Page 27
Twenty-six
Knox
W hen I push the door open after practice, I’m ready for a nap in my quiet home, but music and the smell of food stop me in the entryway. What the fuck?
I look around the corner toward the kitchen and glimpse a sight I wasn’t sure I would ever see again—Ryder standing barefoot at the stove, in a pair of his gray sweats that hug his ass and nothing else so the tattoos across his upper back and arms are on full display.
“What are you doing?” I ask, my voice hoarse with disbelief as I walk slowly toward the kitchen, not sure what to expect. Did my text about Goldie make him come back? Is he here for good, or just a visit? Is he here for me ?
Ryder twists the stove burners off, stops his phone playlist, and turns around. He runs his fingers through his hair to brush it out of his face as he looks at me sheepishly. “I got your text that Goldie was getting daddy issues, and I couldn't have that. She’s at an impressionable age. I don't want her to end up a stripper or something,” he jokes.
Ah, there’s his stupid humor to deal with the things he can’t face. I nod and turn to head for my room, not sure how to handle him being here if he’s still not ready to tell me what I need to hear. I’ll just have to figure out how to coexist with the man I can't stop thinking about. It shouldn't be hard, I’ve done it before.
“Knox, wait.”
I close my eyes when hearing my name on his lips sends goosebumps pebbling across my skin in a rush. I fight the urge to turn around and make this easy for him. He doesn't deserve easy. He deserves to work for my attention.
“I know I fucked up. Hell, I have years of fucking up to account for, and I’m sorry.”
His voice breaks on his apology. I hear the sincerity in it and know he means it, but words only go so far. He’s right, he spent years ruining my life with both words and actions, and it’ll take more than one apology to make up for it now. I gave him a free pass for so long, and he threw it back in my face by not being able to just own what he really wants. I was willing to overlook everything that happened, everything he put me through, so we could be together, but he couldn't even tell me he wanted me.
“I’m sorry for being a coward in high school. I should have told Commisso, Sanders, and those guys to shove it and reported them for the shit they were doing, so they couldn't hold it over me. They deserved to lose their place on the hockey team. I can see the path so clearly now for what I could have done differently instead of siding with them and bullying you. I thought I would lose hockey and the way out of my crappy home life if I didn’t, but I lost something even more important, my best friend.”
Okay, that’s a start. But hindsight is twenty-twenty, and it’s so easy to say what you should have done. It’s harder to make choices for the present that will affect your future.
“And I’m really fucking sorry I’ve been a coward about telling you I’m incredibly bi. I’m sorry I couldn’t tell you I think you’re so damn amazing and I can’t imagine my life without you in it, and how badly I want you to be mine.”
I turn slowly and find Ryder behind me, wringing his hands together, an anxious look on his face. He could finally say exactly what I wanted to hear, in a very Ryder sort of way, and it floods my heart with hope that maybe he’s serious, maybe he wants this as badly as I do.
“What are you saying?” I ask, needing the extra clarity from the notoriously ambiguous idiot.
Ryder takes a step toward me and puts his hands on my face. “I’m saying I fucking want to be with you, and I would be so proud to be by your side.” He pulls my face down to his and kisses me like I’m the air he needs to breathe. Like I’ll fortify his soul after forty days in the desert. Like I can make his world right again. When we break apart, I search his face for the discomfort and hesitancy I expect to find about his declaration, but all I find is anticipation.
“Are you serious?”
“I’m so serious. I hated myself for hurting you when I didn't know what else to do. When I kissed you in the club, everything made so much sense. It felt so right, and for the first time, I felt those stupid sparks people talk about and it scared the shit out of me. But now it’s the only thing I want to do, and it’s been driving me insane seeing your lips and knowing how you taste without letting myself have you.”
“Do you actually want to be with me, an out gay man, even if that means you’re going to have to be out also?” I ask because getting the facts hammered out with Ryder and ensuring we’re both on the same page is incredibly important for me before I let my heart go further.
“I came out to my team today. I don't know if I want to have Lilah write a whole fucking article for me to come out to the world or make a public statement of some kind, but I know at some point it’ll come up and we’ll have to deal with it then. Can we take it one day at a time?” he asks.
I pull away because it sounds like he’s making excuses. “I don't want to be with someone who’s ashamed to be with me. Or someone afraid of what others will say if they know we’re together,” I admit, even if it means he’s going to walk away .
“I won’t deny you, ever, that’s not what I’m saying. But I do want our privacy. Like, I don't think we have to hard launch this with anything out of the ordinary. Let’s just do us, and people will get the idea, and if they ask, we tell them we’re together,” he explains.
“That sounds reasonable,” I agree slowly.
He’s right. It’s not like my teammate Luke would write an article about having a new girlfriend, so why should I worry about telling the world I have my first boyfriend? Ryder is running his hands up and down my back and it feels way too fucking good to think rationally, but I do have one last question for him.
