Page 27

Arielle

“Mama, look! It’s Mickey!” Jason yelled, rushing to stand in front of the TV and butchering the theme song with his babbles like he does whenever the show comes on.

I watched him with a smile as I packed his lunch and threw in some changes of clothes and diapers into his backpack. He was a bundle of joy and the spitting image of his father. My eyes were the only part of him that indicated I took part in his making.

“Come on, baby. Time to dress up.” I beckoned to him, holding out his shirt to him.

He reluctantly left his position to stand in front of me with his arms spread out. “Will you be gone long?”

I felt my heart squeeze. “No, baby. Mummy has a job interview, and if everything goes well, I’ll get you that toy you like at the mall.”

His eyes instantly lit up at my promise. “Really?” I don’t think he understood what an interview is, but the part about his toy had him hooked.

“Yes,” I replied, folding his collar. “So, you be a good boy and don’t give Aunt Annalise any troubles.”

“I never give any troubles,” he pouted, a mischievous glint playing behind his eyes, and his face completely morphed into Mikhail’s. I chuckled, feeling that dull ache in my chest intensify. Sometimes, I felt Jason’s striking resemblance to Mikhail was the universe’s curse to me, a constant reminder of what I was running from.

The ache wasn’t as bad as it was in the beginning, and it didn’t make me keel over in pain, but I still felt it sneak up on me every once in a while, like a ghost haunting an abandoned house. Never threatening, but always present.

It was worse in the cold nights of my last trimester and the first few months following Jason’s birth when he fell sick, and I was scared shitless with no one to talk to. It was worse when I fell into postpartum depression and had no support system. And when the money finally started running short, and I had to get a job, I almost made up my mind to return to New York and face whatever was waiting for me, but a nice young lady across the street befriended me, and things slowly became bearable.

“So, you won’t try to climb the peach tree behind?”

“Yes, mama.”

I smiled and ruffled his black hair. “Good boy. Go get your lunch pack.”

I gave myself a once over in the mirror close to our quaint dining room, making sure my brown wig was tightly secured and my contacts sat in place. It’s been three years, and I still found myself looking over my shoulder and flinching whenever I heard the name Henry.

“What did we say about staying with Aunt Annalise?” I asked as we made our way to her apartment.

“No climbing trees and troubles.”

“Good boy,” I replied, ringing Anna’s doorbell.

“If it's not my favorite boy in the whole world!” Anna grinned, lifting a squealing Jason into a bone-crushing hug.

“Hey.”

“Feeling nervous?” she asked, putting Jason back on his feet and letting him into the house.

“I couldn't hold down a cup of coffee,” I sighed, leaning on the door frame. “I really need this, Anna. Jason will be starting school soon and the money will go a long way.”

“You're amazing, Cara. You’ll crush it,” she replied, reaching out to softly squeeze my hand.

I returned her smile, “I hope so.”

I often wondered what I’d do without her help. All the nights, picking extra shifts at the lounge, and on the weekends, I had to work overtime to make extra cash. She was honestly an angel, and I don’t think I could ever repay her kindness.

I opened my mouth to say thank you, but she beat me to it with a straight look. “Before wasting your time pouring gratitude at my feet, I'll have you know the train will be taking off in thirty minutes.”

I shook my head, a small smile playing on my lips. “And I was worried Jason was picking up sass from the TV, not knowing the influence is right beneath my nose. Call me if he needs anything.”

“I won’t. Now off you go.” She practically shooed me out of her house.

A glance at my watch revealed that Anna was not bluffing, and I practically raced down the stairs.

“Good morning, Cara,” Aldo, the security guy greeted, and I returned I waved in return.

It felt strange hearing others call me Cara at first, but I’ve come to love the peace that came with it. I knew if I wanted a clean slate, I had to be honest.

I owed it to my son.

*****

I made it to the station just in time and squeezed through the Monday morning rush to secure a seat before the train took off. The ride from Monza to Milan was approximately 30 minutes, so I made myself comfortable, pulling out the interview questions I downloaded last night for a final review.

