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I’m beaming like a complete idiot as I stare at our text conversation, giddy and feeling like I’m sixteen again and falling hard for a boy. I can’t remember the last time I felt this way. It has to be when I was told I was getting a bid to surf Maui Pipe as an amateur. That day is seared into my brain, recalling how my cheeks hurt from smiling so much.

This thing with Flynn, it feels the same way. This nervous excitement is burning through me, all forbidden and desperate. I wish it could be different, and maybe after Pipe, it will be.

And my thoughts start to wander to a place they shouldn’t, to a place I was just a few weeks ago before I met Flynn. It has me questioning if I should go through with this because dropping out would mean Flynn and I could be together without repercussions.

But it’s stupid.

I think about my letter from Mitch that’s sitting on my nightstand. The one I still haven’t opened. Dropping out of Pipe to be with a guy is something Mitch would have never let me live down. But I don’t know how else to handle this. He can’t be Jade’s coach and my boyfriend.

It’s not allowed.

And those words ring loud and booming in my ears.

Daisy and Sage are both asleep, the wine and life doing them in and normally I’d be right there with them. Yet, here I am, forcing myself to stay awake so I can sneak off and call Flynn.

I catch Sloane out of the corner of my eye. She’s watching me with a smile on her face, and it’s so hard keeping this from her. Not just her, really all of them. They’re my best friends and my biggest support system, and here I am, hiding something that is having a massive effect on my life from them.

“You okay?” she asks quietly, looking over at the end of the couch where Daisy and Sage are out. “I see you smirking over there. What’s going on?”

I let out a sigh, dragging a hand through my hair. This can’t go on much longer because it’s eating me alive. All three of them would be so hurt if they knew I was keeping this from them, acting like I can’t trust them with one of my biggest secrets.

“I have something to tell you,” I whisper, the words falling from my mouth with a stilted hesitation. “But I gotta wake up Sage and Daze,” I add, and Sloane’s eyes go wide.

The poor thing has been through so much that anytime something feels off or someone says they need to talk to her, she panics. But the other thing, the other side of her, is that she’s so intuitive, acutely aware of other people’s feelings. It’s why she’s been asking me if I’m okay for the last couple of weeks.

Standing up, I walk over to where Sage and Daisy are asleep, shaking them both gently. I whisper, “I need you both to wake up. I gotta tell you something.”

I don’t know if it’s the alcohol or the constant stress of this weighing on me, but I need to get it out. I need this off my chest, and more than anything, I need someone to talk to about this. Getting their advice is something I do regularly, and right now, I could use it. A lot.

“What? Please tell me this isn’t about Pipe,” Daisy groans, rubbing her eyes as she sits up.

Sage is still lying there, her eyes open now, waiting for me, but I can tell if I don’t make it quick, she’s going to be out again.

“I slept with Flynn,” I blurt out, plopping back down on the couch next to Sloane.

I swear the cries of excitement that come from this house have to be heard for at least a mile. They are not only far more excited than I thought they would be, they’re also not at all pissed that I kept it from them. This is how I know they’re real friends, the kind that stick around, the kind that back you no matter what, the kind of friends that have become my family.

“I knew it!” Sloane shrieks, throwing her arms around me. “He’s so hot. And oh my god, was he amazing in bed?”

I don’t have a chance to answer her before Sage is cutting in, offended and letting out a scoff as she sits up, crossing her arms over her chest.

“You let me take the fall for the Luna Mae. It was you, wasn’t it?” she quips, pretending to be bothered.

I nod, smiling at her. “Thanks for letting everyone think it was you. You know I can’t be broadcasting this everywhere. This does not leave this room.” I look at each one of them, making them swear to secrecy.

“This isn’t something you share with Nate, Sage,” I add, hitting her with a playfully fierce stare. “And you either.” I turn to look at Daisy. “No telling Miles, got it?”

“Miles? Why the hell would I tell Miles?” Daisy hits back, her nose wrinkled up in disgust. “We aren’t speaking right now anyway, for your information.”

“But what about what you told me?” Sage now asks, a look of concern covering her face. “About not being able to get involved with him?”

“Yeah, that’s still an issue, which is why none of you can say anything. If this gets out.” I stop, shaking my head, my eyes falling closed, wondering if I’m making a huge mistake. “It could ruin my chances at Pipe, and Flynn’s coaching, and Jade.”

I’m trying not to let the guilt outweigh how I feel about him, but there are so many factors that play into this. Not that Flynn and I have crossed any lines when it comes to training or anything to do with Jade’s career.

I only know what he’s told me about her, complaining more than anything, and it was easy to draw my own conclusions once I met her.

“I heard Jade is a total…” Daisy starts, trailing off before she adds, “chipmunk under a nut tree.”

As soon as the words leave her mouth, Sloane and I burst out laughing. Leave it to Daisy to call it how it is, but Sage misses the joke, her brow furrowed as she tries to figure out what that means.

“She’s ditzy?” Sage asks, her head tilted to the side as she waits for us to respond.

“Think about it,” Daisy says, repeating the phrase again, this time holding up her hands to form the beginning letters of each word.

“Oh my god,” Sage spits out laughing. “She is? Nate asked Flynn if he could get her to do a signing at The Pipe Dream.”

“Yeah, she is, unfortunately,” I say. “I don’t think Nate realizes it, but it doesn’t matter. It will help The Pipe Dream to have her there.”

“You’ll be there too,” Sage reminds me, smiling. “I think people will be more excited to see you than her anyway.”

“That’s really sweet of you, Sage, but I don’t think that’s true.”

I lean back against the couch, letting out a hard sigh. It feels good to get it out there, but it doesn’t really change anything. Flynn and I still can’t be together, and I’m not sure we ever will be if he continues coaching Jade, and I do well at Pipe.