“You saw the photos of me with Sergio at the Vers event, didn’t you?” I fight the grin that’s pulling at the corners of my mouth when Ryder’s face grows dark, and jealousy lifts his own lips in a sneer.
His hands stop their exploration at the hem of my T-shirt and dip under the material, finding skin. “Is that his name, Mr. Too Hot For His Own Good, in the blue suit, who had his hands all over you? If he ever touches you again, I’ll knock his too-perfect white teeth out and break his scrawny neck. He got a one-night pass that I’ll forgive.” His fingers slide inside my sweats and cup my ass. “This is mine now. I’m the only one who gets to touch it, look at it, eat it, fuck it, you name it, it’s mine. I do not share,” he growls, squeezing and sending bolts of lust streaking through me and all the blood in my body heads straight to my cock.
I groan and drop my forehead to his. “Goddamn, you’re a possessive monster.”
“You have no fucking idea. You knew this was what you were asking for when you wanted me to say I wanted you, right? I’m about to tear this ass up and mark you with my cum, make you wear it for the rest of the day, so you know you’re mine. You’re prepared for that, aren't you? Because I don't do half-assed. I do the whole fucking ass and I want yours.” He presses his lips to my neck and kisses a wet trail down to the crook of my shoulder and bites, making my knees weak.
“Jesus. Fuck. Ryder, oh my God,” I hiss, the pain and pleasure so glorious it’s hard to even think about everything he’s doing to me. My cock is so hard and rubbing against his, his powerful hands are on my ass and kneading, and now he’s biting the hell out of my neck again. The flurry of sensations has me seeing stars, and I blurt out the most important thing he needs to know. “I’m a virgin.”
His teeth pop off the flesh of my neck and he kisses the spot gently as his hands release my ass and move up to wrap around my waist. He’s still holding me tightly to him as he pulls back to look me in the eye. “You’ve never had sex?” His voice holds disbelief.
Adrenaline joins the other hormones gallivanting through my system, sending an icy wave of terror straight to my brain that this is where it’ll all go wrong. I roll my lips in and squeeze my eyes shut, embarrassment flooding me with this admission, so I can't look him in the eye when I say, “Never really had the opportunity.”
“I know you’ve been keeping it quiet, but I would think someone as hot and as fantastic as you would have found someone, somehow, at some point,” he says, voice a bit awestruck.
I open my eyes and catch his, and there’s no judgment, which is such a fucking relief. I shake my head, but can’t answer.
“On Vers you were so confident and sexy, and fuck, you had me coming harder than I thought possible with just your words and how you handled yourself.” His praise is a balm to my mortification, easing the sting of admitting what feels like a big fucking deal.
“I mean, I’ve watched plenty of porn, and I’ve done everything I can by myself, so I’m not a complete novice. I know what I like, and know what I think I’d like with someone else, but no partners.” I duck my head into his shoulder and exhale, feeling the burden I’ve carried with me for thirty-one years now shared with someone else. It’s not gone entirely, but it doesn't feel quite so heavy.
“I’ve never fucked a man before,” Ryder says, quietly. “But an ass is an ass, and I know I like those, so we’ll get there.” He runs his fingers up my spine to my neck and pulls my face out of his shoulder so I’m looking at him when he speaks next. “Let’s take it slow and figure it out together, okay? No rush. All I need is you and the promise that someday soon I will absolutely be tearing up this amazing ass. ”
“Oh, trust me, I want that, too. I…I have things I use on myself, so we can always try,” I say with hope. I’m quite familiar with my prostate and know the joys of a vibrating wand, thank you. In fact, I could use it on Ryder and open his world up a bit…
“Not in front of Goldie, though,” Ryder says, nodding toward the fish tank. “We don't want to give her any ideas about her daddies. Let me see that big bed of yours.”
I laugh, thankful for his gift of levity when this could have become incredibly awkward. Not being sexually experienced when Ryder is the opposite freaked me out. It was one thing to be giving and receiving a blow job for the first time together, without him realizing the extent of my inexperience. But to tell him I’ve done nothing with anyone and taking it as well as he did was…unexpected.
Ryder doesn't let me go. Instead, he walks us toward the hallway, kissing his way up my neck until he’s at my mouth again. I’m not about to fight him when the attention feels so damn good. He kisses me hungrily, and my hands are in his hair, running through the silky strands, loving that I can touch him and know he’s mine after wanting him for so long. He bumps me into the wall, and I groan when he grinds his hips into mine and my cock brushes against his. Fuck, that feels good. He rolls us toward my bedroom until I have him pinned to the wall, my thigh between his legs, and he shamelessly grinds against me as he pulls at my T-shirt. I raise my arms, becoming a tangle of limbs when my shirt gets stuck. We work to extricate ourselves from the mess of clothes, arms, and lips when we finally make it to my door.
