Page 1 of Run, Run Rudolph (Fairy Godmothers and Other Fiascos #2)
Here in Canada we are quirky. We measure distances in time, kilometres, and miles.
Oh, and yards. Sometimes metres, too. And feet.
And volume? Well, we have litres, millilitres, gallons, cups, pints, and on and on.
It’s like we have our own little secret language up here and we’ve spent our long, cold winters dreaming up silly ways to confuse outsiders. And ourselves.
So, in case you haven’t heard some of these terms, bud, I’ve set you up with a little glossary of words that are as Canadian as Canuck.
Good luck, eh? And sorry for the confusion.
ALSO NOTE: This book uses Canadian spelling which is basically British spelling. (Except when we veer off like a startled rabbit and use a different form of spelling. What can I say? Our little melting pot includes spelling.)
Ready? Let’s hit it. Here’s your glossary:
Toque: (rhymes with duke) a warm knitted hat to keep your noggin warm so you don’t freeze your ears off.
Noggin: Your head.
Mitts/Mittens: Not just for little kiddos. These typically keep your hands warmer than gloves, and have plenty of insulation which will hopefully keep your digits from freezing. Your fingers basically hang out in an insulated room together, and your thumb has its own ‘sleeve’ like in gloves.
Parka: A thick winter coat for the coldest weather. Typically reaches down to mid-thigh or lower, and has a hood which is often trimmed with fake fur.
Sorels: A formerly Canadian winter boot company (now owned by Columbia).
These boots were originally made specifically for the frosty Canadian winters so you could ice fish or stand around as a liftie all day without freezing your toes off.
I have a pair that are over 30 years old, and they’re still warm.
Liftie: A person who ‘throws chairs’ at the ski hill. Or, in plain speak, a person who stands out in the cold, and runs the lifts that carry skiers up the mountain.
Celsius: Temperature unit measurement. Quick reference: -25 Celsius is -13 Fahrenheit. 0 degrees is the freezing point in Celsius.
Block heater/Oil pan heater: Canadians often plug in their gas-powered vehicles when it gets to about -20 Celsius or lower. Why? This little heater prevents the engine oil from getting so viscous that the engine can’t turn over (start).
North Pole: Where Santa lives in Canada’s north. Sorry, Finns. We believe he’s Canadian. Then again, what does Joulupukki need the North Pole for? He’s a goat.
Joulupukki: (My mom pronounced it yo-loo-pookey) A Finnish Christmas figure who happens to be a goat.
Yukaflux: Chopped up fruit tossed into a bucket of alcohol such as rum or vodka.
Fish and Wildlife: A department under the Alberta government that deals with the regulations and legislation regarding fish and wildlife species, and their management within the province.
This includes a staff of enforcement officers and biologists who deal with fish and wildlife questions, issues and incidents.
Alberta: A province in Canada that has two NHL teams, because we’re just that Canadian.
(I’m not speaking for the minority separatists here, who think we’d rock it solo.
They have maybe forgotten that we live on indigenous lands, and there are treaties protecting their land and those associated rights.) Alberta’s landscape ranges from the prairies to the beautiful rocky mountains.
NHL: National Hockey League, which is actually international since it includes teams from both Canada and the states. Alberta is home to the Edmonton Oilers and the Calgary Flames.
The States: The United States of America.
Chinook: (pronounced shin-ook) A term attributed to the Chinook people. A warm wind that blows over the rocky mountains from the Pacific Ocean. Referred to as a “snow eater” by the Blackfoot people. The region around Calgary can go from -20C to +20C in a 24-hour period during a winter Chinook.
Eagle Ridge: Fictional town.
SRO/School Resource Officer: A member of the RCMP or local police service that works in schools. The idea is to prevent crime, act as a liaison, offer guidance, and promote safety, as well as foster community relationships.
RCMP: Royal Canadian Mounted Police. Canada’s national police service which was formed in 1873.
Oma: German for grandma.
Eh?: (rhymes with hey) A truly Canadian expression we tack onto the end of sentences. Although, these days it sounds like more of a ‘hey’ than an ‘eh?’
Eh is a signal we are done talking, and the other person may now speak without interrupting us. It can also be a casual way to confirm agreement, or to check if the other person is still following what we’re saying.
Yeah, no.: Yeah, I hear you and my answer is no (just softened a bit so as not to hurt anyone’s feelings).
Yeah, no. Of course.: Of course.
Yeah, no. Maybe: Maybe.
No, yeah: No, of course. You’re right. I agree.
Twenty-sixer: A bottle of liquor that is roughly 26 ounces, and even though Canada now uses millilitres, we still call the 750mL bottle a “twenty-sixer” or a “2-6” or a “two-sixer” even though we no longer measure in ounces. Not to be confused with a two-four, which is a pack of 24 beer.
Millimetres (mm) and Millilitres (mL): Units of measurement.
25.4 mm = 1 inch.
4000 mL is roughly 1 U.S. gallon.
Appies: Appetizers
Boxing Day: The day after Christmas. December 26 th . This is a big day for store sales in Canada where you may find great deals on everything from clothing to electronics.
U-ey: U-turn. When you turn your car 180 degrees to head in the opposite direction in which you’ve just come. You may also hear it referred to as: “pull a U-ey” or “whip a sh*tty.”
Correction line: In Alberta, the prairies have roads which, for the most part, are set out in a grid pattern.
(Some of the remaining main routes that were used a hundred to a hundred-and-fifty years ago, which linked the various forts between the bigger towns of Calgary and Edmonton, for example, still remain.
These old cattle trails meander a bit, and you can see it in parts of the 2A, and the C&E Trail (Calgary and Edmonton Trail).)
Anyway, since the earth is round, laying down a grid doesn’t totally world. It gets warped and wonky after a certain distance, hence the need to correct that grid to return it to its lovely square dimensions. That leads us to correction lines.
In Alberta, the back country roads are set out with a road every two miles going north-south, and one every mile going east-west. To fix the round-earth-induced warped wonkiness, the north-south road are off-set to the west by a bit every few miles (leading to a T-intersection), and creating a “correction line.”
Riding/Ridden shotgun: When you ride where the shotgun goes—in the passenger seat.
Sorry?: Sorry, I didn’t catch that.
Sorry: An apology.
Sorry: Also, sometimes not an apology, and just something Canadians say such as, “Sorry, just gotta scoot past you.” Or, more popular, “Sorry,” when we bump into something inanimate. That is an apology, though. Just not a particularly necessary one.
Stats Canada: Statistics Canada. A marvellous group of sociologists collecting census data, and more, on the Canadian population. (AKA someone I would be if I desired city life. Lucky for you, I chose the unstable career of an artist. Yay.)
Christmas hamper: When for the less fortunate, it’s usually a box of foodstuffs, along with other items such as gifts for children and teenagers. Essentially ensuring that they, too, get a nice Christmas meal and some gifts.
To boot: Example: He was a generous guy to boot. No, you’re not going to take the boots to him/kick him. This simply means ‘he was also a generous guy.’