Page 66 of Redemption (Devil Dogs of the Apocalypse #4)

Aly

Gravel crunches under my feet as we walk the final leg of our journey towards the outskirts of Phoenix Rising.

The temperature is absolutely perfect as I take off my jacket and tie it around my waist. If it were a normal day, it would almost be like we were taking a mid-afternoon stroll to watch the birds and enjoy the muted symphony of nature and perpetual relaxation.

But, let’s face it. There’s nothing normal about today.

There’s nothing normal about walking side by side with a man I thought was dead. There’s nothing normal about packing up every type of weapon we could find at that house and stepping out of the door this morning with the promise of saving the men I love. Of playing the hero, this time.

My guys...

They’re always so strong. So courageous. Always putting themselves in the line of danger. And now?

Now it’s my turn to return the favor.

I clued Darius in as to what they each look like.

Height, build, hair color—all the important information needed to find them.

Even going so far as describing their talents.

He said any information is better than none.

That is, except for their names. He said that once a person is integrated into the cult, they lose their names, which is why he’s referred to as Dron e, while Jax, Cole, and Hawk could be referred to as literally anything else now.

I’d hoped the drone would have given us some sort of indication as to where to look for them, but I’m afraid it’s been too long.

After days of travel and then being trapped in that house, anything could have happened.

They could have been ushered to a variety of jobs throughout the community—which, according to Darius, could mean anything from farming to laundry to sewage duty—or David could have simply been so pissed off that they lost me in the melee that he decided to, God forbid, take his anger out on the guys.

We have no idea. Thankfully, I have Darius by my side.

Without his knowledge of the town, I’d be walking in blind.

The entire way out here, Dare has been bringing me further up to speed with the town’s routines and infrastructure—community meal location, security watch points, identities and descriptions of people to definitely steer clear of, and others who I should lean in to and trust if we find ourselves in any trouble.

He’s also come up with plans A, B, C all the way to ZZ if something should go wrong, which I appreciate, but the never-ending intel only seems to make everything more stressful.

It's too much and still not even close to enough.

My psychotic twin cracks her knuckles at my side, shaking them out with rising anxiety.

I mimic her, the resounding pop s releasing only the tiniest amount of tension, but it’s enough to get me through another quarter mile.

Looking down, I can tell Sadie also feels the lingering pressure.

She’s been on edge ever since we left the safehouse and has twitched at every twig breaking or bird fluttering by.

Her tail hasn’t even risen past half-mast this entire morning.

One time, it swung too close to her face and she went apeshit, chasing and biting at it before even realizing it was her own and not an invisible enemy sent to attack our group.

Poor girl, she’s going to need to get all the cuddles after this, and I, for one, will be the first in line to do so.

Although she’s Jax’s therapy dog, she chose to stay by my side, kept me safe this entire time.

She even went so far as to attack Darius when he wasn’t seeing things my way.

Granted... he kinda deserved her wrath. Between his adamant need for me to flee the state as well as the constant omissions and surprises pertaining to life within the Phoenix Rising community, it’s been a lot.

Am I upset about all the secrets and mysteries he keeps on hiding and revealing only when it benefits him? Fuck yes, I am. But... I’m starting to learn that I don’t need to know everything to understand the reasoning behind the action.

Trust.

A good relationship is built on trust.

I thumb at the necklace in my hand, still not believing he kept the thing all this time—A trinket to give him the strength to keep going.

Has he really thought of me this entire time?

Devoted himself to my memory for years after we parted?

A feeling I once thought lost stirs at the thought, while my heart clenches at the meaning.

Darius walks with purpose, pushing us off the road and further into the brush as the welcome sign for the township comes into view.

Deeper and deeper we go until the warmth of the sun is but a memory, and the cooling chill of reality brushes against my skin.

He pushes further, forcing me directly into the base of a large tree and pinning me there with his considerable strength.

Darting left and right, his gaze is predatory, searching for anything out of place, before trapping my stare with his.

