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TRISTAN

Happiness is fleeting. One minute you’re ecstatic because the war is over, and your wife is pregnant.

The next, you can’t sleep through the night without the ravages of what you did appearing every time you close your eyes and fall into a deep sleep.

You find yourself waking up screaming, your wife beside you, questioning what she can do, how she can help.

But there’s no help. There’s nothing she can do, and you’re stuck in a cycle of the things you did, the things you wanted to do, and the things you had to do.

That’s where I find myself two months after the end of the war and discovering that Amelia is pregnant. Parker comes in through the side door of my office. “Sir, we need to leave. You have a public appearance.”

I look up at him. “Has it been checked? All ways that someone could try and harm me have been checked, right?”

He calmly agrees, nodding. “Yes, Tristan, you’re safe, I promise.”

This was never an issue before the war, before people tried to take me out, and before I realized just how precious life can be. Does Parker have these fears? The ones that wake me up at night and leave me in a pool of sweat? “I have no doubt about that. I trust you.”

“It’s not about trust. You and I both know that. It’s about how you feel.” He raises his eyebrows. “How are you feeling?”

I run a hand through my hair. “When will I stop looking for it? The danger. When will I sleep through the night without waking up screaming? I don’t expect you to have all the answers, I just need to know someone else is having problems with it too.”

He glances over at me. “I’m having them too. Things aren’t as great as they appear to be. That’s a promise, Tristan. The only difference between us is I have a job to do that requires keeping you safe, which means I can compartmentalize.”

I wish I had a way to do that, but all I can seem to think about is the future. A future I wasn’t sure I’d have when I was in that tent with Parker. “Well, that makes me feel better, at least.”

“So believe me when I say I’ve covered all the bases. You don’t have to worry. No one is going to harm you on my watch.”

There’s nothing else I want more than to believe him. “All right then, let’s get going.”

The streets of Haldonia are packed as we make our way into the center of town. Kids are holding up signs, and the adults have looks of hope. I want that hope, but when I close my eyes, all I can see is the devastation around us every day we were fighting Crona.

Parker sits beside me. “We’ll be in and out within thirty minutes, unless you decide to talk to your subjects personally.”

I nod, barely hearing what he’s saying. My heart is pounding, there’s a feeling of doom in my stomach, and saliva starts overproducing in my mouth.

If I’m not careful, I’m going to lose what I ate for breakfast. Closing my eyes, I concentrate on my breathing.

“Sounds good, I’ll do my best to be in and out. ”

“You don’t have to hurry, you know. If there’s a reason for you to be there, then I’ll make sure you’re safe.

” Parker turns to face me. “The thing that sets you apart from the leaders who came before you is how close you are to the people you rule. You’ve never been the type of man, much less leader, who doesn’t listen to what they have to say.

Whether it takes five minutes or thirty.

You’re the type of man who will stay and listen. ”

Clearing my throat, I shake my head. “I’m not sure I’m that type of man any longer. The war changed me.”

“It changed all of us,” Parker reminds me. “We’ve got to figure out how to live with the people we were, and the people we are now.”

And that’s just it. I can’t seem to reconcile the Tristan I was before I went into the war, and the one who came out.

I’m not the same, I’m nowhere near close, and at some point, I’m going to have to admit that publicly.

As I do that, will it invite others to attempt to invade us?

That’s what keeps me up at night. “You’re right, and I’m doing the best I can. ”

My gaze cuts out the window. The day is gorgeous, full of sun and blue skies. It’s warm, and the scent of the new season is on the breeze. I should be excited, but I feel so fucking empty. When the Range Rover comes to a stop, I rub my sweaty palms on my thighs and prepare to exit the vehicle.

“I’ll come around and get you,” Parker advises. “Same way we always do this. It’s not changing just because we’re out in public.”

I nod, waiting for the door to open. When it does, I stutter slightly, not letting my feet touch the ground.

For just a moment, I look at the sky and then touch my finger to my palm before inhaling deeply.

The anxiety starts to dissipate slightly, and I’m thankful.

Getting all the way out, I wave to everyone, taking their cheers into my chest and holding them tight.

When things get too hard, I remember the people of Haldonia love me, and right now that has to be enough.

Walking up to the podium, I give a smile and speak from the heart. “We’ll get through this, and we’ll get through it together…”