I could answer the questions with my eyes closed, but I still couldn’t shake off the nerves. This was the first real corporate interview I was attending and my first time pulling out my resume. Every job I had taken in the past was already prepared by Father, and I just had to show up for formalities.

A kid sitting in front of me began wailing out of nowhere, and the sound irritated my already sensitive nerves further. I hated this life with everything in me. I hated constantly depending on public amenities, living from paycheck to paycheck, and not being able to give the best to Jason. I had an account overflowing with money, but there was no way for me to make a withdrawal without alerting someone of my presence. I couldn’t reach out to Vivian either. The last I heard of her was when I called to inform her of Jason’s birth, and placing a call would be too risky.

The world was really round and rotating and would bring you right back where you started. In my case, it was back to being alone with no family. The only difference was, this time, I was a fugitive with a child, but I was back to being that orphanage kid with no family, and it hurts more now that I've tasted what it feels like to have one.

I let out a frustrated sigh and pulled out my phone and googled The New York Times . It was a practice that had become part of my morning routine, and while I told myself it was my way of keeping up with the city, I knew damn well what I was doing. I keyed in a name into the search bar and relaxed as pictures of him flooded my screen. The noise from the chattering citizens and wailing child faded into a dull echo. The pictures were mostly of him at corporate dinners and charity galas. I noted the consistent absence of a woman in his arms or any rumors surrounding him and one, and I felt myself slightly relax. I don’t know why I did this every day. It was hopeless, but somehow, it comforted me.

*****

“You have the most impressive resume I’ve seen in a while. How is it you’ve never worked anywhere?” The interviewer asked, and my palms instantly grew sweaty.

I would’ve been surprised if the question never came up. My resume was practically a file containing my schools, grades, performance, and projects I headed as a student. I had intentionally removed traces of any past work experience in case they decided to send emails for inquiries.

I took a deep breath and supplied the answer Anna and I had prepared for the question. “I was in an accident, and my spine was injured. It took a while for me to fully recover.”

The interviewer slowly nodded, and a look of empathy overshadowed his curiosity. “I’m sorry about that. Anyway,” he continued, carefully tucking my file to the side, “is there anything we need to know about the accident? Any way it can affect your performance?”

“Not at all,” I pulled out a medical report Anna had gotten from God knows where. “I recovered over a year ago, and I cleared with my doctor before working my previous job at a lounge.”

“Alright. You're hired. Work hours are from 8 a.m. to 4 p.m. The receptionist will give you a handbook containing all you need to know and the company keycard,” he replied, not bothering to take a look at my report.

“Just,” I cleared my throat, “Just like that?”

He blinked at me. “You don't think you deserve it?”

“No, not at all,” I rushed out. “I expected—never mind, thank you. I won’t disappoint you.”

“I need you to sign here so we can enter your name into the system for easy access when you come in tomorrow,” he said, handing me a three-page document. I was too excited to carefully read it and merely skimmed over it and signed it.

“See you bright and early tomorrow, Miss Kincaid.” He dismissed me with a kind smile, and I made my way to the elevator, grinning like an idiot. I couldn’t wait to share the news with Anna and Jason. I might even make a quick stop at the Chinese place to grab us a celebratory dinner.

Finally, inside the elevator, I let out the happiest squeal and leaned into the steel walls, welcoming the cold feeling of the metal against my skin. Today might just be the happiest day since my boy was born. The elevator came to a stop midway, and I quickly got off the wall, relaxing my facial expression to a neutral one before whoever was coming mistakes me for a crazy woman.

The doors slid open and the polite greeting I had prepared immediately vanished, my warm smile dripping with it.

My heart sank to the pits of my stomach, and I almost passed out from my nerves going haywire. I blinked multiple times, willing the figure in front of me to disappear, but it persisted, strong, bold, and confident.

He took a step into the elevator, and dread poured over me like rainwater, drenching me to the bones despite the cold in the elevator. I could feel goosebumps spreading all over my skin. I prayed to every god known to man for him to not recognize me, but he looked me right in the eye and took a second step further, and my prayer died in my tongue.