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CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE

Mya

Fear was my constant companion.

I never knew how it felt to be so afraid for someone else. I still felt chills down my spine, “…take care of him.”

I saw him pick up the note. I only pretended to be asleep. I was awake as soon as I had felt his hand on my face. The only reason I hadn’t opened my eyes was because I hadn’t wanted him to stop touching me.

I felt conflicted, wanting his touch, his care, but also finding myself unable to trust him.

Some days, I felt trapped, and on other days, I felt like maybe I should give in, be the person he needed me to be. It would be easier that way.

I could let go of my anger toward him and his family, and just embrace life as his wife. Would that have been so bad? He was a complicated individual, but that didn’t make him my enemy, right?

I didn’t know if I was trying to make myself feel better for slowly developing feelings for a man I should have hated or if I was finding a reason to connect with the man whose child I was pregnant with.

My feelings toward Dario made me feel uneasy and confused. Could I trust him? Could I eventually even love him? Would he change enough to let me?

But then he’d made the phone call, and I realized he wasn’t going to change.

He was going to be cold always.

If he had no qualms getting rid of the doctor, someone who he’d known all his life, who truly cared about him and his family, then how could I trust him to care about our child?

I didn’t think I could. In fact, I knew I couldn’t. This was Dario’s world. Cold-blooded, dark, lacking compassion.

It was a world that wouldn’t welcome a child, or if it did, it would turn the child into a monster.

I didn’t want that for my child. I touched my stomach, and when I felt Dario take my hand again, I pretended to wake up.

I pulled my hand from his. Did I see a look of disappointment?

I couldn’t be too sure because it was gone as fast as it had appeared. I must have been mistaken.

“Can we go home now?” I asked, not able to make eye contact with him. How could he be so heartless?

I swallowed back panic and tears. I couldn’t lose Dr. Kali. He was so kind. Such a genuine person. And he would die because of me.

“The doctors said soon, within a few hours. They just want to monitor you for a little while longer.” His words expressed no emotion. I couldn’t look at him, not now, not knowing what he planned to do to the one person who had showed me some compassion.

I choked back a sob. I felt powerless again. The last time I’d felt that way, I’d channeled all my rage and thoughts into killing Nico. I’d grown since then.

I’d seen what violence did to a person, to a family, and I no longer wanted to be part of that. I didn’t want that stain on my soul.

Today, I wanted to just make sure Dr. Kali wouldn’t become a victim. Would it work? Was I already too late?

No, I wouldn’t accept that. I had to at least try. I wouldn’t be able to close my eyes at night without seeing his face if I somehow was responsible for his death.

I touched my head and slowly lowered myself back down into the bed. I had an idea. I groaned a little and made a face.

“Are you okay?” His voice was full of concern.

“No, I don’t feel right.” I let my hand travel down my body until it rested on my stomach.

“Is something wrong? Is it the baby?” He sounded even more worried. That was new.

He always looked so calm and in control. This Dario I didn’t recognize.

Good. Something I could use to my advantage.

“Can you please go get the doctor? I just don’t…I’m scared, Dario. I just want to make sure the baby is okay. Please go get them. Please.”

Without a word, he walked off. I figured I only had a minute. Maybe two. I prayed that my ability to recall numbers hadn’t been bumbled by “baby brain”.

I reached for the landline phone and dialed Dr. Kali’s number. To my surprise, it went straight to an answering machine. I began to leave a message when he picked up.

“Dr. Kali, you need to get out of there fast. Dario knows.”

“Then you need my safehouse?—”

Who was this man? He immediately thought of me, when his life was in danger. “I’m in England.”

“So, I’ve heard. I own a house in Surrey. I’ll contact you soon.” He paused and then said, “Try not to worry, Mya.”

I heard footsteps approaching. Shit. It was too late. I was going to get caught.

Thinking quickly, I said loudly enough to be overheard, “Oh, I hear them now, thank you…nurse…. I’m sorry I can’t remember your name; it’s been a hard day…but thank you. The doctor’s here now.”

I placed the phone in the cradle, arranged my face in what I hoped was an innocent expression and turned to look at the doctor Dario had rounded up to take care of me.

“I was calling the nurse,” I lied, “I’m sorry. I was worried and couldn’t wait.”

“That’s understandable,” the doctor said quickly, approaching my bed. I made up some symptoms, not making eye contact with Dario as I did. I could feel his eyes on me. I was afraid if I looked up, he would know that I was lying.

The doctor, as expected, said that the baby and I were doing fine. As soon as she said those words, Dario ushered her away.

They had a quick conversation at the door. Even though the doctor was imposing in stature, there was something about Dario’s persona that was just intimidating even when he tried not to be.