“What’s the worst that can happen?” Sloane asks, sounding genuinely serious, and sometimes I ask myself the same thing.

I could take the blame for it all if we’re caught. It will have no effect on his job if I tell the surf commission it was all on me. Jade wouldn’t even have to know.

It sounds ridiculous even in my head.

“Honestly, I could be banned from competitive surfing. Think about it like this, what if Flynn was sharing training secrets with me, giving me coaching advice in a bid for me to overtake Jade. And not just that, we could work together to throw competitions, arrange betting and gambling.”

“Yeah, but you’d never do that,” Daisy chimes in and while she’s right, people in the competitive surfing circuit don’t know this. There’s a code of ethics and I need to follow it.

“And Flynn wouldn’t either,” Sage says. “I don’t get it. This is your personal life, and you should be able to date or sleep with whoever you want.”

I let out a laugh. She doesn’t realize this has been my exact thought since Flynn told me who he is. Fuck the surfing commission and anyone who thinks they get a say, but again, it’s not that easy.

“Yeah, I know, but again, say nothing. No one is to know about this. At least until Maui Pipe is over, and then after that, it may be different.”

“Different how?” Sage asks.

“If I fail to place or move on, then it doesn’t matter. This is my last shot at professional surfing, and if it doesn’t work out, I don’t have to worry about sleeping with Flynn. It won’t be a conflict of interest anymore.”

They all fall quiet, and I know what they’re thinking, making me laugh out loud.

“It’s not happening, girls. I’m not throwing Pipe so I can sleep with Flynn!” I call out, covering my face with my hands as my cheeks flush pink.

“So you’ve thought it too, huh?” Daisy teases, sticking out her tongue followed by a cheeky smile on her face. “He must have been damn good in bed for you to think it.”

“You have no idea.”

We chat for a little while longer, until we’re all exhausted. It’s late, and Sage crashes on the couch, and Daisy, Sloane and I head to our bedrooms.

It feels freeing to have finally told them and to have them respond the way they did. They understand, but they also want me to be happy.

Flynn makes me happy, and it’s in a way I’ve never felt before. I liked having him all to myself, and I’m pissed that Jade has shown up and ruined things even more than it already is.

But I also know I’m on a dangerous path, but finding where that danger lies is harder than I thought. Is it with Flynn or is it because of Jade?

I roll over, the glow from the moon sends a sliver of light through the curtains, and oddly enough, it falls right on the letter from Mitch.

Picking it up, I hold it in the line of the moonbeam, trying to read it through the envelope.

But nothing appears.

I run my fingers over the press of the ink. My name is almost now embossed on the front.

It’s funny to see Mitch’s handwriting. It’s something I saw almost every day for years, and never gave it a second thought. But now, here in my bedroom, the scrawl on the white envelope in the moonlight, I realize how much I miss seeing it on all the paperwork at The Pipe Dream.

Really, how much I miss him.

It’s then that I open the letter, my heart hammering in my chest, the tears already pricking at the corners of my eyes when I see my name. It’s perfectly written at the top of the letter, and I can hear him say it in my mind. The way he used to yell it from the shore when I did something he didn’t like, or the way he’d shout it from the back of the shop. It was always done with this air of love to it, never mean or harsh.

The tears begin to spill down my cheeks as I read it.

Alana,

I’ve never met anyone like you. So happy and confident. So alive. You made my life better having you in it.

Be bold. Be loud. Make a scene. Because the world deserves to know who you are. You were always the easy one. Nate took the prize for being the most difficult. And now, no matter how old you are or how much you’ve accomplished, there’s always more to achieve. Take that risk, Alana.

Put your happiness above everything else because for so long, you’ve put everyone else first. It’s your time now.

Love you, kiddo.

Mitch

I’m beyond sobbing when I get to the end of the letter. I have no idea how he knew I would need to hear these words, but in true Mitch fashion, he comes bearing the best advice.

Shoving away the tears that blur my vision, I climb from my bed, quickly scratching out a note for the girls telling them I went to see Flynn.

I drop it on the kitchen table and silently leave through the back door. Locking it behind me, I slip my feet into a pair of old flip flops that sit on the deck, and I make my way along the beach, following it until The Pipe Dream appears.

Crossing the street, I stop in front of it. The sign is still lit up, and I laugh out loud. Nate never remembers to turn it off, and I can hear Mitch crabbing about electricity and the cost to keep the sign on overnight.

It’s not even lit up. It’s just a hand-painted sign with some lights pointing at it, but it’s perfect. And it’s a reminder of Mitch.

I stand out here for a few seconds, the tears returning, but this time they feel happier. Mitch’s words play out in my head, reminding me that sometimes we have to take risks.

And Flynn feels like the best risk of all.

“Thanks, Mitch,” I whisper into the wind, blowing a kiss at The Pipe Dream before I move quietly back to the guest cottage.

It’s so late that there’s no way Flynn is still awake. He’s been getting up before sunrise to run with me, and I didn’t tell him any different. Normally, I’d be getting up in a few hours to do the same.

But not today.

I lift up the mat, finding the key under there, and I silently send up a thank you to either Nate or Sage or both. They must have forgotten it was there, and that’s perfect.

Pushing the key into the lock, my heart is beating wildly, my body wound so tightly I feel like I might burst.

The low hum of the TV fills the space, glowing in the darkness, and I can see Flynn asleep on the couch. It must be where he ended his night after drinking with the guys.

As I get closer to him, I can see his phone resting next to his head, waiting for my reply, waiting for me to call him.

I whisper his name, leaning down, I run my hand over his hair. His eyes flutter open, his lids heavy as he looks up at me.

“Alana.” His voice is gravelly but velvety soft, and my thighs clench in response. “What are you doing here?”

“I’m here for you.”