Page 53 of Riding the Line (Steel Saints MC #1)

“But then I got to know you. The club. Holly and Maria. Everyone. I saw the things you were doing—saving people, protecting them when no one else would. And I saw you. Both of you. And suddenly, the lines I was supposed to follow didn’t make sense anymore. Things didn’t feel so black and white.”

Still nothing. But neither of them had left, so I kept going.

“I tried to keep it professional. I tried to remember my mission. But it didn’t matter.

Every day I spent with you, every time I woke up between you, every laugh at the dinner table, every damn ride on the back of our bikes—I was falling in love.

Not with an assignment. Not with the job. With you.”

Dalton’s jaw flexed, but he didn’t interrupt.

“I never meant to lie to you. But I couldn’t tell you the truth, either. If I had, I would’ve ruined everything. I was trapped between duty and my heart, and I made choices I have to live with now. I’ll carry that guilt for the rest of my life.”

Mac finally looked up, his eyes red-rimmed, his voice hoarse. “And we’re just supposed to what? Forgive you? Let you back in like nothing happened? I get why you did it… Katie . It’s not that. But you used us. You used the people we cared most about.”

“No, I know,” I whispered. “I can’t tell you where we go from here. I don’t know what’s next. Yell. Scream. Cuss me out. I deserve all of it. But I had to come here. I had to try and explain. Because I love you both. And I couldn’t live another day pretending like that didn’t matter.”

My voice broke on the next words. “This—you two—it was the only real thing I’ve ever had.

” I stood there, breathing hard, waiting—bracing for rejection.

Waiting to see if love was enough to bring broken pieces back together.

“And I know,” I said softly, “that technically… you didn’t fall in love with me.

” Dalton looked up at that. Mac’s jaw clenched again.

“You fell in love with Nicole Moore. A woman who doesn’t exist. A name on a file. A lie.”

My voice wavered, but I forced myself to keep going.

“But the thing is… Nicky is more me than anything I ever was before. Nicky wasn’t fake.

She was brave and loud and messy. She didn’t always play by the rules.

She protected people. She laughed too hard, and she cursed too much, and she loved you both with every damn part of her.

And yeah—her name was a cover. But everything else?

” I touched my chest, placing a hand over my frantic heart.

“Everything that mattered… that was real.”

My eyes met Mac’s, searching for a chink in the armor. “You helped me find her. You helped me find myself . For the first time in my life, I wasn’t just surviving—I was living. And I can’t go back to who I was before I met you. I don’t want to.

“I’m not asking you to love Katie McGrady today.

I’m not asking for anything at all. But I hope…

maybe one day, you’ll see that Katie and Nicky aren’t that different.

That underneath the badge and the lies and the fear, I’m still the woman who danced barefoot in your kitchen and stole your hoodies and made you laugh when you didn’t want to smile. ”

Dalton’s eyes rose from the spot they had been burning into the floor, and I gave him a weak smile. “I just needed you two to know… I never wanted to hurt either of you. But I’d rather you hate me for the truth, than love me for a lie.”

I had been talking for so long, my throat was dry.

I hadn’t planned on making some big ass speech.

But, as it turns out, once I got going, I couldn’t stop.

And there was one more thing I needed to say.

I licked my drying lips, rubbed my wet eyes, and said a tad louder than I meant to, “And I really hope, one day, you’ll love me just as much as you loved her. ”

Back home, I sat on the couch, elbows on my knees, fingers laced together, and staring at the floor.

My chest still ached from everything I’d just said, from everything they hadn’t said back.

The silence in the townhouse felt deafening.

A knock at the door cut through it, and I jumped about ten feet out of my skin.

For a second, I hoped it was one of them.

Maybe both. But as I pulled the door open, my stomach dropped.

Holly. And Maria.

Fuck, I had meant to call them.

Holly’s hand was flexing like she was resisting the urge to deck me.