His eyes, beautiful and bold and holding so many memories, possess a magnitude of answers to questions I’m not sure I’m ready to ask.

“Alessandra...,” he starts, breaths feathering across my cheek as he leans in close. “We’re very close now. I just... I....” There’s a noticeable hesitation, as if he’s working himself up to whatever it is he’s about to say or do, but I’m not sure why.

He’s already confessed his love to me.

He’s protected me this entire time, giving no care for his own well-being.

He sang me to sleep again last night.

He saved me at Tryon Palace.

He’s leading us, come Hell or high water, directly into the beating heart of the Phoenix Rising cult to retrieve the three guys who have essentially replaced him, regardless of what that means for him. He could be captured. Tortured. He could die.

For me.

To make me happy.

If it can potentially cost him his life to do so, I don’t want it.

But, as I reminisce on our tortured past, isn’t that what he always wanted?

For me to be happy?

Looking back on it, I can understand why he left me that day at the airport.

We were young. Absolutely stupidly in love.

And reckless. We thought we could handle everything and anything the world threw our way.

But after hearing his side of things—his explanation for ending it so abruptly in my eyes, yet with gentle consideration in his—I can’t help but appreciate the gift he saw it as.

My freedom.

The chance to live my life on my own terms, rather than that of the government’s. To grow up and learn what I wanted from life, rather than to be thrown into the regimental chaos and hope to survive the madness.

Did I hate him? Loathe his decision? Despise the callous way he left me?

Yes.

Does it change the way I feel about him now that I’ve heard his side of the story and really listened to what he had to say?

And that, after everything, he still loves me enough to follow through on his promise—to find my guys and rescue them—so I can live happily ever after, while also realizing he may not even be a part of that happy ending?

Yes.

After everything we’ve been through, every fight, argument, and disagreement, every story and memory of the past years we’ve been apart, I can’t help but find myself feeling something for this man.

Respect. Admiration. And deep down, in the dark place in my heart I never thought would come to life again, there he is.

As if he never left. Right along with Hawk, Jax, and Cole.

“Before we do this,” Darius continues, breaths quickening as he closes the distance between us. “I... I need to... Just once... One last time in case...”

My heart races at the implication, knowing that, in the muffled recesses of my mind, I feel for him the same as he does so openly now.

But therein lies the problem.

Jax. Cole. Hawk. Darius.

Past and present. Each one filled with unending love and devotion. But what does the future hold for us? Do our paths have a hope of remaining entwined? Or, in the next twenty-four hours, am I to say goodbye to the man who started it all?

I’m torn. I’ve already decided not to force myself to choose when it comes to Jax, Cole, and Hawk, and they’ve willingly agreed to that type of relationship.

But to think of Darius right beside them?

They don’t even know him. How could I possibly expect them to understand?

To allow him to come with us, knowing that I’ll have to divulge our past to them, as well as my current feelings towards him.

Will they make me choose?

I can’t bear to think about it.

Thankfully, my mind goes blank as Darius lowers his head to mine, eyes dipping to my lips a moment before forcibly dragging them away.

His gaze scans the planes of my face, reading me like a book he never wants to finish.

Calloused fingertips explore in a gentle glide as they caress my cheek and jaw.

Goosebumps and shivers skate along my skin, racing to meet his touch.

Warmth and desire pool low in my belly, and I gasp when I realize the effect he still has on me.

The sudden sound draws his eyes to my mouth again, hypnotizing him with possibility and hope.

“Alessandra,” he whispers, his lips teasing against my flesh, the words almost lost in the wind before they reach my ears.

He says my name like a prayer, a wish for things he wants and needs and yearns for with his entire being.

He brings his gaze back up to mine, slowly.

So slowly. Reverent in his perusal of my face.

When our eyes meet, there’s no mistaking it.

The burning heat in his gaze sears me as his pupils expand, turning his irises almost completely black with feral greed.

I know what this is. I know the gravity pulling us together. The tide rising to meet the moon that’s always seemed so far away but is so close right now.