Page 21 of Ruinous Need
VIKTOR
I WAS TAUGHT to eradicate my weaknesses.
Pain.
Fear.
Any physical discomfort.
My father beat all of it out of me.
Other physical urges can be managed… Quickly and efficiently, without involving emotions. Fucking your wife is to make babies. Fucking anyone else should be transactional and unemotional.
It might not be healthy, but it frees up a lot of space for strategizing in your head. When you’re constantly worried that someone’s going to backstab you, the way my father was, that’s worth any cost.
The old tricks are no longer working for me, though. It seems I have acquired an actual weakness, one that my father couldn’t beat out of me.
The brothel’s mistress raises an eyebrow as I walk out of the room just two minutes after I entered.
“Something wrong, Viktor?” she asks silkily in a heavy Russian accent. “If you’d like to try someone else…”
“No, thank you, Katya.”
“Very well.” She nods at me formally as I leave, her watchful blue eyes, ringed as always with heavy black eyeliner, following my exit.
I’m sure gossip will be spreading about my supposed erectile dysfunction before the day is over. Brothels don’t just trade in women, they trade in information, and everyone in the Bratva knows it.
I thought that fucking someone else would prove Lisette meant nothing to me. The opposite happened.
As soon as the door clicked shut, sealing us in the room with the bed, it felt wrong just standing in a room with another woman.
My body doesn’t want just any pussy; it wants Lisette’s pussy. Her moans. The way her pulse beats under my fingers and her green eyes go wide with arousal.
If it’s not that, my cock does not want it.
But this puts me in a dangerous dilemma. I’m going to have to keep fucking my cousin’s fiancée if I ever want the thoughts of her to leave my head.
“Ever had something so stuck in your head that it distracts you from what you need to do?”
Markov narrows his eyes at me as soon as I ask the question.
“This is about her, isn’t it?”
“Who?” I feign ignorance.
“Lisette.” His voice is harsh, disapproving.
“It could be about anyone. Let’s pretend it’s about anyone.”
“We’re not children, Viktor. There’s no “let’s pretend” anymore. This is a dangerous question to ask. If the Pakhan found out…”
He doesn’t finish that sentence. He doesn’t have to.
“He’d have me hung, drawn and quartered? I know. I don’t exactly have anyone else to ask about it.”
He tilts his head at me then. “I guess not. Merc and Ben still not talking to you?”
“You’re not supposed to know they exist. That could get me killed too.”
He scoffs at that. “You’re not as good at keeping secrets as you think, boss. And you take enough risks that I’ve learned to keep things quiet.”
“Will you help?”
“I don’t think you need help,” Markov says quietly, his voice distant. “I think, boss, you’re in love with her.”
I grit my teeth. This is not the answer I want. “I’m not.”
“You feel worried about her. She’s distracting you from your work. You’re so possessive of her you’ve managed to lose two friends over it. Tell me, boss, how are you going to feel when she marries your cousin?”
I can’t hold back the snarl that slips from my mouth when I think about Lisette and Semyon. Their impending nuptials, which even now are being planned out by half the Bratva.
“I thought so.” His tone is thoughtful now.
“This is a terrible idea. But you know that already.”
I nod once in agreement, my jaw set.
Because it is utter madness. But no matter the consequences, she will be mine, and damn the rest of the world to hell.
Damn the Bratva and its rules.
Damn my cousin and his engagement.
“I do.” There’s no easy way out of this corner that my emotions have boxed me into.
“We’ve got to think of a plan, then.”
Markov’s looking at me as though he’s on my side.
“We? I thought you’d be on Semyon’s side in all this. I’m the one who’s breaking the rules.”
“He might have brought me into the Bratva, but he’s no leader, Viktor. I wouldn’t follow him into battle. I would follow you. Even if you are terrible at making and following orders.”
“Unfortunately, I don’t have any battle plans at the moment.”
“You’re going to need one. I think there’s only one way this works out.”
“Aim for the top?”
He nods. “Aim for the top.”
This could bring the entire Bratva crumbling down around me. It will definitely push me into a position I don’t want to be in.
But, for Lisette? I’ll do it.