Page 50
Story: Reflections of Peonies (The Garden of Eternal Flowers #3)
Julian was in front of me, yet it wasn’t entirely him either. There was something dark in his gaze, something deep and ancient. Different than the Julian I’d come to know.
“Who are you?” I asked.
“Julian.” His voice moved over me, deep and melodic. “But, at the moment, I’m also Shui. The veil that separates us is thinner in this state.”
“How can that—”
“Have you spoken with Mu? Being here would make it easier for him to connect to you.” He tilted his head. “You seem braver now.”
“I am not brave,” I protested, crossing my arms. I was still on the floor, my feet straight out in front of me, and the skirt of the green robes bunched around my knees.
“You are,” he said, a hint of the old Julian returning to his voice. “Before, you would never argue with me, but now you’re not afraid.”
“Why are you in my head?” I frowned at him. Did he think I would rush into his arms after he did the opposite of what he promised? “I know what you did. I am very angry at you. I am going to push you right out of that window.”
“You’re extremely violent when you’re not scared.” Julian stroked his chin, studying me. “Now, we need to redirect that energy to your real life. Do you remember why you ran away?”
What was he talking about?
“I—” I’d started to protest, but then recollection slammed into me, taking my breath away.
Aly .
All this time, I’d known my mother. From my earliest memories, she’d been there. She saved me.
Then she was devoured by a demon because I hadn’t been strong enough. She’d told me to never follow a bad spirit, but I hadn’t even noticed until it was too late.
I could never go back. I couldn’t face Bryce and Brayden. And there was no way I could meet my biological father now, even if I wanted to.
Julian’s presence washed over me as he pulled me into his arms, and I blinked away the dots of darkness swarming in my vision.
“It’s not your fault,” he whispered in my ear. “No one is going to blame you.”
The force of his words resonated through me. Both humiliation and fear warred for dominance. He sounded so sure. He’d been looking through my memories.
What did he see?
“Julian?” I was almost afraid to ask.
“My grandfather helped me,” he explained, rubbing circles on my back. “I searched only for the memories to help you escape. It’s something your subconscious wanted to communicate.”
That didn’t make me feel any better, and I pressed my cheek against his chest. His heartbeat echoed loudly against my ear—he was nervous. Possibly more than me. It was that knowledge that steadied my emotions.
When I didn’t respond, he continued, his voice unsure. “We saw a scene where Alyssa met you and reviewed some rules.” He paused, but only briefly. “Then we saw what happened with the water demon.”
“That’s what it was?” I felt numb again. “I wasn’t sure.”
“It was a kappa, technically,” Julian responded. “It seemed to have a contract. It appeared to be collecting souls. No one has ever escaped.”
“So, she’s really gone?” I’d never seen her after that day, so I’d always assumed.
His movements slowed, and his voice was soft. “Possibly,” he answered. “But we didn’t see what happened after the demon left. Was there anything else?”
I shook my head, pressing my face into his chest.
I would never forget that night. I watched the water for what felt like forever. And it wasn’t until the moon was high before Kieran came rushing to my side.
He’d only been that angry on one other occasion.
“I’m still mad at you,” I muttered, my thoughts distracted.
“I’m sorry,” Julian said. “But you weren’t getting any better. Gregory has been told who you are, and he and Bryce were on the verge of taking you to Whisperwind —your family’s home. We were trying to think of anything we could do to prevent that.”
I sighed. I did give Julian permission to jump into my memories—sort of.
“I’m still mad”—my resolve had weakened—“but I’ll get over it.”
I should be used to disappointment. Nobody was perfect, not even these men. It made sense I’d get hurt eventually. Maybe it wasn’t on purpose, but I couldn’t stop how I felt.
Julian swallowed, and his frame trembled. “Bianca—”
“It’s not important.” I pushed against his chest. “Let’s go back.”
“Bianca, I’m sorry,” he said again. He sounded tortured. But was he? They wanted to know about my past. “Look at me, please.”
His voice pulled at me, and I glanced up. I was just so tired. Tired of being afraid, tired of pushing everyone away, tired of… everything. And in that moment, staring into Julian’s eyes, I did something really stupid—I stopped fighting.
Just like that, everything changed.
A faint echo of emotion brushed against my awareness—just a whisper of what Julian was feeling. The sensation was different from our normal Quintet Bond—more intimate. His presence surrounded me, growing stronger with each passing moment.
A shiver shot down my spine, and a wave of raw feelings crashed into me—Julian’s emotions .
