Page 36

35

R enard shook his head.

He’d sensed that she’d been hiding shit behind the facade she presented to the world.

But he’d had no idea it was this bad.

And that was killing him.

“Gem,” he whispered.

“You were right to stop calling me Gem and baby. I’m not worthy of those names. I’m not a Gem. And I’m no baby. I’m Opal. Dirty and wrong.”

“Fuck that,” he said, trying to keep himself calm.

He had to tread carefully. As her man, it was up to him to take down her barrier and then become it. To protect her soft center like his life depended on it.

And unlike the rest of his life, which he’d fucked up spectacularly, he was not going to mess up.

“That is not what you are doing, that is not what you are. That is him talking. That is his bullshit coming out of your mouth.”

“Not just him, darlin’. My whole life I’ve been treated like dirt because, obviously, everyone else could see what you can’t. I am dirt.”

“That’s complete and utter bullshit and I don’t want to hear it again. Come here.” He crooked a finger at her. He couldn’t back down now or those defenses would go up even stronger than before.

“I don’t want you to have it.”

“Not your choice to make, Gem. And you are a gem. And it’s got nothing to do with your name. In case you thought that. Not why I call you Gem. I call you that because you’re a shiny, bright light. Something precious and irreplaceable and one of a fucking kind.”

“Renard,” she whispered as she took a step toward him.

He was getting through. He just had to push a bit more.

“And something that is so beautiful and precious could never fucking be contaminated. It could never be dirty. You understand me? He might have made you feel that way. Others might have too, but it’s not fucking true, my baby. Do not let them win. You think this way, you push me away, they win. And nobody can beat us, Gem. Not as long as we’re together.”

“What about your porch only fitting one rocker?”

Fucking asshole.

He hated that he’d done this to her.

“I’ll build a bigger porch. If I can’t do that, then I kneel, and my queen sits on the rocker like it’s a throne.”

She sniffled and took a step toward him. “I might cry.”

“Then you cry. Do what you gotta do.”

“Are you sure you want this?” Another step.

“Never been more sure of anything.”

She slid her hand into his and he did the rest, pulling her gently to him. Holding her as tight as he dared.

Then he held her as she broke.

The tears came and they came. They rocked her body, they filled the room, and they broke his fucking heart.

Something he hadn’t realized he still had.

But it was there, shriveled and dried up, and all fucking hers.

For what it was worth.

When he felt her strength go, he picked her up and carried her to the world’s most uncomfortable couch. There he sat with her on his lap and waited until she calmed down.

“I need a tissue,” she said huskily. “Where do you keep them?”

“I’m a man who lives alone.”

“What does that mean?” she asked.

“I don’t have any tissues.”

“Oh. I’ll get some toilet paper.”

“You’re not going anywhere, Gem.” Renard drew the sleeve of his shirt down over his hand. “Look at me.”

She leaned back to glance up at him and he started wiping away her tears with his shirt sleeve.

“What are you doing?” she cried.

“Stay still or you’ll hurt yourself. And I’m cleaning you up.” He didn’t know why he had to explain that. Thought it was obvious.

“You can’t do that with your shirt sleeve!”

“Think I just did, Gem.”

Her face softened. “I can’t believe that’s why you call me Gem. That you actually believe all of that.”

“Don’t believe it, Gem. Know it. And I feel so fucking bad that I scared you before.”

“I’m sorry,” she told him.

“Why are you apologizing? You were scared of me, and you have every right to be after what happened to you.”

“I’m not scared of you, though. It wasn’t you I was seeing. It was him. Stefan. He . . . he used to beat me. And not just a little bit. A lot.”

“Baby, fuck.”

“First time he did it, I made up excuses for him. He was stressed. He had a lot going on. But it just got worse. He’d come to visit me and he’d be so angry. I . . . occasionally I get really bad headaches. Not often, but they started after he slammed my head into a wall.”

“Fucking motherfucker.” If he could get his hands on Stefan . . . probably a good thing that he was dead.

He didn’t need to end up in jail for murder.

Not when he had to take care of his girl.

“I was just reacting on instinct. Everything with Barney stirred up old memories. Although, if I’m honest, I’ve been having a lot of nightmares about Stefan lately.” She frowned. “I used to have nightmares about someone being in my room, watching me. Do you think that’s because Barney . . . because he was actually watching me?”

“Fucking asshole,” he spat out. “It could be.”

“He could have grabbed me at any time,” she whispered. “Hurt me.”

