Page 39 of Release

I draw my head back inside the shower, my body shaking as I scrub myself too hard with body wash. “Not sure what you’re talking about, Governor.”

Through the opaque shower curtain, I watch him cross the room and stand there, just outside my shower.

“Why is it that the harder I try to get closer to you, the harder you pull away from me? What have I done to make you act like this? What can I apologize for, or what can I do to make it up to you? I feel like we’re barely even friends now. What happened between Wednesday and this morning? Will youpleasetalk to me? Iwantthis to work between us. I’m willing to do whatever it takes. I love you.”

I stick my face under the water to wash away my angry tears. “I’m in campaign mode. We have to—”

“My numbers are strong, Case. You know that as well as I do. Declan and the consultants say there’s little chance of me losing, even if I don’t doanythingbetween now and then.”

“That’s notfuckinggood enough!” I yank the shower curtain open. “You want to know what you can do? You can get your head in thefuckinggame, George, that’s what. You don’t assume you’re going to win. You fight and scrap foreverygoddamned point, every motherfucking vote, and you don’t coast your way into four more years. You act like you’re fuckinghungryfor it.That’swhat you do. Because that’s the only way we get Ellen’s list done.”

I stare up into his widened eyes. I didn’t realize I’d started screaming, but now that I am, I don’t back down. “You don’t dostupidshit likefuckingthe boy at the office, or whatever thehellyou were doing in there with him the other day when I left. You fuckinglivewith him now, George. You win! He’s in your bedeverygoddamnednight. Stop self-medicating with sex and play and take a moment to remember who thefuckyou are and what yourjobis. Buckle down and do therealwork you need to do to finally process your grief.

“He’snotEllen, and if you get caught doing that shit with him, you can probably forget finishing out your term, much less getting re-elected, because the General Assemblywillrecall you for ethics violations because they’re a goddamned motherfucking bunch of self-righteous, homophobic pricks! And then what thefuckis Declan supposed to do to earn a living,huh?”

He actually leans back from me a little, shocked, not responding.

“So what you can do,GovernorForrester, is get thefuckout of my house, go home, and get ready for this afternoon’s event so you bring your A-game. There’s going to be press there today. See if you can control yourself and make sure you don’t get caught being blown by your body man in the back of your fucking limo on the way there, huh?”

I jerk the shower curtain closed so hard that I rip one of the hooks loose. I move back under the spray and softly cry.

He’s still standing there.

The problem is, we just got himback. Yes, he now knows about me and Ellen, and I know he feels guilty as fuck about it. But if I dump all my mental sewage onto him, all it’ll do is drive him back down into that dark emotional pit he was stuck in.

And it’ll hurt Declan in the process.

I can’t do that to my boy.

Iwon’tdo it to him.

I know Declan’s in love with George. I know he’s thriving with him in a way he wasn’t, even with me.

I’mthe common denominator here, and not in a good way.

I don’t speak to him again, and, finally, he leaves.

Somehow, I manage to wait until then to slide to the floor in a heap and cry under the water.

* * * *

There will be an additional EPU detail to protect George at the event today, because there will be so many people in attendance. When I arrive on-site an hour before George is due to arrive, I immediately seek out the lead officer on duty and go over the arrangements, the event schedule, and make sure all the logistics are in place. Then I hunt down the event organizer, Ed Ryestall, a pleasant, older guy who’s been active in the state’s Future Farmers of America organization since he was in high school over fifty years ago.

“Thanks, again, for the governor appearing at this event,” he says as he shakes with me.

I’ve got the professional mask on today, stapled in place, and I smile. “Well, the governor appreciates the opportunity to help spotlight such a great organization.”

The fundraising part of it is that the whales who ponied up money for facetime with George will get to eat at his table. But it’s not just a lunch, it’s also a kind of town hall, and the FFA kids will be able to ask questions of him. This after several teams of kids give presentations to George and the attendees about what they do as part of FFA.

We’re not pre-selecting questions, either. It’ll be George cold-answering whatever’s brought up. He usually does well at these events, because he’s a father, and it wasn’t that long ago Ryder and Logan were teens, plus Aussie’s eighteen. These kinds of events highlight his human side and always help give him an extra bump in the polls across all demographics. He comes off as human and real, because he is.

Like Ellen always said, if people just meet George and talk to him, even if they disagree with his politics, chances are they’ll still vote for him because he is sonice.

“Do you have the final donor list, by any chance?” I ask Ryestall.

“Oh, sure.” He pulls out his phone and e-mails me the document, and I quickly scan it.

Bingo.