Page 36 of Right Side of Paradise

All or Nothing

I kissed Rico Donovan while my girlfriend rode my best friend’s face beside us.

It wasn’t the heat of the moment. I wanted it. Still wanted it. And nobody had blinked an eye.

We had officially bypassed the point of healthy and moved into the codependent hall of fame.

I couldn’t sleep without them, so I stopped trying.

I couldn’t cook without offering to make enough for them so we’d have a reason to eat together.

I couldn’t know one of them was home without going to find them and take up space near them.

And now I couldn’t come without them either.

I thought I only wanted to be watched, but kissing Rico had felt as easy as drawing my next breath. So, I did it.

And if I let myself think about it long enough, I could still taste his cinnamon toothpaste mingling with my spearmint when he wrapped his tongue around mine and climbed on top of me while I came for him.

Then he kissed Soul with the taste of me still on his tongue.

None of them had thought twice about it. Like they were just happy I took what I needed.

No jealousy.

No awkward glances.

Just us.

They were my air, the only thing I clung to. And that was dangerous.

There was no way we’d ever go back to being friends after this. It was either going to work out or ruin all of us. No in between.

I didn’t want anyone else but them, and I might not know how to articulate it right now, but I needed them to understand there was no going back for me.

That was even more reason to make these dates unforgettable. I’d gone from winning Harlow over to trying to keep all three of them.

Speaking of Harlow, she kept looking back at me from her mat, smiling at me whenever she moved into a new position.

Out of the four of us, she was the only one hitting the poses gracefully. Soul hadn’t moved out of child’s pose more than twice, Rico looked like he was in pain, and I couldn’t keep my damn balance.

As a unit, we looked a mess, but from the way she kept grinning at the three of us, somebody would think we had this shit on lock.

With her hair pulled back, the purplish bruise around her eye was more visible, but at least it looked better than it had yesterday.

To no one’s surprise, the amount of alcohol she had the night it happened had her face puffy the morning after, so her eye looked worse than it was until late last night.

Now the mismatch of her goofy grin and the ring around her eye made me laugh.

As I breathed through my next pose, I watched schools of fish swim over us. The blue glow from their habitat illuminated the room.

No overhead lights, the sound of ocean waves being piped through the speakers, and the calming energy of aquatic life all around us. The domed ceiling and the floor to ceiling tanks made it feel like we were the ones on display for the animals floating above and around us.

It was the perfect space for a yoga class, and it made sense Soul had planned this date.

“ Look !” Harlow whisper-shouted only for my ears, pointing to a sea turtle cruising through the tank on the nearest wall. The turtle hovered beside me for the length of our next two poses, staring at me before lazily gliding away.

Breathing through my next movement, I welcomed the levity I felt and promised myself I’d do whatever it took to keep it that way.

I wasn’t ready for the date to be over, so on the walk back to Rico’s truck, I said we should head to the farmers market.

When we parked down the street from the entrance, Soul hung back to walk with me while Rico and Harlow walked ahead of us.

Harlow wanted a breakfast sandwich and was convinced the stall would be sold out if she didn’t run through the market to get it. Rico kept up with her, our reusable grocery bags dangling from his fingers.

It was only nine-thirty but already pushing ninety degrees. I had a feeling this farmers market was about to put that gentle yoga session to shame. Sweat was already dotting my top lip.

Behind us, a couple of bikers rang their bells in warning. And without thinking, Soul grabbed my hand and pulled me out of the way into the grass before they sped past us.

“Riding them bikes like Hellcats,” Soul mused to himself.

A second later when he tried to keep walking, I tightened my grip around his hand and held him in place.

“I kissed Rico,” I said, licking my lips.

“Nah.” He grinned, cocking his head. “I think you did more than kiss him.”

“You’re not jealous?”

Soul and Rico didn’t put labels on what they were doing. That didn’t mean I was oblivious to the obvious love between them. Two days ago, we were talking about being each other’s metamours. And this morning…

“Hell yeah, I’m jealous.” Soul erased the sliver of space between us. “I’m jealous as hell it wasn’t my kiss that made you come.”

His words stirred something primal in me and made me realize coming to the farmers market in workout clothes was the worst decision I’d made in a while. Because apparently, Soul spoke the language my dick liked and now I was half hard from a simple sentence and his proximity.

“It makes sense though,” he continued. “You were always more comfortable with Rico. But I hope you stop running from me one of these days.”

I blinked. Was I running? “…Soul.”

“I won’t push you, Chris. You know that. But if you ever give me the chance to feel you…”

My mouth turned into a desert. I didn’t know what the fuck to say and that wasn’t a problem for Soul because he went on.

“I love you and what you did this morning made you happy. You should know by now, I want you happy, Chris.” He tugged his sunglasses down his nose so he could make eye contact with me.

“Look, I’m not perfect but I only get jealous when it’s not us giving you what you need.

And I hope this means you finally start taking more of what you need from us. ”

“You want that?” It was an echo of the question I asked before I ran from him. I knew the answer, but they were the only words my dry throat let me utter.

He hooked his hand behind my neck and pulled me close until he could whisper in my ear. “I already told you what I want. That’s all four of us. Together. Happy. Forever.”

Forever .

“And I think you’re starting to realize you want that too.” He pulled away and gave me that smile he’d been giving me for twenty years. But now there was a glint of something more. Maybe it was the promise of what was to come or maybe it was me thinking too deeply.

“Come on,” he kissed the spot between my brows. “Let’s go get donuts. Your treat.”

Still holding my hand, he turned to walk away like he just knew I would follow him. And I did.