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Chapter Forty-Two

Carys

T he waves roll into the shore, and a breeze kicks up tendrils of my hair. I tuck them behind my ears and run my hand along Lucas’s back. He’s against my chest, snug in the baby carrier, fast asleep. There’s nothing like his skin, his breath wafting across the space under my chin built just for him. It’s a huge comfort to focus on him, to keep his happiness and well-being in sight instead of falling apart. The swishing of footsteps in the sand are familiar. The tread of those feet, the ambling confidence, could only be Jay.

“You all right?” He appears at my shoulder, a comfortable distance away.

“Just thinking.” A lot of thinking since I got back from seeing Finn. My mind is in a tailspin—has been since he left me sobbing in a heap at the FBI office. Every time I remember he’s in prison forever, I want to burst into tears or throw up. I’m on a roller coaster, and I can’t figure out how to get off. This tiny, little guy pressed to my chest is my stabilizing force.

“Yeah, I got that part. We’ve been here a few days now. You have a beat on what you’ll do? Are we going back next month? I gotta book the flights early to get the best deal.”

I shake my head. “No.”

Finn leaving me in the visitation cubicle stung, and I’ve taken time to process the rejection. Whether or not he likes it, I understand him.

Jay draws in a deep breath. “I don’t know exactly what he said to you—”

I give him a wry smile. “Nothing I wanted to hear.”

I half turn toward him, and the wind catches my hair again. It flies around me, but I don’t bother trying to tame the strands. “He thinks he doesn’t want to see me. Fine. He won’t see me. He can stew over my absence next time his visiting block comes up, and I don’t appear.”

Jay digs his big toe into the sand and squints, gazing over the vast expanse of ocean. His light-brown skin has grown darker these last few months here. “That’ll set him straight?”

A hint of a smile threatens at the thought of Finn going straight. “Probably not. But he needs me. He doesn’t want to need me, but he does. I know it. When we’re sitting across from each other, even in stupid prison, I feel it. He can have his month to cool off, to remember having me in his life is better than being cut off.” I cup my hands under the carrier to ease my back for a moment. “Just as long as doing this doesn’t kill me too.”

A squeal flies out the open sliding doors from inside. I glance over my shoulder toward the house. “Sofia is okay with the kids?”

“She does it all the time.” Jay shrugs.

My lips tip into an almost-smile. “She amazes me.”

He chuckles. “Sofia. She’s my steel magnolia. Nothing that woman can’t do. Lena is there too. She just returned from grocery shopping.” He puts his hands in the pockets of his dress pants and lets the silence envelop us for a beat. “I gotta pop over to the casino build soon. You tagging along or staying here?”

“I’ll come.” I rub another hand against Lucas’s back, and he makes a snuffling noise as he turns his head to the other side and snuggles in.

“Did you ever get confirmation about who killed Eric?” I say.

Jay shuffles his feet. “I can call Demid directly. Might stir things best left to rest. Evidence points to him.”

Do I need a confirmation? Maybe not. Eric is gone, and he paid for what he did to Demid and his family. He might not have admitted he had Valeriya killed, but I’m confident her baby was his. If he stood any chance of getting me back, he couldn’t let me see what he’d been doing. Doesn’t seem to matter. The truth always worms its way free.

“No. It’s okay.” I shake my head. “Finn was probably right about leaving that situation alone.”

Running a hand through my hair, my feet sink deeper, going from the warm, dry sand to the cool dampness underneath. “Sometimes I think Demid was the one who sent me the final box.”

“The confetti bomb?”

“Yeah.”

“Why would he?” Jay arches an eyebrow.

I grimace. “I brought Eric to his doorstep.”

“The choices Eric made were his. You aren’t responsible for any of them.”

Another breeze kicks up the sand at our feet, swirling it around us. “No luck tracking the courier used to deliver our little joke?”

He shakes his head. “Dummy company. The courier Lilly listed on the sign-in sheet doesn’t exist. Surveillance cameras were useless because of how the person carried in the box and exited the building. Whoever it was understood what they were doing.”

“I wish I’d let you tell Finn about the confetti bomb. Seemed so pointless then. A stupid joke we could trace later once the FBI was finished with me.”

There’s a lengthy moment of silence while we both watch the waves roll into shore. Jay doesn’t bother telling me things would have worked out differently. What would he have done? Would he still be in jail? He wouldn’t have left the threat unanswered. If I’d given him another focus, he might be free.

A few boats zip across the water in the distance, the buzz of their engines audible until the wind shifts. We’ll have a good life here. If only I could figure out how to mend this massive hole in my heart.

My hair drifts in front of my face, and I weave the ends together. An idea has been brewing I haven’t dared to voice. The proposal is desperate, but maybe that’s where we’re at. Finn’s bruised cheek appears every time I close my eyes. He’s not getting any younger. Neither am I. Life is slipping away from us.

Turning to Jay, I say, “There has to be a way to get Finn out.”

“You saw the shit he pled guilty to. Life sentence on top of life sentence on top of life sentence.” He gives me a side-eye. “Please tell me you’re not considering a jailbreak.”

“I wouldn’t have any idea where to start.” I give him a sly smile. “Who could I possibly ask to help me acquire that information and those skills?”

Jay rubs his face. “Is this you asking me?”

I shrug. “Is this you telling me you can help?”

“I might have made inquiries a few months ago when this went down. At the time, I was wondering about getting you out. Thought for sure that’d be Finn’s solution if you pled guilty to even something so minor as jaywalking.” He chuckles.

“What’d you find out?”

“It’ll be hella hard.”

“But.”

“Not impossible. You got enough money and connections—”

“And nothing is impossible.” I smooth my hand over Lucas’s head, loving the softness of his fuzzy hair against my palm.

Lucas is living proof. Even if the route to motherhood wasn’t what I wanted, I’d never trade him or this experience. Finn turning himself in enrages me because I’m convinced we could have found a better path. But I understand why he did it. In some ways, I love him more.

Death or jail. He’d rather die than end up in prison.

Turns out he’d rather go to prison than see me or Lucas suffer. We are suffering, though, just in a different way. At least we have each other.

For nothing can be ill if she be well.

I close my eyes, and the sun kisses my face while I remember what it felt like to have him murmuring those words in my ear as he held me tight. I’d do anything to have him again—to be safe, protected, loved.

As I take a deep breath, the wind kicks up, stirring my partially braided hair. “Find me the best person to break him out. This isn’t the end,” I say to Jay, my face turned to the sun. “It’s just the beginning.”