Page 34 of Requirements for Love (Love in London with Mr Darcy #3)
No man of sense would wait longer than necessary to secure a woman like Elizabeth.
So what did that say about him? That he should have made use of the intelligence he was born with and asked her to marry him last November, or, barring that, declared himself last week before Peck stepped foot in his house.
“You look miserable,” his cousin said, edging through the crowd to stand next to him.
“I am at a rout,” he said flatly.
“You chose this. We could have gone to a card party or a concert instead.”
“I thought this would be over earlier.” They were all crammed into Lady Arnold’s drawing room, a harp in the corner, a handful of books and prints on the tables, and nowhere to sit and no wit to be had. They had been stewing together for hours.
“You cannot be that dull-looking because of some noise and bad drinks.”
“And worse music,” he added, looking at the harpist in the corner. Lady Arnold’s daughter attracted a crowd for her countenance and figure, not her playing.
Fitzwilliam gave him a long look. “You are not still sore about losing to Peck the other day?”
“Sore about losing Miss Bennet to my own stupidity,” he muttered .
Fitzwilliam then swore at him.
Darcy threw him a look. “Forgive me if my broken heart is tiresome to you.”
“Damn it, Darcy. You think because Peck beat you to twelve hits that Miss Elizabeth does not want you? What happened at the fencing match had no effect on her.”
“I know that.” He had challenged Peck to make himself feel better, and that failed. “She still likes him, and he likes her.”
“Everyone likes Peck!” his cousin cried. A few people near them turned to look, but the noise in this party was so loud that no single voice would carry across the room.
“What am I supposed to do?” Darcy hissed. “I will not pursue a woman in love with another man. And certainly not a woman my friend admires. No honourable man would do that to a respectable woman or to his friend.”
Fitzwilliam leant in, clapped a hand on his shoulder, and dropped his voice.
“Darcy, they are not engaged.” He spoke slowly and enunciated every word.
“They chatted and flirted. You do not do those things, so maybe you do not understand how it works. Allow me to explain: Men and women talk and smile and stare and flirt to resolve if there is anything of substance between them. It does not mean they are in love.”
He resented being spoken to as though he were not clever, even though he was not in the habit of flirting with anyone.
“I know they are not, but they are mutually attracted.” His spirits were ready to feed on melancholy remembrances as he thought of when he was certain Elizabeth was attracted to him .
It had been more than an attraction between them, he was sure.
He had seen admiration and love for him in her manner, her smiles, her attention.
And then he had driven it away.
His cousin growled under his breath and clenched his fist, closing his eyes as though gathering patience. “They are trifling! She is not halfway to the altar.”
Darcy dropped his eyes. Since what he said on the stairs, Elizabeth seemed farther from him in inclination than any distance could express. “Even if she loved me before, she might not want me now.”
“You have two choices: get over it and stop acting morose, or go ask her to choose you over Peck.”
He shook his head. “She asked me if there was any reason for her not to turn to Peck.”
“And did you say, ‘Yes, a good reason: I worship the ground you walk on’?”
“That is rather dramatic.” Fitzwilliam glared so hard Darcy flinched. “No! No, I…I lied. I said there was no reason not to pursue a relationship with him.”
His cousin looked like he might punch him. “That was your chance!”
He had lied. After all of his talk about honesty and what he had said about her family and how he defended his feelings because they were natural and just, he lied to her face. He said there was not a damn reason in the world for her not to set her cap on Captain Peck.
He assumed it was what she wanted to hear, that his assurance would make her happy.
He ought to have given her the chance to tell him herself what she wanted.
He should have told her he loved her and let her choose.
“I have done everything wrong. I must throw myself at her feet.” He would have to be vulnerable, more vulnerable than he had ever been.
He would have to confess his feelings to a woman who not only might not want him anymore, but who might be more attracted to another man.
“Is she worth it?” Fitzwilliam asked.
“Yes.” Elizabeth was worth every effort of patience, every exertion of mind.