Her eyes flashed with betrayal and fury.

She didn’t wait to be invited in. She shouldered past me with enough force that it rocked me back a few steps.

Maria followed behind her, slower. Her steps were hesitant.

Her eyes… they weren’t angry. Just sad. Hurt.

I shut the door behind them, gently, like there was a bomb in the room and I wasn’t sure what would set it off. To be fair, the way Holly was looking at me, I had been around bombs that made me feel safer.

“What the hell were you thinking?” Holly glared at me, arms crossed, nostrils flaring. “Do you have any idea what you did to them? To us? You lied. For over a year. You played us.”

“Holly,” Maria said quietly, touching her arm.

“No. She needs to hear it,” Holly snapped, eyes never leaving me. “You don’t get to disappear and then come back like this, acting like you’re the victim.”

I held up my hands. “Hold up, I’m not. I’m not trying to be. I just—just listen for a second. Give me a chance to explain?”

Holly barked out a disbelieving laugh. “You want us to listen? After all the lies?”

My voice cracked. “I was doing a job— ”

“A job?!” Holly cut in. “You made them fall in love with a lie! And not just them. Us. Us. I trusted you. I let you in. Maria taught you how to make fucking tamales and her kids call you Auntie, and you betrayed us all!”

Maria stepped between us, raising a hand. “Enough.” Her brown eyes met mine, and the thought that I had put some wall between us killed me. “Just… tell us. The short version. Please. ‘Cos I really don’t have the energy for some long-winded bullshit, chica .”

I swallowed hard, nodding. “My real name is Katie McGrady. I’m a detective. I was sent undercover to infiltrate the club. I didn’t know how far it would go. I didn’t expect to care. But I did. I fell in love—with all of you. With this life. With them. I didn’t fake that. Not for a second.”

Silence settled over the room. Holly turned away, pacing like a caged animal, biting down her next words. Maria’s shoulders sagged.

“And now?” she asked. “What now?”

“I turned in my badge,” I said softly. “I’m not going back. I want to stay, to still be a part of… everything. If you’ll let me.” Holly stilled and Maria just stared, eyes misting.

“Time,” Maria finally said. “They’ll need time. We all will.”

I nodded eagerly—that was an answer I could live with. They wanted time? I would give them all the time in the world. Hell, they could ask for the moon and I would do my best to bring it to them. Right now, I was willing to do just about anything to earn their forgiveness.

I glanced between them, then toward the kitchen like it might offer an escape. “Look,” I said, voice a little hoarse, “I know nothing I say can fix this. At least not right away. But maybe… maybe I could get us some takeout? My treat. And if you want, I can tell you about me. The real me.”

Holly raised an eyebrow. “You think some fucking cashew chicken is gonna fix a year of lies? ”

I gave her a half-smile. “No. But it might make it easier to hear about the time I accidentally tasered myself chasing a guy in a Batman costume.”

Maria let out a small laugh, surprised, and even Holly’s scowl twitched. Just a little.

Forty minutes later, the three of us were settled around my low coffee table, cartons of Chinese food open, the tension slowly fading like fog in sunlight.

Maria had helped me pick up the place just enough for us to have seats.

I leaned back, chopsticks in hand, telling them about Shelly—who insisted on wearing mismatched socks because it “kept the criminals guessing.”

I told them about the time we got stuck in an elevator with a drunk guy who thought we were secret agents and begged us to “take him to space.” And, after telling him we were just cops for the millionth time, Shelly finally had enough and started telling him stories about the “great universe”, shit she made up for his entertainment and ours while we were stuck in that damn elevator for hours.

Maria laughed so hard she nearly choked on her lo mein.

Even Holly, curled into the corner of the couch with her shoes off, started to look less like a lion ready to pounce and more like the Holly that I remembered.

Snarky, yes—but a little softer now. I even decided to tell them about Braxton’s sleazy ass.

