Page 4 of Ruthless Desires, Vol. One (Ruthless Desires Series Extended Editions #1)

Wren

“God, I love these fries.” Adam dips a couple into ketchup before shoving them into his mouth.

I take a few for myself. This burger place has been a favorite of mine for years, and their fries are one of the reasons why. I discovered them during my college years and never stopped coming back.

“This movie is gonna be great,” Adam says in between bites. “Chad posted about it yesterday, said he had no complaints.”

“Good,” I say with a forced smile. I’m pretty sure my boyfriend is more excited about the movie than he is about getting to spend time with me. When I brought up the idea of a date earlier this week, he was reluctant to go until I picked a movie I know he’s been wanting to go see.

“Speaking of Chad, he’s gonna propose to Chloe on Valentine’s Day. Can you believe it? They’ve only been dating for a year.”

“When you know, you know, I guess.” I shrug. “He’s really planning in advance, huh? That’s, like, six months away.”

“Yeah. He wants to have extra time to save up since she wants to have such a big wedding.” Adam rolls his eyes. “Like he needs to save up with the kind of money he makes.”

“Did he get a different job? Last I heard, he wasn’t making much at all.”

“Yeah, about a month ago. Practically doubled his salary by switching companies. Lucky motherfucker.”

“Damn,” I mutter. I don’t make much as a barista, but even doubling that amount would be helpful. Hell, anything would be helpful. We’re barely able to save anything up, and the urge to spend it all on something nice instead of keeping it for emergencies is strong.

“I’ll find something better than him, though. Getting close. I can feel it.”

“I mean, it doesn’t have to be better than Chad’s, does it? That job you interviewed for on Tuesday sounded good.”

More than good. From what Adam told me, it’s everything he’s been looking for. He was really excited when he listed off the pay and benefits he’d receive.

“It was all right, I suppose.”

“Oh hey, weren’t they supposed to get back to you by today?”

“They did. Offered me the job.” Adam looks out the window we’re sitting next to.

“What? Adam! That’s amazing. Why didn’t you—”

“I turned them down.”

“What?”

“I turned them down,” he says, slowing his words and enunciating every syllable while giving me an annoyed look.

“But why? That would’ve been a huge pay raise for you!”

“Because I know what I’m worth, and it’s more than that.”

“You told me when you set up the interview that the salary was really good. Didn’t you say it was above market average?”

“Yeah, but I can do better.”

“That is better, Adam! We could really use the money.”

“Don’t worry about it, babe. I’ve got us, okay?” His smile holds more confidence than is warranted. He has no idea if he’ll find something else that good again, let alone soon.

I clench my fists under the table. Ever since Adam met Chad in college, it’s been like this. They’re constantly trying to one-up each other. Better car, better job, better apartment, better girlfriend. It’s ridiculous—and exhausting.

And destructive, the logical side of my brain whispers, but I do my best to shelve that thought for later. I really don’t want to fight again tonight. This is supposed to be a fun evening.

“Okay.” I fake a smile and grab a few more fries. Maybe a subject change is best. “I, um… I redesigned the covers of that fantasy series I told you about. The one I said will probably be my favorite of the year? And I found this Etsy shop that does book binding, so I could send them my paperbacks and the cover files, and they could turn them into really pretty hardcovers, and—”

“We don’t have the money for that, babe.”

“Yeah, I know.” My voice is small. “I… I didn’t mean for right now. Just sometime in the future, you know?”

He shrugs, his gaze not leaving his phone.

“I really like the designs I made. The covers on the books just aren’t really my style. I kept the same color schemes for each of them, but I completely changed them. Added some flowers and vines. Oh! And there’s a castle on one and—”

Adam doesn’t even look up from his phone when I stop talking. I bite my lip, trying to ignore the pain blooming in my chest. He used to be so attentive to me back when we first started dating. Now, sometimes it feels like he sees me as a chore.

“The covers are really pretty,” I say softly, mostly to myself. It took me hours to design them all. Even though they’re just for me, I wanted every detail to be perfect.

Earlier today, I showed them to my coworker Ava, and she loved them. But I want Adam to care.

“We should head to the theater,” he says after a minute of silence. “I don’t want to miss the trailers.”

“Yeah. Um, sure. That sounds good.”