I palm the doorknob, twisting it open and letting us inside as I find the collar of my shirt and pull it off my body so I can be skin-to-skin with Ryder at last. He’s so hot we burn as soon as our bodies collide, and I push him down on the bed, following close behind after my shoes and socks come off. He rolls me to my back and runs his hands over my chest, his fingers skating over my pecs and flicking my nipples so I hiss, and down over my abs that jump and shudder at his touch.
“These fucking lines,” he says, tracing the V lines along my obliques to my cock.
“You have them, too,” I point out, fingering his own Adonis belt.
“Not like this. Fuck, they make me damn near lose my mind.”
He straddles my legs, bending to lick along the lines he was just admiring. I groan, my cock jumping and hitting him in the throat through my sweats as he goes. He chose his position; it’s a hazard of the spot, unfortunately.
“Please tell me you have lube,” he rasps, his mouth tracing hot kisses across my stomach to the trail of hair leading below the waistband of my sweats.
“Top drawer of my nightstand,” I whisper, the words extremely hard to get out when my brain is oxygen-deprived due to all the blood in my body circulating to my dick, where Ryder has pulled my sweats down and is sucking me through my briefs. Goddamn, that feels good.
He climbs off me and finds the lube before coming back. “Sit up against the headboard. I need to kiss you whenever I want.”
Damn, he’s so bossy. I fucking love it.
I scoot until my back is against the pillows and the headboard, and Ryder is on his knees at my feet. I have to take a shuddering breath because this doesn't feel real. He’s so beautiful as he crawls toward me, hair in his face, those hazel-green eyes making him look even more like a damn predator stalking his prey. I should be scared, but all I feel is a thrill of anticipation and a hell of a lot of desire.
“Please touch me,” I demand, needy already.
He smiles, satisfied as hell as he sits back on his heels between my knees, still not touching me. “God, I like you pathetic for me. You know, I picked HandyManCan on the Vers app because he reminded me of you. I pictured your face, not knowing it was actually you on the other side of the screen. How am I the lucky fucker that got that wish fulfilled?”
Shaking my head, I brush my fingers over his cheek. “I never thought you would use an app like Vers. I couldn’t have guessed I would find you. Seriously, stop talking and touch me before I take over.”
He licks his lips as he runs his hand along my leg and squeezes my thigh, pulling my pants tight and highlighting the tent my cock is making.
“You told me I hit on a top-three fantasy for you the first time we talked. I want to make your dreams come true. Now, take your fucking pants off and let me see that big cock of yours before I go crazy.”
Ryder pushes his sweats down faster than I can, falling to his side and trapping my legs in his rush to kick them off. We wind up a tangle of legs and pants. We’re laughing when we finally end up naked, and it helps dispel some nerves to laugh with him and not be so serious despite how fucking charged the moment is with sex and testosterone.
“Oh, Jesus, fuck,” I swear, taking Ryder in as he lies fully naked on my bed, his fat cock hard for me , his eyes twin pools of lust for me. The fun and laughter is extinguished as my cock jerks painfully, standing fully erect and so hard I could punch through the drywall. “Baby, I don't know what’s going to happen when you touch me, just know I’ll enjoy all ten seconds of it before I blackout with pleasure and make a giant mess of us both.”
Ryder shivers, his eyes closing in pleasure as he smiles. “I fucking love when you call me baby in that deep voice of yours. It feels like you’re scratching my scalp and tugging my balls at the same time.”
He grabs the bottle of lube and climbs over my legs, settling so he’s straddling my thighs, showing his hip flexibility to great advantage. As he adjusts, his cock brushes mine and I swear the world explodes around me from that tiny touch.
I groan and reach for him, cupping the back of his head and bringing his face to mine to kiss him. His hips flex as he leans his chest against me. His cock rubs mine with each roll of his hips, mine bucking erratically as I fight the urge to roll him over and rut against him, and oh fuck, I could come just from this. I have a long way to go to last with a partner, it seems, but Ryder doesn’t appear concerned about my stamina. He kisses me savagely, his tongue twisting with mine before he pulls back and bites my lip. My eyes roll at the delicious feel of him kissing down my neck as his hips rock, and I get every bit of friction I was hoping for.
He plants his hands on my chest and pushes himself back like he needs the extra help. We’re both a little frenzied, and it’s good to see him just as breathless and turned on as I am.
“You’re not as innocent as you say. You’re a fucking devil,” he says with a bemused laugh as he pops the cap of the lube and pours some in his hand. “Good thing I like you naughty.”