“Not going to let anyone hurt you, Gem. Not anyone.”

“I thought I’d buried my demons so deep that they’d never come out.”

“They always find a way of getting out, Gem. And I’m glad that they are, because that shit will eat you up from the inside out unless you let it out. Trust me, I know.”

“You have your own stuff to deal with, I’m so sorry to load you with mine.”

“Like I told you. I want yours.”

“Why?” she asked.

“Because I fucking love you.”

“What?” she asked in a hoarse voice.

“Went crazy when I learned you’d been taken. I absolutely lost it. And I knew then if I didn’t get you back that my life was fucking over. It would go back to shades of gray. And I don’t know if I could have gone back to that. Pulled myself out of the gutter once and I knew I couldn’t do it again.”

“But if something did happen to me?—”

“Wouldn’t survive, baby. Simple as that.”

“That’s a lot of pressure on me to live,” she muttered.

To his shock after everything that had just happened, he found himself laughing. “Yep. Guess you’re going to have to do everything I tell you to do to keep you safe.”

“Fuck. You sure you couldn’t love me a bit less?”

Now, he really didn’t want to laugh. “No. I could not love you less. There’s no way for me not to love you. I’m not a flowery guy, Gem. You’re not going to get lots of romantic words from me. But I will always take care of you. You’ll never have to take the trash out, or shovel snow, or worry about maintenance, or paying the bills, or grocery shopping and cooking.”

“Yeah, that’s a lot of pressure.”

“Problem?” He growled, well aware that she hadn’t told him that she loved him yet.

“There might have been, if I didn’t love you too.”

Thank fuck.

“Made me wait for that, Gem. That doesn’t make me happy. Gonna have to spank you for that later.”

She buried her face into his chest, taking in his gingerbread scent. “You do that.”

“If you can’t handle the spankings anymore, you’ll tell me.”

Opal stiffened. “Just because I had a moment doesn’t mean that I want to change the way I live my life. We live our life.”

“Just telling you that you can change your mind.”

“I haven’t changed. I’m still me. And I still have needs that most people won’t get with my past. But I know that you get it and you can give me what I have to have.”

“Yeah, I understand those needs, baby.”

“I love you, Renard. And I couldn’t ever imagine living without you.”

“Good thing you don’t have to.”

“I really could use that tissue, though,” she said, sniffing.

“Here. Blow.” He held his sleeve up to her nose.

“I am not blowing my nose on your shirt, Renard!”

“Why not?”

“Because that’s gross.”

“Do I love you?” he said, confusing her.

“Apparently.”

“No apparently about it. The answer is yes,” he informed her. “I love you and you can blow your damn nose on my shirt.”

“You love me so you love my snot?” she questioned.

“Yep. That’s exactly it.”

“That’s one of the weirdest things I’ve ever heard.”

“Blow, baby.”

She muttered something to herself and shook her head. So he slid her forward so he could pull off his shirt and then he held it to her nose. “Blow.”

“Fucking crazy man.” But she blew her nose and for some ridiculous reason he was pleased.

As though he had done something to take care of her. He settled her back. “Glad I’m getting all of you now, baby.”

“Are you sure? You hate tears.”

“I was an idiot.”

“You . . . you what?”

“I was the world’s biggest fucking idiot for telling you that I hate tears . . . that I didn’t want you to cry. What I should have said is that when you cry, I want you to find me. Lean on me. Tell me what is going on so I can fucking fix it.”

“There’s no fixing me, though.”

“That’s because there’s nothing that needs fixing. There have been times where I don’t feel worthy of someone as amazing as you.”

She opened her mouth, likely to argue, but he placed a finger over her lips.

“But now I’ve decided, screw that. I’m keeping you.” He removed his fingers.

“You’re keeping me?” she repeated.

“Yep.”

“Good. Because I’m keeping you too. And that bit about you not being worthy is bullshit. You’re protective and kind under the gruffness. You’re smart and sexy and you cook like a dream. You’re worth everything good that comes your way.”

All he wanted was her.

“We should get you back into bed, though. You need to rest.”

She grasped hold of him. Tight. “I don’t want you to leave me.”

“Not going anywhere, Gem,” he told her gruffly. “Not going any-fucking-where.”

As he stood, cradling her close, Opal let that sense of safety wash over her. She hadn’t been certain that she’d ever feel safe again. But Renard seemed to have the ability to make her feel that way.