Brayden had warned me this would happen, but why now?
My thoughts dissolved as warmth spread across my skin—adoration, genuine and pure, wrapping around me so deeply it nearly stole my breath.
However, he also radiated self-loathing and doubt in his guilt. My chest felt heavy from its weight.
How could I have thought so little of him? I was used to being lied to and manipulated. It was something I expected. But with him, there was no shadow, no hidden motive.
This was Julian—raw and unguarded. He gave everything, and his presence filled me with a strength I usually wouldn’t possess.
His face wavered in my vision.
No—my breath caught—he wasn’t entirely benevolent either. While he held no ill intentions toward me, I could now sense the part of him he’d so carefully concealed.
His presence was powerful and vast, like the ocean, but inside, he hid a deep loneliness and a zealous drive so ingrained in his nature that I knew now that he would stop at nothing to defend me.
“It’s okay.” The last of my anger slipped away. I rose to my knees, locked my eyes on his, and touched his face. “I understand. I’m not angry.” And this time, I meant it.
“Bianca, I would never hurt you,” Julian said, running his hands down my arms. His tone was desperate, and the pain of it sunk into my bones, and his anxiety was contagious. “I love you. In every lifetime, it’s always been you.”
His words washed over me like a tide, pulling at something deep inside. The pain in his voice filled the space between us with a raw, unspoken vulnerability.
For a moment, I saw the cracks he kept hidden—the weight of his feelings, the fierce need to protect me, even from himself .
My heart thudded in my chest, the last fragments of anger dissolving into something else—something I couldn’t hold back anymore.
“Julian…” I whispered, my hand lingering on his face. I felt the warmth of his skin beneath my fingertips.
He stilled, his breath catching as if waiting for my next move, his emotions laid bare. That’s when I realized—I couldn’t resist him any longer.
I pulled on his shirt, dragging him to me, and my heart raced as our lips collided. His hair was soft, and his sensual mouth moved like silk against mine.
Again, I’d made the first move. Julian’s sincere plea was impossible to resist. As we kissed, my fingers wound through his curls, his lips carrying a hint of salt, like the ocean mist. I’d poured all myself into this kiss and needed to savor every moment.
Because this wasn’t something I could repeat anytime soon. I wanted to stay in this moment forever, but at the same time, the skin at the back of my neck prickled as my courage began to wane.
An awareness began to stir in Julian, and his touch, which had moved to my shoulders, dropped away as I pushed back.
His cheeks had darkened, and his expression was clouded in bewilderment. But through that, wariness and concern radiated from him. “Bianca—”
“Stop.” I pressed my fingers to his lips, my pulse quickening. His admission lingered in my thoughts. “It’s not just your touch… I feel everything.”
Julian’s uncertainty vanished, replaced with barely contained joy. “Then it’s happened. You’ve truly accepted your role in the quintet.”
“What do you mean?” Hadn’t I always? Nothing had changed in the last ten minutes. I’d only decided to stop running—from this, at least.
“The empath of the quintet completes the group,” Julian explained. “The empath’s connection grows stronger with acceptance.”
I frowned slightly, feeling a twinge of defensiveness. “I’ve always been on board.”
Julian shook his head, his eyes fierce. “Being on board is different from trusting . You’ve opened yourself in a way you hadn’t before. That’s what we’ve been waiting for.”
Sudden clarity hit me. I’d never really let myself trust—not completely. Not even with Finn. I’d always held something back, afraid of what it meant to be vulnerable. But now, I felt the weight of his emotions, reflecting my own. To trust meant exposing everything I’d been hiding.
Was it really okay? “Am I going to feel everyone’s emotions now?” I asked.
“Not entirely.” Julian emanated glee though his expression was masked.
“You’ve always been sensitive to our emotions as a quintet, that is something that comes with experience.
This part is unique to you and me, our Soul Bond.
That’s done with each person individually. It looks like I’m first again.”
“Lucky you.” I had no idea what he was talking about, but this gleeful side of him was a bit distracting. “You’re not going to go brag about it, are you?”
“No.” He was lying, and his mouth curled up in the corner. “I won’t say a word.”
Somehow, I had a feeling he wouldn’t have to say anything.
My thoughts drifted back to my make-out session with Damen. And my heart dropped. There was another hurdle to overcome—because now I knew what really feeling their emotions was like, I couldn’t blame him for that promiscuous display. That had been all me.
Well, that sucked.
And then, what would the others think about this new development?
