say three little words.

“How many years now? Twelve? And you are still being stupid, stupid girl!”

“And you’re still a stupid, stupid boy,” she said, taking his face in her hands. She pulled him down for a tender kiss. “God, I wish you could love me back. I love you so much, you stupid boy. I love you so, so much. You have no idea how bad you’re breaking my heart with this bullshit.”

He rested his forehead against hers, all heat and sadness and anger. “I give you everything,” he whispered. “Everything but these silly words. Why can’t that be enough?”

“Because love is the fucking basic setting for being a parent,” she answered.

“Love is why me and my sister are here spending Christmas with Marian even after all the crazy shit she’s pulled on us throughout the years.

I know you were raised hard. I know your life has been tough, but I can’t fix you.

Only you can fix you. And I get that you’re trying, but you’re not trying hard enough if you can’t say the words. ”

“What about money? This baby will need things. Things you can’t provide as cleaning lady.”

Thel let him go. She made herself let him go and look him in eye as she answered, “I’ve got my sister and my crazy mother and all sorts of support money just can’t buy.

So keep your Rustanov empire dollars, I don’t want them.

Me and this baby don’t need that. All we need is your love, so if you can’t give us that, you might as well do like my father and swim away forever.

Because Sirena might not have known better, but Cancer done taught Thel, best believe.

I deserve better than a man too scared to love me back.

Our daughter deserves better than a father who refuses to say the words.

Understand this, Beast, you might be strong and rich, but without love, you don’t got shit to offer us. ”

With that, she turned and started walking away.

“Sirena—” he growled behind her.

“It’s Thel, goddamnit,” she called over her shoulder. “And the baby’s name is going to be Chrysanthemum, because she’ll be that damn awesome. So fuck you, scaredy-cat.”

As tough as those last words were, that was all the Real Thel had left in her.

And though she could feel his eyes on her back, she didn’t dare to turn back and look at him, because she didn’t trust herself not to do something stupid if she did.

Something like settle for a life with a man who was willing to try but not love.

But it was a close thing for sure. Lucky for her, he didn’t say anything else as she departed, forcing herself away from him and toward the life she planned to lead without him...

And he didn’t try to follow.