Page 13 of Right Side of Paradise

One or the Other

Harlow :

Did you really tell your bartender to cut me off after two drinks?

Me:

Yes

Harlow :

Why?

Me:

Because none of us are there with you while you’re drinking

You can have your space but that doesn’t mean I won’t keep you safe.

Harlow :

I am safe. It takes more than two drinks to get me drunk, Chris. I just want a buzz

Me:

Then come home. I’ll make you one.

Having no expectations when it came to Harlow seemed to be the safest bet.

I could have walked down the beach and met her at the bar.

Gave into her and let her get drunk off her ass because she was in her feelings.

But I wouldn’t be shit if I did that. She could have one or the other: her space or as many drinks as she wanted.

She was upset. That didn’t mean we would stop protecting her. Not me anyway.

Rico went upstairs an hour ago after waiting for two hours for her to walk back through the door. The only reason he’d conceded was because she was still sharing her location and he could see that she’d just pulled up at my bar.

When the back door opened fifteen minutes after we stopped texting, I looked up from the sudoku game on my phone and caught the back of her as she headed right for the fridge.

I sat at the kitchen island, watching her pile the leftovers from earlier in her small arms.

When she turned around to put them on the counter, she smiled softly.

“Hey, Christian.”

“Worked up an appetite?” I inclined my head to the containers.

“Something like that,” she mumbled, pulling a rib out of the first one and eating it cold.

“You walked for four hours. Your feet not hurting?”

Harlow devoured that cold ass rib while squinting at me. “Why? You wanna rub my feet or something?”

Or something.

This attitude was cute. It kinda turned me on. Even though I knew I wasn’t the one she was mad at.

“I would if you asked me to.”

Her haughty facade slipped, and she looked down at the spread on the countertop.

“Sorry, I shouldn’t have been short with you. You don’t deserve that.” She placed a burger patty, some corn and green beans on the plate then put it in the microwave.

“Is this what we’re gonna do all summer?” I asked when she was facing me again. “Trade apologies for hurting each other’s feelings?”

“No.” It was one word, but I swore I heard every bit of hurt she felt wrapped up in that one syllable.

I wasn’t expecting that, and it killed my playful mood in a heartbeat.

“Harlow, what’s wrong?”

“I don’t think I can stay here.” She swiped a hand over her nose and avoided my eyes.

Just a day ago I was having the same thoughts when Rico told me she was here all summer. So, it was crazy when my stomach dropped as if she was breaking up with me.

“I hate myself for even admitting this, but I’m jealous. Too jealous to stay here. Especially if Rico’s gonna act like that after everything I tell him.”

The microwave beeped, cutting off my retort but I slanted my head to look at her anyway. There was no way in hell I’d heard her correctly.

Harlow? Jealous?

She grabbed the last hamburger bun we had and started assembling her burger.

“Harlow, what? What the hell do you have to be jealous about?”

She licked the back of the spoon she used to spread ketchup on her bread and let her stare lock on mine. “I can’t explain it without getting in my head.”

“Just try. I’m listening.” I didn’t care that I sounded desperate. I was and I didn’t want her to look at me like she was, her eyes wide and full of doubt.

Harlow walked over and sat on the stool beside me.

“It doesn’t make sense. I shouldn’t envy my best friends for being happy and having each other, but I do.

And that’s fucked up.” She toyed with her fork.

“I know life keeps going and I chose to be away, but it hit me harder than I expected. Y’all look so happy.

Not disjointed. You don’t have to get reacquainted with either of them because you never left.

This is your everyday life and I’m very aware I’m not a part of it. ”

Silence fell over the kitchen and she finished the last of her plate.

I kept my mouth shut, trying to figure out what to say. But I was still drawing blanks when she went on.

“Fuck,” she groaned, rubbing her forehead. “Maybe those two drinks were stronger than I thought.”

I snickered, placing a hand on her back.

“Why does Rico get to fuck who he wants but I can’t?”

“That’s a question for Rico,” I said. Keeping my voice nonchalant was about to give me a damn migraine.

“I swear sometimes he still treats me like that seven-year-old he met when our parents first got married.”

“Trust me when I tell you that’s not why he’s so protective of you.”

“Then why?”

Hiding my face in my hands, I blew out the deepest breath I could and asked, “Do you remember your twenty-first birthday?”

Her voice gentled. “Of course I do. It was one of the best nights of my life.”

Clearing my throat, I studied the side of her face. “I think he stopped seeing you as a sister that night.”

“Then why act like this?”

“Harlow, come on now. Be real.”

She finally looked at me again and paused. “What?”

“You think we just moved on from that night because you left town a few days after?”

She ran her tongue over her teeth and looked contemplative. “What did Rico make us promise before we went in that hotel room? Do you remember?”

“Yeah.” I nodded.

“So, what was it? What did he make us shake on?”

“That it was a one-time thing and could never happen again outside that hotel room.”

“Exactly.” Harlow nodded, swiveling her stool so she faced me. Her knees brushed my thigh, and her salty, citrusy fragrance went straight to my head.

Forget the damn migraine; now my dick was fucking hard, and I couldn’t hide that if I wanted to.

“I don’t understand why he’s acting like this when he made the rules. That night was the beginning and end.”

“For you.”

She inhaled audibly. “What?”

The truth would set me free or however the saying went, “Harlow, I never got over that night.”

And the more I thought about the way Rico was acting, I didn’t think he had either. He’d just been better at concealing it until now. I couldn’t speak for Soul. He was affectionate and loving regardless of romantic feelings.

“Christian, please don’t do this to me.”

“Do what?”

“Give me something to hold on to when I know damn well we aren’t those twenty-one-year-olds anymore.”

I licked my lips and smirked when she tore her eyes away from my face. “Okay. I won’t give you anything to hold on to.”

I grabbed her stool when she tried to face forward and held her in place.

“Tell me you don’t want me anymore. I think I need to hear it to let you go.”

Harlow scoffed, “I’m not gonna tell you that.”

“Why not?”

“You want me to lie?”

Silence.

The fridge hummed quietly in the corner of the kitchen but that was it.

No words. No facial expressions to dissect.

Just silence. And a tension so thick I could cut it with my favorite knife.

Harlow finally spoke, but it wasn’t what I wanted to hear. “We have family dinner at my mom’s house tomorrow. Are you coming?”

“Yeah, I’ll be there.”

She hopped down from the stool. “I’m going to bed. Good night.”

Her tone was soft but distant, the warmth vanishing before it could settle over me.

“Harlow, wait up.”

There was something hopeful in her eyes when she let me stop her with a hand on her forearm. “Hmm?”

“Can I see the list? The one you mentioned at dinner. I wanna see it.”