Page 34

CHAPTER 33

TRISTAN

“When do you plan to officially abdicate?”

It’s an answer to a question I’ve been asking since I came here. Times in the past I called this home, but right now it doesn’t feel like it. Not after he and I had it out. Truth be told, it hasn’t felt like home in a while. I’m hoping I can change that with Amelia. The quicker I can get him out of the palace and into his own home, the better it is for me and Amelia. We can start our lives and not have to worry about him moping around.

My father has been dragging his feet when it comes to doing what he’s supposed to do. My wedding is tomorrow, and I don’t want to worry about what he’s going to do.

“Tomorrow when we come to the balcony.”

I roll my eyes, sighing. I should have known he would take one last moment for himself. “It’s always got to be about you, doesn’t it?”

He’s unaffected. “I am the king, Tristan. ”

“Not really,” I remind him, a smirk on my face. “The minute I turned twenty-five, your time was over. You don’t have to even abdicate. By law, the crown is mine.”

He hates this, the way his jaw tightens, his teeth grind together. The only thing he’s known for the last twenty-six years is the throne.

“You don’t have to remind me.”

“I’m not unsympathetic to what’s happening with you, Dad. It’s time, though, time for you to find a hobby, something that will make you happy.”

His tone is resigned, a sadness replacing so much of the anger and vindication that’s been there for so long. “Your mother made me happy.”

The words are like a punch in the gut. No matter how hard he’s made life for me the past few years, he’s still my father.

More than anyone, I know this. I know the shell of a man he became once she was gone, and it still hurts that I wasn’t able to help ease his pain. I suspect no one will ever be able to ease the hell he lives in. He’s never said it, but I know he blames himself. If he wasn’t king, my mom wouldn’t have been in the situation she was in.

“There are other things that can make you happy.”

He looks over and for the first time in a long time he’s looking at me without the mask of the man he’s become. He’s looking at me like the father he was. I take this look and hold onto it. The grieving widower who doesn’t know how to deal with his feelings has been pushed aside for a short amount of time.

“I’m not so sure about that.” He rubs his chin. “I wasn’t like you. I lived my life knowing this would be the endgame for me. You knew it, but you didn’t allow it to keep you from experiencing all the things a young man does.”

For the first time in my life, I’m hearing something I’ve wanted to from my dad. The truth, possible pride, and praise I never counted on.

“I never would have thought to break curfew, ditch my protection team, or drive my car at top speeds through the streets of Haldonia. I respect you doing that in a way.” He stops to take a drink of the water sitting in front of him. “I’ve had no life experience. Not like you have. There isn’t anything for me to compare to. I never did anything I wasn’t supposed to do.”

For the first time, I chuckle, realizing how much of a hellion I am compared to him. Maybe he didn’t know how to control me because he’d never once thought of being out of control. “You know, I never thought about it like that, but you’re right. I can’t remember you ever doing anything that angered your team, or grandfather. You truly have done everything you were supposed to do, haven’t you?”

He nods. “It’s why I’m so scared not to have this seat at the table anymore.”

I walk over, extending my hand to him. One of us has to forgive, and if it’s up to me, then that’s fine. For the good of my family and for the good of the country, I’ll take the first step. “You’ll always have a seat at my table. No matter how much we’ve argued over the years, especially since Mom died, you’ve always been my father.”

Uncharacteristic wetness can be seen in his eyes. He wipes discreetly at it. “I admire you. As soon as you realized Amelia was here for you, you took her away from the scrutiny of downtown Haldonia. It’s obvious how close the two of you have become in the last few months. More than anything, I wish you a life of love and a million memories. Sometimes memories are all we have left. I hate to be the person to remind you of that, and…” He stops for a moment, picking at an invisible piece of lint on his dress pants. “I’m sorry for what happened. When I put my hands on you. It never should have come to that. I’m terribly sorry, Tristan. I’ve had time to think about it and put it into perspective. That angry man wasn’t me when I took this throne, and I don’t want it to be me as I leave it.”

“Thank you.”

There’s nothing more I can say. This man who purposely kept himself closed off from everyone since my mother passed away is finally opening up. The way I’ve wanted him to my entire life. On the eve of my wedding, it’s almost too much for me to emotionally deal with.

I promise myself I will.

If he’s been brave enough to do this type of work on himself, the least I can do is appreciate it, and acknowledge it wasn’t easy.

“Tomorrow is okay with you?”

He phrases it in a question and for the first time in my life, I get he’s actually asking my permission. He’s not being a smartass and framing it in a way where I’ll be expected to say yes. Perhaps believing he’s been doing that for so long is my fault. Maybe I didn’t give him the benefit of the doubt when I should have.

“Tomorrow is perfect.” I open my arms, and he falls into them.

Giving me the hug I’ve wanted far too often in my life, and never received. Those memories he talked about? This will be one of the best ones I carry with me, through whatever it is the future brings.

“Nervous?” Parker asks as he enters my office.

Dad left almost an hour ago and I’ve been sitting here, stewing in my own thoughts, trying to get them together. Marriage is a lifetime commitment, at least for me, and it’s starting to become abundantly clear the closer we get. I wonder what Amelia will look like possibly thirty years from now as we welcome a new king and queen to take over Haldonia. That’s my plan. Five years before we bring a child into this craziness. I have a feeling it’ll be as soon as possible, though. I have a lot of love to give.

“Slightly.” I give him a smile.

He gives me a smile back. “That’s why I’ve brought you this.” From within his suit pocket, he pulls two cigars out. “Figured we could toast on your upcoming nuptials.”

Parker has been my best friend for years, even though it’s arguable we shouldn’t be friends. He’s the person in charge of my protection and for intents and purposes, I’m his employer. But I trust this man with my life. I trust him with everything. He’s never given me a reason not to, and he’s seen me at some of the worst times I’ve had. If there’s one person I want with me tonight, it’s him. I want him to see the man I’ve become and leave behind the kid I was.

“Nice.” I reach out to take the cigar.

It takes us a few moments but we get them cut down and lit. “I’m proud of you.” Parker blows a plume of smoke.

The words stop me, causing me to parrot them back. “Proud of me?”

“You’re not the same Tristan I used to know. You worry about Amelia more than you worry about yourself. You stand tall when people question you and you worry about your country. While so many have called you spoiled, you’ve grown up. You’re becoming the man your mom would be proud of. The man she saw you becoming. This country will move into the next decade with you at the helm, and I have no doubt we’ll succeed. With you guiding us, we’ll be the best we’ve been.”

It takes me long moments to speak around the lump in my throat. “Thank you, Parker.”

“You know me, my lord. I don’t say things I don’t mean. I don’t give praise just for the sake of giving it. You’ve earned it. It’s my pleasure to serve you.”

The talk is deep for the two of us. It’s not how we normally spend our time together, but knowing he’s proud of me is akin to knowing my father is proud of me.

And if that’s how I’m entering into this marriage. Then I know I’m giving Amelia the best I can give her.

Which helps me know for her, I’ll be the best man I can be.