Page 61 of Redemption (Devil Dogs of the Apocalypse #4)

“The town... you already know it’s not what it seems. There’s a dark underbelly hidden within the depths of their carefully procured mask.”

She pauses her vendetta for a moment, reviewing what I’ve said, before she relents and steps back, lowering her defenses as curiosity wins her over.

“What do they do?” she asks, her gaze never leaving mine as she retakes her seat next to me.

I can almost see her pulse jumping in her neck in anticipation as I prepare myself to open the dark recesses of my life and leave no stone unturned as I reveal it all.

“Let me start at the beginning.

“I was taken in by them the same day I escaped the base, my leg braced and bound after being shot on the golf course. They set me up in a room, did testing to make sure I wasn’t about to transition on them, and then left me there to recuperate.

People randomly stopped in throughout the day to give me food and to check if I needed anything.

But mostly, they left me by myself. Days passed, and then eventually weeks, leading to unbearable restlessness as I was indefinitely confined to those same four constricting walls.

Left with nothing but my thoughts, the memories of those I let down flooded my mind.

Their screams haunted me throughout the night and plagued me during my waking hours.

I could do nothing but fester and rot throughout my silent memorial, wishing it was me instead, bargaining with spirits in the darkness for the chance at a remedial exchange while suffering the mortal incapacity to remedy the grievous mistake.

“Knives were removed from my meal trays shortly thereafter.

Their sharpened edges, glistening with righteous salvation in the morning light, were too attractive to a survivor filled with remorseful guilt.

The slightest pressure needed to release the ache within my soul proved to be too much of a temptation for my tormented mind.

And, as I was found reveling at the growing pool of blood on the floor, exhaling a breath of exhausted relief, they were no longer deemed essential in the same instance.

“My belt—gifted to me by an unknowing passerby—was the next in line to go missing after a miscalculation on the structural integrity of an overhead crossbeam resulted in a failed attempt to rid myself of the perpetual pain that resonated like never-ending cannon fire in my mind.” I pause when I notice the slight tremor of Alessandra’s lower lip.

Her gaze turns downward a moment later, struggling to maintain contact through the silent tears gliding down her face.

Talking about this is difficult—raw and tender—but necessary for her to understand the entire picture of how I came to be where I am today.

“Darius...,” she whimpers, taking my hand into her shuddering embrace. She doesn’t say anything more, but she doesn’t need to. I feel her turmoil surrounding me, as well as her acceptance and forgiveness. Taking a deep breath, I continue.

“Inevitably, David was informed of my deteriorating mental status, and, upon seeing that I was finally able to walk, he demanded I be taken out of the recovery room and given a purpose. The next morning, he collected me and gave me a tour of the facilities as well as the rest of the town. All except for a few places. He said they weren’t important at the moment and would show them to me when the time was right.

“In the beginning, I worked in the community hall, prepping meals and managing the town meetings.

The haunting voices slowly faded but still stubbornly remained despite their diminished ability to shakingly echo the chambers of my mind—a bitter, ever-present reminder of my survivor status.

More days had passed, filled with duty and responsibility, yet the urge to silence them still lingered.

“Death, after running from it for so long, seemed like a gentle guide offering me solace. A compassionate and understanding friend in the dark. It acted like a gift: a chance to see them all again....” I turn my saddened eyes towards Alessandra, gazing into those that I craved to see for so long that I was willing to end it all just to see her remarkable shade of blue one more time.

“To see you again. I only needed to take the step and make it permanent.” I shuffle my feet in front of me and resituate the way my hands are on my lap, feeling vulnerable at her concern and possible judgement of my past decisions.

I don’t blame her if she does. It’s not easy to look back upon the person I was back then, or the methods I thought were my only way to find salvation amidst the darkness surrounding me.

For all I know, she may have had similar moments during her time after the Fall.

If she did, I’m glad she was unsuccessful in the task.

I hold her gaze for a moment longer, basking in Alessandra’s natural beauty.

Through it all, she was the one person who kept me going for so long.

The thought of her, still alive and unharmed, filled my mind and pushed me to continue on.

But, after everything that happened—the zombie takeover, the rising death count, the immeasurable odds—it started to become too much to convince my addled brain of the impossible.

I couldn’t see myself living a life in this world knowing she was probably no longer part of it.

But David saw otherwise.

Regardless of the heinous acts he and his supplicants commit on a daily basis, I am grateful he kept me here on this Earth. Even if it was only to see Alessandra one more time, it was worth it.

“David noticed the lack of mental improvement and changed my duty station, assigning me, instead, to the fields. Told me to find my inner spirit, to embrace life and the calming tranquility offered here, rather than seeking it elsewhere.

“Every day, I labored for hours amongst the crops, and then every night he had me hold counseling sessions, reacclimating any new arrivals that may have also been suffering the same way as I have. We founded a survivor’s group.

Told our stories. We remembered the fallen.

Honored them. Held memorials to say goodbye.

Then, little by little, the voices softened, and eventually turned into nothing but whispers on the wind.

“The meetings continued, and the fields grew and prospered as we tended to them. It was a normal routine, day in and day out. And then, months later, David recognized my promise as a potential leader of the community. As a result, I was given the chance to pull back the curtain. To witness the inner workings of Phoenix Rising. It was then I finally found the answer that had been plaguing me the entire time I was in residence here. The one thing that was missing...”

“The women?” Alessandra asks.

“The women,” I confirm.