Page 5

Get a Grip – Aerosmith

Brooke drove out of the town in stony silence, her jaw clenched and her knuckles white on the steering wheel. After a few minutes I bent over and put my head between my knees, sure I was going to puke, and she still didn’t say anything.

Then she snapped at me.

‘Put some fucking music on, Mouse. You know I hate driving in silence.’

I grabbed another cassette out of the glove box and shoved it into the player without looking. This time the speakers blasted angry rock music.

It looked like this road trip was going to be over before it had even begun. The plan had been so simple … get cash out and get back to the car. But no. I’d screwed up, like I always screwed up, and Brooke had had to do something illegal to save me.

I couldn’t blame her for being angry. I was angry at me, too.

Hopefully I could convince her to drop me off at the next bus station, or a city with good public transport links.

I had a thousand dollars in cash on me now, plus what I’d stashed away before leaving home.

That was enough to get me … somewhere. I’d be on my own again, but at least I had a plan, right?

Get to a bus station. Get on a bus. Go …

My stomach lurched and I held back the instinct to throw up, knowing if I did that in Brooke’s car it would only make her angrier. I’d originally planned to run away on my own, so I didn’t know why being without Brooke was suddenly such a terrifying idea.

I barely noticed when the car stopped. I did notice when the music cut out.

I forced myself to sit up, my stomach still churning. ‘I’m sorry.’

‘Jesus Christ, what are you sorry for?’ Brooke said irritably.

‘For screwing everything up!’

‘It was such a simple plan, Mouse. Get some fucking cash and go. You do realize I was probably caught on security cameras waving a gun at someone?’

‘I know,’ I whispered. ‘I’m sorry.’

Brooke closed her eyes and shook her head. ‘It’s all right. We’ll handle it. Are you okay?’

‘I … Not really.’ I couldn’t lie – my brain was too scrambled. Even though it was pathetic, and I was probably going to make Brooke hate me even more, I didn’t have it in me to pretend.

She reached over and squeezed my arm, either not noticing or choosing to ignore it when I flinched.

‘Come on,’ Brooke said, opening the car door and getting out.

We were in a small parking lot next to a nature park that had pretty picnic benches angled so they’d be in the shade of the trees. It was raining a little, but not enough to deter me from getting out of the car. Brooke didn’t seem to be bothered by the rain, either.

I followed her in silence as we walked over to a picnic bench. I sat down on the table with my feet resting on the bench part, and Brooke straddled the bench so she could look at me from a right angle. I didn’t have to look at her at all if I didn’t want to.

‘What happened?’ she asked, more gently this time.

‘I … I don’t know. I got the cash out of the ATM, and when I turned around, he was there. Then you showed up with a gun.’

Brooke had a gun. I hadn’t really processed that. She had been driving around this whole time with a gun , and that was how she’d managed to save me.

‘I’m sorry I didn’t tell you,’ she said, her voice still a little defiant.

‘It’s fine.’ It wasn’t fine, but what else could I say? It had all been my fault anyway, so I couldn’t be mad at her for coming to my rescue.

‘Really?’ she said, prodding just a little now.

‘I don’t think he would’ve let me go so easily if you hadn’t had it.’

‘It’s not loaded,’ she confessed, and I almost laughed. That felt like a metaphor. The illusion of power, but none of the reality.

We fell into an uneasy silence, and Brooke started picking up leaves and shredding them into tiny pieces.

‘Are you going to leave me here?’ I murmured.

Brooke’s head snapped up. ‘What? No. Of course not.’

‘Oh. Good.’ I forced myself to sit up straight. ‘I don’t mind where you drop me off. Wherever’s easiest is fine.’

‘What are you talking about, Mouse?’ She sounded irritated again, and my shoulders hunched as I tried to make myself smaller.

‘You’re …’ I wasn’t sure how to finish the sentence. ‘You want to get rid of me, right? I’m a liability.’

She laughed then, shattering the tension. ‘You’re a liability all right, but I don’t want to get rid of you.’

‘Oh.’ It took a second for that to sink in. I didn’t fully believe her. ‘Really?’

‘Yeah. I’m mad about what happened, but I’m not mad at you .’

She should have been mad at me, though, because there was a lot I wasn’t telling her, about my house and the Creep and all the blood. Jesus, so much blood.

It had seemed like such a good idea last night to get in Brooke’s car and go wherever she wanted to take me.

Now, though, I had to face the truth that I’d dragged her into a whole tangle of messes that I’d made.

Brooke was on the run with a girl the police wanted for murder.

And she didn’t even know it. But when I tried to shape my mouth around the words – around the truth – nothing came out.

