Page 33 of Risk (Mayhem Makers: MMM #3)
McKenna
Six months ago, when the Deviant Knights made the ultimate sacrifice for me and our boy, Risk took me to his little slice of paradise, a home in the back of the clubhouse.
When I asked why we’d been staying in the clubhouse instead of being out here where we had some privacy, he told me it was because he had worried about my mental state and was concerned I wouldn’t feel as safe as I did without the brothers surrounding me.
To an extent he was right. Knowing I could bang on a wall and have someone there within seconds eased that anxious part inside of me that’d been sitting there, taking up residence like a concrete block since they carted me away from my apartment.
That’s one of the many reasons I love these men the way I do.
Their honor and loyalty will allow nothing less than to put the women and children that have come into their lives first and foremost. I don’t know all of the details of how they managed to free the ones Marshall took, but these days, they’re gone more than they’re here.
Each time they walk through those doors for a run, the light that once radiated from their eyes is gone.
With club business cited, the women and I have been left in the dark, not knowing if, or when, they’ll be coming back.
That’s a hard pill to swallow because I want to protect them.
It’s a natural instinct for me to want to keep those I love safe and tucked away at home where I know nothing bad can happen to them.
Unfortunately, that’s no longer a reality for the club due to my haunting past. Every time I go to blame myself, I have to shut that shit down because that burden doesn’t belong to me, it’s Marshall’s cross to bear.
He’ll be the one answering to a higher power for his misdeeds.
I started journaling a few months back, a recommendation from an old friend of the club.
Aiden Taylor was once someone who meant the world to me, and when we reconnected he did a few therapy sessions with me, that’s what he asked me to do, and I’ve complied.
It’s a good way to release some of the pent up anger I’ve harbored since I was a teenager.
Today, I’m writing about Phoenix and his new love of anything motorcycle related.
Before Risk left for his latest job, he gifted our boy with a motorized one that was painted to match his bike.
My boy has had a puffed out chest ever since and whenever his eyes are awake, he wants to be riding it around our part of the yard.
The journal entry I’m working on goes like this:
Dear me,
A few months back, I never dreamed this would be my life.
I have my son living in the same home as me and his father and I are still in love.
It’s as if time has never passed. Risk is still as passionate and devoted as he ever was.
He makes love to me every evening after we tuck our boy into bed and each morning he refuses to leave without giving me a kiss goodbye.
Neither of us leave without letting the other know we’re off.
To some this wouldn’t seem like a beautiful life, but to me, it’s a dream come true.
I no longer have to showcase my body to make a living, my boy isn’t only a weekend adventure, and I can say the word ‘no’ without worrying that I’ll have my rights stripped away from me.
Oh! I have news! Risk and I are renewing our vows. He actually got down on his knee and asked me for a second time to marry him. A recommitment, a new beginning, and a fresh start. How romantic is that?
Phoenix doesn’t understand what it means, but he knows that he’ll never be without me or his dad again, and at the end of the day, that’s all he cares about.
Mom has officially moved into the clubhouse, after her house was shot up, she has an innate fear of being alone.
Not that any of us can blame her, but Risk pressed that things around here aren’t going to be a smooth ride because of Marshall and the men he was associated with.
Like me, Mom blames herself, but she hasn’t found the outlet like I have to let it go.
But Risk and me, we’re working on her and day by day, she’s getting better about placing the blame where it belongs.
Risk is due back any minute now according to his latest text so this entry won’t be a long one, but I wanted to catch you up on my life. Things are good for me. I’m feeling lighter than a feather and can’t wait to tell you about what happens next.
For now, this is me signing off.
“Mommy! Daddy’s home!” Phoenix hollers as his tiny feet toddle across the hardwood floor.
“Go get him, Phoenix!” I giggle because this happens every time he hears his dad’s motorcycle rev as he pulls into the front of our house. Risk enjoys his welcome home, there’s nothing better than your son running out to you, leaping into your arms, and peppering your face with kisses.
This is my new life, and my best adventure yet. Only time will tell if we’ll be released from the claws of the Trifecta, but my hope is that they get taken out and we can live free and easy.
Trust and love used to be my biggest fear, but now, it’s what my world pivots on.
I pray that the rest of the men and women who’ve suffered at our enemies’ hands find what I have.
I guess we’ll just have to stay in the loop and watch over them until they’re strong enough to find their own salvation.
THE END
In the next book, you’ll find out about Isla and how she deals with the aftermath of being taken by Marshall and then rescued by the Deviant Knights Motorcycle Club