Page 29 of Resonance
Dan shook his head. “I wasn’t sure what I was chasing. If it was the music or the success or the money or recognition. All of them? None of them?” He squeezed the ends of his hair, watched the droplets ripple through the water below. “Sometimes I thought maybe I wasn’t after anything at all, that I was just caught on the hamster wheel, pride and ego telling memoreandbiggerand no goddamn reason behind it aside from my own internal drive toward some invisible carrot stick I couldn’t understand. Success itself became the addiction, I suppose. Like booze. Like pills. The rock bottom for that is just harder to recognize than an alcoholic falling down on the street, I reckon.” He waded toward the stairs, laying one hand on the rail, then sat down on the top step, bending to cup some water, splash it over his face, and slick back his hair. “All of which made it easier when I decided to stop. Stop chasing. I wasn’t really that invested by that point. It was just ego. Got tired of that, too.”
I inched closer and rested my chin over my forearms on the edge of the pool, canting my head to see him. “You don’t feel like you gave up too soon?”
Dan chuckled, studying me sidelong. “I didn’t give up. I quit, and there’s a huge goddamn difference. People will say there’s not, but there is. Giving up, that sounds like an act of hopelessness. Quitting is a conscious decision.”
“And one that protects someone’s sense of pride, I guess. If they’re the type that thinks there’s a big difference between giving up and quitting.”
“Maybe so.” He stared at me another few beats, then stood, squeezing water from the bottom of his boxers and shaking it from the dark hairs on his legs. “Gonna warm up and go to bed. Good work today.”
Grabbing a towel off one of the hooks on the wall, Dan held it in one fist as he put his back to me and peeled his boxers down his legs with the other hand. God he had a nice ass, thick and sculpted, manly, like a rock-hard shelf over the backs of his thighs where the hairs lay down flat from the weight of water.
He eyed a panel outside of what looked to be a sauna, then fiddled with it a second, making adjustments before he flicked on the light and opened the door, disappearing inside.
I swam a couple of laps, trying to outrun the tingly feeling in my stomach, then gave up, floated awhile, and finally crawled out, too. I grabbed a towel, shucked my boxers, and headed toward the sauna. I’d never been in one before, but I’d seen plenty in movies. I’d always associated them with country clubs and gray-haired men with potbellies talking about golf stats and the stock market.
Inside was a two-tiered bench running along the back and side wall, and a stack of rocks to the left, banked in a wire cage along another wall. Dan sat on the lower bench, loose-limbed, arms stretched out behind him on the upper.
The scent of hot cedar proliferated and bathed me in dry heat. Rivulets of sweat streamed down the sides of Dan’s face, crawled over his neck, and skated down his torso.
He opened his eyes at my approach. “S’nice.” He pulled his arms into his lap to make room for me and then patted the bench beside him.
“I’m sorry,” I blurted, coming to a stop in front of him and tucking the end of my towel tightly around my waist. I wasn’t exactly sure what I was doing, just that whatever it was made my heart thunder in my chest. “I can tell you’re hurting.” It was subtle, but I’d felt it emanating from him ever since we’d arrived. Not overpowering, but faint, like the breeze that remained after a big storm had blown through and moved on. A somberness that made him more withdrawn than usual.
Dan’s gaze focused sharply and suddenly on me. His mouth thinned as he pressed his lips together. “I’m not…” He shook his head and ran a hand through the ends of his hair, then along his jaw. “Yeah, it still hurts a little bit. All this time and it still fucking gets me. Not bad, not like I’m gonna die or crawl in a hole or anything. “
“Yeah, I understand.”
“Do you?” He studied me.
I expected some sort of skepticism, but he seemed to take my answer at face value when I nodded. And maybe I didn’t understand it exactly the same way he did, but I knew what longing and ache and disappointment and regret felt like. And I knew I was right about him and Ryder whether he wanted to admit it aloud or not.
Barely breathing, I reached down and when he didn’t stop me, took his hands and lifted them to rest on my waist. His fingers danced over the towel, rubbing against the plush cloth, then trailed up and down the sides of my thighs in a light caress.
“What are we doing here?” he asked, those lines tracing over the outer corners of his eyes as he looked up at me with his Big Dipper gaze, a molten warmth in it, an openness that I wanted to keep right there.
“Are you asking an existential question or a more immediate one?”
“I think you know the answer to that.”
“Yeah. And I think you know the answer, too.” It had to be one of the oldest methods of diversion on earth.
Dan arched a brow, a smile hooking one corner of his mouth and fading slowly as I reached again and pulled his towel open. His cock lay thick and gratifyingly semi-erect along his thigh. The slow stroke of my hand over it made it twitch and jump in the air as he let out a soft, measured exhale. Placing one knee to either side of his thighs, I lowered onto his lap unhurriedly, brushing aside the ends of my towel to accommodate the spread of my legs.
Hands still on my thighs, Dan’s gaze went fierce and dark, but he spoke in a quiet drawl. “You wanna see if I know what to do with it? That’s what you said last night, wasn’t it?”
I nodded, a thrilling shiver running up my spine as blood rushed south. “Very fucking much.” I hesitated for a second before taking his chin in my hand and brushing my lips over his. A soft stroke side to side, not even really a kiss. He slipped his tongue out and ran it along my lower lip before clamping his teeth down on the tender skin until I tensed in his lap and let out a hissing breath. When he let go, I kissed him hard, forced his mouth open with mine, and sucked the tongue that barreled between my lips. Dan caught me by the throat and pushed me back, a savage kind of gleam in his eyes. “I don’t always play nice, kid.”
I grinned. I didn’t even give a shit that he’d called me kid because in the moment, the gruff tone and the way he’d said it was a turn-on. “Is that supposed to be some kind of warning? Insider scoop: I don’t always like it nice. I can handle more than the average person assumes.” I glanced down. “Not that you’re average. At all.” I forced my mouth closed.
Dan made a guttural noise in the back of his throat as he clutched my thighs, tugging my towel until it came fully open. His hands roamed over me, then tightened on my ass, guiding and rocking my hips against his erection. His gaze locked with mine like he was waiting to see if I’d stop him.
I slid a hand down between us, took us both in my grip as he slanted his mouth to mine again. Lips, tongue, teeth. Messy and wet. His stubble sandpapered over my damp jaw and lips, making them tender and swollen in seconds, but I didn’t want to stop. I whimpered as he shifted on the bench and curled his arms under my shoulders, driving me forward on his thighs, shaft rubbing against mine and sending me racing toward the edge.
With force, I planted a palm against his chest and shoved him backward, leaving us both panting as I scrambled down onto the floor between his knees to get what I’d wanted the night before.
This time, he didn’t resist. Dan watched me with a hooded, hungry gaze, stretching his arms along the edge of the bench behind him again as I ran my hands up and down his legs.
I dragged my fingers through the dark hair smattering his muscular quads and pressed wet kisses and licks to his inner thigh until I reached the base of his cock. When I took him in my mouth, there was the tiniest, tiniest jolt of his hips. I pulled back. “Like this?” His cock was smooth and so swollen and tight, salty precum blossoming on my tongue.