“The guy was obsessed,” I said, rolling my eyes. “I thought it was just him being overbearing, but then one day during a debriefing, he went all rabid-puppy-love on me.” I told them about the insults and dirty looks when I turned him down, and how glad I was to be rid of his ass.

Holly snorted. “Jesus. He sounds like a real treat.”

“You have no idea.”

We laughed, and for the first time in what felt like forever, I didn’t feel like an outsider.

Just a very tired woman with two friends who might, just maybe, forgive her one day.

As the clock neared seven, Maria glanced at her phone and sighed.

“I need to get home. The kids are probably eating cereal for dinner.”

“That’s my cue too,” Holly said, standing and stretching. “I drove.”

I walked them to the door. “Thanks for coming. Really. And thank you for listening.”

Maria gave me a soft smile. “This doesn’t mean everything’s okay. But… it’s a start.”

Holly paused in the doorway. “Still pissed at you,” she muttered. “But you’re funny. And those egg rolls were solid.”

I smiled. “I’ll take it.”

They left, and as the door clicked shut behind them, I leaned my head against the frame, exhaling.

Not forgiven. But not alone either. The apartment was quiet again, the leftover takeout already cooling on the counter.

I sat alone on the couch, legs pulled up to my chest, staring at nothing.

My mind wandered—not to Mac or Dalton this time, but further back.

To the first person who ever truly saw me, badge and all. Shelly.

I could still remember our first meeting eight years ago like it was yesterday.

I had barely been on the force six months when I got assigned a new partner. I was still a rookie, my training office having literally just signed off. I’d been hopeful—maybe even a little eager. That lasted exactly two minutes into meeting Officer Michelle “Shelly” Vaughn.

“I don’t do hand-holding,” Shelly said, tossing a duffel into the back of her cruiser. “Keep up or get reassigned.”

I raised a brow. “Wow. You always this warm and fuzzy?”

Shelly smirked. “Only on days that end in y. ”

We clashed almost instantly. Shelly was all sarcasm and swagger, a fast-talking city girl with an attitude bigger than her crazy sock collection.

Then there was me, still trying to prove myself but not about to roll over and play goody-goody.

We bickered about everything— routes, paperwork, interrogation styles. It was oil and water, day after day.

Until that case.

A domestic call turned into a nightmare.

A little girl, bruised and terrified, had hidden under the porch while her father tore through the house in a drug-fueled rage.

I had found her first, coaxed her out with soft words and trembling hands.

It was Shelly who grabbed me by the vest and dragged us both away just as the guy came blazing out with a double-barreled shotgun.

Afterward, we sat side by side on the curb, the adrenaline crash hitting like a freight train. I glanced at her and said, “I think I’ve decided.”

Shelly rolled her shoulders and undid her bulletproof vest. “Decided what?”

“Domestic calls are the fucking worst. Give me gang war gone bad any day over that shit.”

Shelly had turned to me, eyebrows raised. “You know, I’m not gonna even disagree with you on that.”

I think that was the first thing we had ever agreed on.

We didn’t talk much more that night. Just got the paperwork done and went home.

But the silence between us had changed. It wasn’t tense anymore.

It was comfortable. Her walls started coming down, and instead of arguing 24/7 in our shop, we got to know each other.

And realized we had a lot more in common than we had initially thought.

I smiled softly at the memory, my heart aching a little. After that night, Shelly and I had become inseparable— partners, best friends, sisters in everything but blood. I shot her a quick text: “I’ll message you tomorrow. Kinda feel like I’ve been run over. Gonna try and get some sleep.”

Shelly sent back a string of emojis which I didn’t even attempt to decipher, knowing from experience the message was one only Shelly would understand. If two stubborn women like us could find a way to understand each other, then maybe there was still hope for the rest of my wrecked life.

Maybe Mac and Dalton could, one day, see me—not the badge, not the lie. Just Katie.

And maybe that could be enough.