Page 19

Her words drive a dagger right through my heart the second they pop up on the screen as I release the breath I didn’t even realize I was holding.

Alana: We can’t.

I want to tell her we can, and we should, and we both want to, so fuck everything else. None of it’s important. But I know these aren’t the right words to say. Blowing out another breath, my thumb hovers over the keys as I try to think of what to write, what words I can possibly send to her that will make any of this any better.

“Fuck it,” I mutter as I don’t type anything and instead call her.

“Hello,” she says, picking up on the third ring, her voice croaky.

“Hey, you okay?” I ask, wishing I could see her face.

Alana sniffs as she says, “Yeah.”

Chuckling, I ask, “You sure about that? Because you don’t exactly sound convincing.”

She groans now and I hear muffled sounds as though she’s getting into bed or something. “I’m fine. Jade was just...just...”

“A huge pain in the arse?” I suggest, knowing I really shouldn’t be talking about my client like this, even if it is true. Alana laughs a little and I continue, knowing the real reason she’s brought this up. “It isn’t true, Alana. I’m not sleeping with her. I’ve never slept with her and have absolutely zero intention of ever sleeping with her.”

“Because you’re her coach?” she asks, and I can hear the hesitation in her question.

“No. It’s because I am not attracted to her one single bit and have no desire to have sex with her.”

She doesn’t say anything at first, the only sound is her breathing through the phone as I wait for her to speak. When it seems like she isn’t going to, I do.

“Tell me what’s bothering you.”

Alana scoffs as she says, “Oh my god, where do you want me to start, Flynn?”

I hate the sadness and frustration I can hear in her voice, things I know I’m the cause of even if I’m feeling them too. “How about with how you’re feeling,” I suggest. “You can be honest with me, you know?”

I hear her take in a long, deep breath, letting it out slowly as more ruffling comes through the phone. “She’s kinda full of herself,” she starts, and I can’t help but laugh. “And she was a bit of a bitch if I’m being honest.”

“All things that are true,” I reply. “Why do you think I came out here early?”

“Really?” she asks, and I can hear the surprise in her voice.

“Yeah,” I say, settling back into the couch. “I know I shouldn’t be saying all this stuff, but she is hard work and sometimes I do need a break from it all. But she gave me my first coaching job and I gave her a world championship, so...”

I stop, not really knowing what else to say. As much as Jade does drive me crazy and, truth be told, piss me off, especially when she says shit like what she did to Alana, she did also give me a career when my surfing one tanked. I’m not sure what I’d be doing if I hadn’t been given that opportunity.

“No, look, I get it,” Alana says. “It’s fine.”

“It’s not fine, Alana,” I say. “And besides, I was actually asking about you, not Jade. Tell me how you’re feeling.”

Alana groans at this, her whispered, “You know how,” causing that stabbing feeling in my chest again.

“Fuck,” I murmur, shoving a hand through my hair. “I hate that she said that to you, okay. That she created doubt about what was between us or how I...” I trail off, not sure if I should finish.

“How you what?” she asks, her words quiet.

I lean back, my head on the back of the couch as I stare up at the ceiling. “How I feel about you,” I say, my words a whisper.

Silence falls between us again and I close my eyes, wishing I knew what she was thinking. Wishing to fuck she was here with me.

“You still there?” I ask, wondering if maybe I’ve freaked her out with my admission.

“I’m still here,” she says, and I let out a laugh. “What?” she now asks.

“I don’t know, I guess I didn’t expect silence when I said that.”

Now it’s Alana laughing. “Well, you didn’t exactly say anything specific.”

“Spelling it out for you again, huh?” I ask.

She hums. “For clarity and all.”

I sit up, resting my elbows on my knees, the phone to my ear as I take a deep breath, letting it out slowly before I just throw it all out there, consequences be damned. “I really like you, Alana,” I say. “Like you in a way I haven’t liked anyone before. And I fucking wish our situation was different. That we could...” I trail off, my heart pounding in my chest at my admission. “I’d give anything for you to come over here right now. Anything.”

Even as I say the words, I wonder if it’s true, if I would be prepared to give anything for a shot at something with Alana. Does coaching Jade really mean that much to me? She’s already earned herself a world championship with me coaching her, how many more do I need to get her?

“I know,” she eventually says, letting out a sigh. “But we?—”

“We can’t, I know,” I say, my eyes closing.

“I’m sorry,” she whispers.

“Don’t be. This isn’t on you,” I say, exhaling. “I should let you sleep. You’ve got an early start tomorrow.”

“Will I see you tomorrow?” she now asks, and I know she’s referring to the early morning runs I’ve been joining her on.

“I hope so,” I say, but I have every intention of continuing those runs with her. They are the best start to my day and with Jade now here, god knows I need it.

“Well, goodnight,” she whispers.

“Night, beautiful,” I reply, before hanging up.

The next day, I do run with Alana, but it feels different. This time there is no flirting and definitely no kissing or touching, almost like she’s deliberately keeping her distance from me. I don’t know if it’s Jade showing up early and being a bitch to her or it’s our conversation last night.

Whatever it is, I hate it, and I desperately want to fix things.

“What are you up to for the rest of your day?” I ask when we get back to our cars.

“Working this morning, and then I’ll get some training in this afternoon after I get done with the lesson.”