‘What happened with you? Did you get the cash?’ I asked, deflecting from my inner turmoil.

She nodded. ‘I managed to empty two cards. I got a grand out of one, and eight hundred bucks from the other.’

‘Mine had a thousand,’ I said. ‘But I only had the one card.’

It wasn’t exactly a shock that Brooke had access to more cash than I did. She was from a wealthy, prominent family, and I came from a single mom who was well known to CPS. We weren’t equals.

‘That’s okay,’ she said quickly. ‘We should probably divide it up and stash it in different places. Just in case, you know?’

‘Yeah. I’ve got another couple hundred bucks in cash, too. From home.’

I ran my hands across the surface of the bench, liking the way the grooves of the wood felt as they dug into my palms. Far away from other people, I felt safer out here than I had anywhere else since we’d left Seattle.

‘Right, I’ve got –’ she tipped her head to the side – ‘about the same? A little more, maybe.’

I did a quick mental calculation. ‘That’s, like, three and a half thousand dollars!’

‘Holy crap!’

‘Should get us to Disney World, right?’

Brooke collapsed into laughter, and after a moment, I joined her.

I’d seen her laugh like this before, with her friends at school. She had a way of commanding attention in the hallways or in classes, and I often watched her when I was sure no one was looking at me. Now I was the one making her laugh, and a warm feeling curled in my chest.

‘Maybe you can get a job as a princess,’ I said. I straightened up, planting my hands on the tabletop so I could tip my face up to the sky. The rain felt nice on my hot cheeks.

‘We’ll get you a blonde wig and you can be Tinker Bell,’ she replied.

I snorted. ‘Nah, I can be one of the people they hide inside those giant suits. Like Mickey Mouse.’ No one wanted to see me on a parade float. Not compared to Brooke.

‘No,’ she said emphatically. ‘They need girls like you to play the little characters.’

‘Because I’m short?’ I said with a laugh.

‘Short and cute,’ she replied, and, while I was still reeling, trying to figure out what that meant, she changed the subject. ‘We should get rid of our phones now.’

‘Do you need to call anyone before we do that?’ I asked, wanting to check, just in case. ‘Your mom or anyone?’

‘No,’ Brooke said sharply.

I dared to glance at her. She didn’t look angry, but she clearly wasn’t happy.

It was none of my business. I wouldn’t pry.

I trailed after her as she followed a dirt path, muddy and overgrown with plants.

A few steps along it and suddenly we were enveloped by trees, the branches thick overhead and the clean, loamy smell of the soil filling the air.

If I lived somewhere other than the city, I would go for hikes all the time.

I loved the feeling of isolation, of being so far away from other people that I didn’t have to be constantly on high alert, wondering if I needed to watch my words or actions in case someone lashed out. Places like this felt like magic to me.

We emerged by the side of a lake in a burst of light, and apart from the pattering rain rippling the surface of the water, it was still and peaceful out here.

‘There,’ Brooke said with a suddenly intense look on her face. ‘We’ll throw them in the lake.’

‘Isn’t that a bit … dramatic?’

Brooke grinned and shrugged. ‘I don’t mind a little drama.’

That made me smile as I pulled my phone out of my pocket. The screen was cracked in one corner, but I hadn’t had the cash to replace it.

I held up my phone and she did the same. ‘On three?’

She nodded.

‘One.’

‘Two.’

‘Three,’ we said together, and hurled the phones out into the water. Mine landed first, Brooke’s half a second later, both making huge splosh es as they sank.

It only occurred to me then that I didn’t have my mom’s phone number saved anywhere. It was stored in my phone, which was now at the bottom of this lake. I couldn’t call her, even if I wanted to. I forced myself to ignore the sudden nausea.

Deep down, though, I knew I wasn’t ready to face her or the judgment that would follow. Our relationship had been complicated recently, but she was still my mom. I had no idea if she would ever forgive me for what had happened.

I looked back at Brooke. She seemed to be breathing a little harder than usual.

‘You okay?’ I asked.

She nodded sharply. ‘It’s, like … really gone.’

‘It really is. Unless you want to go for a swim.’

Her laugh sounded more startled than amused. ‘And happen to have a really big bag of rice in the trunk of the car.’

‘Do you?’ I asked.

‘No, I left it at home this time.’

I shook my head, hiding my smile. ‘Big mistake.’

Brooke kept staring out at the surface of the water. I didn’t know what she was running from, but we’d entwined our fates now. Maybe she was thinking about the fact she wouldn’t be able to call her mom, either. Maybe, like for me, that was both absolutely terrifying and an enormous relief.