Page 180 of River of Deceit

I’m not sure I can affordnotto take him up on it.

I’ll still hate myself for doing it.

“Here,” Blaze says, offering me a beer bottle.

I go to take it, but the sight of it has me feeling unsettled, a little sick, and I shake my head. I’m not in the mood for beer bottles, no matter how nice it might be to get a buzz and shake off some of this lingeringunease.

Blaze passes it to River instead, then sits down in the armchair.

I stay silent. I’ve barely said a handful of words since…

Since.

I don’t know what to say anymore.

River glances at me. “You okay, man?” he asks.

I want to laugh. I’m so far from okay that I might as well be in another zip code. “Yeah,” I lie.

Blaze and River sip their beers, but I notice Blaze looking down at his beer bottle more often than necessary.

“It was hot,” Blaze says suddenly. “Her kicking and screaming.”

I should agree. Seeing her fight Blaze would’ve gotten me off. But seeing her kicking and screaming in front of the frat hadn’t. If anything, it had made my stomach turn and anger boil up within me because she’sours.

I don’t know when I laid claim to her in my head, but now that I’ve acknowledged it, I can’t let the thought go. She belongs to us — to me, to Blaze, and even to River. But no one else.

“Yeah,” River says. “It was.” His jaw clenches. “And she deserved it. She deserved every second of it.”

In the heat of the moment, when Blaze had laid out what she’d done — the fact that he could’vedied— it had made sense to retaliate against her like we had. I don’t understand why it’s not sitting well with me.

Whatever we had with her is over.

“Nobody gets to cross my family. Crossme,” Blaze continues. His tone is harsh, but I know him well enough that I can hear the hesitation.

Blaze doesn’t hesitate. He doesn’t feel bad about things.

Blaze takes what he wants, fuck the consequences.

Pandora’s the same though, isn’t she? She’s never once considered the consequences.

My phone dings—as do River’s and Blaze’s. It’s a group message to all of Kappa Alpha, with another photo from two nights ago.

If I scroll up, it’s nothing but nonstop photos of Pandora, nakedand fighting. Some of the photos are repeated, or from barely different angles, because nobody can get enough of them.

Blaze snarls at the phone. “Aren’t they getting bored of this yet?”

Don’t they realize how stupid it is to distribute these things? There are people in the frat who might have a conscience, who might decide to share them with Pandora in the event that she decides that —fuck the consequences— she’s going to the police anyway.

As much as I want to tell myself that that’s the only reason I’m bothered by the onslaught of pictures, I’m not that delusional. I hate that everyone gets to see her this way. That should’ve been reserved forus.

I’d gone along with this, though, and I’m as much to blame as any of the rest of them.

My eyes go to the beer bottles in Blaze and River’s hands.

“They’ll stop eventually,” River says.

After they save them to their phones. After they continue to share them with their friends.