Page 23 of Ruinous Need

VIKTOR

I WAKE IN the night to a cry.

It’s not intruders. It’s so much worse.

Lisette is curled in on herself, her hands fisted with pain, those whirlpool eyes screwed shut.

I did this.I should have done more aftercare.

However much she hated me before, it will be worse now. I’ve broken her with my twisted need to claim her, and now she’s paying the price.

Lisette doesn’t react to the light being switched on and it scares me. She’s lying still. Too still.

I shake her shoulder, and she winces as she opens her eyes. I recognize the look of shock and bewilderment. She was in pain-induced sleep, the kind brought on when the body simply gives up.

Her mouth drops open in a moan. Not the kind of moan I want to hear.

“Viktor,” she says weakly.

To my shock, she’s not looking at me like I’m a monster. No, she’s looking at me like she’s glad to see me. Her lips curl into a weak smile. “I thought you didn’t want to see me.”

I cup her cheek with my palm. “I’m here.”

She grasps at my hand as though it’s the only thing anchoring her to the earth.

I don’t know what to do. I don’t know what’s wrong. I thought it was me, that I’d pushed her too far.

“I thought…” I begin, looking down at her petite form on top of the covers.

She places a hand on my jaw, stroking her palm over my stubble.

“What did you think?”

“That I’d broken you. That I’d gone too far.”

She shakes her head. “It’s not that.”

“Then what’s wrong?” I pull her into my lap and she wraps her arms around my neck. I stroke her back with my fingertips.

“Endometriosis.” Her voice is weak.

I look at her blankly.

“I have this…” She pauses, gripping the sheets, and her face goes white.

“A chronic condition that causes intense pain. Usually when I get my period. Other times as well. Sometimes, after I have sex, it gets worse.” Her voices breaks off and her face contorts as another wave of pain goes through her.

I can feel her body tense in my arms. Her hands tighten on my shoulders. I don’t know whether to hold her close or put her down.

This is… Because of me. At least in part. I’ve hurt Lisette, and I hate myself for it.

“What can I do?” I ask urgently.

“Just hold me for a while. Sometimes, when the pain is like this… It’s like it pushes me out of my body. If I have someone to hold me, that helps.”

That I can do. I lie back against the headboard with Lisette curled in my lap.

Even in this state, her hair sweaty, her cheeks flushed, her eyes glassy with tears, Lisette is beautiful. I run my hand through her silky hair, hoping that the repetitive motion is soothing. Anything to remind her that she’s here and she’s safe.

“That’s nice,” she smiles weakly. Her eyes are closed and her hands curled against my bare chest. “You’re nice, Viktor. I know you don’t think so, but I disagree.”

Her words make me want to hold her tighter and never let go.

I doze off with Lisette asleep on top of me, using me like a human heat-pad. If I could sleep like this every night, I wouldn’t mind.

But I can barely cope when she cries out in pain or I have to watch her face scrunch up in agony. She’s trembling again. Her face is pale when she looks up at me.

I bring over the trash can just as she starts to retch. I can’t fathom how bad the pain must be that it’s making her puke. I stroke her back and try to calm her shaking.

“Sorry,” she says weakly. “It’s really gross, I know. The pain upsets my stomach.”

“Lisette. Don’t apologize. I think you need medicine.”

This needs to stop. Right now.

“At home, I have painkillers,” she says tentatively.

Now it’s my turn to laugh. “Lisette. This is the Bratva. We do organized crime. Whatever drug you need, I can get it.”

“I didn’t think that extended to medical drugs.” Her voice shakes at the end and she brings a hand to her stomach.

“Hospitals are a big client of ours. What do you need?”

She tells me the name of the painkiller, and asks for a heat pad too.

I press a kiss to her cheek and tuck her into bed. “I’ll be back as soon as I can.”

I might be useless in stopping her own body from hurting her, but the one thing I can do is provide Lisette with drugs and medical equipment.

On the way out, I radio Markov to open up one of the medical supply warehouses.

Daria watches me go.

“Go inside and help Lisette,” I tell her. “If she wants anything — water, tea, a bath, she’ll need help.”