“Then pluck up a little and go talk to her!”
“I must talk to Peck first.”
Horse Guard buildings and the parade grounds sat between Whitehall and St James’s Park. Darcy had his carriage bring him there directly from Lady Arnold’s rout. Captain Peck was not on duty, and eventually Darcy was shown into the barracks.
“It is rather late, Darcy,” Peck said to him when he entered. “What could not wait until a more reasonable hour?”
In order to have a good friend, Darcy had to deserve to be one. Whether his relationship to Peck could ever become a more steady and lasting friendship, Peck deserved better from him. “First, I owe you an apology for my presumption and loss of temper when you called on Miss Bennet.”
Peck’s brow furrowed. “You apologised at Angelo’s. What you should actually apologise for is your terrible fencing. It should not have been that easy to beat you,” he said with a smile.
“I was distracted, and it made me angry, and I acquitted myself poorly.”
His smile fell. “Angry about my calling on your friend and spending eight minutes alone with her?”
Darcy shook his head. “Angry, because…because I think she needs someone who will dedicate himself to her, and I cannot see you in that role.”
“You think me unsteady?” he said in a tone of affront. “Easily swayed by the whim of the moment, easily tempted, easily putting a woman aside?”
“No, I think that devoting yourself to her happiness would not come easily to you, as you have many interests, friends, commitments…” He knew he was being evasive, and Peck looked downright confused.
“So does any man. Can you not imagine me treating her well because you are in love with her yourself?” he said with a laugh.
“Yes.”
Peck stared openly, and Darcy felt uncomfortable, vulnerable, and open to scrutiny. His friend exhaled and shook his head in disbelief. “Darcy, I could not be more surprised if you had struck me across the face.”
“I have behaved dreadfully, with jealousy and anger, and I owe you better than that. I should have told her sooner. You have done nothing wrong, and neither has she.”
He crossed his arms over his chest. “Are you here to warn me off?”
Darcy shook his head. “I am here to apologise, and to be honest, as I should have been a week ago when you called a second time. I love her, and I am going to ask her to marry me.”
“Well, you are wealthier and better connected,” he said matter-of-factly, “so she will say yes.”
He barked a dry laugh. “That just shows you do not know her well yet. I have to earn her affection, and I am here to tell you I intend to do that.”
“And when she refuses you and turns those pretty eyes to me?”
His stomach dropped. “Then I will swallow my disappointment and wish you joy.”
“But I should not expect you to attend the wedding breakfast?” Peck’s wry smile faded, and he paced a little, looking downcast. “You put me in a bad spot, Darcy, to choose between a woman and a friend. I am going to choose her, and I hate how that makes me feel.”
Darcy gave a half-smile. “Perhaps my spirits will be recovered by the time your first child needs a godparent. I acted badly, Peck, and I would hate to lose your friendship over it, regardless if you marry her or not. But I am going to tell her I love her.”
Peck pursed his lips together, and Darcy imagined him weighing his options. “I will not drop my acquaintance with Miss Bennet. I want to know her better, and I hope you do not hold it against me.”
Darcy held out his hand to show he did not, and Peck shook it. There was no reason to stay, and it felt better to part now on tentative good terms.
He would call on Elizabeth in the morning.
She was not to be won by all that Peck’s gallantry and good nature together could do; or, at least, she might not be won by them so soon.
She would need also the assistance of sentiment and feeling, and to see Peck’s seriousness on serious subjects before committing herself.
Maybe his cousin was right and their new acquaintance was fleeting enough to give him an opportunity .
No matter how much better she knew him than Peck, that did not mean she loved him .
Could he be worthy of her? He thought of the list she made with Georgiana, and how often Elizabeth had provoked him to learn what was on his supposed list of marital requirements.
He had a fair idea of what Elizabeth needed and deserved, but it was time to tell her the truth.
Even if he was the only one to say it, he would not waste another moment without her knowing he loved her.