Any retort I could have made is cut off when he palms my cock, slicks it with lube in a smooth pass, and presses it to his. He leans back on one hand, his quads and abs flexing as he slowly flicks his wrist in the most wonderful, tortuously slow pace imaginable to jack us off together.
“Ooooh fuuuck,” I groan, reaching for him and gripping his ass, needing to sink my fingers into his flesh and hold on because I’m about to blast off into the damn solar system having this fantasy fulfilled. I feel drunk with lust, pleasure, and Ryder. My eyes flick between the delicious sight of Ryder’s hand around our cocks, and the alluring picture of his lip caught in his teeth as he stares down at where we’re connected, not sure what I like more.
“Ah, fuck, Knox, this is better than I imagined,” he groans, letting his head fall back, his hand working us a little faster.
“You have no fucking idea,” I grit out, getting even higher on the sensations of Ryder above me, his hand around me, my cock rubbing against his. I need him to move faster, and I need to touch him.
I let my hand drop from his ass and move to where he connects us. He seems to sense what I need and twists his wrist, opening his fingers so he releases his cock for me to grip while he circles mine entirely. I take a few slow, exploratory strokes up and down his length, learning him while he continues to stroke me slowly. Feeling his veins, where he’s ridged, where he’s extra sensitive, where his head flares out, and what makes him pant when I squeeze. Then, I give in to the urge to have him whining my name and give him short, vicious pulls that mimic what I remember he would do to himself.
His mouth falls open as his hips snap unconsciously with my motion. He chants my name as he finally, mercifully, speeds up his strokes on me, and I get some of the relief I crave so badly.
“Knox…Knox, oh shit, yes,” he grunts as his cock swells in my fist.
“Baby, just like…” I groan, lost to the moment as my release builds faster than a bullet train and Sparta kicks me right over the edge with Ryder. Hot cum hits my stomach and coats my hand, and I’m not sure who it came from, but I know Ryder is covered as well and doesn’t seem bothered as we both slow our frantic hands and breathe heavily.
“Your cum gutters are working,” Ryder says, breathless and still teasing.
I look down and watch as cum slides down the V lines of my abs he was so interested in earlier. “Yours or mine?” I ask as he watches in rapture.
“Yours, and it won’t be wasted.” He moves off my thighs and lays flat on his stomach over my legs so he can lick the cum off my abs. This filthy, depraved boy.
I laugh as his beard and tongue tickle the sensitive skin of my lower hips. Gripping a handful of his hair, I pull him up, then grab a pair of boxers, not sure which of ours they are, and quickly run them over my stomach and then Ryder’s. I lie down before holding my arms out in invitation. Ryder doesn’t hesitate, he crawls up next to me and covers me with his body, putting his head on my chest, right where my neck and shoulder meet. He hitches his leg over my hips tightly as I wrap my arms around him.
My heart is so full I feel like bursting.
But my stomach chooses that moment to let out a loud rumble under Ryder’s fingers that are gently tracing over my skin, alerting me that I came home starving and was planning to eat before I was side-tracked so thoroughly.
“I made you dinner,” Ryder says, propping his chin on my chest. “It’s probably cold by now, but everything can be reheated. ”
“Is that what you were doing in my kitchen when I came home?” I ask, fighting my smile. Ryder making kind overtures is rare, and I’ll take every single one.
“I figured I might have a better chance of earning your forgiveness if you had a full stomach, but looks like finally owning my shit worked pretty well.”
“Yeah, it did, baby. But dinner is still appreciated.” I kiss his head and unwrap my arms from his back so we can get up. I roll out of bed once he’s untangled his legs from mine, and walk to the bathroom.
“Don't you fucking shower,” Ryder barks before I can close the door. My brow scrunches as I turn and give him a perplexed look. What’s his deal now? He continues, “You’re wearing my scent the rest of the night. We’ll shower together when I’m ready for you to get clean.”
This man. I drop my head back and laugh. “You’re a dirty motherfucker. Let me use the bathroom at least, you asshole.”
When I come back out, Ryder is wearing my shirt, and I can't help the smile that takes over my face like the warmth that spreads through my chest. I start to harden for him again as I reach for my sweats, trying in vain to keep my lust in check while seeing him in something of mine.
He points at me. “See, you’re a possessive asshole, too,” he jokes. “You like seeing me in your clothes.”
I can’t argue that. I just shake my head and push him out of my room, trying to hide my grin and the semi in my pants.
He doesn’t hide his smile. Instead, he tucks his nose into the collar of the shirt and inhales noisily, groaning in pleasure and falling back against me so I have to grip his shoulders to propel him the rest of the way down the hall. “You smell so fucking good. I need a bottle of your cologne to take with me on road trips.”
“You can have anything you want,” I promise, feeling incredibly generous because I have everything I’ve always wanted. The evening doesn’t feel real, but I soak up every moment and commit it to memory.