“I don’t want anyone to get jealous,” I warned him.
He sighed and pulled me into his arms. “They’ll get over it,” he muttered into my hair. “They should be used to it, anyway. I’ve always been the first. Without you, there’s no other reason for me to exist.”
I clenched my fist against his chest and fought the butterflies in my stomach. Because while the admission was romantic, well…
Wasn’t this the very definition of codependency? “That’s not very healthy.”
He grinned against my ear. “Yes, you’ve never been one for flowery words. I’ve been amusing myself lately, imagining what you’ve been thinking about Damen’s flirtations—”
Well, that wasn’t fair. I only thought kind things.
“—and it brings me great joy to know that aspect of you hasn’t changed.”
“What makes you think I get annoyed?” I asked him. “You’re not an empath.”
“No,” Julian replied. “But necromancers can read a person’s bodily reactions, especially internal cues like a racing heartbeat, muscle tension, and surges of hormones. I deeply enjoy reading your reactions to Damen’s actions.”
I frowned at the ground and said, “That’s mean.”
His chest moved against my cheek as he chuckled darkly under his breath. Still, he didn’t respond.
I could feel his heart racing, and my cheek was warm against his chest. It was quiet, and the room grew darker as the daylight turned to dusk. How long had we even been here ?
But the air between us soothed with contentment, and I didn’t want this peace to end.
“We should go back.” Julian sighed, running his fingers through my hair. “The others are probably worried.”
Why did he have to ruin everything?
“I’m scared,” I admitted.
“I know.” Julian’s movements stopped, concern heavy in his voice. “Why are you scared?” Before I could answer, he had already continued. “Do you think they’ll blame you?”
“You said it’s not my fault,” I answered. “But if I’d just—”
“Bianca,” he interrupted. “What do you feel from me?”
Goosebumps broke out over me, and I shivered. It was cold, and I closed my eyes, pushing myself further into Julian’s embrace. His pulse raced under my cheek, and I listened to his soft breath as my thoughts tentatively traveled over the emotions pouring off him.
But no matter how hard I focused, I couldn’t find it.
Where was the judgment? Yet—
“You’re angry,” I pointed out. “You don’t even look angry.”
“Yes, I’m angry,” he said. “I’m angry that things have come to this. I’m angry that you’re afraid. I’m angry that you were in that situation and that it happened. And I’m extremely angry about what’s happened since then.”
I shivered. Why was he continuing to ruin everything?
“But never am I angry at you ,” he repeated.
His resolve echoed through me. “I know I don’t look angry, and it’s for a good reason.
I’ve practiced. But don’t think I’m hiding from you because I’m not.
And know this: no one—including Bryce, Brayden, or anyone else in that family has any negative thoughts about you, whether it be about Alyssa or your past.”
There was no hesitation or doubt. But still, I was concerned. “Are you sure? ”
“I can’t stop you from blaming yourself about Alyssa,” he said—correctly guessing those concerns hadn’t been driven from my mind. “But I can promise they’ll be more upset about the situation than with you.”
But that wasn’t fair—no one besides me had been there. “But—”
“The only way you’ll know is by confronting it,” Julian said, rising to his feet and pulling me with him. “Isn’t it scarier to wonder what might happen than to face it head-on? Most of the time, what we imagine is worse than reality.”
Since when was he so wise? “Yes…” I grumbled.
“Like Bryce,” Julian added. “I know you hate him, but he’s not as bad as you thought once you got to know him. He’s just… awkward.”
I shot him a dubious look—surely Julian wasn’t trying to reassure me using Bryce as an example. “We still have our issues…”
Julian gave a knowing smirk. “I’m just saying, sometimes things aren’t as terrible as they seem at first.”
“Then what about Finn—could you be his friend?” I rebutted. “He grows on you, like invasive bacteria that takes over before you even realize it. Are you saying he’s not as bad as we thought?”
Kiania had been telling me something of the sort.
The humor fled from Julian’s expression, and there was no denying his coursing, hot hatred.
“No.” His voice was sharp. “Finn is far worse than you realize. Damen keeps him close to monitor him, but I need you to stay away from him. You’ve only seen a fraction of what happens when he loses control.”
I’d seen Finn angry before. What could be worse? “What—”
But as I spoke, the air around us began to shift. The room felt thinner, less solid. The stone walls flickered like the edges of a dream unraveling. I blinked, feeling a strange pull in my chest, the weight of this place slowly lifting.
Before I could finish my thought, the ground beneath my feet dissolved.
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