Page 19 of Resisting Your Love

It wasn't my intention to get drunk, but the way I felt was an excuse to do so.

It had been a minute since I actually consumed as much liquor as I had so fast. With a grimace, I downed yet another shot of tequila.

I was feeling that one tenfold, but I had to shake it off and keep going.

I knew I needed to stop, but I didn't want to.

I wanted to be numb to the agony that throbbed through my broken heart.

My heart felt like it had repeatedly broken into a million pieces.

For the first time, I thought I had something real, but it should've stayed how it was, which was by contract.

I shouldn't have given Amryn a part of me. I screwed up when I did that.

I never thought Amryn would have hurt me the way that she did.

It was the fact that she was keeping things from me that hurt the most. I hadn't laid eyes on her in two days, and that felt like a lifetime to me.

I knew where she was staying due to me having her location.

If she hadn't left, there was no telling how we'd behave around each other.

Not even being at the club made me feel any better when it was my idea to come out.

It was an escape I needed from being in the house without Amryn there.

I picked up another shot of tequila and down that, nearly bringing that one back up.

I felt River and Zyanna's eyes on me, but I paid them no mind.

Until I was ready to talk, they'd have to sit and watch me down these shots.

We had our own section at the club. A bottle sat on ice with shot glasses around the table.

I was the only one drinking, but I didn't give a damn.

The club was a vibe for real, but I wasn't in a partying mood.

I merely came to drink and drown in my sorrow. I was glad to have them there with me.

"Man, damn. How many shots were you planning to down in a matter of minutes? We just got here, and you downing these shots like water," River pointed out.

He didn't know what the hell I was going through. Therefore, he shouldn't speak on anything right now.

"Hush, River. You don't know what's going on with Levi," Zyanna stated.

"Well, if he stopped taking shots, maybe we can ask him," he countered.

Zyanna sighed deeply. "Obviously, it has something to do with Amryn. Why else would he be drinking like this? It's stressing me out."

They were talking about me as if I weren't here with them, and it pissed me off. I should've stayed home, but I knew I needed to talk to them.

"Levi, what happened between Amryn and you?" Zyanna asked.

"She's still stuck on her ex," I replied.

"What?" Zyanna's eyes widened. "No way. I don't believe that."

I shrugged. "You don't have to believe me. It's true."

I gave them a rundown of what had happened yet again. As I restated what happened between us, I gritted my teeth together. It angered me that the woman I love was still hung up on her ex. That was wrong as hell.

"That doesn't mean Amryn's stuck on him.

Did you ever think to tell her to change her number?

She said she blocked his main number. What else do you want her to do?

You broke up with her for no reason and then had the nerve to say what between y'all is only the contract.

If I were her, I would have beaten your ass. "

I covered my eyes with my hands and ran them down my face.

Truth be told, downing those shots had me tired as hell.

"Man, listen, this is the second time this has happened.

Instead of telling me what the hell was going on from the beginning, she kept it from me.

Damn, Amryn, and damn this fake ass marriage. "

Zyanna placed her hands on her hips and glared at me. "Boy, if I was her, I wouldn't have told you, either. You've punched ol' boy in the face one time. What more do you want to happen? If she had to tell you, what would you have done?"

"Go find him and beat his ass," I truthfully answered.

River burst out laughing while Zyanna threw her hands in the air.

"It's a good thing she didn't tell you then. You would go looking for trouble," Zyanna stated.

"It's all good. I don't need her, anyway. We should have kept our relationship by the contract."

As much junk as I talked, I couldn't say I didn't miss the hell out of Amryn. She had a presence that was known whenever she walked into a room. Now that I didn't have that, I felt the loneliness.

"What y'all going to do? Will she move out?" River asked, picking up a shot and downing it. At least someone joined the party with me.

"I haven't thought about it yet, but I'll think of something.

One thing I do know for sure is I know I can't be with someone who is keeping something from me.

I don't care how little or small it is. If her ex was calling her, she should have told me and not kept it to herself.

That's something I can't get over," I uttered.

"Maybe it was for your own good," Zyanna countered. "You are ready to throw away something that made you happy. What sense does that make?"

I clenched my jaw muscles together, not wanting to go off on my cousin, but she was pushing me. "Listen, Zy, I know you mean well, but right now, none of what you are saying matters to me."

She smacked her lips and got up hastily from her seat. "Fine! I'm done trying to help you see you are making the biggest mistake of your life. Asshole!" She walked away from our section, fuming.

River only stared at me. "You know she's right, but I'm going to let you figure that out on your own." He got up, leaving me alone. He was probably going to find Zyanna.

I did owe her an apology, but right now, she could forget about it.

Since River wanted to take her side and walked off with her, it was to hell with both of them.

I knew I was doing the right thing, no matter how it made me feel.

Since I was the one who broke things off with Amryn, I shouldn't be affected, but I was.

When I thought about our fight, anger resurfaced, but I also hated the way she cried.

As much as I wanted to go to her and pull her in my arms, I didn't. Then she left the house without saying anything to me.

That was an agony I hadn't expected to feel.

She was the first woman I ever opened up to, and things weren't good between us.

This is our second time getting mad at each other.

This time, things ended between us. Would we ever be able to work things out?

I'd have to trust Amryn. I knew if I couldn't, I doubted I'd be able to let this go.

At home, I was alone, and guilt cut me deeply.

I stared around at the house and clenched my teeth together.

The decorations that were up, Amryn and I did together for Christmas.

Then we had a picture of us hanging on the wall that we took at a charity event.

Damn, this was hitting me hard as hell now.

I already knew that if Amryn were here, we would be doing something right now.

I could remember a time when I drew a tattoo design, and she colored it in.

We ate buffalo chicken dip with buffalo wings that night, too.

Then, we ended the night with a candlelight bath that led to us tearing up the sheets.

Damn, I missed the hell out of her. I was having too many mixed emotions swirling around in my chest. This cut me deeply.