Page 83 of Resonance
They launched into the barn burner, then transitioned through another three songs off their first and second albums without pausing, whipping the crowd into a frenzy.
After the fourth song wound down, they took a water break amidst screams and catcalls. The camera zoomed in on the pair of them as they retrieved the bottles placed next to stools set alongside each other. There were plastic cups, too, of what must have been beer, and Dan picked his up, taking a long swig as the camera shot tightened and caught the sheen on his forehead and cheeks as he drank.
“Glad you finally decided to show up, Dan. It’s been a couple years,” Ryder teased. The crowd roared with good-natured laughter and cheers.
Dan lifted his hands, a guilty expression on his face that I could tell was for show. “I’m a tough one to pin down. Always been a little bit of a ramblin’ man.” He angled toward Ryder, fingers moving absently over his guitar strings. “What I’m curious about, though, is when you got so damned ugly. I mean, I know aging’s a bitch, but hell.”
More roars from the crowd, even though Ryder was anything but ugly. He was softer-edged than Dan’s masculine cragginess, but there was potent confidence in the way he commanded the stage.
Ryder ruffled a hand over the top of his head in a mimicry of modesty, then grinned and cocked his brow at Dan until Dan laughed.
My stomach knotted up out of nowhere. I’d expected it to be more obvious that they were just playing to the audience, but Ryder’s grin seemed genuine and invested, and Dan seemed… I studied the screen as the camera zoomed in on him again, color high in his cheeks and a lightness in his eyes that seemed to transmit internal joy.
Dan seemed really happy.
And there was no reason that should put so many snakes in my gut, but it did. I closed my eyes, blinked them open, and fixed on Ru’s arm draped around Quinn’s shoulder instead. Which wasn’t really any better.
I was jealous. Of everything at the moment. And I hated how sour that made me feel.
On screen, Dan and Ryder continued to banter back and forth.
“Speaking of ramblin’, what say we do a cover? You in the mood?”
Dan considered, and I could tell that they’d planned out the “break” in the set list in advance. I took a large gulp of my beer, then another, wooziness hitting me as Dan played the opening riff to “Ramblin’ Man.”
After the show ended, I lingered on the pretense of helping clean up, which was a joke because there wasn’t really anything to clean up. But I wasn’t ready to go back to Dan’s place yet. The dark, empty rooms and the sense of his absence and this looming fear that I’d walk in and feel like an intruder in his home. In his life. I hadn’t before, but watching him live on stage with Ryder had shifted things around inside me, making me feel all jumbled up and like I was missing pieces. Or like I’d thought I was looking at a picture of one thing, but really it was something else altogether.
I startled when arms wrapped me in a hug from behind and lifted.
“Easy there.” Ru laughed and let me go. “Damn you’re jumpy tonight.” He took the cups I’d gathered. Usually I loved his affection, loved that he was so casual about it. But right then it grated on me, and I hated that, too.
“You okay?” Ru set the cups on the counter and rested against it, gaze dimming with concern.
“Just because I don’t want to be hugged or touched all the time means something’s wrong with me?” I snapped, and Ru’s eyes widened like I’d reached out and whipped the words against the side of his face. I regretted it immediately.
“I had no… I’m so sorry. I won’t do it again. God, I wish you’d told me earlier. I’d never disrespect your boundaries intentionally, O.”
And now I felt worse. My voice came out small until I cleared my throat and tried again. “I like your hugs. I’m just being…” My shoulders slumped. “The beer’s not sitting well or something. “
“Okay.” Ru gave me a tentative smile. “The show was great, right?”
“Awesome.” And it had been, despite how flatline my answer sounded. Dan and Ryder had been as good up there on stage as they’d ever been, and everyone had fucking loved them together.
Internally cringing at my own obviousness, I asked, “Can I stay here tonight?”
“Of course.” Ru narrowed his eyes. “Will Aiden remember to feed Jez?”
“He left the other day, but I fed her and put out fresh water right before I came. She’ll be good to go until I get there in the morning.”
He nodded thoughtfully, scratched the corner of his mouth, and then opened the fridge, pulling out a bottled water that he handed to me. I could hear Quinn rustling around somewhere else in the loft, softly humming Dan and Ryder’s “Love Her on the Road.”
The ache that spread through me could’ve stretched to the rafters of the loft. Fuck, what was wrong with me?
“Owen?” I’d never heard Ru’s voice so hesitant. My shoulders slumped further at the gentle concern, and I met his eyes slowly. “I don’t know what kind of arrangement you and Dan have but…”
“We don’t have an arrangement. I’m taking care of his house,” I said lightly.
Ru blinked disbelievingly at me a few times. “All right, if you say so. I was just gonna say it’s tough on Quinn, too, sometimes when I’m on the road. Makes him feel left behind. Makes him worry. Not so much anymore, but big-time when we first got together.”