“Hope Stefan is rotting in hell,” he muttered as he carefully set her down in the bed.

She wouldn’t tell him this, but she might have overdone things as it felt like every part of her body hurt.

“Hopefully he is,” Opal told him. “If there’s a God at all, he will be.”

“Barney deserves to suffer too. He hurt you as well.”

“Don’t go after him, Renard.”

He grunted and she was well aware that wasn’t agreement.

“Renard, he’s been arrested. He’ll be convicted. That’s enough.”

“It’s not enough,” he growled. “He kidnapped and beat you. Terrified you and his aunt. The bastard should feel some of that terror that you felt.”

“I’m sure he’s feeling that right now. But here’s the thing, for all the terror that I felt while I was with him, I also had hope.”

“Hope?” he asked as he sat on the bed, facing her.

“Yeah, I had hope and I had faith. When I was with Stefan, I never had that. I thought that was going to be my life until he one day went too far and killed me. But this time, I knew you were out there searching for me. I knew that the Malones were raising hell trying to find me. That Jake would have all of his people searching. Didn’t quite realize the whole town would be on the rampage and neither did Barney. You all came for me and it showed me more than anything that I have people on my side. And that made all the difference. That’s why I could stay calm. Why I could help Mrs. G without losing myself to the fear. Because all of you were coming.”

“I always will come for you, baby. Always.”

“I know.” There was something she needed to explain though. “I know it sounds silly, but me wanting to do my makeup . . . well, my hair, clothes, and makeup are like armor for me.”

“I understand needing your armor, a way to protect yourself. I understand it more than you think. But you don’t need to wear that armor around me.”

“What if it’s about making me feel more like me?” she asked. “What if it feels like that’s one part of myself that he took that I wanna take back?”

He was silent for a long moment before nodding. “Then let’s get that back for you.”

* * *

Her hand shook as she attempted to contour, and the stick slid right down her cheek. She let out a noise of frustration. She was exhausted and shaky and sore and she just couldn’t get any of this right. Even her foundation looked wrong.

But she was determined to keep going because that bastard wasn’t taking this from her. A sob escaped and she tried to fight back her tears.

“What is it? What’s wrong?” Renard asked, rushing into the bedroom. “Are you in pain? You’re not due painkillers for a while.”

He’d set up the large mirror from the closet at the end of the bed for her. It wasn’t ideal but he wouldn’t hear of her using the bathroom one.

“It’s not that,” she said with frustration. “It’s me. I can’t do it. I can’t do it, and I need to do it. I need to be me.”

Even if she was a battered, bruised version of herself.

“Then let me help you.” He sat on the bed, facing her. “What were you trying to do?”

“Contouring,” she told him.

“Okay, no idea what that is. But you explain it and I’ll do it.”

“Really? You will?” she asked in amazement.

“Of course, baby. I would do anything for you.”

* * *

Fifteen minutes later, he stepped back.

“What do you think?” he asked. “More mascara?”

She glanced in the mirror. She still looked terrible. The concealer wasn’t strong enough to cover all of her bruises, and there was nothing that could be done about the swelling or the cut on her lip. But she felt herself starting to breathe easier.

“I think that’s enough mascara.”

Nodding, he put her mascara down, then stepped back, studying her closely. “I don’t think I did a good job on the contouring.”

“Contouring is hard to do, especially when you have to work around bruising and swelling. I think you did a great job, darlin’.”

“Was like magic, that stuff. Sure I didn’t put on too much blush?”

“Nope.” For some reason tears filled her eyes.

“What is it? Damn it, fucked it up, didn’t I? I need some makeup lessons.”

A laugh escaped her. God, her emotions were all over the place.

“I’ll wash it all off and start again,” he said. “I can get this. Makeup isn’t going to defeat me.”

Reaching up, she grabbed his hand as he tried to leave. “No, don’t go. It’s perfect.”

“It’s not perfect.”

“All right, maybe it’s not perfect. But it’s perfect for me. Because I don’t know any other man who would’ve sat here for fifteen minutes and helped with my makeup because they knew how much it meant to me. And it does. I just . . . thank you for giving this back to me. You don’t know how much it means.”

“You’re welcome, baby.” Leaning down, he kissed her forehead. “Now, hair?”

“All right, darlin’. Let’s just slow down. You only just learned to do makeup. Not sure you’re ready for hair.”

“Hey, if I can do contouring, I can damn well do hair.”

Well. She couldn’t argue with that.