“You want some help with the lesson?” I ask, remembering how much fun it had been last time.

“You really think that’s a good idea?” she asks, looking up at me.

I step closer, tucking some loose strands of hair behind her ear, not missing the way she shivers at my touch or the goosebumps that spring up along her neck. “I kinda don’t care,” I whisper, my eyes dropping to her mouth.

“Flynn,” she murmurs.

“I know, I know,” I say. “We can’t.”

Alana lets out a low groan now, and I swear it’s her that steps closer this time, closing the distance so there is only a fraction of space between us. My heart is pounding in my chest as the warmth of her body radiates toward me.

“Fuck, I wanna kiss you so bad right now,” I moan.

She blinks, her eyes locking with mine as she whispers, “Me too.”

I stare at her, at the emotions that are warring it out in her eyes and across her face. I know exactly how she feels, this incessant pull that I feel toward her, but at the same time, this overwhelming need to protect her, to make sure she gets every chance she can to surf at Pipe and make something of herself.

I reluctantly drop my hand from her hair. “Guess I’ll see you later,” I say, taking a step back.

Alana swallows hard, nodding as she fumbles with her keys before eventually climbing into her car. I watch by the side of the road until she drives off, not moving until she disappears.

When I get back home, I’ve got five messages from Jade waiting for me on my phone.

Jade: Where are you? I want to come and see your place.

Jade: Let’s hang out, I could do with checking out the break I’ll be surfing.

Jade: Wanna grab breakfast?

Jade: Flynn?! Seriously, where are you?

Jade: You know you can’t just ignore me. You are my coach.

“Fuck. Me.” I say, throwing my phone onto the bed as I do ignore the messages and head into the bathroom to take a shower. I don’t know if it’s everything that’s going on right now and all the ways I wish things could be different, but Jade seems a million times more annoying than normal.

After I shower, and once again jerk off to thoughts of Alana, I get dressed and head over to the coffee shop next door to The Pipe Dream. I’d love to just hang out at the shop all day, but I already know Alana is working, and I kind of figure it would be pretty obvious and possibly shitty if I show up and hang out there with her.

I place my order and take a seat at one of the old wooden tables to wait, and about five seconds after I sit down, someone is calling my name.

“Flynn, hey.”

Turning, I see Owen grinning beside the table, his hand out waiting to fist bump me. “Hey, Owen, how’s it going?”

Owen laughs as he sits down across from me. “It’s going good. How are you?”

I let out a laugh, shaking my head as the barista calls my name. Grabbing my coffee, I return to the table, taking a seat as I say, “Um, yeah, I guess it’s going good.”

Owen laughs again, his head tipped to the side. “Well, that sounds like bullshit.”

I shrug. “Meh, maybe.”

He raises a brow. “This got anything to do with your surfer showing up yesterday to Keiki Chaos?” He laughs at the look I give him, jumping up to grab his coffee now before he joins me again. “I kinda saw the whole thing when she showed up. Gotta say, man, you didn’t look too impressed.”

“Fuck,” I mutter, letting out a laugh as I scrub a hand across my jaw. “Look, she’s a great surfer and it’s a great job. It’s just...well, she can be a lot of work at times too, and I was kinda looking to have a holiday before Pipe and?—”

“And you’re mad crushing on Alana too, so there’s that.”

“Wait, what?” I ask, my drink paused halfway between the table and my mouth.

Owen laughs, waving a hand at me. “Dude, it’s kinda obvious you think she’s hot and hey, I sorta get it. Sorta. There’s never been anything between her and me because I’ve only got eyes for one girl, but I get it. The whole unrequited love thing.”

I snort out a laugh. “Unrequited love? I wouldn’t go that far.”

Owen grins, taking a sip of his drink as he looks across the table at me. “Well, that’s what it is with me,” he says. “I mean, not with Alana.”

“With who then?” I ask, curious.

Owen’s smile widens as he gets this stupid goofy look on his face. “My girl, Sloane,” he says.

My brow narrows because I remember meeting Sloane at the get-together back at the shop the other night. Just like I remember Owen being at the same get-together and the two of them pretty much not being together all night.

“So like...” I start, not really sure how to ask the question.

Owen just laughs. “Oh yeah, she kinda doesn’t know I feel this way. She sorta does, but well...we’re not at the same point just yet. But we’ll get there,” he adds with a grin.

“So let me get this straight,” I start. “You fancy Sloane?”

“If by fancy you mean, am I crazy about her? Then yep, I sure as hell am.”

I laugh. “Right, but she doesn’t feel the same way?”

“Yet,” Owen clarifies with a grin. “Or maybe she does, who knows. Either way, I’m working on it. Just gotta be patient, Flynn. And eventually she’ll realize I’m worth a shot. Or the risk anyway.”

Owen’s words rumble around inside my brain, tempting me, pushing me to wonder if maybe I could find a way to make things work with Alana. Right now, I’m just being reckless and stupid, driven by my obsessive desire to be with her.

And while yeah, the sex between us is amazing, I know it’s way more than that.

But right now, to her, maybe it just feels like a holiday hook up. A holiday hook up that has the potential to ruin her dreams of surfing competitively.

So maybe I need to find a way to prove it’s more than that.