The doctor was now nodding and looking like she wanted to be anywhere else besides here. Then she turned around promptly and left.

Dario came toward me and tried to smile, but it didn’t quite work, as if he wasn’t used to the act of smiling.

“They’re going to discharge you in a few minutes. We’re getting out of here.”

“And heading where?”

He was silent for some time while he searched my eyes, for what? I didn’t know.

“Somewhere safe,” was all he said, turning away from me. “Do you need help getting dressed?”

I wanted to say no, but I truly did. “I think one of the nurses?—”

“You’re my wife. I’ll do it.”

Without another word, he closed the hospital door and then walked back over to me.

In my hospital gown, I felt so vulnerable. The terrible lighting, the smell of death in the air. I desperately wanted to leave, but I knew I would be jumping straight into the fire.

Under the hospital gown, I was nude. And having Dario’s eyes on me, knowing that I was pregnant with his child, unnerved me. He hadn’t said much to me at all once he found out.

I was surprised by that. But did I truly know what to expect when it came to Dario? I couldn’t read him now or ever.

I self-consciously slid the gown off my arms, catching it so it didn’t fall completely around my waist and leave me naked for his appraisal.

He reached for my shirt, pretending to ignore my naked breasts, and said, “Do you think you can raise your arms?”

I nodded, “Yes.” I raised them above my head, and this time when he looked at my breasts, he didn’t pretend that his eyes weren’t trained on them.

“Your breasts are fuller,” he commented, before sliding the shirt over my head.

I felt my nipples tighten at his acknowledgment. I hated that. I hated that my body reacted to his touch and to his voice.

I was embarrassed to say that sometimes I got wet just thinking about him. He didn’t need to touch me, talk to me, or even look at me before my body betrayed me.

It was problematic, to say the least.

For that reason, when he reached for my panties and jeans, I promptly told him that I didn’t need any help.

“Are you sure?”

His hand was on my waist. When had it gotten there?

“Yes,” I said, stepping back. I needed some distance from him. Vertigo be damned.

He paused as if wondering if he would listen to me. He put another hand around my waist and then slowly grabbed the hem of my shirt and pulled it up.

“What are you doing?”

He didn’t answer me. With one hand, he balled my shirt up just short of my breasts, and then with the other one, he touched my stomach. Gently.

“It doesn’t seem real.” He was whispering, but it didn’t seem that he was talking to me. It seemed as if he were talking to himself.

Then he took both hands and cupped my belly as best as he could on each side. “You should have told me.”

His voice was soft, but I heard regret in it.

Did he regret his choices? Did he regret forcing me to marry him? The real question was, did he regret it enough to let me go?

I got my answer when his expression became closed off, and he physically moved himself away from me, as if the distance would also grant him some emotional space.

It worked. The gentleness in his eyes had disappeared. The few inches could have been a continent away. It was as if that tender moment between us hadn’t happened.

“I’ll let you get dressed on your own, but I will watch to make sure you don’t hurt yourself.”

“You don’t want to?—”

“What made you think this was a democracy? I’ve already said what I intend to do.”

I hated it when he spoke to me like that. My eyes flew to his. I wanted to yell at him, punch him even, but instead, I kept the baby on my mind.

Silently, I put on the rest of my clothes while he stood within arm’s distance, just watching me. It was odd, him looking at me as I slid on my panties and stepped into my jeans.

I wondered how many times he’d seen me undress on camera. Was it different watching me when I could see him?

“Let me help you with your shoes,” he said, bringing them to me so that I could slip them on. He steadied me when I felt a little wobbly.

“Hmmm…maybe we should reconsider leaving. I’m sure they wouldn’t say no if I requested more observation time?—”

This was confusing. Now he was concerned about me again? He went from being a dictator to actually listening.

It was difficult to keep up with his moods. Either way, I hated hospitals, and I wanted to leave. “Please don’t. I want to leave. I’m ready.”

What felt like just moments later, I was being escorted to a car in front of the hospital, followed closely by Dario and several of his men who he was talking to in a low voice.

As I slid into the car, I heard one of his security details say, “The doctor has been located.”

“Bring him in. You know what to do.” The rest of the conversation, I couldn’t hear. He closed the door and stood outside until he was done.

When he climbed in the car, he seemed so calm and collected. I held back tears. What had I done? What would they do to Dr. Kali?

I bit my lip. Whatever they did, it would be my fault.

I really hoped they wouldn’t kill him. I started praying that they wouldn’t. But as I looked at Dario and he held my eyes, his eyes steely and unyielding, I knew that he was capable of anything.

My heart plummeted. I’d probably gotten the only person in the world who could help me killed.

My body sank in the seat, feeling heavier. Dr. Kali…was he gone?