The burger place is within walking distance of the movie theater, so we leave Adam’s car where it is and head over on foot. Maybe I should try to strike up a conversation again since Adam isn’t distracted by his phone anymore, but I don’t know what to say. Lately, talking to him is hard. I had an easier time talking to those three guys who came into the coffee shop earlier today.

I hide my smile as we grab our tickets. I’m pretty sure one of them was flirting with me—the one who got the cappuccino. He’s cute. Actually, they’re all quite attractive, even the quiet one. I’m a little worried I offended him somehow, though. The way he looked at me when I asked for his order this morning was… odd.

Once we’re seated, I do my best to relax and watch the trailers. A couple movies look interesting to me, but they’re ones I doubt Adam would want to see. Maybe I could go with Ava. Or I suppose there’s Chloe, or her friend Rachel. We’ve tried hanging out a few times since our boyfriends are all in the same circles. They’re pretty nice.

At some point, I reach over to hold Adam’s hand. He doesn’t pull away, but he doesn’t wrap his fingers around mine, either. It stings more than I care to admit.

As the movie starts, I sigh quietly. Lately, life feels… wrong. I’m sure it’s just my usual anxiety—it always flares up when I think about money, and I’ve been doing that a lot recently. But maybe it’s something more. Or maybe… it’s the wrong person.

I glance at Adam, but he doesn’t notice. For years now, he’s been talking about his big plan. Get a good job, work his way up the ranks, make piles of money, and start a family. He wanted a wife who’d be willing to raise their kids, and I had to think about it for a while, but I realized it sounded like a nice life.

Problem is, we’re still in the planning stages. I get that shit happens sometimes, but this isn’t the first job Adam has turned down that would’ve lined up with his goals. If he’s changed his mind, he hasn’t bothered to clue me in.

I like my job for the most part, so that’s not really the issue. It just feels like we’re in this weird waiting phase, and I also feel like Adam is keeping me out of the loop. I’m an obligation—an annoyance—more than a life partner.

Oh, you’re always so sensitive.

I wince as my mother’s words echo through my thoughts. She’s always thought I was a bit of a crybaby. That I overreact to little things.

Maybe I do.

Adam has a lot going on. Job searching is taking up a lot of his time and energy. It’s stressful, and I know how difficult it is to maintain relationships when you’re under a lot of pressure. I just need to cut him some slack for a while.

Yeah. I chew on my lip and focus on the movie, fully aware that my heart isn’t on board with this new plan of mine. I’m sure everything will work out.

***

“This was a great idea,” Adam says as we get ready for bed. “Thanks for suggesting the movie. I had a good time.”

My stomach flutters, and for the first time all night, my smile isn’t forced. “Really?”

“Yeah.” He reaches for me, and at first I think he’s going to give me a quick kiss, but he doesn’t pull away.

Oh.

Adam’s lips move against mine in a way that, a year ago, would’ve had me melting into his arms. But now, it makes my blood run cold.

“Adam—”

But he kisses me again, trying to silence my protests. His hand trails up my spine, the type of touch that I’d welcome if things were different. If I actually felt desired or cared for or prioritized by Adam. Now, his compliment from mere seconds ago stings. It’s obvious he didn’t truly mean it.

God, are things really this bad?

No—no. It’s just my anxiety. Things will look better in the morning.

But cutting him some slack or not, I can’t deny that the thought of sex with Adam right now makes my skin crawl. So I shy away, praying he won’t push too hard.

“Maybe another time?” I shoot him an apologetic look. “I’m just a little tired.”

“You always say that.”

“Well… I’ve been tired a lot lately, I guess. Work and all.”

His hands cup my shoulders as he pushes me toward the bed. “C’mon, babe. You’ll like it once we get started.”

My body goes stiff. “Adam, please don’t.”

He sighs, finally taking a step back. “What’s gotten into you lately?”

There’s a beat of silence. Maybe this is it—my chance to express my feelings. I can do it gently, and maybe it’ll help us get back to who we used to be back in college.

“I just… don’t feel particularly cared for by you, and it makes it hard to want to have sex. I need the emotional connection, you know?”

“Well, maybe if you gave me a reason to care about you, then things would be different.”

I jerk back, his words like a slap to the face. “W-what?”

“You know what? Forget it. I don’t want to do this with you.” He grabs his shirt and throws it on before storming down the hallway.

My mind is barely able to process what just happened. But when I hear the familiar jingle of keys in the living room, I’m shaken from my stupor.

“Adam,” I call, but the only response I get is the front door slamming.